raised anxiety levels due to bullying mother!

[loulabell]

Hi, im new on here,
Just wanted to have a whinge really and got nobody to talk to.
Ive been very upset since friday night when i recieved a load of verball abuse off my mum,which has now raised my anxiety levels and brings back many of my symptoms. I live with my husband and 3 kids and am generally happy. Unfortunately i constantly recieve pressure from my mum who has a drink problem but wont admit it. She is not a very reasonable person, you cant sit her down and talk about anything, shes never ever in the wrong, she constantly behaves childishly, throws tantrums, and demands attention. She is married to a nice man who she also bullies. I work full time yet my mum rings or calls at my house between 7 and 8 am several times a week while im running round trying to get ready, when i asked her if she could ring at a time when its not so hectic and ive got time to chat properly she replied by saying "ok, i wont bother ringing you at all then", we had a misunderstanding on Friday night, she had been drinking again and then subjected me and my husband to 2hrs of verbal abuse over the phone while we had company. I really do not know how to deal with her, she also suffers with her nerves but drinks to mask it, but to be honest she sometimes behaves childishly even when shes sober. Im trying my best to ignore her but she always manages to upset me which it turn raises my stress levels and causes anxiety symptoms. My 2 brothers even had a word with her yesterday sticking up for me and she then called me a bitch and said id told them lies!

[Jaco45er]

Hi Loulabell

I rarely comment on posts I know nothing about, but unfortunately in this case I do.

When I was growing up, my mother was a chronic alcoholic, to the extend that they shipped my wee sis off to America and my dad went to work abroad as he couldn't handle it, and I was stuck with her.

Her drinking lasted years (she has been free from it for several years now) but during her time as a drunk, I would often carry a lot of guilt around (at 14, you would think I had better things to do ;)).

When I caught her during sober times, I got a lot of denial, I don't understand what it's like, the drink is not a problem etc etc, and this just added to the frustration.

There is a point, bear with me.

When I left home, for the first few years I still tried to convince her to stop drinking, I could never work out if I was worried about her, or worried about what people thought.

One day my aunt came to see me, and I was in a bit of an angry state as I had left my parents house after seeing her totally out of her mind on drink like at lunchtime, doing her usual screaming at everyone, I was a waste of space etc etc (the same ole same).

My aunt said something to me, Stephen she said (I hate being called Stephen, but what can you do), you can do 2 things, you can spend your life convincing her to stop, and you will fail, and stay guilty, angry and upset for the rest of your life, or you can accept it's her issue, let her get on with it, and tell her you are never coming back until she deals with her demons.

See she was dragging me down, so I reluctantly cut her off, and in the end she got help herself and recovered (she is not a bad ole mum in the end ;)).

Moral is, tough love I am afraid, I wouldn't go through that again, it's horses for courses but I would cut her off, lead your life, and let her back in once SHE decides to either get help and/or behave.

Man this feels like a therapy session lol

Anyway, just wanted to give you some of my experience with this difficult situation.

Good luck

Jaco

[loulabell]

Hi Jaco,
thanks very much for your support, its nice to know someone understands what im going through. I love and care for my mum but find it very hard to cope with the way she is. Even my oldest son who is 16 has said how terrible he thinks her behaviour is. I would never put my children through what my mum does to me and my brothers!
Many thanks
Louise