Struggling - need help!

[LisaS]

hi all,
i hope you all had a good christmas'..
my hubby and i cooked and it was actually very nice! had a quick panic when i ate some xmas pud that i was boiling hot after dousing it in flames, so had massive hot burning sensation down my throat leading to same old panicky feelings.
anyway - real problem is that I am getting to the stage where i was ill last year, end of jan and i have to go back to uni on the 16th to finish the last semester that i couldn't finish last year due to the anxiety and I am so sos o so so so scared of it happening again and i just can't get passed it. the past couple of days ive been really having bad negative thoughts again and just feel so down i've been bursting into tears.
I'm going back to work tomorrow so hope this will take my mind off it.

How have you all coped with your 'anniversaries' or going back to doing the thing that made you ill in the first place?

hubby says if i cant' do it then it doesn't matter - but i can't see a life past this if i dont do it.

please help.

a very sad lisa xxx :(

"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"

[Piglet]

I have two sort of anniversaries Lisa - the first in Sept six years ago and the second was last Jan too.

In January I had a panic attack while I was coming back from the shops on my own and this led to all of this year only being able to get out further than my own road with company. The year has got steadily better and I am really hoping to get out on my own very soon. Although I am having a little hiccup today with palpitations and feeling well stressy.

My first anniversary six years ago though Lisa was a little like yours in that it happened to me at a college on my first day as a mature student and the whole thing was hideous. I abandoned the course for that year after having to miss so much of it.

The next Sept however I did the course I wanted at a different venue (mainly cos this suited a friend who also wanted to do it, although she later dropped out). When I look back now I am very proud of myself for completing the course and gaining the qualification. I mainly proud of the fact though that I was sensible about it, I did not do it because I was trying to prove a point - I did it cos I wanted to do it and the qualification was still relevevant and because I enjoyed it.

If in your heart this is still important to you and relevant, then go girl and I know you will be fine. Your mum went to Peru and if its right you will go to college.

We will be here for support whatever you decide.

Love Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[LisaS]

thanks for replying..

i did really enjoy my course for the first couple of years despite being very hard financially and being a full time mature student.. however i'm seeing this final semester as almost a test for me.. As I know how you are meant to face your fears to become 'better' so i feel if i can't face this fear, i will never get 'better'.. i've set myself up for a huge challenge that i can't see anything past it or an alternative to life in general..
my mum and husband drove there with me on boxing day (its an hour away) to get me there again, which i was anxious about but i think has also bought it to the forefront of my mind again and am now being punished by the influx of sheer negative, morbid, horrible thoughts. I may try your big toe tap later..

thanks for caring,
lisa xxx

"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"

[Tomimo]

It sounds as though you are right and being back at work will keep you busy and be a good distraction.

There is really no reason why it would happen again. You are aware of what has gone on in your head, you have coped and you have looked forward. Try not to look backwards at the things that have gone wrong just keep a positive mental image of an important milestone (half term or something) and then keep moving the goal posts.

You can do it!!!
Annie x

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<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">

How have you all coped with your 'anniversaries' or going back to doing the thing that made you ill in the first place?

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My experience most closely related to yours happened many many years ago - before I even got panic attacks, but read on.

I was talking some exams sponsored by my employer after being on a 2 year day-release course. Like so many others, I was naturally apprehensive and nervous on the day and flipped - the situation triggered my epilepsy and spent the day at home in bed. I was annoyed with myself.

My mum suggested that take the stance "what will be, will be" (I was about 21 at the time) - just retake the exams the next year and try and forget about the pressure.

Well, one year on, and I was nervous again, but this time I was not nearly as bad - I actually got to the exam hall at about 10.30 after a 'funny turn'. There was no way I was going to pass starting 60 or 90 minutes late, but I gave it my best shot!

After that I gave myself a year off, and studied at my expense and what I wanted to do, just so I knew I could do it. And I did!

So Lisa, don't feel pressured - you do have a future believe me, and you will get there more easily if it is on your own terms.

Big Hugs,

Ray

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

[LisaS]

hi all,

went to see my fab GP this morning who said i could increase my AD dose from 75mg Effexor XL to 150mg just over this period to get me to uni ok..

obviously i'm concerned about this as it means more to come off in the future.. what do you think I should do? i really trust my doctor but at the end of the day its my choice i guess..

thanks,
lisa xxx

"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"

[LisaS]

just a last 2005 update..

have been talking lots with my hubby and have decided to start on Vit B complex and see how i go, if i'm still feeling weird i'll double my dose.

I've been feeling less panicky and now experiencing that DR again and just a bit vague, so i'm just trying to go with it. I did go out last night and had a good time and think I just need to go to uni and realise its not the only thing in life.

thanks for all your support,
lisa
xxx

"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"

[Piglet]

Good for you - it's always nice to have a plan of action.

You're such a sensible down to earth person that you'll sort this out for yourself one way or another:D

Love Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[Meg]

Good descisions Lisa

Let us know how you get on so we can support you throughout it.


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[LisaS]

hi everyone,

well going back to work has done me good... less time to over dramatise EVERYTHING.. I've been feeling better and went jogging yesterday in the rain! and i'm off to yoga tonight if i can stay awake!
I've been thinking a lot about increasing my dose and have spoken to my mum, my husband and a good friend I met thru this site, all of whom think i should as a preventative method really.. So i'm thinking I will although slightly worried if i'll get odd symptoms increasing this dose. Then stay on them for a month and then go back to my original dose of 75mg.

what do you guys think? I start uni in 12 days..

i've also got a top up appt with my CBT therapist b4 uni so pleased about that too to remind me of a few things.

thanks everyone,

lisa
xxx

"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"

[sal]

Hi Lisa

Text me and i am always here to support you hun.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".