cant go on like this much longer...really struggling :(

[mummy4]

been a bit up and down lately with my anxiety. more so down the past few days and have even told my hubby few times i cant stand living like this much more (our arguments) and i cry a lot and this of course makes my panic sky high.

anyway this evening we had massive row and i know it was wrong of my and now i feel very sorry but i chucked my mobile phone at him and it hit him on the back leaving a red mark :weep: he took a photo of it and pressed 999 on his mobile and said he was going to get me done for abuse :weep::ohmy: i was crying my eyes out saying sorry sorry sorry and i was jumping up and down in hysterics like a little child where i was soooo frightened at the thought of him ringing the police. the thing i fear most is being away from my 4 beautiful children. anyway then i started to have a full on panic attack and i was really struggling to breathe and my legs were really weak i could barely stand. then he said well dont have a panic attack here as we have no paper bags go and have one in the chippy where thet will have a bag :ohmy: (like i can control it)

he did not ring the police but kept getting hs phone out his pocket as if to send me into a panic again.

now im feeling very on edge unable to relax and i am in a right mess.

please anyone words or advice would be so great right now.

i must just add once again i know it was my fault and i should never of chucked my phone at him :( i have said sorry many many times this evening.

[Maj]

I really feel for you - both of you. Your anxiety has reached a pitch and you end up taking it out on the ones you really love - because you can! Your husband has done this also in a fit of rage, I'm sure. It's just all got out of hand. I'm sure he really had no intention of calling the Police - he's said it out of exasperation. Many have been there. Sometimes you can feel out of control when anxious because you don't know what to do or where to turn next. I think you need to sit down with your husband and have a talk and tell him again, calmly, how you are really feeling. Your doctor may be able to give you more help with your anxiety too. It can't be easy suffering from high anxiety and looking after four children - you deserve a medal!! Don't beat yourself up and be too hard on yourself, but keep the communication between you and your husband open. You can both work through this. You haven't commited an offence - you've just been at the end of your tether.
Myra:hugs:

[mummy4]

thanks myra, means a lot.

the thing is i get frustrated a lot. we were talking about my anxiety earlier and he said 'i knew you were a head f**k when i met you, i just hoped you would of sorted your head out by now'!!! i could not believe it!! when i met him i was confident outgoing and bubbly so why hes saying this i have no clue. yes i was (and still am) on anti ds but i had my anxiety pretty much under control. hes even accused me of attention seeking before which i only wish was the case as i do not wish this on anyone. i find him very difficult to talk to or approach and i really am left feeling very on edge now xx

[Maj]

He's probably worrying about you. I say things to my husband that I wouldn't say to anyone else ( I wouldn't get away with saying to anyone else!!) That's why your husband has said these things to you. Try not to take it too seriously. We all say things we don't mean. Deep down I bet he doesn't mean it but feels overwrought. Try and have a decent sleep tonight and talk to him again tomorrow. When one person is anxious it can affect the other. You can work through this. Don't despair and have a talk tomorrow when you have both calmed down.
Myra:hugs:

[shoegal]

A lot of people who have never suffered from anxiety don't understand it. They think we should just pull ourselves together... if only we could! It sounds like your husband is frustrated because he doesn't really understand. Also, please try to remember that our anxiety makes us go over and over little things in our minds until them seem huge, so unfortunately we cause arguments because things have spiralled out of control in our own heads. I am still learning that sometimes, no matter how anxious I feel, I have to bite my tongue and focus on something else to avoid an argument.