struggling...

[superfran23]

hi there, again.
i just want to vent something as its playing on my mind and once again its night time and i know what will happen....
i suffer from panic attacks and depression, i am taking citalopram (30mg) daily. I am constantly making sure everyone else is happy, i forget about myself. tonight for example i really wasn't in the mood to play gooseberry to 3 couples all pregnant couples ( i can't have children) so i agreed to go out with some other friends. unfortunately these other firends were in the same pub. The text messages i got weren't very nice and now i feel so guilty for doing something for me!!
i have tried to open up to these people but they seemed so wrapped up in thier lives, a "slight bit of fran being unhappy" is nothing serious. it has got me very upset tonight and i can't help it, i wish i was stronger!!!
sorry everyone
:(

[Shadowwin]

Sometimes Fran we have to do things for ourselves.. even if it upsets other people.. granted yes we feel like a heel for it but we shouldn't... putting ourselves first is part of the healing process (since a large majority of anxiety sufferers have a tendency to put their own needs on the back burner and over extend themselves to others.)

I share the inability to have children with you.. I have been sterile since I was 18 years old thanks to a pelvic infection and I know how trying it can be to be around those with children or especially those who are expecting it at times makes me feel defectiv..

Don't let them make you feel guilty sweetie after all you did what you thought was best for you and that is an important step!!!

Blessed Be
Talia

[eeyorelover]

Hi Fran-
You can't make everyone happy. It is impossible and trying to be everything for everyone will only make you miserable. You have to let go of the guilt and do what is best for you regardless of what anyone else thinks. If you have opened up to them and tried to explain how you feel and they have really dismissed it as a "slight bit of fran being unhappy" then I say to hell with them. They weren't true friends anyway. Sorry for the bluntness of that but that is how I feel.
You deserve to have people who will be supportive and understanding and if they sent you texts that were less than nice then they aren't worth your time.

Sandy
(eeyorelover)

If the world didn't suck... we'd all fall off :)

[mirry]

Hi Fran,

People who send any sort of nasty text messaging really arent worth the effort, having kids will be a huge shock to them if they are that immature. Think of number 1 "you".

I always say to my kids, in this life you make your own happiness...
if you pick horrible friends then you will have a horrible time,
pick good friends and you will have good times!

mirryx

[tammyg]

Hi Fran

Just wanted to ditto what the others have said. Sometimes you have to do things for you and guilt shouldn't come into it. Maybe speak to the friends and explain how they made you feel, if they are true friends they will apologise and if they aren't you have no reason to feel guilty anyway.

Tammy x

[Tomimo]

Fran

Don't feel guilty - you haven't done anything wrong.

YOu are completely within your rights to do something for yourself and to enjoy it.

Your health and happiness is very important and your other 'friends' should realise that.

Don't let them get to you.

Annie x

[Meg]

Well done for putting your needs first last night.

Life is a busy woven tapestry with many colours and stitches - some of those are for others and many are for yourself. Keep it that way.


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[alexis]

Hi Fran, the others are right, have a bit of you time, do what you want instead of trying to please others, I know this is hard as you sound soft like me.
As Sandy said if they were true friends they would not have sent you texts like that.
Take care.xxxxxxxxx

love from Alexisxx

If I help one person today it was worth getting up.

[Piglet]

I agree with all that has been said Fran.

Love Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[Marie Fullerton Barrett]

Dear, dear Fran,
How difficult life is, it is far too easy to think about others and forget ourselves. That is just the opposite to what they have done and you have felt how much that hurts. That makes the way you are, the right way, you need to accept that self preservation is paramount, what you did was OK to do, they missed the point in their selfishness.
Just remember, we are all here for a different purpose and sometimes it is hard to find that purpose. You sound such a thoughtful person, it is those that are like this that have so much to offer. Because we understand what it feels like to be hurt and anxious we are in a better position to help and support others. The important thing is to remember you are no less than anyone else, we each have something unique to ourselves to offer those around us. It is a shame that those people are not as tuned in to feelings as you are, they might just realise how their unthoughtfulness and unthoughtful reactions hurt you.
I have been lucky enough to have gotten over my panic attacks and anxiety but not before I suffered for a long time. I remember on the back of my toilet door, so I could read it every time I went to the little room, I stuck a copy of Desiterata. It eventually gave me some positive thoughts when I had only negative ones. It sounds easy and isnt the answer, just a little piece of positivity that helped. Please take heart that you can and one day will get over this. Look on this time, dreadful as it is, as a learning curve. There is some reason for those that suffer like this and I have seen on here one of them. How wonderful and supportive everyone is, that is a gift that not many people have. Finally,
is it possible that you could tell those people how you felt and why you chose to do what you did? maybe they might be more supportive and understanding of your feelings too. Maybe they just don't realise what you are thinking.
Sorry this is long, but I hope that I have been able to give you some encouragement.
Marie

[superfran23]

thank you for all of your words of encouragement. its frustrating that complete strangers can be so supportive, but my firneds who i thought would be there for me aren't.
i am definately going to make more time for myself ( my new years resolution)
i suppose i'm looking for love and support, but i need to give that to myself first
:D

[kimmy]

YOU GO GIRL
well done for taking time for yourself, honesty's the best policly though, be blunt with your friends about why you didnt want to go out, if they can see that, then thats their problem not yours! your more of a person than they are.

i have had to stand up to my best friend a few time and i dont feel ashamed anymore. your number one and im sure it would be the same for them, obviously it is!

as for the fact you said about loving yourself first, thats soooo true.

well done hun, sorry if i sound blunt but just as you are realiseing, honesty's the best policy!!!