Feeling of Impending Doom I cannot shake! "Long Post Sorry"

[looking4answers]

I hope this doesn't turn out to be a long post of my apologies to start with just in case. For the last two weeks I have had a feeling of doom. Or a feeling of apprehension something I have been unable to shake.

I sometimes get this feeling for a few hours or a day but never for a few weeks. I just can't put my finger on it other than a feeling that something bad is about to happen. I sometimes feel better days and other days I get
a little breathless.

My wife said that it started with the snow that we didn't expect .We got over three feet in 12 hours. Then everyday with the exception of this one
its been foggy .. seriously weird scifi type fog. I have never seen it last this long .Nights ,days, evenings .moving in and out. But I can't totally agree with her on this because we have had a lot more weird weather here and it never affected me. Actually thought it was kind of cool.


Im not sure what happened. I was sitting watching something on television and realized I was no longer interested in that particular thing although its been a life long passion of mine. Then I started feeling a little detached from everything familiar to me, which this has happened before but nothing serious. This doesn't seem to be something I can't function with but then again I don't like the feeling.

Its a feeling that something is out of place and I am feeling trapped. We have been talking of selling our home and moving to the west coast and it was a thought in the back of m mind for awhile but its not been a driving force in my life. Then all of a sudden we decided we were going to sell our home and move to the west coast.We talked to the real estate person and they said that it would be better to wait until March or April to list . My heart sank as I realized this is about the only way we could move is to sell and sales are very good for real estate right now.. so I feel trapped.

My wife expressed to me how much she hated living here and all this time I thought it was me that hated it sometime and other times not so much..Now to find that she really loathes it.. shocks me and makes me feel bad.. We also had a fight a couple of weeks ago that made me feel that maybe she doesn't love me the way I thought she did and im pretty much on my own whether I live with her or not.

Somethings were said between us and now I feel bad inside because all this time I thought no matter what I have someone that will stick by me no matter what.. I maybe over reacting and she may not feel like that at all but I had never had any negative thoughts about her feelings for me the way they were expressed that day..Come to think about it..I think this was the time I started feeling very vulnerable..


Now that I write this Im wondering if that was what set off my feelings of being trapped here. Usually I only feel this way occasionally and then see the good things here and then I cheer up.. now I have a real foreboding feeling and not only that my heart seems to have a mind of its on lately ,

It beats hard when it shouldn't and doesn't seem to beat fast enough sometimes when it should. Even now I feel skipped beats which I have had many of them lately . At 55 I get really nervous and worried about them although I have been told I don't have a heart problem.. I guess Im just really venting here ...and it has turned into a long post and forgive me for that.. Im confused and hate this uncertain feeling. Like I said I have this sometimes but usually it goes away.

Its hasn't gone anywhere in two weeks .Its sticks to me like glue. I even wondered if it was a premonition to my death and then I was reminded of my words to someone else there is no such thing as premonitions so my logic kicked in and I feel just generally malaise and can't seem to relax..

I want so much to be back to myself but wonder if that will ever happen..Was it the brow beating of words from my wife that caused this or the feeling of being trapped in a place and not being able to do anything about it. Is it just a constant fear of the unknown or of death or is it just one of those feelings that you get and it goes away.. Have I slipped over the edge to a place of no return? What has happened. I hate this feeling..

Will it ever go away ? I have to answer my own question about does anyone else feel this way? I know they do. Can someone maybe read between the lines here and figure out how to get me back to the way I normally feel.. Anybody? I really would appreciate it .

[Corinne]

First of all, you feel trapped because of the weather. Are you by chance near Virginia? I have a friend who is trapped there right now because of all the snow they got. Do you suffer from SAD?

I think your mind may be working overtime from fear of the unknown -- selling your house, move across country, the argument with your wife, not feeling she loves you as you thought.

Your anxiety is most likely building mountains from all of this. Married people argue and say things they don't mean. I think you should have a long heart to heart with her. I feel confident that she is going to reassure you.

Af for waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak, I have a daughter who recently went through this. She has been having a lot of unresolved issues and worries lately. She and her fiance recently were able to get away for a weekend. She called me and said she felt something was going to happen to prevent their going. I think when things are not going so well, we don't expect good to come. Does that make sense? BTW, they went and had a fabulous time.

I think you will come out of all of this. Spring will be here soon and will lighten many moods. Go talk to your wife. LOL

[looking4answers]

Actually while writing I realized I love the weather here..it weird but I like weird things..As for being afraid of the unknown..I used to live close to where we are thinking of moving. My wife would have never been looking there if it wasn't for me showing her around there a few years ago and talking about moving there. Actually .. no It would be hard for me to describe where I live. If you look up in google.."Monte Vista Colorado" its in the San Juan Mountains.. Most people don't know where this is and if they know Colorado still don't know where this is. We live 8 miles southwest of Monte and in a subdivision that is one of two that is 20 square miles and only ten people.. No I don't think I suffer from sad. I love the rain and the mist and the fog and the snow and clouds and wind and the weirder the better.. strange but true..I think its from the fight we had a few weeks ago is when it started.

I guess I always thought she would love me and be with me and be happy..I don't know where I got that because nothing last forever. I didn't feel her pulling apart from me over the years but I feel it a bit now and things that I have heard her say and things I have seen her do makes more sense to me now. I just realized that it was about the time we had the words that I started feeling this way. I just had attempted heart to heart with her and ask her if she was happy. She said yes now but I don't even think its the place she is miserable about its me..

Its probably me that she is unhappy with because she is normally the kind of person that can be happy with just about anything and I am too that is why it seems more like a personal matter between us.. Maybe spring will make us feel better but then again maybe I should have seen this coming as it happens..

I just thought it would be different with us but then again why should it be. we are just human .. Maybe its just each other getting on the others nerves.. maybe its us not feeling well and not getting out as much and then again maybe its what my original thoughts were.. maybe she isn't happy.. and then again maybe im not lol.. Who knows. but thanks for helping try to reason with me about things ,maybe its nothing.. I just wish the feeling would go away.. Michael

[Corinne]

Michael, you are going on "maybes" and "probablys and "seems." Doing that is going to bring you down even more. You seem to be predicting failure. Did you ever think that your wife may be going through something that has nothing to do with her life with you? You may be taking a lot on your shoulders that doesn't belong there. The anxiety of all this tends to make a person think too much.

Maybe you could put all your thoughts into a letter that she could read? Remember that she said she is happy. Why read anything more into it? Don't dwell on the argument. If she is saying or doing thing that disturb you, they need to be brought out to be dealt with. I believe in directness.

I think you should sleep on it and try again tomorrow. Don't let your anxiety and fears take over your mind.

[looking4answers]

Coriine..Have you been talking to her ? lol.. Just kiddin..She would say the samething..although she never forgets things I say in anger or silly statements..Im afraid as far as writing it would end up like a book here .. lol..Thanks you are right im starting to feel better.. Michael

[hoppipolla]

I dunno man to me it sounds like a combination of factors all adding up, you know? I mean there are a handful of things that I think reinforce one's feeling of security and sense of general wellbeing, and home, spouse, environmental conditions and health have to be amongst these! lol Also in there I would imagine is general family, money etc etc.

I think a good chat to your wife just to understand feelings and clear the air might help, just to give things more clarity, or maybe try to make things better with a nice meal or something! :) You seem like a great guy to me so you definitely deserve to be happy man :)

With your home, again I think you need to talk about this, and work out what you want and are happy with :) Weather will pass, I'm not sure if thats the problem. Your health is probably just affected by anxiety if anything but check ups are always on the cards if you feel concerned :)

Hobbies/interests... that's a bit of a shame ._. so you just ... (msg 1 of 2 - I'm on my mobile!)

[hoppipolla]

(2 of 2!) ... dont feel the same passion for 1 or 2 as you did? I had that too for some things but it can come and go :) How do you feel about that now? :)

Hoppi ^_^

[looking4answers]

Well..Its a primary concern since its something I have always always no matter what been interested in but I can't talk to her all day long and she has a way of not dealing with things by twisted them around but overall.. I suppose whatever it was has passed for the moment..Im shaking the doom feeling but as far as her and the things she said she may never say them again nor will she repeat what she said until she is angry again.

Who knows why I was feeling that..I suspect it wasn't the weather either.Everyone is saying talk to her.I am a person that is so direct I am not sure how direct a person can be other than the way I am. Read my post..from the past how much more can you be.She will clam up again and wait for the prime moment to speak again the same things. I am going to try to relax.. and not think about it but will have something to say next time I hear what she said spoken to me. Its funny there are so many people that cannot be direct and have no idea about being direct ,I don't have a problem in this area.. Its the only way I know to be.So talking to her is like trying to talk to a sidewalk..when she isn't talking or listening its uselss.. She says things and then im not sure its true but in the back of her mind I have a feeling it is and has been bottled up over the years.. Maybe I should just take off and that would give her time to think about things but only thing is if i go through the trouble of leaving Ill probably never come back so its a hit or miss flip of the coin ,to shutup and play like I didn't hear her or make plans to say goodbye or whatelse is left.. People that cause unhappiness should not be allowed to.. Anyway thats all I have to say about that tonight .Thanks both of you for trying to help . I think its beyond help.

[Corinne]

Michael, I don't think taking off is the answer. She might read that as you not wanting her and make a hasty decision on that. Stay where you are and wait for a receptive moment where she might open up to you.

I like the idea of a nice dinner out. Create some romance. We girls (even old ladies like me) like that! Don't bring anything up during the evening though. Just see if it creates a difference in her attitude. Let her know she's special and that you still have the same feelings for her that you always have. Then just sit back. It might even be better if you could swing a weekend getaway. A change of scenery might do you both good. You live in a beautiful area of our country.

I'm happy to hear that you are losing the doom feeling and are trying to relax. Tomorrow is another day!

[PUGLETMUM]

:)hi guys, have any of you looked into mindfulness practice at all? this type of thinking is typical of ppl who suffer from depression - mindfulness practice gives you the tools to stop this sort of thinking that takes you very far away from the present - you feel how you feel at the time, the uneasy feeling you got was just that, and prob did start with the snow - we had alot here in england and i was quite freaked out by not being able to drive more than 10 miles an hour, or sometimes not beign able to go anywhere! it is a freaky feeling - but by 'thinking' about this, you go very far away from the original feeling that would have just passed on its own - this is what i have learned from mindfulness - it cant take your feelings away, but it can help you to relate to them differently - and why i suggest it to anyone who is going down these routes in their mind, hope this helps?, tc, emma:hugs:

[looking4answers]

Funny thing is I never thought of us as OLD until this year.. As for romantic hmmmm I would love nothing more than to be that way as I am truly a romantic..Thing is Im not sure what she finds romantic anymore..For years we used to be all over each other.. and I have video of us and also photos that show us embraced and making out. I saw them the other day and wondered what happened to that. One night about two or three weeks ago we were engaged in love making and we had a passionate kiss between us.. Strange but we haven't kissed like that in years and now I wonder why .

I don't know what has caused the feelings here..Im not sure Ill ever know . I just spoke to her about it and she said it was one day but she is always looking around the country thinking about other places but then again she said we had put the house on the market in the summer one year and took it off in December so im wondering if it could have been the snow ,because there wasn't any then.

She says she misses people although she is anti social ,she misses cars passing by and the hustle bustle of people walking by although she isn't the type person to socialize.I think she really is because when we go to town she talks to people and its hard for me to get a word in edge wise..I just don't want to end up being the one that is so in love with her that its hard to do without her..I have been on that side before and swore I would never let another woman do that to me but it kind of looks like im the one that is much more in love with her and attached but then again I don't know and im not even sure why I wrote all of this,maybe just to blow off steam.

I do look around and think about how beautiful it is here and then some days I wake with the sensation of the same old view in the same old place and no people..But my life I have always secluded myself from others and she always said that she was that way too but I think its more she misses family and people more than she hates this place..

Its hard for us to get away with animals and being remote you have to hire someone to watch your home from vandals and such I suppose it will all work out ,Once again for trying to help and Ill probably not ever leave her. I mean "where would I go anyway"? I don't want to be with anyone else so I would be alone wherever I went and secluded from people and a special person. I suppose Ill figure it all out or it will work out .. Thanks again. Michael

[Corinne]

No thanks necessary, Michael.:)

I'm still putting my money on her behavior having nothing to do with you. I think she just feels isolated. Keep initiating those passionate kisses!

If it's difficult to get away, plan a romantic weekend at home. Does she work? Send her flowers at the office. If not, send them to her at home. YOU make a romantic dinner. You know what to do! Give her a night that isn't routine.

[looking4answers]

Ill try that.. she says she feels better today.I don't know.. she is so much like myself that most of the time I always felt that I know what she is thinking but then I find I really don't have a clue.. Ill try the romantic thing and Ill try to find a time to talk to her direct but there never seems to be a good time for her but ill try . Also maybe a night out would be a good thing.. Ill try that and thanks again.. Michael