I am so embarrassed. I had a panic attack in front of my boss

[j2]

I had a panic attack in front of my boss during my annual review. For months, I have felt like all this anxiety is bottled up inside of me. I have one sided weakness, my face feels numb, my colon hates me, my joints ache, my heart keeps skipping beats, I have nerve pain in my fingers and toes, and my hands and feet are cold. As a long time HA, GERD and IBS sufferer I keep trying to convince myself that this is all HA but I am losing the fight and my mind. I woke up this morning and felt particularly off but tried to press on through the day. Right after I got in my bosses office, I had the worst vertigo feeling of my life and everything went downhill from there. He was ready to call the ambulance but I was already feeling a combination of embarrassment and panic and didn’t want to draw any more attention to myself so I asked to continue. I made it through but I am terrified that this is a heart attack or a tumor or MS or ALS or stroke or anything that my mind can latch on to plus I made a fool of myself in front of my boss. He is a good guy but nobody truly understands this torment. I am feeling a little better just by typing this but I just don’t know how to fight this anymore. Your words will help if you feel like sharing. Thanks in advance.

[Veronica H]

:bighug1:That must have left you feeling as though you had failed some test, but honestly the fact that you picked yourself up and carried on is credit to the strength you have. It is the fear of having these episodes in front of others which often triggers them. Your list of symptoms is more or less the same as mine especially the weakness on one side. If you have been fighting this illness J2 then this will explain why you have become progressively more anxious. It is only by accepting the symptoms without adding 'what ifs' or fear to them that they will fade.

There is a brilliant book by Dr Claire Weekes;SELF HELP FOR YOUR NERVES published by Thorsens ISBN 0-7225-3155-9.This is available from the NMP shop. Dr Weekes was a physician and scientist. She was a fellow sufferer (nominated for the nobel prize for medicine) and really understood this illness. She took the mystery out of it, and devised a simple programme for recovery. I can't recommend this enough. This will get better.

Here is a link to her site;

http://www.drclaireweekes.co.uk/

Veronicax

[j2]

I do feel like I am failing. Failing in everything even though from the outside things must look pretty good for me. I just feel like I have this beast inside of me that I can't control or release. Every ache, pain or miscue sets me off. Does anyone ever get well again?

[johnno]

I just want to say one thing i have noticed with most of us who suffer from anxiety we think we have to fight it , in the sense that we shouldnt feel the way we feel we feel the way we feel because of thought beliefs we have created and then we identify ourselves with that thought and feeling and it becomes a horrid circle of fear and panic .
Try not fighting it for once see what happens . just let go of the fight everytime panic or horrible sensation comes along dont try to change it or push it away just let it :)
and the feeling doesnt become soo intense , it may feel uncomfortable but it wont over power but if it does over power just let it :) . by fighting it or blocking it out you it will build up and keep building up . blocking it out is exactly what u do u block it out but u put it in a box until its so strong the box cant hold it and it explodes open .
think of keeping it in a box and then opening the box to release all that negativity :) its much more relieving aint it than putting it in a box and trying to keep it locked from anything getting out . i hope this helps :) and there is no doubt we can get better hun we just need to find the right advice :) tc x

[Maj]

I don't think I've ever watched anyone who has suffered anxiety or panic and thought "pathetic!!" My first reaction would be to think that here was a sensitive person who is very anxious. I would actually feel for them and want to support them. You don't know what's going on in people's lifes behind closed doors. Anxiety affects people from all walks of life for many different reasons. Remember - your boss is only human. He is not Superman!!! Don't be ashamed. You have nothing to be ashamed of. It's a matter of trying to deal with your anxiety so that it doesn't overwhelm you. Please don't think any less of yourself because of this experience. Don't FIGHT anymore! Find ways of lowering your anxiety and dealing with the symptoms. Reading the symptoms, etc. on the left hand side of this page will help reassure you that you are not alone. You say your boss is a good guy and if he is that then he definitely won't think any less of you, which he shouldn't anyway.
Myra:hugs:

[mandie]

Hi

Please dont feel ashamed, it happened to me twice at work. Like you was i was emmbarrased i didnt want to go back and face everybody because of what they would think of me.

You did great to carry on, please give yourself credit for that

Dont try and fight the panic. when you do that, you tense up which makes you more anxious.

love mandie x

[looking4answers]

I have had panic attacks in just about every place you ever have one and some more severe than others and also had them in front of people that you really don't want to share that you have anxiety but what can you do .. We are all here for you and sorry you have been feeling so bad.. but hope you feel better soon and don't worry about that in front of your boss ,his concern for you was very nice.. Take care. Michael

[rblt94]

I have been through the same things trust me and you are a strong person. You need to let go. Just let go. That's all you have to keep telling yourself. Your body is probably healthy you just are psyching yourself out. Your body can take care of itself, but you're in control of your mind. There is no more fighting. Just you and the life you want to live. We are always here for you.

[j2]

Thanks everybody for the kind words. It is just so hard to explain to people that don't get it. I am pretty sure he will never look at me the same again but I figure him to be a pretty good guy so all I can do is hope that tomorrow will be better.

[Lissy43]

Please don't think bad of yourself, you did very well to fight it and I'm sure your boss thinks no less of you at all.

It is easy for people who don't suffer anxiety to judge and make us feel stupid. Those people are just not worth knowing, I had someone like that in my life and I cut them out.

Have you tried cbt? I had this and although at stressful times my anxiety to health can rise to the surface again, I actually cope better with the blips. It is all about finding a coping mechanism.

You are not ill, it was an anxiety attack. Take it easy, and don't be so hard on yourself.

Xxxx

[j2]

I can't afford CBT but I find that rereading my books on anxiety help. I also use Rescue Remedy and try to exercise as much as possible. All these help as does this board. This board more than anything else. I am so thankful for all of you.

J2