Why do I think you don't you like me?

[Dafyddjohndavies]

Hi all,

I don't know if this is a symptom of anxiety, I suspect that it is. Do any of you feel that for some reason someone doesn't like you? Even though you have no reason to think it. It happens to me a lot.

A typical example is my girlfriends parents who I get on with well, but when I'm with them on my own I find myself thinking that they don't like me and I go quiet. All I do then is look for signs that they don't like me... which I will find if trying hard enough.

It happens with most people I don't really know or have just met.. I analyse every movement they make trying to see if they like me or not. It's stupid really because after a drink or two I'm having a good laugh with them and all those fears dissapear. Just need to find a way of stopping this trail of thought.

Any suggestions would be most welcome.

[JaneC]

I often think like this but had CBT for depression a while back and it's definitely a situation where you can use its principles to stop the train of thought, even if you haven't had CBT.

Instead of looking for signs people don't like you, devote some time to thinking about (or writing down would be even better) "evidence" you have that they do like you, examples which back up that idea, such as the fact that you get on well with your gf's parents.

You could also think about whether you have genuine "evidence" for thinking people don't like you - bet you wouldn't be able to come up with much.

Hope this makes some sort of sense and that it is helpful.

[Dafyddjohndavies]

Yeah that actually makes a lot of sense. I have gone through the CBT therapy and it's worked wonders for me. Never thought to use those principles on this issue though.

Thank you,

Should have worked that one out for myself, just associated my CBT with panic and nothing else.

:doh:

[JaneC]

Good stuff, seeing as you've had CBT I'm sure you'll be able to use it to make a difference. Good luck.

[Lion King]

Hi Daffyd,

I suffered the same, the pinciples from CBT are really effective, I did and eventually in time I proved to myself that these thoughts are stupid and mean nothing. With the therapy I learned to listen to the thoughts and chose to put a positive spin on them or ignored them, the more I did that the more the anxiety started to slip away!

You will be fine, just remember your CBT! I have a book called "CBT for dummies" that I used during the early days, I still refer to it now and again to keep myself in check, it helps maintain the CBT principles and keeps them fresh in your head!

I hope you well

LK

[looking4answers]

I used to feel like this years ago when I was young and then I realized I didn't care if they don't like me ..everyone has the right to not like or like someone and frankly I don't care. lol.. It was such a load off when I discovered it was ok to not care and be myself and don't pretend .. Really it is.. Don't worry be happy.. Michael

[Dafyddjohndavies]

I used to feel like this years ago when I was young and then I realized I didn't care if they don't like me ..everyone has the right to not like or like someone and frankly I don't care. lol.. It was such a load off when I discovered it was ok to not care and be myself and don't pretend .. Really it is.. Don't worry be happy.. Michael

Yeah I will hopefully be at a point one day where I don't care what people think about me. I think to some degree thought everyone cares. I care a little too much about what people say to me, If they say I'm a dick then it sticks in my head for ages, but only from the people I care about not from anyone else, they don't even make a dent. It's all in my messed up head though and I know it is... still doesn't stop me from acting a bit mental sometimes though.

Thanks for your comments guys.

[smudger]

Its funny, I don't think people like me sometimes because I don't like myself.I am plain, overweight, moody, inconsistant and a failure. My husband says if you tell people all the time you are fat, people automatically think of the word fat when they see you. I know he is right!Real hard habit to break. I bet people do like us really, hell I'm going on holiday with some friends soon so I hope they like me!Oh the pressure!

[looking4answers]

hehehehe Daf ,

I have been called a lot worse and probably much more than you .But hey.. what can you do .You can please some of the people some of the time and you can't please any of the people anytime.. So well.. It took me awhile to feel the way I do.. But you are right I suppose I would love everyone to love me but then they don't and won't so why worry about something you can't do anything about. It was a series of things that happened to me all at a critical point in my life that made me feel that way .. But during the time it happened it was the best thing that could of for me.Take care and feel better.. Michael