Feel awful

[tiredzombie]

Hey, apologies but I just feel like having a good whinge.

Basically, I'm just sick of being me, but I don't feel like I have it in me to change. It's like I just don't have the strength. I spend so much of the time feeling awful about myself, but I can't think of anything to do to change that. I'm trying to move on, but I can't really imagine ever being happy in myself, no matter what I did. I try to stay positive and act in a way that fits with the type of person I think I should to be, but now I just feel lost. It's like I just don't care anymore. All I want to do is sleep, to shut myself off from my reality. But I know that won't really change anything in the long run. I feel guilty about being this apathetic, but it's like guilt just isn't enough to motivate me any more. I'm too weak to contain this feeling. I know I should be focusing on moving forward, on making my life better. But it's like I just don't care anymore. I know that sounds awful, but it's how I feel. I just can't take being me anymore, and feeling like I'll never really feel any different.

In short, I'm not having a good day. :D

[KK77]

I'm sorry you're feeling so crap. I was feeling like you a few weeks back and I realised that something needed to be done because the problem is if we do nothing about it, it just gets worse and worse. Anyway, I reluctantly increased my medication and although it's taken a few weeks I'm definitely starting to feel more motivated (although I do still get the odd crap day too).

Don't suffer in silence if you're feeling like this: make an appointment to see your GP and discuss how you feel and treatment options. I also know it's an effort to do this when you're feeling so rubbish but you've found the energy to post here so with a bit more of a push you'll be on the road to recovery.

[CrazyC]

I know exactly how you feel!!! Its not nice at all..and you constantly feel like..your a strange to yourself! All i want to do is sleep, im happy when asleep infact in my dreams i am normal and do normal things without this big black cloud hanging over me.

I dont wanna be me anymore either.

:( Your not alone...but i have no idea what to do to help as i feel the same.

[Idstain]

Hi, I am sorry you are feeling this way :(

have you looked into mindfulness meditation ? I recently made a thread in the general anxiety sub section showing it's effectiveness against depression and anxiety (I can't post a link since I am on my phone)

the capacity for change is in everyone :)

[looking4answers]

Actually my life reached that point one time..totally didn't care.. and lost the fear of fear, best five years of my life ..sometimes lifes ills are not so much of an ill but a blessing I guess it really depends on the situation.. Michael

[Chris2000]

Hey Im there with you today too. Ive been on my meds 6 weeks just rcently upped them and I feel worse depression wise than when I first got on these meds, It feels so hopeless and frustrating and pointless I hope theres a light somewhere cos right now Im not seeing it.

[tiredzombie]

Have hit rock bottom again. Every week or so, it's like all the colour just drains from the world. I just get this overwhelming sense that everything is shit (not just in my life, but generally) and always will be. Maybe it's just 'cause I didn't sleep last night. But then again other times when I don't sleep I can still be positive, and sometimes I feel like this after plenty of sleep.

It's like I just can't bare reality anymore. Every week or so it just breaks through the veneer I put up. I feel like I'm just wandering through life, going through the motions, just waiting for it to somehow end. It's not that I don't care about other people. But it's just not enough to motivate me anymore. Feels like all I have is negative motivation, guilt, anxiety etc. I'm not living 'for' anything, just 'in case' of something worse happening.

I don't even know if this qualifies as 'depression'. Maybe I'm just a self-indulgent navel-gazer. A lot of the time it seems like many other people around me feel the same deep down, but they supress it, or channel it into anger at other people, or don't question it. It's like they sub-consciously know that if they acknowledge it, it will consume them. But I just don't feel like I can do that. I don't know how to shut myself off while still being around people, maybe because of my social anx. I can distract myself from the feeling in the short term, but it always seems to come back eventually. And I want to be able to somehow sort it. But even if I could get clear in my head what the problem is, I don't feel like I could talk to anybody else about it. It's like people have this protection mechanism that stops them thinking about that kind of stuff. They tend to get angry or upset or change the subject (even counsellors!) While I wouldn't want anyone else to feel like this, it's kind of lonely thinking you're the only one. I certainly don't feel like it's an 'imbalance of brain chemicals.' But then perhaps I'm not capable of an objective viewpoint. Still, I'm sure I'll feel totally different again tommorrow!