View Full Version : My husband has booked a holiday abroad and i am dreading it
Hi. The title says it all really. 11 nights in Lanzarote has been booked for the 3 of us and our best friends and their two children. We all get on gr8, we have holidayed in the uk together and it was fine. Trouble is, when I am having a 'low' day I can't help wishing we weren't going. Hubby says, after the last 12 months we all need it and I know he is right. Trouble for me is if I have any low days(which happen without warning) I know I will spoil it for others (and the embarrassment crushes me) and also I don't want anybody to see my body, especially my friends, round the pool. Its all inclusive and my medication and alocohol does not mix well at the moment. We haven't been abroad for 5 years and hubby has done well to save up. We need a new garage door n my car could do with being changed but hubby says we need a holiday more. Why can't I be positive about it. Barrel of laughs I am going to be aren't !? I want hubby to come back and say he has had a brilliant time, not that I was a miserable old cow!!!!
Honestly, I'd say try and look forward to your holiday. As Dr. Claire Weekes says "away from home the spirits lift....". This could be the case for you. Away from your usual routine, taking it easy, doing what you like, no housework, washing, ironing!! It could be just what you need to give you a wee lift. Getting there may seem like an ordeal but it will be worth it. And the body thing - you are you - it doesn't matter what you look like in a swimsuit. I've come to accept that we come in all shapes and sizes and can't all look like Pamela Anderson!! You are just getting yourself wound up at the thought of the holiday but it'll probably be brilliant!! Does your medication not even allow for a glass or two of wine? The garage door can wait - it'll be there when you're not. Just go for it and have a great time.
Myra:hugs:
Thank you Myra. I know it is all in my head, I just find it real hard when I am am having a low day to be positive. I REALLY hate my body and judge myself by how I think people see me. I know it is completely wrong on my part but having been teased at school about my weight it's no wonder I think like this. I try and try not to but I cannot help it! When I am feeling good I look forward to the holiday, but I am not feeling very bright today though. The alcohol doesn't mix well with my medication and late nights so I need to watch this when on holiday. If I could trade 11 good holidays days at the expense of the next month being not so good then I would.This is how much I want this holiday to work for us all. I will try to stay positive though!
Sarongs were made for people who don't like their beach bodies Smudger - buy one and sashay about in it! :winks:
ha ha, thanks, I have 2 somewhere!Gud idea!
I thought sarongs were out of fashion now that Beckham doesn't wear them anymore...
Go and enjoy your holiday Smudger and don't forget our post card!
Melancholia77 Thank you. Sarongs should stay where they were meant to be...on a woman! I will try n enjoy. It's just a rubbishy day 2day!
looking4answers
04-02-10, 20:37
Hi,
I feel bad for you. I know what its like to be asked to travel and not want to.In recent years I have declined my wife and I chances to get out of this miserable place for a bit but we do have horses and dogs to take care of and in this remote place we don't know anyone to keep an eye on our house.. We might come back and the whole place be looted. We are so remote no one would notice for days..
I just told her that we are going to start packing anything up that would be not be able to be replaced..I mean sentimental and put it in a bonded warehouse.,everything else is insured and could be replaced although it wouldn't matter..
Women have a tendency to worry about how they look around the pool and never look bad like they think so maybe you are over reacting. I think if you can get away try and enjoy getting away.But the feeling you described about wishing you weren't going I have felt many times and was even able to change my wife's mind on rare occasions. I can really feel for you. Hope you go and enjoy yourself and forget about everything especially about how you feel you look around the pool. You don't have to drink alcohol just drink a gingerale or a softdrink. Im sure no one will care.. They will just be glad you are there.. Hope you feel better and hold your head up and take care.. Michael
Veronica H
04-02-10, 21:05
:bighug1:You will enjoy it smudger. I feel for you though, as you seem to be thinking that the success or failure of the holiday will depend on you....which it won't. Everyone, from your hubby, the friends and the kids will have their moments during the holiday because we are all human. Anxiety makes us focus on our own behaviour and we miss the fact that all around us people have their own highs and lows.
Veronicax
aaww bless you hun,,,dont feel bad bout your body, be proud and happy coz there are others bigger and happier,,,,i hope you enjoy the sun !!!! think of me in cold england, you are lucky,,,,,,
You can wear sarongs,,,but your hubby married you for you and loves you the way you are,,so be brave and positive and hell girl enjoy youself !!!!!
snippy xxx
(send us a post card and maybe some sun shine )
Thank you everybody, I feel so ungrateful but I can't help it.ooking4answers Funny how your life can be somebody elses dream. The idea of living remote and having horses and dogs would be idyllic to me as my daughter is a keen rider and we both love dogs and horses. It would be my husbands nightmare (allergy factor).Michael (can I call you that?), its a good idea about the storage thing, that's a practical way to have one less thing to worry about! Thank you for your advice about everything, it helps to have other peoples perspective. I still can't even imagine travelling feeling the way I do right now.Have you thought about a house swap for a holiday?Bet there are many keen animal lovers who would love to do that!
Veronioca I really do believe the success of the holiday depends on me. It always seems if mum is happy then so is everybody else. Thats the dynamics of our family. I do understand what you are saying though.
snippy you are right, my husband has been with me from size 10 to 16 and tells me he doesn't mind my size as long as I like myself but he says the only time I do like myself (and I am confident and happy) is when I lose weight and eat properly.I'm struggling with the weight loss at the moment, I am 5'8" and a BIG size 16 (probably wud be more comfortable in an 18!), the biggest ever. I'm on mirtazapine, famous for weight gain.It hasn't evened out yet!I HATE everything about me except my nose. That is the only part I like. I am not vain, but years of teasing at school has had a terrific impact on my self image!I am exercising alot at the moment but the weight isnt shifting.
I will stop now, I'm sounding self obsessive!Sigh.....!
Hi, i really feel for you with the holiday thing, i used to be like that over holidays, i was frightened of having a turn while being so far from home.
Believe me the anticipation is always alot worse than the actual doing. I always managed okay on holidays and now i dont just manage i actually enjoy them. Have you tried reading any of Dr Claire weekes books + she has a tape recording for going on holiday which is great, also The Anxiety Trap book by Terri Conley is good too, i always used to pack them in my suitcase and also am a member of No Panic and they have a helpline you can phone in a crisis. I think its just a case of building your confidence and to realise that you will cope going on holiday no matter what you will be fine.
loulabelle.sorry for the delay in replying. Its not the actual holiday thats the problem, its people I know seeing my ugly body. Why can't I just accept myself? I am so ugly. My husband once said that I'm not pretty but I'm attractive when I make an effort! I don't believe I'm even attractive. Secretly between me and you lot, it really wouldn't bother me if the holiday got cancelled for some reason.:unsure:
Smudger please don't think you are ugly. Everyone has something nice about them. We all come in different shapes and sizes. As you know, I'm just back from where you're going and I can tell you, I didn't see many Pamela Anderson's or David Hasselhoff's running along the beach!! I've changed from that point of view now. I'm not really interested how people look, it's what they are like as a person that interests me. Honestly. You seem like a really nice person and please don't put yourself down.
Myra:hugs:
Myra, you are so sweet and logically I agree with you but I can't look in the mirror and LIKE ME. I know its my problem, its in my head. Something sticks in my mind...my father in law once said (referring to my sisters). Your Julie has the nicest personality and your Jayne is the best looking. My heart was ripped out and trampled on at that point. Says it all and confirmed what I already knew!
I agree, you need to learn to LIKE YOU!! It doesn't matter what other people think. But I also think that your father in law was very insensitive by making those remarks, and also, that's just his opinion - it doesn't mean that he's right. We all see people differently. Your self esteem is very low and you see yourself much worse than you actually are. I think you need to concentrate on all the good points you have - I bet they outweigh any bad ones!!
Myra:hugs:
ElizabethJane
23-02-10, 22:18
Dear smudger. Please go on holiday and enjoy it. Forget about what size you are. fling a towel over a bedroom mirror forget it. Next are doing some really nice long kaftan floaty thingys you'll need one of those. If you can invest in a good haircut/colour and a manicure and a wax. Then go girl. Tell us how you get on.
Smudger, please dont think those things about yourself, go on holiday and enjoy yourself, you deserve it. I thinks you are a really lovely caring person, you have certainly helped me alot with some of your comments on here. That goes a long way as there are not many people like that around. Hope you enjoy (wish I was going) lol!! Jo.
Smudge, i'm not in a very positive mood today, but i'm going to help you out here. As a man, i can tell you, Pamela Anderson is a massive turn off anyway!
Just dont worry about anything. If all that's worrying you is how you look, that's solvable. It really doesnt matter - 99% of the population dont care whether you're big, small, or whatever and that 1% arent worth the time of day anyway. You're not going out to attract the attention of men i presume (you're married!), so best just enjoy yourself.
I think you are so lucky. I am desperate to go abroad - my wife is living overseas due to visa reasons. I had booked a trip to go, but had to regrettably cancel because i couldnt bear to go on my own. You dont seem to have the problem of actually going and i wish so much i was in your shoes.
Please go and have a nice time.
Gregor
You are all so nice, thank you so much for your kind words. Its so much easier to see things more clearly when you give others advice isn't it? I have tears in my eyes reading this but I'm having one of my lower days anyway today. I have had my hair coloured and cut, I will have my eyebrows waxed before I go, put some nail varnish on my toes and fingers, but its all scratching the surface. Ill do it to try and make me feel better but it would be preferable not to go in the first place. I will go. No doubt about that but every day before I go its hanging over me like a black cloud following me everywhere. I am grateful, I really am but its just so hard. I stopped posting on facebook a while ago because an old mate of my husband is in a band and we recently made contact after 20 yrs and he mentioned us going to one of his gigs and meeting up. No way do I want him to see me. I would be so ashamed. Its not coz of the ageing process, I can handle that. I'm overweight and I know I'm not pretty. I'm so sick of it. Nobody need respond to my rant, just needed to let it out. Sorry everybody.
Oh Smudger, bless you. I feel like that too. I put on lots of weight when I had both my children and never lost it (used to be size 10-12). I moved away when I met my husband that was almost 20 years ago now and whenever I go "back home" to visit am petrified I will bump into someone I knew back then and they will take a look at me and think My God she's put weight on!!! But its not about whats on the outside its the inside and you are a good person. Alot of my friends say to me Jo you are such a kind caring person but I hate being like this. The medication hasnt helped, but I'd much rather be happy and bigger than miserable and slim if that makes sense. Dont worry about ranting...it has probably done you good to get it off your chest. And I bet you are pretty. You have a husband who thinks so anyhow, so why worry what anyone else thinks. Know how you feel though (if that helps). Jo.
Thanks Jo. I need you to live in my bathroom mirror to tell me I'm the fairest one of all!
We are going in 9 days time. I'm still overweight n have few clothes that fit. If it wouldn't disappoint everybody I would find an excuse even now not to go. But it would...and I can't! If you don't have low self esteem you just wouldn't understand.
Smudger what you need to remember is that when you get there you will see that it's not like something out of Baywatch!! There are people there all shapes n sizes - honestly! When I was there a few weeks ago there was a mixture of ages, sizes, etc. Once you're there you'll feel more comfortable. I was on the beach and Greenpeace never once came anywhere near me!! You'll go and have a great time, honestly. Just take really comfortable clothes that are loose.
Myra:hugs:
Ha ha Myra, you have brought a smile to my face, Greenpeace...lol! I can't help it though. I have been to town today and went to look at clothes n everything is so pricey. The 10 pounds I have gained since I took mirtazapine has made such a difference to my clothes fitting. I can't replace the lot!I know what you are saying and I am going to have to go I know but I am so ashamed. And I am realistic to know I am not anything to look at! I can see the beauty in everybody I know and like, not just their faces but in other ways, I just can't see it in myself. I will try my hardest not to let it show it bothers me but my friends are a very slim family, the mum, the dad the kids. I can cover up when we holiday in Wales together, but this is different! Sigh............................!
I know how easy it is to compare yourself to others when your self esteem is low, but your friends love you for who you are - not what kind of figure you have. Seriously. After the first day you'll feel more at ease. Don't take too many clothes anyway because you'll only want to wear whatever is comfortable for you. The weather will be lovely and you can rinse through anything you really like wearing and wear it again. I took stuff with me that I didn't even have on. It's so laid back there that no-one really bothers what others look like - people tend to wear things that there's no way they'd wear at home, don't you think? Well I know I do. I wore vest type tops and don't wear them here because I feel too fat. Over there I just let it all hang out - literally!!:wacko:
Myra x
I know how easy it is to compare yourself to others when your self esteem is low, but your friends love you for who you are - not what kind of figure you have. Seriously. After the first day you'll feel more at ease. Don't take too many clothes anyway because you'll only want to wear whatever is comfortable for you. The weather will be lovely and you can rinse through anything you really like wearing and wear it again. I took stuff with me that I didn't even have on. It's so laid back there that no-one really bothers what others look like - people tend to wear things that there's no way they'd wear at home, don't you think? Well I know I do. I wore vest type tops and don't wear them here because I feel too fat. Over there I just let it all hang out - literally!!:wacko:
Myra x
That is really good advice Myra. My friends are wonderful caring people! I always pack too much n end up wearing a few things I must admit! It's usually the comfortable stuff I wear too! You are right,I do have clothes I wouldn't dream of wearing at home, like you vest tops included! You do make sense and I feel better for reading your post.Wish I could take my laptop with me!
Just woke up thinking about hol n dreading it! Have to pull myself together.
Thats it..I don't buy clothes very often so I have treated myself to some holiday clothes...I am feeling a bit more confident now. I can't believe it, I bought tankinis, n they look okay!Never worn them before, I just needed to find the right pattern n colour. Phew!
I can see a slight glimmer of looking forward to the holiday now!! I'm so glad. :yesyes:
I bet you end up having a ball!! Wish I was going back there!!
Myra x
Good for you Lynne, tankini's are perfect, you can always roll the top up a bit when you lay down to get a brown tum (if you want one). I usually wear them on holiday. Glad you feeling more confident now....you will enjoy yourself. I wish I was flying out to spend some time in the sun. Jo.
cymraig_chris
15-03-10, 16:39
Post removed by author
Myra, and Jo there is a glimmer there is! hooray! By the way, I got a new suitcase today to so I can fit you both in if you want!:)
...Never worry about your appearance in a swimsuit, if Gok Wan (I watch and enjoy his programs with my wife) has taught the nation anything then it's all shapes and sizes are cool and sexy, as a random chap I would like to state that I wholeheartedly agree with Gok and most other men and women do too.
Thanks a lot for writing this...it really means a lot to hear it.I just tend to think only thin is attractive at least in my case anyway! Its a bad habit I must break!
Hi all, got back from Lanzarote at 2am this morning. Missed you all.Glad to say I had a fab time. My 9 yr old daughter was a superstar, she was so well behaved despite having late nights every night. I have never been so lazy n eaten so much in all my life. Luckily I didn't have a stomach upset til day 8 of 11 which is good going for me! You know how food upsets me! Met some lovely people, one of which was covered head to toe in chicken pox!Poor thing! Argh, luckily I had it when I was 34 yrs old.The resort was gr8 but the pools a bit too cold (unheated). Didn't see one cockroach! All inclusive was worth every penny but did encourage us to over eat! I didn't feel like the 'biggest whale in the village' although I was uncomfortable being so much overweight than I am used to. From a practical point of view, the weight problem did make me hold back from joining in all the daytime activities coz my inner thighs rubbed so although I got past the aesthetic side of things, the practical side caused a problem! It really is a good reason to work on the weight loss! Its not just about vanity. Can you believe it ...I actually went on stage twice in competitions...me who at xmas was so ill I couldn't answer the phone! Can't believe my progress!
Hi Smudger,
Glad to have you back! I was looking forward to hearing how you got on and you seemed to have had a great time. I'm really pleased for you. You are much braver than me, getting up on stage!! Well done! And yes, the pools are freezing - I had to brace myself to get in ours!! Welcome back!
Myra x
Hey you,
Sooooo glad you had such a lovely time you so deserved it after all you have been through. I knew you would!! Missed you and was looking out for you to come back on here. Bet you have lovely tan. You just could of brought some sun back with you its been dreadfull whilst you have been away!!! Welcome back!!!
Love Jo.xx
You are much braver than me, getting up on stage!!
Myra x
Hi Myra. I don't know about being brave, I was desperate to win a free beach bag! lol! I didn't like people looking at me though, I was uncomfortable with that I must admit! Glad I went in the end. We got on so well with our friends and met two new sets of friends too. Can't wait for the next hol but must lose some weight before so I am more comfortable and can be more active.xx
Hey you,
Sooooo glad you had such a lovely time you so deserved it after all you have been through. I knew you would!! Missed you and was looking out for you to come back on here. Bet you have lovely tan. You just could of brought some sun back with you its been dreadfull whilst you have been away!!! Welcome back!!!
Love Jo.xx
Hi Jo. Got back 2am yesterday morning. I hope you are okay. I need to catch up on posts. Only managed to read one by Redrainbow so far. Hope he is okay. None of us wanted to come back but all good things come to an end as they say. I haven't got a big tan even though I sat in the sun for 8 hrs every day! I was on factor 50 for most of it! Can you believe I went on stage twice? Hope work is going okay and you feel well. I need to get stuff sorted from hols so Ill have to go now but I'll catch up with you soon matey.xx
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.