Insomnia is ruining my life! Help!

[harasgenster]

I have chronic insomnia. When I say chronic I mean since Monday (now Friday) I have had 15 hours of sleep.

This time last year I was awake for 35 hours a time three times a week. I didn't stop working but I messed up at work A LOT! And ended up getting made "redundant" (they knew I was ill so they were kind on me by not making it an official sacking).

My sleep is slightly better than it was then but I still can't function. I don't feel mentally tired but my body is exhausted. I feel drugged up, weak and nauseous all the time and I forget things instantly. I can't keep my house clean or keep on top of the laundry - I don't have the strength.

Some of my symptoms have prompted doctors to get me tested for epilepsy. For instance, yesterday I was in a meeting at work and I just got incredibly confused. I was supposed to be taking the minutes but although I could hear people's words I couldn't understand what they meant anymore. I excused myself because I felt ill but then when I was asked what was wrong I couldn't remember any of the words I needed to describe the problem. I could only speak in very short sentences and I just felt hopelessly confused.

Thankfully, since I am awaiting an MRI, I could tell work it was a neurological problem rather than a psychological problem. This could still be true, although the doctors and I are keeping an open mind to the idea it could just be severe exhaustion. I will be surprised if I have epilepsy. As far as I'm concerned I'm just extremely sleep-deprived and losing the ability to function.

I'm off today because although I was barely able to move yesterday with tiredness I still didn't sleep until 3am. And then I woke at 3:25am convinced I was late for work. And then again and again and again. I feel so ill today. I called work and told them I still wasn't feeling well and then I got a call from the employment agency I go through implying that the company where thinking of letting me go. They know I'm genuinely ill (they've seen it happen) but they think that there's a possibility there's something serious underlying my illness and in that case they can't afford to have someone off through sickness too frequently. I'm stressed because I get paid by the hour and I'm already going to be in debt next week because having today and yesterday off is going to cost me £100 and I need every penny I can get (I only just manage to scrape through on my wage anyway). If I lose my job I'm screwed. I already owe money - I just can't keep on top of the bills.

I won't go into everything in detail (because this would then be a really long post!) but my inability to focus and remember things and my extreme exhaustion has now got me in trouble with the courts and in debt. I get confused with dates/deadlines and think I've done things I haven't etc. and I've screwed up paying a bill.

I'm so angry about all of this. I always work hard and try to do my best at everything but this insomnia is crippling me. It's impossible to sleep (even on Temazepam I lie there awake for a few hours - really!). Without sleep I just can't get things right and I get into so much trouble. What am I going to do?!?!

[moks]

Hey Haras, I'm a terrible sleeper and have been since the age of 15. I'm nowhere near your state though, but I certainly feel what you're going through. My only advice is keep bugging the Dr.s to help you, I know it seems futile, but it sounds like there is some type of underlying issue here, be it neurological or psychological. See what that MRI tells you, and if that's not a jumping off point, then maybe it's time to talk to a counsellor or psychologist and see what happens from there. With something like this, getting to the root of the issue is always the hardest part. BUt once you do get there, at least steps can be taken to get things working again.

Again, I'm no Dr. and that's just my two cents! I hope somebody can do something for you, as I know what it's like to live with chronic insomnia...it's very debilitating, and not a lot of people understand it's effects, which can add an aor of helplessness for sure. But we're all here to listen! Please keep us posted! Cheers!

[Maj]

My goodness, my heart goes out to you - what a horrible situation to be in. No wonder you feel exhausted. Your financial situation won't be helping either, because money worries can make your life a misery. I refuse to believe that anyone has to feel like this in this day and age. I know if I had a lot of financial worries, then I too would not sleep. Is there no way you can take advice about this? I don't think you're going to be able to relax until this is sorted out. Even feeling like you do and struggling trying to work must be a nightmare. It must be a huge weight on your mind. What about citizen's advice? - they can help with debt issues. I think sometimes if we can fix one thing then everything else can start falling into place. You are worn out and need help. And don't be ashamed about the debt - it's a fortunate person nowadays that doesn't have any - it's a sign of the times.
Myra:hugs:

[harasgenster]

Thanks, both.

I'm trying to get help on the financial side of things. My Mam offers money a lot but I rarely take it because she struggles almost as much as I do and I don't think it's fair. I work very hard but I struggle to make money because I find it difficult to get work. I'm in a difficult position where I'm too "overqualified" for a lot of admin/menial jobs and too underexperienced for anything higher. So I work temporary positions where I get paid (though at a very low rate!) by the hour. Any sickness throws me behind on my payments.

Unfortunately, I got ill when I was doing my masters degree and had to leave. I was given a government grant to do it but because I left I'm having to pay that back a bit a month. I'm behind on all the bills and rent too. I was signed off sick for two months last year but I found it difficult to keep up with all the forms for incapacity pay (too tired! Couldn't focus and kept forgetting!) so it took ages to come through and even when it did it was only about a quarter of what I needed to pay for my bills and rent and food and loan repayments. So I'm in debt from that period. I'm trying to get free legal advice for some guidance. I'm not in thousands of pounds of debt like some people are, but I'm always at least one payment behind and I'm constantly worried.

Oh moan, moan, moan...perhaps I'd feel better if I could just "chin-up" sometimes!

Thanks for the advice and sympathy.

[moomintroll]

i suffer from insomnia aswell, the longest i went without sleep for was 3 days, i get about 3 or 4 hours a night but sometimes less, i ended up on diazepam but i would not recommend it, it made me feel icky

lack of sleep can make you feel brain fuzzy and sick feeling and a higher habit of zoning out

any employer has a duty of care towards you to consider what they can do to help you not put you through the worry of possibly having to loose your job, all employers are meant to have a capability scheme, its like they should be working with you to maybe go part-time for a while or change your hours or maybe doing different work for a while and employers definately should not be telling you that they think that there is something else wrong with you and putting you through the worry that it might be, your doctor will know best

i am going through this with my work just now, they know i am not faking it as i have doctors lines and they sent me for counselling and currently cbt but my next issue with them is disciplinary action which i hope will not happen as there is things my work should be doing which they are not

some employers are just not very understanding that people have problems and think they know best when they really dont

money is always a worry but advice centres like citizens (i cannot spell today) may help also having a chat with your bank too

i fully sympathise with you and i hope things work out and do not feel you are moaning, we are all here to help each other and you are not alone in all this

[moks]

i suffer from insomnia aswell, the longest i went without sleep for was 3 days, i get about 3 or 4 hours a night but sometimes less, i ended up on diazepam but i would not recommend it, it made me feel icky

lack of sleep can make you feel brain fuzzy and sick feeling and a higher habit of zoning out

any employer has a duty of care towards you to consider what they can do to help you not put you through the worry of possibly having to loose your job, all employers are meant to have a capability scheme, its like they should be working with you to maybe go part-time for a while or change your hours or maybe doing different work for a while and employers definately should not be telling you that they think that there is something else wrong with you and putting you through the worry that it might be, your doctor will know best

i am going through this with my work just now, they know i am not faking it as i have doctors lines and they sent me for counselling and currently cbt but my next issue with them is disciplinary action which i hope will not happen as there is things my work should be doing which they are not

some employers are just not very understanding that people have problems and think they know best when they really dont

money is always a worry but advice centres like citizens (i cannot spell today) may help also having a chat with your bank too

i fully sympathise with you and i hope things work out and do not feel you are moaning, we are all here to help each other and you are not alone in all this


Sad but true, in todays day and age you'd figure most employer's would have woken up to the fact that a happy, healthy worker is a productive worker. Too much worrying about the bottom line, and not about a fellow human's well-being!

[harasgenster]

Thanks moomintroll, I'm sorry to hear you're suffering too.


any employer has a duty of care towards you to consider what they can do to help you not put you through the worry of possibly having to loose your job, all employers are meant to have a capability scheme, its like they should be working with you to maybe go part-time for a while or change your hours or maybe doing different work for a while

Unfortunately, as I am only a temporary worker, the employment agency are my "employers" not the company. So I don't really get those rights. Also, if they did offer part-time work I'm afraid I couldn't take it as I can't afford to make any less money than I am now on.

Cheers, though. I hope everything goes ok with you at work. I've been in situations like yours so many times before and I know how stressful it can be.