harasgenster
05-02-10, 12:27
I have chronic insomnia. When I say chronic I mean since Monday (now Friday) I have had 15 hours of sleep.
This time last year I was awake for 35 hours a time three times a week. I didn't stop working but I messed up at work A LOT! And ended up getting made "redundant" (they knew I was ill so they were kind on me by not making it an official sacking).
My sleep is slightly better than it was then but I still can't function. I don't feel mentally tired but my body is exhausted. I feel drugged up, weak and nauseous all the time and I forget things instantly. I can't keep my house clean or keep on top of the laundry - I don't have the strength.
Some of my symptoms have prompted doctors to get me tested for epilepsy. For instance, yesterday I was in a meeting at work and I just got incredibly confused. I was supposed to be taking the minutes but although I could hear people's words I couldn't understand what they meant anymore. I excused myself because I felt ill but then when I was asked what was wrong I couldn't remember any of the words I needed to describe the problem. I could only speak in very short sentences and I just felt hopelessly confused.
Thankfully, since I am awaiting an MRI, I could tell work it was a neurological problem rather than a psychological problem. This could still be true, although the doctors and I are keeping an open mind to the idea it could just be severe exhaustion. I will be surprised if I have epilepsy. As far as I'm concerned I'm just extremely sleep-deprived and losing the ability to function.
I'm off today because although I was barely able to move yesterday with tiredness I still didn't sleep until 3am. And then I woke at 3:25am convinced I was late for work. And then again and again and again. I feel so ill today. I called work and told them I still wasn't feeling well and then I got a call from the employment agency I go through implying that the company where thinking of letting me go. They know I'm genuinely ill (they've seen it happen) but they think that there's a possibility there's something serious underlying my illness and in that case they can't afford to have someone off through sickness too frequently. I'm stressed because I get paid by the hour and I'm already going to be in debt next week because having today and yesterday off is going to cost me £100 and I need every penny I can get (I only just manage to scrape through on my wage anyway). If I lose my job I'm screwed. I already owe money - I just can't keep on top of the bills.
I won't go into everything in detail (because this would then be a really long post!) but my inability to focus and remember things and my extreme exhaustion has now got me in trouble with the courts and in debt. I get confused with dates/deadlines and think I've done things I haven't etc. and I've screwed up paying a bill.
I'm so angry about all of this. I always work hard and try to do my best at everything but this insomnia is crippling me. It's impossible to sleep (even on Temazepam I lie there awake for a few hours - really!). Without sleep I just can't get things right and I get into so much trouble. What am I going to do?!?!
This time last year I was awake for 35 hours a time three times a week. I didn't stop working but I messed up at work A LOT! And ended up getting made "redundant" (they knew I was ill so they were kind on me by not making it an official sacking).
My sleep is slightly better than it was then but I still can't function. I don't feel mentally tired but my body is exhausted. I feel drugged up, weak and nauseous all the time and I forget things instantly. I can't keep my house clean or keep on top of the laundry - I don't have the strength.
Some of my symptoms have prompted doctors to get me tested for epilepsy. For instance, yesterday I was in a meeting at work and I just got incredibly confused. I was supposed to be taking the minutes but although I could hear people's words I couldn't understand what they meant anymore. I excused myself because I felt ill but then when I was asked what was wrong I couldn't remember any of the words I needed to describe the problem. I could only speak in very short sentences and I just felt hopelessly confused.
Thankfully, since I am awaiting an MRI, I could tell work it was a neurological problem rather than a psychological problem. This could still be true, although the doctors and I are keeping an open mind to the idea it could just be severe exhaustion. I will be surprised if I have epilepsy. As far as I'm concerned I'm just extremely sleep-deprived and losing the ability to function.
I'm off today because although I was barely able to move yesterday with tiredness I still didn't sleep until 3am. And then I woke at 3:25am convinced I was late for work. And then again and again and again. I feel so ill today. I called work and told them I still wasn't feeling well and then I got a call from the employment agency I go through implying that the company where thinking of letting me go. They know I'm genuinely ill (they've seen it happen) but they think that there's a possibility there's something serious underlying my illness and in that case they can't afford to have someone off through sickness too frequently. I'm stressed because I get paid by the hour and I'm already going to be in debt next week because having today and yesterday off is going to cost me £100 and I need every penny I can get (I only just manage to scrape through on my wage anyway). If I lose my job I'm screwed. I already owe money - I just can't keep on top of the bills.
I won't go into everything in detail (because this would then be a really long post!) but my inability to focus and remember things and my extreme exhaustion has now got me in trouble with the courts and in debt. I get confused with dates/deadlines and think I've done things I haven't etc. and I've screwed up paying a bill.
I'm so angry about all of this. I always work hard and try to do my best at everything but this insomnia is crippling me. It's impossible to sleep (even on Temazepam I lie there awake for a few hours - really!). Without sleep I just can't get things right and I get into so much trouble. What am I going to do?!?!