need to take a load off

[bomberbeamish]

hi, i suffer with many things , and the main is argrophobia, ive been like it a few years, and my family do sort of understand, but im mum makes me feel like crap, when she says things like my kids will be affected, and that my dad feels like he shits out because i dont take kids over, (there age 2 and 13) ,, now i dont wanna be like this DO I, but i just anit got the guts to go very far, no more than bout a mile from home, i worry bout getting there cause i will panic, and then i worry i wont get home, my mum lives bout 9 miles away in the middle of nowhere, there not even roads just tracks really, HOW WE GOING TO TURN ROUND IF NEEDED?. i just feel crap, i cant see a way out of this, i know what i gotta do, but i cant do, why am i going to put my self into a panic attack. i feel low, ive had a long struggle with meds, which i think im sorted now, i do cbt, which just makes me confused. im thinking what is the point of living if im just a head ache to every one, i aint going to top myself ,dont worry , id be to scared, lol. i just wanna be normal, not go miles, just to mums and maybe town, to keep everyone happy. Also wot if there was an evacuation for gas leak or summit, wot the **** would i do,,,,, sorry had to unload all that.

[99% dead inside]

Hi Bomber,

I can relate with you. I don't have kids, but I do feel the same guilt that you do 'cause I still live with my parents and they just want me to move out and be happy, but I can't because I'm agoraphobic.

I'm glad you're not considering suicide, that would be so bad on your kids it's not nice to think about. So it's great that you're not gonna do that!
I also worry about gas leaks, and being evacuated and having to leave my 'safe place' when I'm not ready to. There's a really slim chance of this ever actually happening though, so try not to think of this, and if you do find yourself thinking about it, like I do sometimes, tell yourself "No! I'm not gonna think of this 'cause it's stupid, it'll never happen!". And then distract yourself with something that you love doing, maybe watch a movie, that's what I'd do. :)

It's really hard for me living like this and being afraid to leave the house, so I can only imagine how tough each day must be for you with your kids. I hope you feel better and can be more confident in yourself like I have started to lately. Try not to worry about what could happen and just think of how proud and happy your family will be if you do actually go into town, or visit your mums'. It would make them really happy I'm sure.

All the best,

Matthew :hugs:

[bomberbeamish]

thank matthew, it just nice that people do understand, and it not just me thinking like it, its soooooooooooooo frustrating, but im feeling bit better today, got a strong head to day as i have to support my other half, as his mum died last nite, and im surprising my self, as he has gone to the care home at bout six this morn when we ot the call, and i dont like being on my own really ,and i know my best mate not around this morn who i lean on for support, but im fine. how could i say dont go , i dont wanna be on my own. but im ok. xx

[99% dead inside]

Really sorry to hear that Bomber, that's really sad.
Nice one for stepping up though so to speak, and being strong for your partner!
I hope you can keep this strength for a while and be there for him. And you will be perfectly fine don't worry. Nothing will happen to you while he's not there! :hugs:

Matthew xx