PDA

View Full Version : To go out or not to go out…



tammyg
31-12-05, 11:06
that is the question.

I don’t start my own posts very often because I worry too much about what people will think of me, how stupid I will look and how much I will regret it afterwards. However, in the spirit of fresh starts I have decided to try not to be as bothered by all that. Anyway, here goes…

Last night when I couldn’t sleep I wrote all this down to get it straight in my head. This morning I decided to post it here and see what you all think. So it might be a bit all over the place, please forgive me if it is! I won’t be re-reading or I probably won’t post it!!

Tonight is New Years Eve and up to now I have been pretty strong in my ‘I am doing nothing bah humbug’ approach to it all. So last night I’m laying there thinking about all the offers I have had from various friends and family members and I think to myself why I have I said no to it all? All these lovely people, caring and interested, and I dismiss it straight away.

When I was little (there is a point to this, honest) I remember my aunt used to cry every new year at 12 o’clock. I used to ask my Nan why she was crying when she should be happy. Nan always asked why she should be happy and I would tell her because it is a new year, a fresh start, a new chance to do things (don’t you know it all at that age). Nan would always answer ‘well maybe that is why she is crying, because she is so happy’. We had this similar conversation about 5 years in a row and Nan never would say the real reason. It was a sad cry, not a happy one, I knew that much. And at that age I thought it was absolutely daft to be upset on New Years Eve. I couldn’t see what could make anyone cry when people were enjoying themselves.

Well, now I know. New Year is a time to think about all that you have done. All that you should/could have done. All that you wish you had done. All that you haven’t done. And all that you would do differently if you could. Also all that you want to do better next year.

So this bought me back to my original question - why didn’t I want to go out? Is it because I don’t like going to places where I don’t know people? Is it because I don’t like going to places with lots of people? Is it because I don’t like drunk people? Or is it a combination, because I don’t like going to places with lots of drunk people I don’t know?! Or maybe, just maybe, it is because I think I will become my ‘daft’ aunt and cry for no reason.

Now, like many of you, I have had some tough times this year and despite all the things mentioned above I am wondering whether staying in could actually be the worst thing, not the best.

Having given myself a good talking to last night I decided 2006 needs to get off to a good start. After reading lots of old posts under Success Stories last night, I realise the best way to do that is to stop avoiding and start doing. And get back to some of those idealistic (if a bit childish) positive views of New Year.

So I have lost the point now but if you have read this far without falling asleep then thank you. Please do share your views on.. well.. anything I have said because I am pretty sure I have made my mind up to go out now! I might drive though and stay sober so that I have a ‘get out’ if I need it. Now I just need to decide where and with who!

I hope you all have a really lovely New Years Eve whatever you do. And I hope I haven’t offended anyone by the ‘daft, crying aunt’. I was young… and hey, I am the daft crying aunt now!



Tammy x

Piglet
31-12-05, 11:20
Hi ya hun,

It's funny how New Year does affect people. I have always thought of it a boozy night out and no different to any other weekend night out.

Once I had kids it became a boozy night in with friends, then after my divorce it became a night in but without the booze and more in the way of games etc.

I don't have any particular problems with it whether I manage to get out or not and some years that the kids and I have been in have been smashing:D

I have to say both my mum and a close pal loathe New Year along with your Auntie it would seem. I don't spend time looking back too much though, maybe 10% looking back and 90% looking forward.

I would try to do something different, something that you would enjoy to do on New Year not neccessarily what's expected !!!!!

I'm getting where I am not so keen on the boozy nights/clubbing scene at all anymore, on any night of the year, I seem to prefer smaller gatherings these days (this could be more my age though than my anxiety as lots of my mates feel the same).

Have fun lovie whatever you decide to do and a big well done for posting :D

Love Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

Karen
31-12-05, 12:14
Hi Tammy

This post in itself is another achievement to add to the list of things you have done this year. It might well have been a difficult year with lots of challenges, however you have been meeting those challenges and pushing yourself to move forward.

Two successes that stick in my mind are coming to meet us all in the summer when you were new to the site and hardly knew any of us, and also the way you dealt with sickness of the children in your care. I am sure there are many more.

No one would think anything you write to be silly - you only have to look at the rubbish I write at times!

Regarding tonight, it sounds like you have already decided to go out so now it is a case of where and with whom. I would suggest choosing the option that you will enjoy most (even if it weren't New Year). You are already pushing yourself to go out and don't have to do something that you would not enjoy even without the anxiety.

I have only been out on New Year's Eve once in my life and that was to my friend Jac's birthday party a couple of years ago. Even without social anxiety, I don't think I would choose to do the pub/nightclub scene either so I am with Piglet on that one. A sign of my age too I guess!

Hope you have a good night with whateever you decide.

Karen x

Meg
31-12-05, 13:52
Way to go Tam.

I know you have lots of great options and invitations... have fun.


(((You can always pop up and join in the revelry and murder here if you are completely undecided.)))


Meg xx

alexis
31-12-05, 13:56
Hiya Tammy what a good post, well done!!
Im not a lot of good but wanted you to know I read it to the end.
I used to love New Year, I loved the buzz and the noise and the queues, but most of all I loved the challenge of getting to the bar to buy a drink. Although we went out every other week, New Year was the only night i would go to the bar.
anyway........that has absolutely nothing to do with this post.:D I am going to try and do what Pig does and try to look forward more than back, but i know I will find it difficult.
I think you should go out and return tomorrow to msn and tell me all about it,have a long hard think who you are going with and where,and go on trust. You could always call for me!!
Next year I will go out Im sure.
Speak later.xxxxx

love from Alexisxx

If I help one person today it was worth getting up.

Lottie32
31-12-05, 14:16
I'm not over keen on New Year either.

When I was really bad I planned on doing lots of things during the night - tea with a friend for his birthday, then driving round and calling in with various friends and family who invited me round.

That was you can stay sober (drink is not good when you are wobbly), stay in control, leave / arrive when you want to, and have moments on your own if you need them.

What normally happens is that you get to venue 2 or 3, and next minute it's midnight, you've been there 2 hours, and finally Christmas and New Year are over for another year (hurrah)

I still do something similar even though I'm better now, only now it's cos I'm a "social butterfly" and love seeing everybody and can never make my mind up which invite to accept, so I take all of them and flap around all night!!!!

What ever you decide - have a good one XXXX

Charlie

Nemesis - Rita QofS I JFDI'd THEM!!!!!!

carlin
31-12-05, 15:26
Hi Tammy,
Thank you for posting that i enjoyed reading it, i always enjoy new year, i also always cry at midnight, i cry for those i have lost and then i look around and cry for those i am still with and love,(and then i get on with the party) enjoy whatever you decide to do, take care and a very happy new year to you. xxxx

tammyg
31-12-05, 15:45
Thank you all for the lovely messages and support. Reading those replies has made my day! Re-reading what I wrote this morning...[:I] oh dear lol.

Piglet - thanks for sharing that. I do just think it is a personal thing, a bit like marmite - you either love it or hate it!

Karen - reading your message really made me smile. I can't believe you remembered those things, I'd completely forgotten I had posted about that! Thank you.[:I]

Meg - thanks for the support:D and the offer, it's very kind of you.

Alexis - *Im not a lot of good but wanted you to know I read it to the end.* poor you lol. Nah, thanks mate. What time shall I call for you then?!! No doubt I will fill you in tomorrow anyway. Hope your evening goes well.

Charlie - lol sounds like you will be having a busy one!! I think that's what I am going to do as well.

Carlin - thank you for your lovely message. Feeling happy and sad all at the same time is so strage isn't it. Have a lovely evening.

Well I think I nearly have a plan.. My one friend is having a bit of a 'gathering' which sounds nice and small lol so I think I will start there.

Then I have told my aunt I will pop in and see her and my little cousins for an hour.

Then it is off to the dreaded pub to spend an *hour* with my best mate (although I may well get there and actually enjoy it so who knows... it might be midnight by then!

And finally off to my sister's friends houseparty. She only lives around the corner so I may even drop the car off home at that point and join them for a drink or two. At least I am close to home!

Thanks again to you all. Have a lovely evening.

Tammy xxx

dream
31-12-05, 16:17
hi tammy
what a great post well done ,[^]:D[8D],
sound like you have got a busy night planed
hope you have lots of fun well done you
take care denisexx

denise

Karen
31-12-05, 16:46
Hi Tammy

Of course I remembered! You've been doing so well in your time here. It's in my own life that my memory is really bad [Duh!]

What a plan you have for tonight [Wow!] Makes me feel worn out just reading about it!

I hope you have a great time and enjoy the various gatherings!

Karen x

nomorepanic
31-12-05, 16:55
Tammy

Have a fab time tonight and Happy New Year to you!

Nicola

Meg
31-12-05, 18:23
GOOOOOOOO Tammy

Have a great time

Love

Meg xxx

Meg
01-01-06, 17:34
So Tam - which did you do ??

Lottie32
01-01-06, 17:39
Hi Tammy

Hope you managed to get out and about and most of all enjoyed yourself.

I made the effort and wore a skirt, my new boots and a funky top.

Went to Katherines first and her middle daughter ran straight up with a handful of pate on toast and hugged me. Without putting the pate on toast down. Luckily I was wearing brown.!!!!!

Ended up playing tig with the kids in four inch stilhetto boots and finally landed at the local in a dischevelled state!

Luckily everybody was too drunk to notice!

Finished the night on pints of J2O and soda, so hangover minimal and apart from being tired, don't feel too bad.

Hope your night worked out ok for you too hun. Was thinking about you X

Charlie

Nemesis - Rita QofS I JFDI'd THEM!!!!!!

tammyg
01-01-06, 18:10
Well it was an interesting evening.

My friends 'gathering' turned out to be a bit more.. don't they always! It was ok though and I had a good time talking to some of her friends (who were also teachers so we had somehwere for the conversation to start from!).

Charlie - like you I had a bit of a spillage incident! Went to see my aunt and cousins and my cousin (who is 7 so really should know better lol) was so excited that I had popped in that she came running over with my drink. Of course I thought she would trip but no, the coke made it over safely. However, 10 minutes later when she was sat on my lap it ended up down my top. And yes I mean DOWN! Oh the embarassment!

So it was onto the pub (via home for a quick change) where I met my friend who was very dunk, despite it being just before 9. I can't even explain how crowded the pub was. My friend explained where they were sat over the phone then sent her brother to find me because it took me 10 minutes just to get inside! Her brother asked if I was ok as I had a 'rabbit caught in headlights' look on my face and then promptly took my hand a delivered me to the table bless him! Pub was ok, had a good laugh. A few wobbly moments but managed to stay until 11:30.

Ended up at my friends sisters party which was kind of awkward as it was more a family party. My sis was off with her friends so I just stood there like a right spare part! Stayed til about half twelve then went home.

Was very pleased that I had done everything I had planned. Night didn't end so well due to a drunken mother phoning at 2:30 but we can't have everything can we!

Glad you had a good evening Charlie. I was drinking J20 as well... it can easily be disguised as anything!

Thanks again everyone for the replies. Hope your murder mystery evening went well Meg.

Tammy x

Karen
01-01-06, 18:16
Sounds like a very successful night to me Tammy! Well done. You went and stayed for a while to all these various venues. I wouldn't have liked the crowded pub either.

I think you did well to stay in spite of the anxiety and to go on to the other party.

Several great successes!

Karen x

Piglet
01-01-06, 18:30
A big well done Tam :D:D:D

Love Pig xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

kate
01-01-06, 21:08
So pleased that your night went well, Tammy [^]

Love kate

alexis
01-01-06, 21:59
Well Done Tammy!
:D[8D]:D

love from Alexisxx

If I help one person today it was worth getting up.

tammyg
01-01-06, 22:15
Thanks everyone!

Your messages of support mean a lot.:D

Tammy x