tammyg
31-12-05, 11:06
that is the question.
I don’t start my own posts very often because I worry too much about what people will think of me, how stupid I will look and how much I will regret it afterwards. However, in the spirit of fresh starts I have decided to try not to be as bothered by all that. Anyway, here goes…
Last night when I couldn’t sleep I wrote all this down to get it straight in my head. This morning I decided to post it here and see what you all think. So it might be a bit all over the place, please forgive me if it is! I won’t be re-reading or I probably won’t post it!!
Tonight is New Years Eve and up to now I have been pretty strong in my ‘I am doing nothing bah humbug’ approach to it all. So last night I’m laying there thinking about all the offers I have had from various friends and family members and I think to myself why I have I said no to it all? All these lovely people, caring and interested, and I dismiss it straight away.
When I was little (there is a point to this, honest) I remember my aunt used to cry every new year at 12 o’clock. I used to ask my Nan why she was crying when she should be happy. Nan always asked why she should be happy and I would tell her because it is a new year, a fresh start, a new chance to do things (don’t you know it all at that age). Nan would always answer ‘well maybe that is why she is crying, because she is so happy’. We had this similar conversation about 5 years in a row and Nan never would say the real reason. It was a sad cry, not a happy one, I knew that much. And at that age I thought it was absolutely daft to be upset on New Years Eve. I couldn’t see what could make anyone cry when people were enjoying themselves.
Well, now I know. New Year is a time to think about all that you have done. All that you should/could have done. All that you wish you had done. All that you haven’t done. And all that you would do differently if you could. Also all that you want to do better next year.
So this bought me back to my original question - why didn’t I want to go out? Is it because I don’t like going to places where I don’t know people? Is it because I don’t like going to places with lots of people? Is it because I don’t like drunk people? Or is it a combination, because I don’t like going to places with lots of drunk people I don’t know?! Or maybe, just maybe, it is because I think I will become my ‘daft’ aunt and cry for no reason.
Now, like many of you, I have had some tough times this year and despite all the things mentioned above I am wondering whether staying in could actually be the worst thing, not the best.
Having given myself a good talking to last night I decided 2006 needs to get off to a good start. After reading lots of old posts under Success Stories last night, I realise the best way to do that is to stop avoiding and start doing. And get back to some of those idealistic (if a bit childish) positive views of New Year.
So I have lost the point now but if you have read this far without falling asleep then thank you. Please do share your views on.. well.. anything I have said because I am pretty sure I have made my mind up to go out now! I might drive though and stay sober so that I have a ‘get out’ if I need it. Now I just need to decide where and with who!
I hope you all have a really lovely New Years Eve whatever you do. And I hope I haven’t offended anyone by the ‘daft, crying aunt’. I was young… and hey, I am the daft crying aunt now!
Tammy x
I don’t start my own posts very often because I worry too much about what people will think of me, how stupid I will look and how much I will regret it afterwards. However, in the spirit of fresh starts I have decided to try not to be as bothered by all that. Anyway, here goes…
Last night when I couldn’t sleep I wrote all this down to get it straight in my head. This morning I decided to post it here and see what you all think. So it might be a bit all over the place, please forgive me if it is! I won’t be re-reading or I probably won’t post it!!
Tonight is New Years Eve and up to now I have been pretty strong in my ‘I am doing nothing bah humbug’ approach to it all. So last night I’m laying there thinking about all the offers I have had from various friends and family members and I think to myself why I have I said no to it all? All these lovely people, caring and interested, and I dismiss it straight away.
When I was little (there is a point to this, honest) I remember my aunt used to cry every new year at 12 o’clock. I used to ask my Nan why she was crying when she should be happy. Nan always asked why she should be happy and I would tell her because it is a new year, a fresh start, a new chance to do things (don’t you know it all at that age). Nan would always answer ‘well maybe that is why she is crying, because she is so happy’. We had this similar conversation about 5 years in a row and Nan never would say the real reason. It was a sad cry, not a happy one, I knew that much. And at that age I thought it was absolutely daft to be upset on New Years Eve. I couldn’t see what could make anyone cry when people were enjoying themselves.
Well, now I know. New Year is a time to think about all that you have done. All that you should/could have done. All that you wish you had done. All that you haven’t done. And all that you would do differently if you could. Also all that you want to do better next year.
So this bought me back to my original question - why didn’t I want to go out? Is it because I don’t like going to places where I don’t know people? Is it because I don’t like going to places with lots of people? Is it because I don’t like drunk people? Or is it a combination, because I don’t like going to places with lots of drunk people I don’t know?! Or maybe, just maybe, it is because I think I will become my ‘daft’ aunt and cry for no reason.
Now, like many of you, I have had some tough times this year and despite all the things mentioned above I am wondering whether staying in could actually be the worst thing, not the best.
Having given myself a good talking to last night I decided 2006 needs to get off to a good start. After reading lots of old posts under Success Stories last night, I realise the best way to do that is to stop avoiding and start doing. And get back to some of those idealistic (if a bit childish) positive views of New Year.
So I have lost the point now but if you have read this far without falling asleep then thank you. Please do share your views on.. well.. anything I have said because I am pretty sure I have made my mind up to go out now! I might drive though and stay sober so that I have a ‘get out’ if I need it. Now I just need to decide where and with who!
I hope you all have a really lovely New Years Eve whatever you do. And I hope I haven’t offended anyone by the ‘daft, crying aunt’. I was young… and hey, I am the daft crying aunt now!
Tammy x