End of a relationship, but not a sad thread

[Downsinthenorth]

I've just told my husband that I don't feel the same way anymore - there isn't anyone else, my feelings have changed so much since I moved up here. We have agreed to carry on sharing the house, but with separate bedrooms.

The really strange thing is that I feel so relieved - I've been desperately trying to make it work without realising that I've been living a lie. He thought everything was OK, and that makes me realise how far apart we have grown.

I didn't expect to feel like this.

[suzy-sue]

You say you feel relieved is understandable .But you also say this has all changed since you moved .The fact your husband felt that everything was fine ,signifies hes not noticed or cared enough to see how unhappy you have become .If you have seemed the same and havnt talked ,how could he ? By talking I mean REALLY TALKING until you both understand how the other feels ...People can talk sometimes and not hear what the other is in fact saying .Its easy to interpret things differently if you are happy yourself .Relationships change and its so easy to give up sometimes as the effort is too much ,especially if your partner isnt willing to put the effort in as well .I do find it sad that you have had to reach this decision .But BEFORE YOU GIVE UP COMPLETELY ,I would suggest you both go for relationship councelling ,i really think it would help you both .This would be beneficial whatever you decide ,they arent just good for keeping marriages relationships together ,but also help you move on ,with understanding and friendship still in tact ..I wish you both good luck and happiness .Luv Sue x:hugs:

[Downsinthenorth]

I showed your post to my husband, suzy-sue, and we had a long talk about things. He is up for the relationship counseling, which I'm really suprised about, but he says he didn't realise until now how unhappy I was about the current state of our relationship. As he is willing to do this with me, and as long as we both start making an effort with each other, I am happy to try again - it's when I felt I was the only one making an effort, that there didn't seem to be any point carrying on.

It would never have occured to me to suggest counseling to him, as I would have thought he would refuse point-blank. I feel a bit more hopeful about things now, as we are both actually doing something about it.

Thanks very much for replying, and for the good advice.

Downsinthenorth XXX

[Maj]

Sue's advice was spot on and I'm so glad you and your husband are trying to sort things out. It would be such a waste.
Myra:hugs:

[Downsinthenorth]

Thanks Myra. :)

[suzy-sue]

Thats great news ! Relationships can only work with good communication and both partners willing to work hard at it ..Relate usually have a long waiting list but if you are prepared to pay ,check the councellor out first ,Ask plenty of questions before you part with any money .Like with all things ,some are better than other s .I wish you the very best ,and im sure if you both want the relationship to work ,that is the foundation on which to build on ..Nothing is impossible ..Carry on talking to each other .Good luck Sue x