Depressed on anti-depressants

[Gregor]

Hi,

Am i right in thinking Citalopram is an anti-depressant? I've been taking it now for about 2 months and i still feel depressed a lot of the time. It's not the first time i've been on similar medications, but none have ever stopped me feeling depressed.

Let's face it, i will not be completely 'de-depressed' until i am cured of my anxiety.

The other night i was lying down at night and i heard a noise - just downstairs i think, but it got me thinking what if someone broke into my flat and approached me with a gun (sounds extreme but it's what my mind was up to!). I imagined myself just saying to him 'just kill me', then i'd lie face down and he would put a bullet in my back.

I don't like to talk about things like that on here (it's bad for me and for others to read), but it just struck me that if a situation like that occurred, perhaps that's how i would like for it to end. Maybe it's just my imagination. Hopefully i'll never know, but the thing is if i'm taking anti-depressants and i have these thoughts, how are the drugs helping?

[martbarr]

Hi,

Am i right in thinking Citalopram is an anti-depressant? I've been taking it now for about 2 months and i still feel depressed a lot of the time. It's not the first time i've been on similar medications, but none have ever stopped me feeling depressed.

Let's face it, i will not be completely 'de-depressed' until i am cured of my anxiety.

The other night i was lying down at night and i heard a noise - just downstairs i think, but it got me thinking what if someone broke into my flat and approached me with a gun (sounds extreme but it's what my mind was up to!). I imagined myself just saying to him 'just kill me', then i'd lie face down and he would put a bullet in my back.

I don't like to talk about things like that on here (it's bad for me and for others to read), but it just struck me that if a situation like that occurred, perhaps that's how i would like for it to end. Maybe it's just my imagination. Hopefully i'll never know, but the thing is if i'm taking anti-depressants and i have these thoughts, how are the drugs helping?

Wow Gregor, a lot of big questions there!
Yes cit is an AD and anti anxiety, but will work in different ways for people.
As far as I can tell scientists understand the basic principles as to how it works, but not the small print just yet (please correct me someone if wrong!)

An obvious question - how do you know you feel depressed?
Sounds stupid - but we can often define ourselves by thinking negatively, and altering how we are by letting unnecessary thoughts wander round our heads.

A bit there are few people on this planet that haven't thought what would happen if someone broke in with a gun, or knife etc.
You're free to think about it, but also possibly free to change how you think about it.
And if it ever happened, God forbid I can guarantee that your reactions and behaviour would not be what you endlessly rehearse now.
Thankfully, it's very unlikely indeed, unless you live as a gangster, or draw attention to yourself in the criminal world - and if you are doing those things then you would significantly help yourself by stopping whatever it is!!!!

We're all looking for the anxiety cure.
If you find it please please tell us - it would make you very rich as a starter.
But the truth is that anxiety is within us, and different.
And for a significant number of us it's built into our brickwork.
So we all need to find a road to manage it.
Prayer, pills, people, psychiatrists - do what you need to.

Most of us have hang ups around something specific - often to phobia levels. I spent years being terrified of being buried in a coffin alive.
To the extent that I would freeze and stop my car and cover my eyes if I drove near a non empty hearse.

These things take time and help to come through, and in my case I had to "face my fear and do it anyway" - ended up going to an undertaker to see someone dead in their coffin, and since then have also visited some family and friends who had died, and I have started to see it all in a different light. And although I don't stress about it today - the reality is I could still let myself be *very* troubled about the subject matter. It's a choice!

There comes a point where we have to let go, and I think these pills can help us calm and relax the brain's worry centre while we attempt to connect with our inner most wobbles.

If you're getting no where on your own, and we've all been there, it's possibly time for another GP visit and be brutally honest with them.

But if you want some TLC and support from fellow sufferers - you are in the right place.So please pull up a chair, and enjoy the company!

Best wishes
Martin

[Maj]

Hello Gregor,

The antidepressants don't seem to be helping you very much. I'd go back to the doctor if I were you. I think it has to be a combination of medication, and ourselves, that work. Medication can get you through the worst while you get your confidence back again. We need to put a lot of effort into getting better as well. I really feel for you because it's rotten when you feel so low. Don't feel bad about the just shoot me thing. My mother and I had a conversation recently after she had a bug and she said the exact same thing: if someone had come in with a gun she's have asked them to shoot her - because she felt so awful. You're only human. It's a struggle living with anxiety and depression and really brings you down. I think you need to focus on reducing your anxiety. It may sound corny but exercise really does help with this. Even going out for a walk each day. You feel so good afterwards. Also, lots of people on here talk about cbt which seems to be great. Your doctor can refer you for this, although I know it can take a while. It seems to be about looking at things from a different angle and a less anxious one. With the right treatment and input from yourself you can get through this and learn to live with anxiety without it dominating your life.
Myra:hugs:

[moks]

Hi Gregor,

In my research I've found that sometimes it takes trying different meds to get one that works with your body chemistry. I know sometimes it feels hopeless, but sticking with it is key! There's something out there that will help. Are you talking to anyone. I know seeing a counsellor helps me with dealing with some of my issues, it helps for me to get it out.

I always have thoughts about how people would react if I died, or how I would react if some I knew died. I picture the scenario of them being killed somehow and then run through the emotional process in my head. I think I do that because I have had very little dealings with death in my life, and don't know much about the grief process, so I imagine these horrible scenarios...doesn't do much for my depression that's for sure.

But the point is we all go through these different emotional up's and down's. No one is immune to depression or anxiety...it's life. It's how we deal and overcome the emotions that sets us apart from those that don't need 'meds'. We're no worse than them, we just need help. I actually feel better getting help from meds and othe people, because it's opened me up to a world of support and I've met some fantastic people on the way.

You're not alone, you're not the only one going through this. Use that as a beacon, as something to hold onto, what you're feeling is normal for a lot of us. Talk to your doctor about the meds, talk to a counsellor about your emotions...talk to a friend about your day...talk to us about your anxiety.

We all make it through...but we do it together. let us know how you are. Cheers.
Mark

[Vanilla Sky]

I go through scenarios very often in my head , but i always did even before the anxiety, it could range from the situation you have said above from what would happen if a family member died ( could be anyone ) . I think we all have this " built in"" to our phyche, it's just our anxiety has us preparing for things that may or may not happen .
I think you should have a chat with your doctor about the meds, perhaps you need another one, sometimes we're not that lucky to get a med that suits us first or even second time.
Good luck
Love Paige x

[Gregor]

Hi,

Thanks to all for your in-depth replies.

I hadnt really thought too much about Citalopram before, as i was told to take it and never really thought too much about the effects or what it's supposed to do. I was told to allow it to work for about a month.

The main thing for me is i'm also on Diazepam which, if you take it, you know how much it helps. I know this is also very addicted and, to be honest, i would be lost without it. That also scares me, because i dont want to rely on meds my whole life, but i can't imagine not taking them to help me through my day. I remember the periods on no meds and i didnt like it at all.

I don't trust my GP - he's never been the most accommodating for me (such as insisting i see him for prescriptions when i couldnt leave the house). He tried to take me off diazepam cold-turkey and i fought for that change!

I now have a psychiatrist who i trust for my medication decisions and i'm just starting with an Occupational Therapist from tomorrow, so i'll know more about my plans after that.

I have received CBT in the past and it did wonders for me - unfortunately i had to travel about 3000 miles to get it! (useless UK healthcare system!).

Thanks again for all your support.

Gregor

[looking4answers]

Interesting thoughts.. depression and anxiety can make you say and think things that otherwise would be the last thing you would want to think or say.. There was a time when depression killed totally killed my fears.. I had a guy that told me he was going to kill me one time.. I just smiled at him and told him that just made him my newest best friend.. It scared him so bad he just left.. lol.. So well can happen.. it never ceases me to hear things people do and say when they are depressed and anxious that includes me as well . Michael