View Full Version : EMOTIONAL ABUSE
HI people,Does anyone on here think emotional abuse has caused there problems ?
Ive never discussed this much on here but feel I need to (hope you dont mind but this is all vented up inside of me).
I am really convinced alot of my anxietys come from being brought up by a very unstable critisising mother who never praised me and constantly put me down. Also I cant recall any hugs or love of any kind from her or my father who was never around.
Yest I went to my mothers house and left feeling totally drained.
I showed her my latest jewellery design and she looked at it like it was "CRAP" with no comment! (by the way Ive taken several orders).
She told my son and daughter they could sleep the night then said they couldnt cos she has too much to do.........my son started begging her and she got angry saying OH OK STAY! then my son was happy, then she moaned non stop about it and started telling me I should take him home.Then when we planned to go home she said "oh I was going to buy them some biscuits cos I thought they were staying ".
When she went to the shop I stayed in the house and it started raining so I got her washing in for her but when she got home she said did you get my washing in ? and I said yes Ive put it on your conservatory chair//////
she replied "oh for god sake sounding very annoyed"
I never ask my mum for any thing because if she had the kids whilst we go out she will phone me moaning about something (ANYTHING), I have always spent my evenings out worrying about her reactions comments.
When my kids sleep over I have to take every thing for them, food /drink/toothpaste/towels/toys , she will always find something that I didnt bring and will say (how typical).
When I see my mother she looks at me UP and DOWN my body in a facial expression of disgust ( now logically I know I look fine and my hubby has no complaints) but my mother has always done this all my life making me feel very very self concious.
Several things stand out in my childhood as follows,
when i was aged 11 I raced for my sports day at school, and the final race was me (for my team), which I won and all my school friends were delighted with me and I remember all my friends mothers coming over to me and hugging me with excitment.
I then remember making my way over to my mother saying "I WON"
and I remember my mothers responce was..........."hurry up and get your coat and bag weve got to go. (it really hurt).
If I was talking to people and said anything slightly wrong or pronounced something wrong she would (and still does) laugh out loud and show me up by repeating what ive said and trying to get everyone else laugh at me.
It was awfull yest , she nagged at me so much whilst I kept my mouth shut........and what really really hurts she has always convinced my dad that It was me who started the trouble if I stood up for myself....and I am concinced my dad who I see about once a year thinks I am horrible to my mother cos I dont hardly see her.
reading this backyou wouldnt think I am a 37 year old mother of two but it still really really hurts.
Now I ask myself is it any wonder I find it so difficult to be around people and speak to people, I find myself shaking and I think I really do worry about what people think of me in my subconcious mind.
My old school reports all say.......I am a silent member of class who seems to shy to put my hand up or ask questions.
I know it was because I was afraid they would all laugh.
Please can someone tell me;
How would a child grow up who never had any love from either parent, was constantly put down every min of every day about everything she said or did, who was in a nursery who just left her sitting in a room on her own alot whilst her parents worked, who was slightly sexually abused by a stranger who threatened to kill her if she told anyone.
Is it possible this would cause anxiety/panic once fully grown and married to a super husband with lovely kids ???
mirryx
Hello Mirry
Just reading your message hit so many buttons for me. I am 40 and up until 6 months ago I continued to let my mother emotional abuse me and put my down. No matter what I achieved in life it was never enough "I could always have done better". I led my life in fear of my mother, always trying to please her, desperatley trying to get her approval, just wanting to be accepted and loved for what I am. I was also being emotionally and physically abused in my marriage and realised there was a pattern that only I could break. So 6 months ago I stood up to both my husband and my mother and made the decision that I would leave my marriage with our without my mothers backing. I made the choice to go it alone and was determined no matter what to succeed albeit struggling with constant anxiety. It was the first time I truely received support from my mother and I no longer feel the need for her approval. She doesnt say anything to put me down now cause it no longer gets to me. An excellent book to read is by Louise L Hay called The Power is Within You. (most libraries have it).
I do believe that how you are brought up in childhood does effect how we are today - but you can make changes and stop it continuing to wreck and cause illness within you.
Hope everything works out OK for you
And live your life for you not to please others
Take care
Darkangel x
........life is for living not just for surviving
Mirry hun this says so much more about your mum than it does about you!!
It maybe that your mum had a lousy upbringing herself and has many insecurites if she has to behave like this.
Two suggestions
1. You could have this out with her once and for all - would this be of benefit though??
2. Look at her through the eyes of being someone elses mum. I found at times when my mum irritated me immensely or hurt me (maybe not intentionally) if I looked at her as another person in her own right not as my mum it made me more tolerant of her. Plus it took away her ability to upset me.
You don't need your mums approval anymore chicken - her approval doesn't determine your self-worth!!
You sound like a lovely mum (an incredibly challanging role), a very creative and talented designer and I am sure you have lots more lovely qualities. In fact I think you should write down all the good things you know to be true about yourself and keep that to hand to remind you when you feel you need it.
I look forward to seeing some of your designs on the web in due course.
Love Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
hi mirry
i think you are right to link your anxiety to your relationship with your parents, my abuse came from my ex and i believe it has contributed to my present probs however i think dark angel is right we can change our relationships with people i dont suppose its easy but we have to try
its 2006 and all of us panickers must make this year a good one together
sorry i have not really offered any advice but feel free to contact me even just to vent more
heres a hug from me
DAN
hello mirry
emotional is defiantly my cause. I was never abused physically but what i see, heard etc and never having anybody to talk to or say what was happening. The thoughts and the thinking, I did myself just made it worse.
My mum can be very patronising and she is a very selfish lady, she has always choose her partners over me and my sister, I have lived in my house, for 5 years and shes been to visit 3/4 times. She does own a pub so is very busy, but still. She has never had my children and they are 8 and 4, neither my sisiters children. Sometimes I phone and she tuts as if to say, Im busy!
There not directed at me, but i take it all to heart. That emotional abuse for me.
I sorry if i have rambled but that has just turned into somesort of therapy session.!! heheh thanks
anyways to your question, its a definate yes for me!!! :D
ohh i could go on!
Hi mirry
i can very much relate to your story, and it doesn't matter what age you are...i am 50 and it took me until i was 38 to realize why i suffer anxiety and panic attacks.
From as far back as i can remember i was told by my mother that 'there something wrong with you' this was said after i would get really upset when my parents would be arguing (that happened often!) I would always try and get them to stop, and yet they would never listen, i would then get more upset and start crying and almost hysterical...thats when those words would be said by my mother. At 38 i was seeing a CPN who made me realize that there was 'nothing wrong with me', it was pure frustration i got the way i did because my parents just wouldn't listen to me.
My mother never showed love by way of hugs or kisses or even by saying the words I Love You...but then i know that there are many people who find it difficult to show affection, but it doesn't mean they don't feel.
I was the second youngest of 6, and considered by my mother to be 'thick'. I remember enrolling at night school to do a english A level when i was in my 30's, when i told my mother what i was going to do her reply was "you should have listened when you were in school, then you wouldn't have to bloody pay for it!" That caused us to have a row, and in the days that followed when we didn't talk, i sat down and wrote her a letter, i started by saying that if she was in a conversation with someone and they asked her to discribe her 6 children starting with the eldest this is what she would say
1. She has a beautiful house and she keeps it spotless
2. She is so loyal, she's in a abusive marriage, but still stays
3. She's got 6 kids, never married, but she copes well
4. Oh he's a Grenadier Guard and was pick for special guard duty in Korea.
5. (me) Her daughter passed an entrance exam for a really posh school, where she gets her brains from i don't know, not her mother thats for sure!
6. He had an accident and now he's in a wheelchair, it's so sad as he loved to play all sports.
She never mentioned the letter to me, but i was told by my sister that she said it was all rubbish. In a very small way she did treat me a little better after that. When she died a good few years later i found the letter in the back of her purse...maybe she kept it as a reminder?
By the way i never stopped loving my mother, although she hurt me many times. Also i vowed never to ever treat my daughter & son this way.
Mirry maybe writing to your mum and putting down how you feel would help...it's worth a go.
I hope you have a healthy, happy new year.
Love Trish xx
ps pm me at anytime if you want a chat.
"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"
bonzarinababy
01-01-06, 14:00
Hi Mirry
Just read your post and others and just wanted to say I can totally relate – my Mum too has always been very critical of me and through having previous therapy in the past they’ve explained how this can lead you to becoming a person who strives for perfection in yourself – and in turn when you don’t feel you’re reaching these (often impossible) goals you set yourself, it can lead to panic – which makes sense really!
Only thing I can say is to try and go easy on yourself – be proud of the fact you’re a great Mum and wife and not carrying on the cycle – I know with my Mum the reason she’s the way she is is because she had very critical parents too who thought that showing affection was a sign of weakness – and I’m terrified I’ll be the same if I ever have children. But it sounds as if you’re a lovely Mum and that’s a big achievement in itself.
Just one other word of caution, some of the others have suggested you talk it through with your Mum – which may be the right thing to do – but equally I think you should be prepared that if you do she might not be sympathetic and this might upset you even more. I only say this as from my own experiences it took a lot of courage to discuss things with my Mum, to tell her how I felt… and the reaction I received was quite a shock and very hurtful. I guess it’s a self defence mechanism on her part i.e. it’s easier for her to believe there’s nothing wrong with me than to accept there is and she might have something to do with it – but still it hurts like hell if you’re already feeling vulnerable and someone totally dismisses what you’re trying to tell them. Obviously I hope your Mum won’t react in this way, but wanted you to be aware that she might, so you don’t go into the situation with rose tinted glasses like I did and end up getting more hurt.
Hope what I’ve written helps, and doesn’t seem too negative – I’m new to the site so might not have got the ‘knack’ or balance right yet, if you know what I mean?!?
BB x
Worry gives a small thing a big shadow.
Mirry
You are very right. How we are treated for years on end , no doubt has an efect on how we grow up and how we lead our lives.
You have great insight now and that can only help you to move on.
Remember that they are in a behaviour pattern too and on many occassions are just doing as they were taught so ahve no idea the damage they are causing and really are ignorant of any other way.
If you do decide to challange it, be aware that many people will use further aggression if cornered so choose your method and time and place with care.
Trish - I'm sure iyour letter meant so much to her- only very meaningful things make their way into our purses and stay there purposefully for years.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
Hi Mirry
I also agree that what happens and how we are treated as children and throughout our lives has a huge impact on these issues. I only realised just how much the way my parents treated me had shaped my current life when I started seeing a therapist and she mentioned emotional abuse.
Being constantly criticised and put down all your life erodes self-esteem and can lead to a very negative self-image. I know this has happened in my case. It doesn't matter how old you are these comments still hurt.
My mum rejected and pushed me away all my life and I haven't seen her for over a year now because she continues to reject me to this day and is not interested in me at all. This hurts even more because she has good relationships with my brothers, which makes it feel so personal. My dad is very controlling and other people call him a bully, including my therapist. I've had the same kinds of criticisms and put downs that you mention in your post.
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">If I was talking to people and said anything slightly wrong or pronounced something wrong she would (and still does) laugh out loud and show me up by repeating what ive said and trying to get everyone else laugh at me.
<div align="right">Originally posted by mirry - 01 January 2006 : 11:29:15</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
My dad used to do this to me too and I believe it at least in part contributed to my social phobia and the problems I have speaking to people. I constantly worry I will say the wrong thing and either get shouted at or people with laugh. It's hard but not impossible to get past this.
Eventually, I made the decision to cut off contact with dad and I haven't seen him for a number of weeks now. He goes through stages of harassing me but I know that giving in and allowing him back into my life is not what's best for me.
Whatever you decide to do or how you handle the situation with your mum, remember that she is just one person and what she says about you is not the definitive truth. The way I look at my situation with dad now is that he has issues himself but he has no insight at all and cannot see the way what he says and does affects others. I still love him because he's my dad, but I cannot have him in my life.
You're certainly not alone with this Mirry.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi, I was so sorry to read on here about everyones emotional abuse.
It does seem to be a big factor for alot of us, doesnt it.
I will not be talking to my mother about it because that is something I could never do due to her extream reactions in the past.
I think this site I have found explains alot about emotional abuse and is a real eye opener [8D] it has a list of "childhood toxins" that cause panic.
Hope it helps
Joepanic.com
mirryx
sorry I forgot to mention,
it is listed under " panic prone personalities"
mirryx
Keitharcher
01-01-06, 20:24
Hi
I can relate tp your problems with your parents, I am 60 and it I still get put down by mother, (my father is dead), not just me but my wife and daughter as well. I have at last come to relaise that its not me, its her, wether its jealousy or what I dont know, however, I now tend to let her disdain wash over me. It upsets me at time but for the majprity of the time I now realise I can resolve her problems for (shes 83) and not hear all the neagative things.
Dont let her get to you, you have your own family that cares for you. We can pick our friends but we cant pick our family
Keith
Hi Mirry,
And yes I do think emotional abuse leads to our problems. I was in an abusive relationship when I was younger (which some people may have read about) but have only found out recently that it was!
I was so naive and blamed myself and sometimes still blame myself.
It is horrible, but unfortunately, some people can only feel good themselves by making others around them feel bad.
I know she's your mum, but have you thought of distancing yourself from her? Even if it's for a short period of time?
Looby
xxx
Mirry,
One of the hardest things I've had to face since my anxiety is looking at my parents as people not gods. Sounds a bit weird but i think when you are growing up you fit in to be loved from your families.
It's only recently that i've looked at them from another angle, which is also scary as you see somethings that maybe you don't want your parents to be.
Try and use it as a learning experience, think about things that she has taught you well but then also think about things that you don't like about her and resolve not to go the same way yourself maybe?
Sarah
It's taken me a good 10 years now to realize the root of my panic as i've mentioned before I have had attacks since I was 10 years old. Through therapy I have been able to access alot of the memories I have blocked about my childhood I wouldn't say I was overly physically abused.. How ever the mental abuse on my Grandmother's and Mother's part was horrid.
My grandmother is long dead now.. and my Mother well we don't speak unless we have to.. now don't get me wrong I still love my Mom she brought me into this world but.. We are simply better off not speaking to each other... I cannot forgive her for the things she did to me and honestly I doubt I ever will.
My Mom was a single Mother in fact she always commented to friends and family how she put her entire life on hold until I was 15. She tried to make herself look like a saint in the eyes of others all the while looking down her nose at me, criticizing me and telling me how she didn't have to have me.
She spent 30 years of my life hiding from me who my father is, Telling me that he raped her.. and that's how she concieved me.. that's a helluva burden to carry around especially when you are an ex rape victim yourself in fact I remember when I called my Mother from the hospital to tell her I had been raped she told me flat out with the way I acted and dressed I deserved it.. how do you say that to your own child?
All my life I've felt like I have to impress people that if I cant live up to their standards I'm just not good enough. I've put impossible and unrealistic goals on myself to try and make other people happy and I have never put myself first..
I know this is the root of my attacks, why there are days I look in the mirror and go who am I? I look around at the world and I feel like I am Alice in Wonderland crawling through the rabbit hole for the first time and realizing that nothing is ever as it seems.
I swore to myself on Jan 1st that this is the year I put myself first.. I need to I've spent so long being lost that it's time for me to find my way. I'm tired of doing what others want me to do.. I am tired of having to answer for everything I do and most of all... and above all of those I'm tired of people like my Mother looking down their nose at me.
::hugs all around::
Talia
Talia,
I am pleased you are going to make this year "YOURS"
I think children who are emotionally abused yearn for acceptance from the people around them and find it difficult with any minor rejection.
You have had a tough time and deserve happiness.
As you can see from this thread we are not alone with these feelings as emotional abuse seems to be a very common feature in panic personalitys.
mirryx
eeyorelover
03-01-06, 14:09
I truely do believe that it is true that emotional abuse or even neglect can cause anxiety. I was raised by my Grandmother from the age of 2 to 9 and then again from 13 to 17. My Mother basically just dropped my sister and I off and said 'here, I need time to figure out who I am'. I have always had a feeling of abandonment. Afraid that at any time everyone who I love will eventually leave me. It has even followed me into my marriage. I have always had this underlying fear that someday out of the blue my husband will be gone with no explaination and I will be stuck - alone. I sometimes wonder how I would cope. How would I pay the bills by myself and when the kids were little I would think to myself how would I raise 4 kids alone. I know that Jer won't really leave me. He is a wonderful husband and we are very happy together but it's always in the back of my mind.
I have found that I have gone to the other extreme with my own children. I have spent the majority of my time making sure that they know that I will always be here for them and that they are loved unconditionally. They have never been left with a babysitter and I have been to everything they have ever been involved in (school plays,sports,etc.) I am a person who thinks of the glass as half full so I see it as this cycle ends with me. My kids will not feel the way I have felt. They will know that they have someone they can count on. And when I am gone if the only thing anyone can remember of me is that I was a great Mom then I will have lead a most fruitful life.
Sandy
(eeyorelover)
If the world didn't suck... we'd all fall off :)
Sandy you sound like a great mum!
I always try to do my best for my two kids because I dont want to fail them, I sometimes wonder if they know how lucky they are ?
I think that some people go against there upbringing and others just repeat it, I dont know why this is?
mirryx
Yes Darling it's bound to have an effect on you.
So sorry you had to endure that.
Thinking of you and sending you BIG BIG HUGS.
It's werid because my Mum is the opposite very over protective and has wrapped me in cotten wool all my life. I absolutley adore her. I'm sure it hasn't helped with my anxiety or confidence though.
Take Care.
Love Pip's X X X X X
Hi PIPS ,
funny you say that about being over protective as I feel I am like that with my children,
It is listed in that web site Joepanic.com as causing anxiety.
mirryx
I was emotionally abused by my mother for years, she critised everything I did and I felt totally unloved. she used to hit me and you know to this day I never understood why. The last few years we have gotten on better only because we dont live together and ilve had kids which she comes to see once a week. Then new years eve she had a party , I was unable to go, my husband and my son went and because I didnt go she started saying awful things about me to my husband, saying I needed a psychiatrist, I needed seeing to, that my son needed to see someone too, (saying this while hes uin the rom and hes only 6 years old) she gave my husband a real hard time, then my sister drunk, stomps int he room and joins in because recently my sister and I havny gotten on as well, shes drinking all the time and has a real bad attitude. so my poor husband and son was subjected to hateful nastty things about me, and my sister and mum got quite angry aswell and were raising their voices. probably didnt help because they had both been drinking. My husband comes home and tells me and of course I am upset. Its lijke the abuse has started all over again. I feel so upset. Then the week after this my mum turns up on my doorstep knowing I am alone with the kids, and she brings the same sister, and says to me in front of the lkids that I need a psychiatrist, I asked her to leave and on her way out she points at my kids and says she feels sorry for them having me. I told me gran who took my side but my gran is now pressurising me to sort this out with my mum, my mum is telling her I am imagining things!! I can't sit and talk at the moment I feel abused all over again, shes my mum and im 33 now, I've had enough. I dont know how things will ever be the same again. My stepdad did things to me that came out in the open, yet my mum did nothing about it. she told my husband she got me and my sisters away but she left him 3 years after the worst of it, and only because she couldnt stand him anymore. i feel so let down and unloved by her, yet she can be nice when she wants to me . I dont know what to do, can anyone offer any advice?
Funny this post should resurface at the moment - re-reading it has at least made me feel I'm not the only one.
I have such a different relationship with my piglets to the one I have with my mum and for that I am so grateful. I read my reply that I did this time last year and still stand by everything I put and I am still doing the things I suggested to you Mirry - it's still hard though.
My mum has caused me so much distress for as long as I can remember, piling on guilt, being selective in the way she relays a story, causing untold rows amongst the rest of the family, depressive martyring and manipulation - stirs up trouble then announces she never gets involved in rows!! [:O]
Like Darkangel I too read Louise Hay's books and she says everyone we meet in life has something to teach us - in this case I have learnt exactly how I don't want to be. I can now go away and feel guilty for being disloyal - another marvellous gift bestowed on me, the ability to feel guilty at the drop of a hat.
I can't tell you how envious I am of people who have simple mums that they can adore!!
Piglet xx
Hi Daisy,
Im sorry youve had a hard time in the past with your mother,
I think realising just how bad things have been is a big moment.
Piglet, gosh your mother does sound very much like mine !!!
My CBT told me , growing up with a mother whos bounderies were all over the place would cause anxiety in the child.
One day it is ok to do something then the next day its critisized !!!
No wonder we now have problems.
So he told me , now I am a adult I set my own bounderies.
Basically not too much contact and when I do get difficult behaviour leave the house and go home.
Ive been prectising this and sometimes I get very difficult phone calls, I tend to just listen and not comment much.
mirryx
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Ive been prectising this and sometimes I get very difficult phone calls, I tend to just listen and not comment much.
mirryx
<div align="right">Originally posted by mirry - 22 January 2007 : 15:10:08</div id="right">
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This is what I do too hun - hard though isn't it!!
Recently I've felt sick with nerves before a call, how ridiculous is that, this is an elderly lady for goodness sake, what's the matter with me.It would break my heart if I ever had that effect on the piglets!
Big squeeze to you Mirry hun for this thread and everybody who replied with their own stories - obviously I was coping better with it last January to this January but reading through all the posts again has made me feel much better and that I'm not the only one!
Love Piglet xx
Hi everyone,
this is such an interesting thread...I can relate to a lot of whats been said...in fact Piglet, are we sisters lol? (sorry...didnt mean to be flippant). Piglet and Mirry particularly, your experiences sound so similar to mine. My mum could put me down with a simple look or one remark...her favourite saying was 'I dont mean this in a nasty way, but........'. I remember when I managed to get an honours degree in nursing a few years ago...it was the hardest I'd ever worked, and she said 'your brother told me they give those away for just turning up nowadays'.
I must admit I worry about my relationship with my daughter as I dont find it easy, but I try really hard to be a loving affectionate mum...interestingly I remember my mum telling me a few years ago that her mum didnt like her at all...
I dont know if i would ever have been able to tackle the issues with my mum...in lots of ways I still felt like a child and yet in other ways I felt like a parent to her (does that sound daft?)
Anyway hugs to everyone who has experienced something similar.
Take care all
Coni X
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">in lots of ways I still felt like a child and yet in other ways I felt like a parent to her (does that sound daft?)
Coni X
<div align="right">Originally posted by Coni - 22 January 2007 : 19:49:22</div id="right">
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Not at all mate - trouble is I don't seem to measure up in either role apparantly!!
Ooh sorry that sounds so self pitying doesn't it - I guess it's what it is, is what it is (I always say that when I don't know quite what to say next[:I]:D)!!! That, or stuff my face with chocolate!!
Love Piglet xx
Lindalou64
23-01-07, 22:52
MY FATHER DID THAT ALOT TO ME BUT NOW I LET THAT GO ITS MY KIDS AT TIMES I THINK FOR ME ANYWAYS ITS THE STRESS FROM IT NOW NOT FROM THEN............BEST TO YA .....LINDA[8D]
connie, wow thats just the sort of thing that my mother would say!!!
When I was 17 years old I used to do some baby sitting for a lady who had her own electrolisis business. She asked me to go to london to do the training course so I could become a electrolosis and work for her.
The money was fantastic and I was so excited, when I told my mother she said
" dont be daft, YOU! go to london and do that !.... you couldnt do that , you'd need to be good at school work and you were not.
Well [:I], I always believed I was rubbish at school until I looked back at my school reports, I got mainly C in every subject, which makes me ask..what is wrong with being average ???
I really beleived I was the worst in everything , I would of loved to of gone to london and to get a good job. But I believed my mother, everything she told me about myself was wrong (so wrong).
mirryx
Mirry mate you are far from being average - you're a real individual with loads of talent. :D:D:D
Is it any wonder so many of us need self-esteem lessons!
Love Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Thanks Piglet, your right about self esteem issues, they dont come from no where do they ?
Its all those little things that make us anxious, for example.....
when ever I used to leave the house I used to be told,
"watch the motors "
when I used to walk home from school alone , I was told there are bad men out there , look at the news , those little children were murdered so be careful.
When I got a swelling in my rib cage, my mother took one look and gasped in horror, she phoned the doctors in a state crying.
This is why I was so confused, in one breath she treated me like dirt and put me down yet if I was Ill she would panic.
I really belive we pick up these habits, for example my daughter has a friend at school, shes only young and already I can see her mother in her. Her mother isnt such a nice person really , she looks for problems and argues with people about silly things, she hasnt a nice word to say about anyone. Well this little girl is SO her mothers daughter.
when we walk down the street she is pointing out boys saying they shouldnt be doing that etc and how she will tell the school shes bossy and puts other people down.
So I can see how easy it is to pick up these habits as a child (after all they know no better).
mirryx
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