Do you feel worse after an argument or confrontation?

[Onthepulse]

Hi,

I'm not sure if this is posted in the correct forum, but i really didn't know where it should belong, so if it's in the wrong place, please accept my apology.

OK...my question...I work with the public in retail and you do get a handful that will just go out of their way to make your life hell. I have done my current job for 5 years and i have actually had enough to the extent of nearly walking out everyday since Christmas.
I am currently getting lots of missed beats and think this is all due to stress at work and my 14 yr old son is really horrible at the moment. I used to just let the public go over my head, but now i am fighting back and asserting myself more with them as i am sure they think i am something on the bottom of their shoe. Yesterday i had a confrontation with a lady who was really rude. Something inside me just snapped and i started to tell her basically she was wrong and that was it and if she had a problem she would need to see a Manager who would back me up. But my problem is i hate confrontations like that as my adrenaline goes crazy, i start to shake and i really do not like arguing. One particular customer was so rude to me and threatening i had to call our security and i ended up in tears.
My son is really horrid at the moment too, which is causing the whole family a great amount of stress, and there are lots of arguments and nastiness from him verbally (and physically,like grabbing me and i did get a neck lock when i turned his computer gme off. I don't want to go into this too deep, but just need to share this). We had a big showdown this morning which resulted me in tears. I feel i can't battle on as my adrenaline just pumps and gives my heart more missed beats and the cycle begins again of worry, am i gonna pass out......
I just cannot cope with arguments and people being so mean to me. I am a sensitive person so find things more overwhelming than non sensitive people.
Does anyone have any techniques in coping with this or keeping yourself under control and calm instead of full shot of adrenaline?
Work for me may mean leaving and finding a new job in a different field where it's not so stomach churning with the public and full on nastiness.
My son - had everything taken away from him and i am going to use silent treatment as a short term solution until he sees what he is doing to us all by his behaviour, then we may need to seek further help.
Sorry for the long post but sometimes it is really good to write stuff down as i find it really helps.

Normally i could cope better with all these arguments, brush them off and let them go, but i am mentally and emotionally drained nd i stew on them and they go over my head and i make myself more cross and stresed. I dread going to work, even my days off i don't enjoy as i think still gotta go back and having my son around me makes me on edge. I really hate anxiety and what it's ugly head rears!!!
So i would love to know how you all deal with arguments/confrontations and maybe i can learn something from you if you have any methods to get through them.

That's my energy zapped this morning from my son...and it's my day off work...the joys of living.

Thanks for listening

Pulsey
X

[Panickypants]

Wow you sound so like me...I work in a shop and had a confrontation with a customer yesterday then my boss came up and showed me up in front of all the customers i was livid i was shaking from the inside out i felt sick my heart palps were going through the roof....

I ended up going into the office and confronting my boss and telling her i didn't like being spoken to like that i am not rude to people so i don't expect it back, it turned out i wasn't the one in the wrong it was just a simple mistake and i didn't speak to the customer the way he had made out to managment..So it was resolved in my favour but i was hyped up about it all day long my adrenaline was racing i kept having palps and it was on my mind alll night...So yes i think i'd say i am worse when in a bad situation however i seem to handle it easier than i do when it comes out of nowhere cos i kept telling myself it was cos of what had happened but when it's out of nowhere i panic sooooo much .. x x

[steveo5]

Hi Pulse sorry to hear of your problems and i can relate to them, i was in a job for 30 yrs dealing with customers (not retail) service industry and had to put up with not nice comments and remarks and its as though its our fault, just had to bite my lip and not be the same back to them, i no its difficult plus had lot of pressure to meet budgets and targets, was having probs at home and it just kept building up and it dosnt help the anxiety and srtress levels just fuels it, i have 2 lads my 14yrold is great but 19yr lad has worried me a lot in past and bit selfish but cant keep them in at this age, but it all adds to our anxiety and worries, ive never been treated like you by my lads physicaly or verbaly, i dont no your circumstances, i am single with the older one living with me and its not easy but they should have more respect for there parents and its not right to behave this way towards you, do you have a partner to help you or other family member who can have words with him, it is a strange age hormones kicking in and they think they no it all, id rather the terrible 2's anyday, sorry cant be anymore help
all the best take care
steve

[Onthepulse]

Thanks guys for your replies,

Panickypants - i work in a shop too and it is so hard, we get treated like pants by some customers and i would never treat someone else like that, so i find it very stressful that our company let them and don't always back us up. I'm always pleasent, polite and happy despite how i may be feeling deep inside. We have lots of lovely customers who make the job worthwhile, but the horrible ones make you very weary and on guard. I hate that everlasting adrenaline feeling!

Steve - I am lucky to have my Husband for support. He is now going to take control of the situation bacause i am so tired of it. My son has definately hit that puberty stge and testing boundaries, but it's gone beyond that now. He has always been a lovely, sensitive, caring child who still gives me cuddles and tells me he loves me. We lie together on his bed and talk but something has changed. I do actually think it has something to do with him playing COD on Xbox...there was a programme on last night about it, but i have thought this for a while now because when he steps out of line i take his games away for a week or so and he's calmer. So now it has gone indefinately.
I agree with the terrible two's!!! Send them to the naughty step for time out - heaven! Can't do that now.

Thanks again

PulseyX