chickpea
10-02-10, 13:10
Hey,
I've been a member here for 5 months or so, ever since I was put onto Citalopram for anxiety and depression.
To cut a long story short, I had had a really bad couple of years which included being carjacked at knifepoint, and my dad spending 6 months in ICU before the doctors switched his machines off. The final straw was when I started to have bowel problems last summer, which is suspected inflammatory bowel disease.
I was referred to a gsatoenterologist, which took until a couple of weeks ago to come through. Saw the consultant and he wants me to have a colonoscopy to take some biopsies.
A few days after the appointment and completely out of the blue, I found out I was pregnant - completely unplanned. We hadn't slept together for months after I started on Citalopram because of the horrific side effects I suffered, so the reality is that I fell pregnant after having sex just once.
I am 40 we have 2 young children already, no money, no guaranteed income, a tiny house and both children have minor special needs.
Being on anti d's while pregnant isn't ideal either.
After many tears and much heartache, we decided not to continue with the pregnancy. We tried to get a termination on the NHS, but the waiting list to be seen is 3 weeks, which I simply can't countenance - it's too late for me, from an ethical point of view, and also personally. Having had 2 children, I know how the first 9 weeks feels and I know I wouldn't be able to deal with ending a pregnancy then.
We have had to find the money to go privately, and I am booked in for surgical termination next week - a day before I was due to have the colonoscopy, which I have now had to cancel.
Yesterday, I started to have a flare-up of my bowel problems - diarrhoea, blood etc. I also have a lump in my neck. Saw my GP today and explained that I felt caught - I can't have the colonoscopy, and I'm not sure when I'll feel able to, physically and mentally, after the trauma of the termination.
She got really cross with me and said that it sounded like I was just finding reasons to put it off - there was no reason why I couldn't have it while I was still bleeding from the termination and I just need to get on with it.
I AM terrified at the thought of the colonoscopy, it's true, but I was resigned to having it before i found out about the pregnancy. I am an emotional wreck right now, and can't think about anything but the termination. I'm also feeling unwell and very low, so I feel I just need some time to come to terms with all that is happening before putting myself through more medical stuff.
I feel so awful. I never wanted any of this to happen and i don't know how to deal with it.
It's my son's 4th birthday on Friday, so I have to grit my teeth and get on with that too, plus the person who carjacked me has been taken back into custody for breaking the terms of his license, so I've had to deal with the probabtion team today.
I feel like running away from everything.:weep::weep::weep:
I've been a member here for 5 months or so, ever since I was put onto Citalopram for anxiety and depression.
To cut a long story short, I had had a really bad couple of years which included being carjacked at knifepoint, and my dad spending 6 months in ICU before the doctors switched his machines off. The final straw was when I started to have bowel problems last summer, which is suspected inflammatory bowel disease.
I was referred to a gsatoenterologist, which took until a couple of weeks ago to come through. Saw the consultant and he wants me to have a colonoscopy to take some biopsies.
A few days after the appointment and completely out of the blue, I found out I was pregnant - completely unplanned. We hadn't slept together for months after I started on Citalopram because of the horrific side effects I suffered, so the reality is that I fell pregnant after having sex just once.
I am 40 we have 2 young children already, no money, no guaranteed income, a tiny house and both children have minor special needs.
Being on anti d's while pregnant isn't ideal either.
After many tears and much heartache, we decided not to continue with the pregnancy. We tried to get a termination on the NHS, but the waiting list to be seen is 3 weeks, which I simply can't countenance - it's too late for me, from an ethical point of view, and also personally. Having had 2 children, I know how the first 9 weeks feels and I know I wouldn't be able to deal with ending a pregnancy then.
We have had to find the money to go privately, and I am booked in for surgical termination next week - a day before I was due to have the colonoscopy, which I have now had to cancel.
Yesterday, I started to have a flare-up of my bowel problems - diarrhoea, blood etc. I also have a lump in my neck. Saw my GP today and explained that I felt caught - I can't have the colonoscopy, and I'm not sure when I'll feel able to, physically and mentally, after the trauma of the termination.
She got really cross with me and said that it sounded like I was just finding reasons to put it off - there was no reason why I couldn't have it while I was still bleeding from the termination and I just need to get on with it.
I AM terrified at the thought of the colonoscopy, it's true, but I was resigned to having it before i found out about the pregnancy. I am an emotional wreck right now, and can't think about anything but the termination. I'm also feeling unwell and very low, so I feel I just need some time to come to terms with all that is happening before putting myself through more medical stuff.
I feel so awful. I never wanted any of this to happen and i don't know how to deal with it.
It's my son's 4th birthday on Friday, so I have to grit my teeth and get on with that too, plus the person who carjacked me has been taken back into custody for breaking the terms of his license, so I've had to deal with the probabtion team today.
I feel like running away from everything.:weep::weep::weep: