I just can't cope any more!

[chucklehound]

Can someone please tell me whats happening to me, I feel like I am going to have a break down. I can't relax and last night was the first time in ages that I could actually sit still at the PC and go into NMP chat room. For the last 3 days all I have done is lay on my bed, not eating and having only 3 and half hours sleep in 3 days.
I am struggling so so much and feel as if my life has just come to a stand still. I have taken pills to try to take away the pain that I have but nothing is working. I really don't think that I can go on any longer. I am up one minute and down the next. I have things racing through my mind the whole time and can't stop them. I think I am losing control.
How will I get through this?
I work for the No Panic helpline and sitting for 3 hours listening to people saying how poorly they are really didn't help me!

I feel so isolated and let down. I love my kids to bits but am beginning to think that if they were put into care they would be much happier. I can't cuddle them without feeling guilty that I can't take them places. I really hate myself for putting them through this ****. They, in the long run, with suffer too.
I don't know whether I can go through this any more.

Thank you Trac and Su for chatting to me lots yesterday, I really did appreciate it! And thank you to everyone in NMP chat room last night who listened to me moan on. xxx

Take Care

Chucklehound

xxxx

[dream]

hi chucklehound
im so sorry to hear you are feeling like this,
im really not very good at answering to posts ,but i just wanted to say ,that you are not going to have a break down you are just going though a bad patch ,
You say you work on the help line you must of helped so many people in the past ,maybe now its time for you ,
And your kids would not be better of in care and would not be happy er i bet they just love you to bits ,
so sorry im not much help just wanted to let you know im thinking of you and you are not alone i really hope you start to feel better soon
take care denisexxxx

denise

[kate]

Hi Chuck,

As I said to you last night, I have been where you are on several occasions and really, REALLY never thought that I would feel any better.

The guilt about what effect this is having on the kids is one of the hardest things to try to deal with. I too have not been able to take them places, they are 13 and 16 and there are still things that I can't do for them due to panic.

When I have been in my darkest moments, people have said that it WILL get better and I haven't for one minute believed them. But, it really will get better, even if it only gets you to the stage that you can get out of bed and function just a little bit.

I know that all of the people here are so caring and giving and want to give something back to others ie the No Panic helpline. This is of course completely understandable, you want to help others, to show that you understand what they are going through. However, when you are feeling unwell yourself, hearing other peoples sad stories and struggles will probably be too overwhelming for you. Could you take a little break from helping others until you are feeling better?

Please,please hang on in there. Your kids will love you no matter what. They would be lost without you and need you so much even though you aren't well at present.

Have you considered going back to your GP to discuss your medication needs?

Hope that today brings a slight improvement but believe me the light at the end of the tunnel will start to shine for you again.

Take care, chuck

Love Kate xx

[bluesparkle]

hi chucklehound...
we have spoken a couple of times before but it was a long time ago now... i am also not very good at giving advise through posts but just want to say that i know how you are feeling right now and i think thats why we come here and share our innermost thoughts because we know people will undestand...
it WILL get better for you and i know that when you feel so low that saying that just seems like words...
your children will definately not be better off in care and im sure you are a wonderful mum and they love you 100%.
i know this isnt much help but i also know others will be along soon and maybe with a bit more constructive advice but i just want to say hang on in there it will and does get batter and it is worth fighting for... sending you posative vibes!!!
take care and i hope to talk to you soon
rach

[alexis]

Hi Chuck, sorry you dont feel good at the moment. Your kids definitly will not be better in care, you have so much love for them that is so obvious and vica versa.
It has been a difficult time over Christmas extra busy etc, just hang in there.
I think a break from the helpline and a bit of you time, would be good.
I agree with Kate about seeing your gP, a change of meds could be the answer, it certainly was with me.
Take care.xxxxxxxxxxxx

love from Alexisxx

If I help one person today it was worth getting up.

[Piglet]

Hi Chuck,

Kate did a smashing reply there and said all the things I would say too.

Perhaps you could take a break from the helpline just for now until you feel a little better.

Sending you a massive hug and telling you that this horrible stage will pass and your kids are loved (worth more than any trips out). I know it feels like you are not giving them everything you want (got 3 of my own and have been there) but being a good mum is not about how far you can get from home is it???

Take care hun and hope I get into chat soon to say hello :D

Love Piglet (toot) xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[Meg]

Definately take a break from the helpline.

Currently you are in need of all the good vibes yourself and giving out what limited supplies you have yourself right now is not helpful.



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[trac67]

Hi Chuck,

Can't really add much as we had a long chat this morning, which I hope helped, just remember all that we talked about, and do the things we discussed.

Ring me any time that you need me, your phone bill is going to be massive after this mornings chat LOL.

Take care mate and you know where I am ok.

Love
Trac XX

'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

[chucklehound]

Hi everyone and thank you all so much for your words of support.
Now that I have calmed down, I DON'T think that my kids would be better off in care at all! My kids love me for the person I am. They don't hate me for not being able to take me to the park like I thought this morning.
I too think that maybe a break from the helpline would be right because I do tend to do too many shifts.
I have thought about medication but am scared of side effects.
Thank you for the chat this morning Tracey it really did help me. Hmm, I thought you were going to pay my phone bill for me!!!;)

Take Care

Chucklehound

xxxx

[blossom]

Dear Folks, I have been reading through some of the messages on Depression and anxiety, and like others, I wake every morning with that anxiety feeling in my chest, like a red hot poker in the solar plexus area. I am sorry to say that it makes me feel as though I do not want to get up and face the day, sometimes I lie there until lunchtime, as my son is now grown up and married. These last five years have been really hell for me, I dont think I have missed a day when I have not cried, on and off all day.
I am addicted to Valium for years now, and am on CIPRALEX 15mgs, which I am told is equivalent to 30 Cipramil, but I dont know whether its depression or whether, I am expecting to feel that feeling its gone on so long. I suffer from agoraphobia, and was trying to get out, but something always seems to put me back.
I so understand what Chuckle said, Although I have been GAD and agoraphobic many years since I was 19, it did go away for a while, whilst my son was small, and I was put on SEROXAT, for 3 years and taken off cold turkey, ( boy was I ill ) have not been the same since thats when the wereping started, I fear the days coming, I do relaxation and do try to get out with someone in the car, but its hard.
I so understand what you mean, If I stay in a couple of days, its so hard for me to get out again, I am also not able to stay alone in the house.
Lets hope 2006, will be better for us all. from Blossom
I try to get in Chat, but never seem to be able to. please help me.

[freakedout]

hi chucklehound, and Blossom,

I am with you all the way, completely understand your feelings. I recently posted about feeling so desparately depressed. I hope that you feel some comfort knowing there are others out there willing you to feel better, and more importantly sharing in you experiences. Thinking of you both, take care.

Hope you feel brighter soon,

[chucklehound]

Hi Blossom, I am so sorry you are feeling this way and hope that you begin to feel better again soon!
Hi Louisa, It has made me feel better knowing that I am not the only one to go through this. I hope that you are feeling better than you were.

Thank you both for replying!

Take Care

Chucklehound

xxxx

[Jacsta]

hey chuck, and blossom, hope you are both feeling better. sorry i havent been of much help, just wanted you to know ive been thinking of you.

love jac. x

just keep swimming.

[Sax]

(((((((chucks))))))))

Thinking of you mate and on msn later if you fancy a chat, not spoken to you in a while, sorry not been around but hope you having a slightly easier day and thinking of you!!!!

love Sax xxx:D

"Friends are the like the stars......you can't always see them but they are always there!"

[trac67]

Hi Chuck,

Hope you are feeling a bit brighter today, I will try to catch you on line later or give me a call again mate ok.

Lots of love and a big hug

Trac XX

'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

[chucklehound]

Cheers everyone for your support. This is what getting too involved does for me!!

Oh well, that's life I suppose.

Take Care

Chucklehound

xxxx

[nomorepanic]

Chuckle

I hope our little chat today helped and remember what I said about putting you first for a change. Everyone else will still be in a few weeks time but for now you need to look after you ok?

Hope you can sort this out soon.

Nicola