support for the supporter

[husband]

Hi All,
just wanted to share my story and get some support (i hope).
Im 27 years old and been married for almost a year now.
I know my wife for more than 10 years ans she's always been a worried one about others and got really hysteric when she couldn't get someone over the phone and immediately assumed that the worse have happen.

since we moved in together and she left her mother's house, she started to have problems staying alone at home and went into panic sometimes when she had to stay alone (we lived in a city pretty far from our hometown because i studied there, so she was pretty alone there), after less than a year we went back to our hometown and started to work, her panics from staying alone started to be more often and when we started to get our wedding preparations it was clear that she could not stay alone, we thought that the wedding pressure is the cause for the intensity of the panic and that after the wedding it will be better, but that didn't happen.

the situation now, is that she cant stay alone even for a minute, not at home and not on the street. she constantly need people around her, she's not driving and we can't go anywhere that is more than half hour drive.
this situation is obviously making life a bit hard, because everything need to be planned and thought a lot.
she's going to a psychologist and an acupuncturist, but we both know that it's a long process.

I'm trying to be as supportive as i can, and i think that i am, but this is making a lot out of me to and i have no one to share it with (she's pretty ashamed of it and only shared her family with the problem and i want to respect her need not to tell friends and my family), my social life is really damaged because i have problem meeting with friends, because than my wife should try to find some solution, so i always need to think a lot before i can schedule a meeting with friends, i have a problem visiting my brother and sister because they live far from us, so it's a problem to go visit them. my wife holds on all of her pressure till the end of the day when she's with me, so my days is around work and immediately when we get back home comforting her (she's crying almost every evening, because it's really making her life hard) and this is just exhausting till the point that I'm wishing to get a bit sick so i will have to just lye down and rest for a few days. my whole existence i feel sometime is to take care of her and making life easier for her.

obviously, i cant share this with my wife, because she feel bad enough already, so i needed to get some of my chest, and see what you think. sometimes i think that i should be less supportive and than she will "have to" try and stay alone for a few times and deal with it, but i understand that it's not something she can do.

I'm sorry that this is so long.
thank you.

[nomorepanic]

Hi husband

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[diane07]

Firstly, A huge warm welcome to NMP.

There are so so many people on here who suffer the same as your wife, and it is definately nothing to be ashamed of.

Is there any way at all you can get her to join here, she will receive so much understanding and help, there are people on here getting over the same thing as your wife and i believe they could help her.

We also understand how difficult it is for partners and they are always welcome here on NMP for support too.

di xx

[NatalieSmith]

Hello husband :3
I understand how hard it must be, and tiring as well. When I had daily panic attacks, my whole family was so worried about me that they couldn't even sleep well! It was hard for everyone. But when I started on medication and the panic attacks faded, everything just went back to normal. :) Have your wife's doctor said anything about medication?

I just want you to know that you're not alone in this, and that you can share anything you want. We're here to support and maybe help you through this difficult times. :D And you should help her deal with it, but step by step; maybe telling her that you'll go out for one minute and she should try to realize that anything is going to happen, that all her feeling are normal 'cause of the anxiety. And then when she realizes nothing will happen, the panick attacks will gradually fade as well. :D Understand this is a really difficult thing to deal with, and patience and a lot of failure will be needed for her to get better. It's really long way, but everything is going to be ok. :)

Hope you both get better! And if you need anything, we're right here to hear anything you'd like to share. :hugs:

[lindor]

I am surprised her doctor hasnt suggested medication. It DOES help and will make her feel more normal again.
Hypnotherapy is good too.

[husband]

Hi,
Thank you all for your replies and support.

my wife doctor suggested her to take medications, but it's the last option for my wife, she's pretty scared from it because her mom is on medications for many years because of depression and she was afraid all of her life that she will need medication too some time. her doctor explained to her that this is not the same issue her mom had, but still it's hard for her to accept that, for me it's clear that this will do her great and help her finding the source of the problem and solve it, plus it will make our life much easier. i think that one of the main problem now is that she's so afraid to get panic, that there's no way to try and leave her for one minute, like her doctor also suggested, she's escaping from doing that. i think it's going to be a problem when she will start taking medications, because i don't see how the meds will make her not fear from fearing (so, she want see that there's no panic attacks).

[BabyRachel]

Hi Husband.

Maybe there should be a thread somewhere for all the supporters? Perhaps some of us can encourage our family or significant other to get an account so there is more support for our loved ones?

Husband, I'd suggest maybe looking for self help groups for your wife. If she was to perhaps meet some people who were on medication, they could reassure her that it is beneficial to take medication, and it isnt the same issue as her mothers.

Also, maybe you could print out some of the coping mechanisms listed on the left hand side of the page and give them to your wife. I've printed them out and used to carry them with me at all times, that way I could have a list of things that would be helpful to me if I got into a panic.

Also, there is a realllly great website I found, its www.panicend.com (http://www.panicend.com) I think if you printed it out and gave it to your wife to read, in time she may be ready to start confronting her anxiety and she could become less afraid of the panics.

xx

[Nidawi]

Hi there husband. When I was going through one of the worst periods of my life I was in a long term relationship and I know it put a LOT of pressure on my girlfriend at the time. By the end it felt more like she was my carer than a partner and it made me feel so guilty that I had put her through that. I think while it is important for you to give your new wife support it would be a great help for *both* of you if she had others she could turn to to discuss her anxieties. I know it can be very embarrassing for people to initially admit they have problems to others but like others have mentioned if the two of you could find a support group for her or if there was someone you could find that she felt comfortable confiding in, possibly who also suffered from similar issues then it would relieve some of the pressure on you and your relationship too allowing more of the time spent together to be focussed on the two of you being together and in love. An obvious start would be this forum as there is some great advice here but someone she can speak to in the flesh who is not a professional would be easier to relate and open up to maybe?

Hope that helps, I can't claim to have any more knowledge in this other than from a sufferers point of view. All the best :)