Hopefully taking the first steps

[Nidawi]

Hiya :)

I stumbled accross this website the other day whilst having a health anxiety related panic attack and reading through some of the articles helped me to calm down. Since then I've come back a couple of times and decided it might be good for me to sign up to the forum and talk to some people who are going through similar things.

Um, I guess a little about me should follow, my names Ben, i'm just about to turn 20 and have suffered from OCD, depression and social/health anxiety that also seems to cause insomnia most nights my whole life to varying degrees. When I was about 14 I turned to drink which after a while only made matters worse but instead of going in the right direction I ended up getting involved in drugs when I was 16. (I hope it's not against the rules to mention things like this on this forum, thought I would keep it non-specific to be safe and it's not something I'm proud of or want to encourage but if I am contravening something please edit my post/tell me and I will edit) For a while my use of various things allowed me to live a lifestyle that had previously been impossible to me and I had many 'friends' and was going out every night but whilst I rarely felt anxious or suffered the insomnia, the depression and OCD slowly worsened along with a feeling of dissasociation and that I was not really myself anymore. Over the last two years I've slowly phased everything out including caffeine, alcohol and two weeks ago I quit smoking and even eating chocolate! (apart from the occassional square of low sugar dark)

I now hope to try and reclaim the life that I've never really had, I have also decided on the non-medication route as it were, refused anti-depressants and zopiclone as I feel i've learnt that putting chemicals into my body is NOT the answer. I realised most of the friends I had made from 16-18 were not the sort of people I wanted in my life and now only have about 5 close people I feel comfortable with, one of which, the one person I have always been able to trust no matter what has now moved several hours away :( I have started drinking herbal tea whenever I feel anxious, cooking healthy meals twice a day, excercising daily and taking vitamins/5htp daily. I have also finally accepted that I am NOT dying from some horrible disease and that various physical symptoms I have been suffering from for years are caused by my own mind! I have quite a long way to go still but I hope that I have taken the first steps towards being able to lead the life that I want to, I am currently unemployed and rarely have the courage to leave the house (infact just having a friend round causes me to feel disorientated, anxious and sweat profusely :s) but I have a burning desire to fight this now, the proper way, rather than just wallowing in self pity and trying to cover up my mental illness with intoxicants. Since i've waffled on for so long I suppose it might also be worth mentioning im currently awaiting a diagnosis on whether or not I have aspergers syndrome and am on the waiting list for CBT.

Phew, sorry about the essay there! Didn't really mean for this post to turn into my life story but once I started typing...
Thanks to anyone who takes the time to actually read through all that and I hope to meet lots of friendly people here so we can get better together
:)

, Nidawi

[nomorepanic]

Hi Nidawi

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[AJS]

just wanted to say how motivated you sound - wow!
You are making all the right steps - and hopefully when you get the cbt that will help as well.
I was a bit like you and tried all the herbal things first - but after a while they were not helping i had to go to the gp and get medication - which has really helped.
the claire weekes book really has also helped me - so while you are on the waiting list - it may be worth a shot!
Good luck and keep up that positive attitude!
You will also get loads of support on here - it has been really great for me!
:)

[Vanilla Sky]

Welcome to NMP :welcome: Paige x

[JT69]

Hi Nidawi, congratulations on taking those first steps. I think it was a very brave thing for you to do and has probably made you feel a bit better already. You sound like you have had a pretty rough ride during your life. I think you are taking all the right steps. I too, drank herbal tea etc when I first suffered from anxiety disorders, it worked for a while but I ended up on the medication route and have had ups and down through the years but the medication really helps during these times. My husband drinks herbal tea and it works for him, helps calm him down etc. I also went through a stage of drinking alchol to try and blot out the feelings but I knew it was the wrong route and I just ended up feeling worse. One thing I always did though was be honest and told my husband and my Gp what I was doing as I knew it was wrong. That really helped. Its better to let it out then keep it all bottled up. Anyhow I'm waffling on about myself too much. It will be good when you get that diagnosis and get help with CBT. I too have gone through stages where visiting family or friends or them visiting me have made me feel really anxious and I sweat alot!!! Seems daft but its just part of what you are going through and can be overcome with the right treatment. Good luck with the results and the cbt but in the meantime keep posting as it really does help. I only found this site a few days ago and it is a godsend for me at the moment. Remember you are not alone in this. Jo.x

[Nidawi]

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone! I am definitely in a better place than I was only just a few months ago but as I'm sure everyone here knows it's a bit of an uphill struggle. I think the next big step for me is to take the initiative to get out there and find some new friends that will help me get out of the house more and build up my confidence...although i'm not really sure how to make that step :s meeting new people still seems too scary!

JT69, don't worry about talking about your own experiences, I'm finding that I can't help mention my own struggle when speaking to others on this forum too but really I think that's all part of what we should be doing here :) Sharing our experiences so we don't feel so alone and know we have other people out there that relate to us.