Paranoid and anxious....please help.

[katiethescouser]

Hello,

I've had anxiety all through my life but now i've started to feel really paranoid about what people think of me in work (like my senior managers). There is one guy who is really down to earth but is very senior and i'm obsessed with how i come across to him. I felt really panicky whilst giving a presentation the other day and sure i started to ramble and sound shaky. My mate said it was fine but i'm just so paranoid that he thought i was incapable of doing my job. Then the other night we were out on a works do and we were all pretty drunk (even though i was tipsy I was coherent) I caught this guy walking past and was just wbout to make a comment about his footaball team winning the other day and a girl i work with shouts 'don't speak to him you're drunk', then he just smiled and walked away. Now i feel like an absolute fool, i did say 'i'm not' but i just feel even more stupid now....ahhh. The next day he walked past and said 'this one was pissed out of her head last night' in a joking way. I said i wasn't too bad (because i genuinley wasn't but because my friend made the comment, i'm sure he thinks i was worse than i was) anyhow, he then made a joke about me 'telling him how i felt'...(at this point i knew he was just trying to wind me up!)

Anyhow, sorry to ramble. The point is i'm really worried about how i come across in work with my anxiety. Until my anxiety got bad I was well on track to be really quite successful, now i just feel like i come across as an anxious mess. So rubbish.

Please can someone help.

[KK77]

Sounds to me like you have a bit of a crush on this guy. You seem to want to impress him all the time and he's probably aware of this fact and is playing you like a fiddle! It's very easy to look up to "senior" people and managers etc and become obsessed about the way you come across but you have to watch that you don't become obsessed with THEM! That's the kiss of death. Even if you feel the way you do, in a work environment I think it's very important not to cross certain lines that can compromise your position.

Just be yourself. If you try and be someone you're not then you'll just expose yourself to ridicule. You said that you were successful in your job: concentrate on that and respect will come chasing after YOU - not the other way round...

[katiethescouser]

Hi Melancholia,

Thanks for your post, however I can honestly, wholeheartedly say that there are non of those 'crush' feelings involved. The guy is old enough to be my Grandad! The reason why i'm trying to impress him (and other managers) is because I want to do well and get a promotion before I get married next year. You did give me a good laugh though! I think i just need to try and relax a bit more, maybe not analyse every little thing people say. I'm just keen to do a good job but feel as though my anxiety may get in the way.

Katie

[KK77]

Well you do give that impression from the way you singled this one person out! Surely he's not the only person you would want to impress out of your "senior managers"? Anyway, I'm sure he's not at retirement age yet, is he? You should have written "senior citizen" in that case LOL!

Being obsessed with someone doesn't always mean you want to marry them and have their babies! Anyway, if you did then today's a good day to announce how you feel LOL!

Glad I made you laugh but remember to just be yourself as I said and I'm sure people will like and respect you and wish you well with promotion and babies...

Take care

[Typer]

Being obsessed with someone doesn't always mean you want to marry them and have their babies!

You know Katie, Meloncholia has a good point there and it's worth wondering about. What does this man represent? Why does he make you feel you need him not to think bad of you? Did you have a critical parent or teacher, sibling even? Sometimes when anxious we can revert back to old anxieties. just a thought

[katiethescouser]

Hey people,

Yes, I've always wanted to try and do my best and please people. The thing is i'm not entirely happy in work anyhow, i don't have a line manager at the moment and i feel like i just i'm not being developed. I know i work hard and i know i have some development needs but all in all i'm doing well under my circumstances. I'm getting my CBT next month so fingers crossed that will help.

Thanks peeps.x

[Brunette]

Well first off, the way to impress your boss is not to get drunk in front of him.

Secondly, ask you HR department about training and development.

Thirdly let your work speak for you, don't try to get promoted through "being liked". At the end of the day most companies will favour efficiency over "niceness".

[katiethescouser]

Hi Brunette,

Thanks for your constructive message. I wasn't actually drunk on that night, i was mildly tipsy (i've managed to drink in moderation now..!). It's not so much that i want to be seen as a 'nice' person, i'm pretty sure people like me anyhow it's more that i come across as nervous sometimes in work and hope people don't misinterprete that as being incapable.

Cheers

[Typer]

Possibly - Its kind of being played out here on the board and that we are maybe misinterpreting what you are saying. Maybe you just wanted to come here and say how you felt and why and that you were not even sure why you felt that way. What you know is that when you are a bit nervous it can come across as you being less capable than you actually are. So perhaps you are annoyed with having to deal with your nerves etc.

[katiethescouser]

Yes absolutley, i'm noramally very confident..i've travelled the across world by myself and always had high pressure jobs so confidence and caring what people think is something that has never really entered my head. I just wish i could go back to beingl like that...

[Joonyer]

Hi Melancholia,

Thanks for your post, however I can honestly, wholeheartedly say that there are non of those 'crush' feelings involved. The guy is old enough to be my Grandad! The reason why i'm trying to impress him (and other managers) is because I want to do well and get a promotion before I get married next year. You did give me a good laugh though! I think i just need to try and relax a bit more, maybe not analyse every little thing people say. I'm just keen to do a good job but feel as though my anxiety may get in the way.

Katie

Hi Katie

To address purely your original post, I can see exactly where you're coming from. I get it myself. In fact there is one particular member of management here who I get the same thing with - convinced I come across badly, convinced I'm not liked or I'm an "annoyance" despite being good at what I do.

It's easy to get your mind focused on one thing like that and soon you start creating "evidence" to support your paranoia and it just explodes from there.

I've yet to find a proper solution to this, and all I can suggest is the line that my great aunt used:

"Are they contributing to your mortgage or bills directly? If not then they're not a concern."

This applies in SO many situations and helps me a lot - ultimately these people are colleagues, and I doubt I'll be at the same job forever.

Just bare in mind that it's almost certainly not what you think, and you are almost definitely shaping this into something that doesn't exist - your boss is a very busy person and has a hell of a lot of things to juggle at once, which no doubt keeps the stress levels up. You can easily misconstrue someone else's stress as something more.

In fact when I think about it, the tone I use with some of my colleagues when I'm particularly busy no doubt comes across as quite blunt, which could be misread as me having a problem with them - which couldn't be further from the truth.

Try to rationalise and remind yourself - you're just another cog in the machine; you don't stand out as anything negative, so don't let it affect your job!

Good luck
Matt

[Typer]

Kat not sure if you will look at this thread again. You never stopped being like that, its just something is now in the way.

Why not talk this through with a counsellor?

[lilplus1]

i new to this site, and posted my first thread last night!!!!
i do exactly what u do....worry about what i say to people, what they thought, and then spend hours worry myself about it and obsessing about it, trying to remember every thing in perfect detail. i find wen alchol is involved, it makes my problem worse...... i dont know if this is the case with u....but on nights out wen im dinking (even if not drunk) im more likely to worry about what i have said ad done. i have now cut myself away from these situations, and only drink around people i know really well.... maybe this would be a good idea for u xxx