Husband going away - anxiety!

[starbug80]

Hi
I was wondering if there is anyone who suffers from extreme anxiety when their partner goes away? I have suffered with panic attacks and anxiety for a long time but it seems to be at its worst when I have to be on my own or my husband is not in the country. I guess I see him as my safety and if he is not here I do not feel safe. I think it all hinges around abandonment issues, a big fear for me. My health anxiety rockets when he goes away and I run away to my mums, imagining I have all manner of ailments. My husband is going away on Monday so as you can imagine I am already fighting the feelings. I am sorry if this appears dumb, its taken a bit of courage to post on here.

I have done much research on this and I have never managed to find anyone else who feels like this too (making me feel even more like a freak!) so if there is anyone who understands I would love to hear from you.

[pammy1944]

i dont have a hubby but i'm like you when my g/daughter goes away ....we live together ........go easy on yourself xxxx

[starbug80]

Thank you Pammy, nice to know I'm not alone!

[MOJO]

Hi there!
I hate it when my hubbie goes away. I get anxious for about a week before and feel that I just won't be able to cope on my own. It's so silly really because I hide how I'm feeling from him most of the time when he's here anyway as he has had enough of me being like this.
xxx

[Typer]

I used to get really anxious and dread him even being out late etc. Now I look forward to it....hope even that he does go away sometimes so I can have some space.

Not sure what changed, or how. Well I am but its a long story really. I had to work through the idea that I needed someone else around for me to feel safe. I guess I knew in reality that someone being there would not make any difference to anything much, apart from loneliness. I guess I worked through that one though.

The key I think is perhaps to feel safe with yourself...to know you can look after you, no matter what happens and think how you would manage the worst situation.

I say it as though I am fine. I am fine at home alone. What I am not so good at is shopping alone, recently and suddenly...that I get anxious about, even though I do it

[angietomjimandcass]

My hubby had to go out the contry and what i did is planed a routetine and stuck by it all had films to watch at night.

[magic girl]

my hubby went to spain with work last year for 4 days and i dreaded it i even got angry with him for telling me a week in advance as it meant a week of panic and anxiety for me.when he went my mum said she would stay with me if i got to bad but i wanted to prove i could do it as he might have to go again in future. i found it very difficult but i tried to keep busy my mum was off work at the time so we went out while my son was at school and i did my housework in the evenings and i found it helpful having my little boy in our bed to sleep at night(he thought it was a huge adventure)but try and keep busy set out a routine and stick to it and if that fails you have always got us lot on here:yesyes:

[ames6767]

my husband went away at the weekend and I was in a real state, had to post on here and get reaasurance. hardly hardly had any sleep that night, totally understand how are feeling. x

[Bunnah]

I so understand.. I want you to know that in no way are you alone in this.

When my husband goes away, I am fine for maybe a day or two. As he travels up to 3 weeks at a time, the next few weeks after that are really hard.

I have a white board and I write every day of the week up. I fill my days with things to do, make sure I do them all. Even if I just make a point to make cookies on that day, or meet a freind for dinner or cook a friend a meal. I also rent a ton of films, buy a new book, get smellys for the bath. I have also made friends on social networks ( Facebook, Second Life, and other forums ) that have live chat so I dont feel so alone.

I also do things like have my kids friends around, throw pizza parties, work in the garden and even do some shopping for some older people. Anything just to distract me. I also work out at least 4 times a week.

On top of that, I see my shrink 2 times a week when he is gone just to get that extra emotional holding.

If it gets really bad, ( and sometimes it does ) I take a very low dose of Alprzolam at night. But be very mindful that you are under a doctors care if you are taking any kind of anti-anxiety meds.

I hope that has been of some help. Distraction, distraction, distraction :)

B x

[starbug80]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and help, my husband left yesterday morning at 5.45am and I managed to stay in the house until about 9.00am - normally I fly out of the house the minute he leaves to my mums cos I am just too frightened to stay there. So progress! I have had a couple of wobbles, the worst when I knew he was on the plane 35000 feet above me out over the sea somewhere. He has now safely arrived so at least now I can contact him when I want. He is a fab husband, so supportive and understanding about all of this. Never judges or gets angry, just accepts its part of who I am. He always leaves me a lovely encouraging note in the house somewhere and calls and texts me regularly. I am taking it one day at a time, not expecting too much of myself and counting the hours until he lands back here early Friday morning. I want to say to you all something that I have read alot recently - the safety is within you, not within a person or place (obviously sometimes this is hard to believe!), its all about acceptance, accepting that what will be will be. We all have the courage, in fact I believe that those of us who suffer from anxiety and panic have extraordinary courage. Its nice to know that while hes away I can come on here and find some kind words in the rough bits. Thank you all.

[cammie]

I have a small baby, and my husband is going away next week (on holiday). I'm so panic stricken I can't talk to him. I can't drive, I could go to my mums but my dad smokes so much... I'm terrified of even walking into town in case the pushchair breaks or i get an asthma attack or something. I've not self-harmed for ages, but right now feel like it :(

[lizzie29]

Hi cammie

I used to get like this. Just think of it in small chunks, rather than seeing it as a whole week or whatever. Keep VERY busy, make lots of plans so you've got things to look forward to and to break up the time. See friends, have friends over, even things like setting aside an hour or two to write Christmas cards.

Remember we're all here and there are loads of us who have felt / feel the same, so you can message us if you need to. x

[cammie]

Thank you Lizzie,

I have a fear of being abandoned. I do feel very abandoned now, last time he went away was to go to lie on a nudist beach when I was 7 months pregnant & I had a health problem & ended up in hospital (which he said as my folks were with me I was fine). He promised not to do it again, so, I guess, the fact that he's doing again now (he's going to Gran Canaria to lie on a beach for 9 nights) I just do have lots of emotions. My CPN has been on sick for ages so no support there either. I'm panicking about being alone & I'm panicking about what he's doing over there. When he came back when I was pregnant he told me he spent a lot of time pleasuring himself - which he said could only be expected when surrounded by lots of naked women...

I can't believe he's leaving me and our daughter to do this and I'm not sure how I feel - except panic stricken about everything and non-stop crying

[Anxious_gal]

sounds like there is some relationship issues too which is obviously increasing your anxiety and intensifying the sense and fear of abandonment :-(
would you spend the week with your parents?
it might be good to seek out some therapy for the extra support.