Big day on Monday

[ann01]

Hi everyone,
well this coming Monday is a big day for me, I have agoraphobia although I do leave the house but its a task every time I do, I do go out everyday and been battling this now since may last year, Ive been off work sick since june, I have tried many many meds but never been able to get through the side effects or been told I have to stop them for one reason or another. So I decided I cannot live like this anymore, everytime I leave the house I have to have someone with me, which is soul detroying Im 41 and have to have my mum go everywhere with me. I am currently having CBT having a few sessions of the bowen technique and acuputure.
Well on Monday I am going to go back to work, i am probably not really ready but i am going to give it a go, I do love my job and miss my friends at work very much, I only work 16 hours a week so i am hoping it will build my confidence.
at the moment my heart is constant beating fast, Im constantly lightheaded and off balance and have headache everyday, so i am hoping (fingers crossed) that my work will take my mind off many of my symptoms. I have all these symptoms at home all the time too, so probably have major panics at work, but im giving it a go. Just hope i can manage without my mum there, although she is going to take me to work and pick me up, bless her love her so much.
I dont know what i would have done without the help on no more panic over the past year, thank you all so much.
wish me luck
Ann
x

[99% dead inside]

Hi Ann,

I'm agoraphobic and have to leave the house on Monday too! It's not anything as big as starting a job or going back to work, but I feel the nerves and panic that you're feeling.

All the best for this Monday, I hope you can be strong enough to push on through the panic and get yourself back into work. :yesyes:

I'm sure it'll make your mum really happy aswell knowing you're back into society and socializing and stuff. Good luck! :)

[BabyRachel]

Hi Ann.

Good luck for monday :) Just perservere and try your best, don't give in to the anxiety, tell it to piss off and that your not going to let it stop you from doing what you want.

:) xx

[bomberbeamish]

im also agro, so best of luck,and let us know how you get on,, ive got to go to my corner shop this morn,, and im craping it already, good luck

[Sweetpea6]

Ann,

It's great that you're being so positive about this, and just giving it a go- I feel proud of you, and I don't even know you! I really hope it works out well.

Good luck too 99% Dead Inside :winks:

[mummy4]

wow good for you hun!!!!!!!!!

really best of luck please let us know how day 1 goes!! xx

[ann01]

thank you all for your support, I'm getting really nervous about it tonight, my heads banging feeling really dizzy and can't sleep. I wanted an early night so felt refreshed tomorrow but don't think I'm going to get much sleep, still going to give it my best shot tomorrow though. I will let you know tomorrow how I get on. Ann x

[LJL]

All the best Ann

I've just gone back after 4 months and I'm really enjoying it but it was very nerve racking, after a while I settled in and enjoyed a bit of normality again and the confidence has started to grow again.

Good luck be thinking of you x

Lisa

[ann01]

Hi everyone
well i have just got in from work, started at 8am and finished at 12 today, i didnt really sleep much last night for worrying, I was surprisingly okay when i got in work just a little tense but felt really good to be there, then at about 10.45am it come over me how far away i was from my mum, which is the furthest ive been away from her since june last year, i nearly had a panic attack but didnt just felt very tense and restless and walking a bit like i was drunk, but hey i did it, so proud of myself, im so glad i pushed myself to try to go back to work. It was difficult and i couldnt relax but im hoping that continued exposure to work will build my confidence and get easier. I am more shaky and breathing gone abit funny now im home and im exhausted. my manager has been amazing, i am doing a slow phase return to work, normally i work 16 hours a week 8 hours on monday and 8 hours on a friday so for the next few weeks i am just doing 4 hours on monday and 4 hours on a friday, which i good as i know i couldnt manage a full day yet.
so proud of myself for being so brave today.
Thank you all for your support, i will let you know how i get on on friday.
Ann x

[bomberbeamish]

well done ann, you should give yourself a treat, xxxx

[ann01]

Thank you bomber, how did you go on going to the shop x

[gary_2.0]

:) Well done Ann. I know how difficult that must have been for you. :yesyes:

[bomberbeamish]

ann, i done it, but hated it, but have been doing it each day:)

[ann01]

well done for keep going at it bomber, thats what you need to do.
I had my second day back at work today, didnt sleep much again last night, and got up this morning very anxious and didnt think i could do it, so i got ready and went for it, my dad dropped me off at the office and i was very wobbly walking in, i felt really restless and felt i could have freaked out. i started to talk to colleague then calmed a little, made my self a brew, went for a walk around to burn off some adrenaline then went back to my desk. it was still difficult and didnt think i would make it through the morning, but i did. this anxiety is not going to beat me. no matter how bad i feel i am going to keep going out and going to work. easier said than done but we have to beat this.
Ann x

[ann01]

I'm sat at my desk and struggling this morning, feel really anxious can't keep still can't believe I'm sat here wantbto go home and lie down, don't know if I can make it to dinner time, but I dont want to give in to the panic

[Slothette]

Yes but youre there hun, at your desk - well done! You're doing brilliantly. :yesyes:

[mummy4]

well done you should be very proud of yourself!!!!!!!!!! :):):) xx

[alisons1043]

well done to you, you will get there. The mind is a powerfull thing! thats all it is a mind that is trained in to a certain way of thinking. If I was seriously ill or going mad I would feel like this all the time. But I dont. I have windows when my mind is distracted when I feel perfectly normal, then when i am not it comes back!!! :mad:I know exactly the feelings you describe!!!I have been suffering the tourture of fear of vomit, toilets, fainting you name it. fear of fear!!! fear for years!!! Bloody fear what a pain. Anxiety has ruled my life for sooo long that i cant remember a life without it! I think that is half the problem. who would I be without it. I sometimes wonder if somewhere deep down my crazy mind is using this fear as a buffer, (I cant do that or go there in case I am sick, make a fool of myself etc etc, you know the score), in order to actually protect me from actually having to live life!
Although I do want to live life I dont know how to do that without the constant anxiety which is now so engrained in to me its almost as naural as breathing. Hey presto back to square one!!! So ive decided to take a stand. Im sick (parden the pun) of feeling like this.So Ive given my sick phobia a face and a silly name, hes called picklehead. I can picture his god ugly face, hes green and slimy, a large wort on the end of his putrid nose, with terrible breath!!! Anyway whenever he chooses to rear his ugly head I now front up to him. I dont let him back me in to a corner. why should he, who is he to do that to me. I scream at him do your bloody worse make me puke my guts up, go on!!! And guess what he does, he retreats, because he is a coward that cant live alone he needs to feed of my energy and if i refuse to give it to him, he is not strong!
I may sound mad, a person thats is ruled by a picklehead but its working for me.
So what if im sick!!! Whats the worst thats going to happen. My body will do something it is supposed to do, I will have a bad taste in my mouth that can be sorted with nice minty mouthwash, I will feel crap for a few hours and more than likely develop a few more reasons to feel anxious , a few more scarey thoughts to obsess about but at the end of the day I will still be ok.
I wasnt born with picklehead, he has grown because I have given him life. I feed him on a daily basis, he loves the fact he can make me tremble and lose sleep. He loves the fact that he controls my life and not me. He laughs at me. I wouldnt take this from anyone else so why from him!!! He rubs his little green hands together with glee when he makes me cry, but no more.
Everytime he pops up now I laugh at him, a pathetic excuse for a phobia!! and he is getting smaller everyday. He comes through strong still on occasion, if im tired or at a low eb, but he knows this is the best time to strike and its a 50/50 battle but I will beat this ******* down and win. He will not win and he knows it, thats why he trys to come more often, he has taken up too much of my time already!:welcome:

[ann01]

Can someone please helpme get through today I'm at work feel awful shaking can't keep still feel like I'm going to passout or freak out I'm here tip 12 today can't cope with keep being like this so anxious any words of encouragement please

[steveo5]

Well done Anne i returned to work 3 weeks ago on flexi time after 15 months out and can relate to what you say, my symptoms still there but they were there at home aswell, its good to get out and mix i felt isolated, its gotta be good for us and will be. Stick at it.
take care steve

[ann01]

thank you so much for your reply steve, i did manage to calm down a little, but its so hard. im anxious at home too, and yes it is good to mix with other people again. im hoping if i keep going to work that one day i will go in and be fine.
thanks again ann x

[steveo5]

Anne whats your mom going to do with her spare time now you made her redundant, bet she pleased for you, im just taking it day at a time Anne and not getting to carried away, because it is up and down, but it took a time to to get these symptoms so i suppose i have to be patient and as you say one day it will improve and we wont notice them so much.
enjoy your work and take care steve

[margaret jones]

Well done xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[ann01]

I am really struggling at work this morning, my anxiety is so high my vision is blurry feel really off balance and banging headache, any words of reassurance to help me through the morning would be appreciated. I feel really scared but don't want to run away from my anxiety, it's very hard though as I'm feeling quite lightheaded too.

[sedalia]

Hello ann01, first of all well done for going back to work, I've been agoraphobic for a year now and couldn't even consider doing what you have done, so you should be immensley proud of yourself. I was just wondering, do you work on a computer? If so, would it be possible for you to go onto youtube without anyone knowing, as there are some really good short guided meditation films on there (with many of them you just need to listen to the audio rather than watch the film), perhaps if you had headphones on you could listen to one of those every so often, and have your work on the screen at the same time so no-one would know. Don't want to get you into trouble tho! Remember, just by being there and not giving into it, no matter how rough you feel, you are making huge steps forward. :)

[ann01]

Thank you so much I have an I phone to access to Internet as can't use computers at work for personal use. Never thought of you tube just going to have a look.