I want to do something about my health anxiety!

[LaNae]

I'm not sure when my health anxiety began, think I was about 19 or 20 (I am 24 now).

I had depression as a teenager (thankfully, it left when I was about 17). Throughout my childhood I lived with pretty severe domestic abuse right up until last year when my parents split up, which is still messy as I'm sure you can imagine. I know I have some PTSD from that, and I block a lot out. I am certain I had a sexual abuse situation when I was about 3 or 4 years old too. So yeah, there's some background!

My health anxiety came out of the blue with massive, crippling fears over Multiple Sclerosis. I was terrified of it. Just glimpsing a reference to it made me shake and sweat. I was convinced I was going to have it and woke up in the middle of the night with pins and needles absolutely terrified. This subsided a little, I got the odd day or two of deciding to panic over various other paralysing diseases (particularly motor neurone/ALS) which came and went, then I had a phase of thinking I would get early Parkinson's. It was in my Parkinson's phase I had a full-blown panic attack where I was literally, physically unable to move. My body collapsed under me like jelly. I kept feeling internal shaking.

I went to the doctor who told me to go to yoga. I quit my incredibly stressful uni course, went to counselling and stopped taking The Pill. I kept my Health Anxiety but it had scaled down a lot.

Since then I am always worried about something. I am so used to it now. Today I have worried I have an undiagnosed heart condition and may suddenly die, that I will get skin cancer, that I have endometriosis and will get ovarian cancer or brain cancer due to the incredibly slight increased risk. Yesterday it was a day of skin cancer and lymphoma. About a month ago I was scared I was going to get schizophrenia after watching a film on it. A big recent phase has been CJD from the beef scare in the UK in the 90's, getting scared I have a dormant version. I try to view them with a sort of detached humour, but as you all know when you are in the grip of a 'phase' it's just hell. And it's funny... for me anyway, when it's gone, it's gone. Right now I couldn't give a damn about some of the things I have recently been terrified about, and I'm sure some of them will be recycled anew tomorrow.

So why do I have this? I think it's for a few reasons. Growing up I always felt on 'high alert'. I was used to sensing danger and believing I could die at any moment. I guess it became ingrained. I am no longer being threatened by an outsider so maybe my brain feels it has to invent threats to keep the same old habits going. My body is my sanctuary, my only safe haven on this planet, my anchor- if it betrays me, I am helpless. So I guess it's the perfect spot of vulnerability for my anxiety to latch onto.

Please feel free to share any ideas/tips/etc. you may have as I know stress can really ruin health too :)

I'm glad this forum is here.

[RosieXXX]

Hello LaNae,

Yours is a story I can relate to; I am certain past traumatic events in my life similar to yours triggered my anxiety; every one has a different story to tell, but I do believe having an understanding of what drives the anxiety gives us a chance to gain control of it. I have suffered from health anxiety for many years, but fortunately I am now recovering, and I have gained some valuable insight along the way. I also lived in highly charged environment which kept me in a state of high alert, and as a child I felt extremely vulnerable and alone, and my cancer fears mimic that state of isolation. I also realise the feeling of relief, once an episode of extreme anxiety has cleared, can give me a high, which is quite addictive, I wasn't really aware of this for some time, but can now understand why I used to lurch from one crisis to another. I found by keeping my emotions level and not allowing myself to feel elation after each crisis helped to stop me needing to feed the anxiety. I also believe if you can break the checking cycle, which is another form of relief seeking, anxiety levels can drop considerably.

It is an awful thing to cope with, but I do think if you can unravel some of the reasons behind it all, you have a good chance of managing the condition.