LaNae
16-02-10, 18:14
I'm not sure when my health anxiety began, think I was about 19 or 20 (I am 24 now).
I had depression as a teenager (thankfully, it left when I was about 17). Throughout my childhood I lived with pretty severe domestic abuse right up until last year when my parents split up, which is still messy as I'm sure you can imagine. I know I have some PTSD from that, and I block a lot out. I am certain I had a sexual abuse situation when I was about 3 or 4 years old too. So yeah, there's some background!
My health anxiety came out of the blue with massive, crippling fears over Multiple Sclerosis. I was terrified of it. Just glimpsing a reference to it made me shake and sweat. I was convinced I was going to have it and woke up in the middle of the night with pins and needles absolutely terrified. This subsided a little, I got the odd day or two of deciding to panic over various other paralysing diseases (particularly motor neurone/ALS) which came and went, then I had a phase of thinking I would get early Parkinson's. It was in my Parkinson's phase I had a full-blown panic attack where I was literally, physically unable to move. My body collapsed under me like jelly. I kept feeling internal shaking.
I went to the doctor who told me to go to yoga. I quit my incredibly stressful uni course, went to counselling and stopped taking The Pill. I kept my Health Anxiety but it had scaled down a lot.
Since then I am always worried about something. I am so used to it now. Today I have worried I have an undiagnosed heart condition and may suddenly die, that I will get skin cancer, that I have endometriosis and will get ovarian cancer or brain cancer due to the incredibly slight increased risk. Yesterday it was a day of skin cancer and lymphoma. About a month ago I was scared I was going to get schizophrenia after watching a film on it. A big recent phase has been CJD from the beef scare in the UK in the 90's, getting scared I have a dormant version. I try to view them with a sort of detached humour, but as you all know when you are in the grip of a 'phase' it's just hell. And it's funny... for me anyway, when it's gone, it's gone. Right now I couldn't give a damn about some of the things I have recently been terrified about, and I'm sure some of them will be recycled anew tomorrow.
So why do I have this? I think it's for a few reasons. Growing up I always felt on 'high alert'. I was used to sensing danger and believing I could die at any moment. I guess it became ingrained. I am no longer being threatened by an outsider so maybe my brain feels it has to invent threats to keep the same old habits going. My body is my sanctuary, my only safe haven on this planet, my anchor- if it betrays me, I am helpless. So I guess it's the perfect spot of vulnerability for my anxiety to latch onto.
Please feel free to share any ideas/tips/etc. you may have as I know stress can really ruin health too :)
I'm glad this forum is here.
I had depression as a teenager (thankfully, it left when I was about 17). Throughout my childhood I lived with pretty severe domestic abuse right up until last year when my parents split up, which is still messy as I'm sure you can imagine. I know I have some PTSD from that, and I block a lot out. I am certain I had a sexual abuse situation when I was about 3 or 4 years old too. So yeah, there's some background!
My health anxiety came out of the blue with massive, crippling fears over Multiple Sclerosis. I was terrified of it. Just glimpsing a reference to it made me shake and sweat. I was convinced I was going to have it and woke up in the middle of the night with pins and needles absolutely terrified. This subsided a little, I got the odd day or two of deciding to panic over various other paralysing diseases (particularly motor neurone/ALS) which came and went, then I had a phase of thinking I would get early Parkinson's. It was in my Parkinson's phase I had a full-blown panic attack where I was literally, physically unable to move. My body collapsed under me like jelly. I kept feeling internal shaking.
I went to the doctor who told me to go to yoga. I quit my incredibly stressful uni course, went to counselling and stopped taking The Pill. I kept my Health Anxiety but it had scaled down a lot.
Since then I am always worried about something. I am so used to it now. Today I have worried I have an undiagnosed heart condition and may suddenly die, that I will get skin cancer, that I have endometriosis and will get ovarian cancer or brain cancer due to the incredibly slight increased risk. Yesterday it was a day of skin cancer and lymphoma. About a month ago I was scared I was going to get schizophrenia after watching a film on it. A big recent phase has been CJD from the beef scare in the UK in the 90's, getting scared I have a dormant version. I try to view them with a sort of detached humour, but as you all know when you are in the grip of a 'phase' it's just hell. And it's funny... for me anyway, when it's gone, it's gone. Right now I couldn't give a damn about some of the things I have recently been terrified about, and I'm sure some of them will be recycled anew tomorrow.
So why do I have this? I think it's for a few reasons. Growing up I always felt on 'high alert'. I was used to sensing danger and believing I could die at any moment. I guess it became ingrained. I am no longer being threatened by an outsider so maybe my brain feels it has to invent threats to keep the same old habits going. My body is my sanctuary, my only safe haven on this planet, my anchor- if it betrays me, I am helpless. So I guess it's the perfect spot of vulnerability for my anxiety to latch onto.
Please feel free to share any ideas/tips/etc. you may have as I know stress can really ruin health too :)
I'm glad this forum is here.