faye-b-baby1986
17-02-10, 09:35
Hello, iv never been on here before, it popped up when i googled something. Anyway i really need some help. Its a long story but here i go.
I live with my partner and our 10 months old baby boy, i have suffered with depression on and off for about 10 years and now its happening again. My partner has been having a rough time lately (fighting for access to his two daughters) he is not getting very far and his mood has been up and down, he drinks a lot and is very moody and angry. anyway he turned around to be and said last wednesday that he didnt know if he wanted to be with me anymore, this has broken my heart, i have tried to be there for him throughout all his problems and delt with his mood swings his drinking and his behavour because i knew he was depressed as i have been there so many times before. But now he is giving up, he left me and my son to stay with his mother and i couldnt cope, iv never lived on my own and also find it very had to be a mother, so i rang my mother the next day and came here to stay with her, i told my partner this so he came home to say goodbye to our son and we left.
I speak to my partner everyday on the phone and managed to get him to see a doctor, he is now on prozac which i hope will help him. But everytime i mention what is happening to us, wether we are splitting up or just having some space he gets angry telling me that he just dosnt know. I do understand this as having depression for the first time is very scary and confusing and being unable to make decisions, I have done this alll before with my father he got depression and left us but he looked to me for help (i was 15 at the time) he was suicidal, self harming, drinking, drug taking and i had to try and help him through it but my partner does not want my help or anyone elses help, he says he can do this himself. I find this very hard to deal with. I know what im about to say makes me a very selfish horrible person but my partner not wanting me for help makes me feel so rejected, i just want to be there for him.
He says he needs space but we talk everyday on the phone, sometimes he says he loves me before he puts the phone down, im so confused!! I dont know what to think.
Im so frightened about the future, what if he dosnt want me back? How am i going to cope as a single mum? Where do i live, back in hull where my partner lives or here 112 miles away near my mother?
I cant do this, i just want to give up. I am seeing how needy i am as a person because i cant do things alone, going down the shops frigtens me, getting a hair cut. I have been like this for years due to my depression, self lothing and anxiety problems and have ended up depending on my partner to go down the shops with me. I dont know how to fix this on my own, i have no friends to talk to and now i have the prospect of no partner either. I am just a waste of space, sitting here wallowing. I really want to give up now, everything is my life is going away my partner, my home, the little life i had. My son is going to suffer because of me and his daddy. I love my boy but sometimes it seems to hard and big of a job. I was coping fine before all this happened. now all i want to do is go to bed and not wake up. How horrible and selfish am i? Im being like a robot mother, doing everything for him automatically as my head is else where. I am at a stop in my life as i am just waiting for my partner to decide what he wants, i love him so much and i just want our little family back together.
My mother just keeps telling me to give him the space he asked for and he will be ok, But thats not a definate is it. I dont think i can wait months on end to see if he is going to want us back, i feel like giving up now. I am and have always been a very emotional person, but came off my tablets because my partner said at the begining of our relationship that i didnt need them and that he will look after me so i believed him but slowly ive been creeping back in depression, neediness, anxiety and before i stopped taking them i was doing ok, i could do stuff without needing someone but now im a mess. I cant see my doc because he is back in hull and im 112 miles away. Im panicing about leading a single mothers life, i cant do it!
Im so scared everything is falling apart, i dont want this and cant face the fact its happening and see no light at the end of the tunnel. Anyone else been in a similar situation? Please help me!
Faye
I live with my partner and our 10 months old baby boy, i have suffered with depression on and off for about 10 years and now its happening again. My partner has been having a rough time lately (fighting for access to his two daughters) he is not getting very far and his mood has been up and down, he drinks a lot and is very moody and angry. anyway he turned around to be and said last wednesday that he didnt know if he wanted to be with me anymore, this has broken my heart, i have tried to be there for him throughout all his problems and delt with his mood swings his drinking and his behavour because i knew he was depressed as i have been there so many times before. But now he is giving up, he left me and my son to stay with his mother and i couldnt cope, iv never lived on my own and also find it very had to be a mother, so i rang my mother the next day and came here to stay with her, i told my partner this so he came home to say goodbye to our son and we left.
I speak to my partner everyday on the phone and managed to get him to see a doctor, he is now on prozac which i hope will help him. But everytime i mention what is happening to us, wether we are splitting up or just having some space he gets angry telling me that he just dosnt know. I do understand this as having depression for the first time is very scary and confusing and being unable to make decisions, I have done this alll before with my father he got depression and left us but he looked to me for help (i was 15 at the time) he was suicidal, self harming, drinking, drug taking and i had to try and help him through it but my partner does not want my help or anyone elses help, he says he can do this himself. I find this very hard to deal with. I know what im about to say makes me a very selfish horrible person but my partner not wanting me for help makes me feel so rejected, i just want to be there for him.
He says he needs space but we talk everyday on the phone, sometimes he says he loves me before he puts the phone down, im so confused!! I dont know what to think.
Im so frightened about the future, what if he dosnt want me back? How am i going to cope as a single mum? Where do i live, back in hull where my partner lives or here 112 miles away near my mother?
I cant do this, i just want to give up. I am seeing how needy i am as a person because i cant do things alone, going down the shops frigtens me, getting a hair cut. I have been like this for years due to my depression, self lothing and anxiety problems and have ended up depending on my partner to go down the shops with me. I dont know how to fix this on my own, i have no friends to talk to and now i have the prospect of no partner either. I am just a waste of space, sitting here wallowing. I really want to give up now, everything is my life is going away my partner, my home, the little life i had. My son is going to suffer because of me and his daddy. I love my boy but sometimes it seems to hard and big of a job. I was coping fine before all this happened. now all i want to do is go to bed and not wake up. How horrible and selfish am i? Im being like a robot mother, doing everything for him automatically as my head is else where. I am at a stop in my life as i am just waiting for my partner to decide what he wants, i love him so much and i just want our little family back together.
My mother just keeps telling me to give him the space he asked for and he will be ok, But thats not a definate is it. I dont think i can wait months on end to see if he is going to want us back, i feel like giving up now. I am and have always been a very emotional person, but came off my tablets because my partner said at the begining of our relationship that i didnt need them and that he will look after me so i believed him but slowly ive been creeping back in depression, neediness, anxiety and before i stopped taking them i was doing ok, i could do stuff without needing someone but now im a mess. I cant see my doc because he is back in hull and im 112 miles away. Im panicing about leading a single mothers life, i cant do it!
Im so scared everything is falling apart, i dont want this and cant face the fact its happening and see no light at the end of the tunnel. Anyone else been in a similar situation? Please help me!
Faye