mila
17-02-10, 15:58
Hello,
i have really been going through some difficult time lately, i really feel i can't cope :weep: This is gonna be a long one so i apologize, hopefully ppl will still read. I really feel like screaming out!
i did write about this on general anxiety forum, i think i should have written here. that was while i was still in hospital, we are home now and i am having a really bad time, worrying even more. I had my baby boy 15 days ago, he was poorly at first so we stayed in the hospital, well we got out this Sunday. Couple of days after the birth my blood pressure started going up. Part of me was thinking well i am in this place, i am worrying like crazy about my baby, always feeling anxious plus these checks couple of times a day, when the bp started going up i started feeling even more anxious about taking it...but when i had readings like 160/110 couple of times i started feeling really so so scared and in total panic, scared something will happen to me, while still worrying a lot about my baby even though he was better. They started giving me a beta-blocker then, which only made me more depressed, making me feel even more like i am ill and it is serious...they kept saying it's nothing unusual, it will sort itself out in a bit, i will get off meds, but i could not stop being scared, especially thinking about those readings. everytime after that when they were about to take it i'd be absolutely freaking out, if the reading is not bad i would feel bit better but only for a bit, when it's time for taking it again i would be in the same panic. Anyway days in the hospital were like that, at first just sitting there in anticipation of either hearing something about my baby or taking the blood pressure, and frustration of not being able to sleep for ages, since the day before i went in the hospital, then they brought him up to me, so we were together, then it was again constantly waiting to have my bp taken or wondering how still not sleeping is affecting my bp, cause i still can't get myself to sleep in the day and of course i have to feed him at night. Now that we are home no more bp checks, which in a way makes me worry even more, i constantly wonder what my bp is like, i take my meds but they don't make me feel sleepy and lightheaded like they did at first so i keep worrying that means it is not bringing my bp down...Monday morning i went to the gp to have it checked and she said it was on border, to keep taking tablets and come back in 2 weeks when we should start reducing them, and not to think about it or take my bp in the meantime and let her take care of that. But that is just not possible for me, not to think of it. I can't stop procrastinating about it, after the appointment i was thinking that is good, she took it before i taken my tablet plus i was nervous, so if it was like 140/90, that is fine, but maybe it wasn't maybe it was higher she just said borderline, she didn't really say what it was... Now i just wanna sit here and cry, every little thing i feel, and i think oh my bp might be through the roof! I am having like a tension headache now often, right now too, and very aching back and shoulders and neck, from the way i hold him when i am feeding him, also not sleeping much, but i keep panicking the headache is blood pressure. I even have a machine to take it, a friend left it to me, but just thinking of using it send me off into panic, the more i think about it the more i freak out, after trying to decide for 5 minutes if i should take it or not i am really worked up.
I don't know what to do really, i am going out of my mind with this, i wish someone would take my bp when i don't know, i also wish someone would tell me i am ok, and that it is not as bad as i think and take it...i know midwifes and doctors did tell me that but i didn't really believe them, they were not the ones with these bp readings...
i have really been going through some difficult time lately, i really feel i can't cope :weep: This is gonna be a long one so i apologize, hopefully ppl will still read. I really feel like screaming out!
i did write about this on general anxiety forum, i think i should have written here. that was while i was still in hospital, we are home now and i am having a really bad time, worrying even more. I had my baby boy 15 days ago, he was poorly at first so we stayed in the hospital, well we got out this Sunday. Couple of days after the birth my blood pressure started going up. Part of me was thinking well i am in this place, i am worrying like crazy about my baby, always feeling anxious plus these checks couple of times a day, when the bp started going up i started feeling even more anxious about taking it...but when i had readings like 160/110 couple of times i started feeling really so so scared and in total panic, scared something will happen to me, while still worrying a lot about my baby even though he was better. They started giving me a beta-blocker then, which only made me more depressed, making me feel even more like i am ill and it is serious...they kept saying it's nothing unusual, it will sort itself out in a bit, i will get off meds, but i could not stop being scared, especially thinking about those readings. everytime after that when they were about to take it i'd be absolutely freaking out, if the reading is not bad i would feel bit better but only for a bit, when it's time for taking it again i would be in the same panic. Anyway days in the hospital were like that, at first just sitting there in anticipation of either hearing something about my baby or taking the blood pressure, and frustration of not being able to sleep for ages, since the day before i went in the hospital, then they brought him up to me, so we were together, then it was again constantly waiting to have my bp taken or wondering how still not sleeping is affecting my bp, cause i still can't get myself to sleep in the day and of course i have to feed him at night. Now that we are home no more bp checks, which in a way makes me worry even more, i constantly wonder what my bp is like, i take my meds but they don't make me feel sleepy and lightheaded like they did at first so i keep worrying that means it is not bringing my bp down...Monday morning i went to the gp to have it checked and she said it was on border, to keep taking tablets and come back in 2 weeks when we should start reducing them, and not to think about it or take my bp in the meantime and let her take care of that. But that is just not possible for me, not to think of it. I can't stop procrastinating about it, after the appointment i was thinking that is good, she took it before i taken my tablet plus i was nervous, so if it was like 140/90, that is fine, but maybe it wasn't maybe it was higher she just said borderline, she didn't really say what it was... Now i just wanna sit here and cry, every little thing i feel, and i think oh my bp might be through the roof! I am having like a tension headache now often, right now too, and very aching back and shoulders and neck, from the way i hold him when i am feeding him, also not sleeping much, but i keep panicking the headache is blood pressure. I even have a machine to take it, a friend left it to me, but just thinking of using it send me off into panic, the more i think about it the more i freak out, after trying to decide for 5 minutes if i should take it or not i am really worked up.
I don't know what to do really, i am going out of my mind with this, i wish someone would take my bp when i don't know, i also wish someone would tell me i am ok, and that it is not as bad as i think and take it...i know midwifes and doctors did tell me that but i didn't really believe them, they were not the ones with these bp readings...