unspoken
17-02-10, 21:46
Today I had a very unhelpful appointment with a careers advisor the NHS mental health services had referred me to. She implied that I am selfish, ungrateful and lazy for being too anxious and depressed to get a job.
I'm 21, I'm a graduate, and I had a couple of jobs but became depressed and demoralised and had to stop working in December. I've suffered from anxiety for a long time and also IBS and acid reflux. I feel unable to bring myself to get a job and I can't contemplate sitting in an office for 40 hours a week again, or travelling to work, or anything. I feel useless, guilty, worthless etc. I've never had any future goals and I can't think of anything particular I want to achieve in my life. When I think about the future, I feel suicidal, so I try to take things one day at a time.
My GP referred me to the NHS mental health services, who in turn referred me to a careers advice agency supposedly specialising in people with depression and anxiety.
I went last week and the woman mostly just talked and babbled on about how great CBT is, how thinking positively is the answer to all the world's problems. I didn't think this was very helpful but I agreed to send her my CV and go back again today. I went back. It didn't go well.
So she looked through my CV. She added the following to it:
"I am a recent Graduate, who is a reliable and punctual individual, with experiences in research and survey field work. I am very friendly, outgoing with positive, confident outlook. Above all, I enjoy working as a member of a team as well as on own initiative."
This was without really asking me anything about myself at all.
Then she said my CV was impressive and I've achieved a lot, got good grades and good work experience. She said I am very privileged as there are lots of people in the world who aren't able to benefit from such a good education. She said my parents and I have invested time and money in my education and it's time that I give something back to society for that investment.
I tried to explain my problems. Anxiety. Lack of motivation. Panic. Depression. Complete lack of direction or goals.
She babbled on about CBT and how thinking positively will solve all my problems. Apparently if I think positive thoughts, I will feel more positive, my behaviour will be more positive and all my problems will be solved. I said I have no goals in life to aim for. She asked what I see in my future. I said I don't see anything, it looks completely empty. She asked where I see myself in a year's time. Whether I see myself working. I said I didn't know, I can't imagine myself doing anything in a year's time either. She was getting quite irritated by this point. She said "what about doing more training?" but I said I don't have a clue what I want to do so wouldn't know the direction to go in with the training. She said I'd be fine when I find a job that I find enjoyable. I said I don't know anyone who enjoys their job. She said she enjoys her job and she's enjoyed every moment of every job she's ever done. Even the mundane jobs, she's made them enjoyable. Her enthusiasm and complete dismissal of my problems was really getting to me.
She went on again about how it's time for me to give something back to society and how when I go outside I'll see people who are much worse off than me. She was asking random questions like "do you have close friends? what do they think?" and "have you ever been for a walk in the park? seen the trees? have you ever seen 2 trees the same?" - I'm not really sure what the point of that analogy was. It was when I was walking in Hyde Park in my lunch break from work that I got to wondering why we spend all the daylight hours cooped up inside stuffy, artificial offices with people we don't get on with, rather than being outside making the most of the beauty of nature. I didn't bother telling her that though.
We agreed that she can't help me at the moment. I spend so much of my time trying not to feel guilty, useless, lazy and selfish, and someone who is supposed to be helping me implies repeatedly that I am all of those things. It doesn't make me want to reintegrate with society at all. I worked and didn't feel like the work I was doing contributed anything to society.
Surely this isn't the kind of person the NHS should be referring people with mental health problems to, who implies that I am lazy and selfish? Should I try taking this up with the mental health team? This experience has made me feel bad about myself again and I have lost confidence even more :weep:
I'm 21, I'm a graduate, and I had a couple of jobs but became depressed and demoralised and had to stop working in December. I've suffered from anxiety for a long time and also IBS and acid reflux. I feel unable to bring myself to get a job and I can't contemplate sitting in an office for 40 hours a week again, or travelling to work, or anything. I feel useless, guilty, worthless etc. I've never had any future goals and I can't think of anything particular I want to achieve in my life. When I think about the future, I feel suicidal, so I try to take things one day at a time.
My GP referred me to the NHS mental health services, who in turn referred me to a careers advice agency supposedly specialising in people with depression and anxiety.
I went last week and the woman mostly just talked and babbled on about how great CBT is, how thinking positively is the answer to all the world's problems. I didn't think this was very helpful but I agreed to send her my CV and go back again today. I went back. It didn't go well.
So she looked through my CV. She added the following to it:
"I am a recent Graduate, who is a reliable and punctual individual, with experiences in research and survey field work. I am very friendly, outgoing with positive, confident outlook. Above all, I enjoy working as a member of a team as well as on own initiative."
This was without really asking me anything about myself at all.
Then she said my CV was impressive and I've achieved a lot, got good grades and good work experience. She said I am very privileged as there are lots of people in the world who aren't able to benefit from such a good education. She said my parents and I have invested time and money in my education and it's time that I give something back to society for that investment.
I tried to explain my problems. Anxiety. Lack of motivation. Panic. Depression. Complete lack of direction or goals.
She babbled on about CBT and how thinking positively will solve all my problems. Apparently if I think positive thoughts, I will feel more positive, my behaviour will be more positive and all my problems will be solved. I said I have no goals in life to aim for. She asked what I see in my future. I said I don't see anything, it looks completely empty. She asked where I see myself in a year's time. Whether I see myself working. I said I didn't know, I can't imagine myself doing anything in a year's time either. She was getting quite irritated by this point. She said "what about doing more training?" but I said I don't have a clue what I want to do so wouldn't know the direction to go in with the training. She said I'd be fine when I find a job that I find enjoyable. I said I don't know anyone who enjoys their job. She said she enjoys her job and she's enjoyed every moment of every job she's ever done. Even the mundane jobs, she's made them enjoyable. Her enthusiasm and complete dismissal of my problems was really getting to me.
She went on again about how it's time for me to give something back to society and how when I go outside I'll see people who are much worse off than me. She was asking random questions like "do you have close friends? what do they think?" and "have you ever been for a walk in the park? seen the trees? have you ever seen 2 trees the same?" - I'm not really sure what the point of that analogy was. It was when I was walking in Hyde Park in my lunch break from work that I got to wondering why we spend all the daylight hours cooped up inside stuffy, artificial offices with people we don't get on with, rather than being outside making the most of the beauty of nature. I didn't bother telling her that though.
We agreed that she can't help me at the moment. I spend so much of my time trying not to feel guilty, useless, lazy and selfish, and someone who is supposed to be helping me implies repeatedly that I am all of those things. It doesn't make me want to reintegrate with society at all. I worked and didn't feel like the work I was doing contributed anything to society.
Surely this isn't the kind of person the NHS should be referring people with mental health problems to, who implies that I am lazy and selfish? Should I try taking this up with the mental health team? This experience has made me feel bad about myself again and I have lost confidence even more :weep: