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bakes0310
04-01-06, 01:18
First of all id like to say thanks for making this site i think i will find it useful for my problem so here goes.

Im not normal....basically
My problem is that im very scared of doing lots of social stuff and also find crowds and open spaces eg town or shops very scary.
Ill give an example- when im in town on the very rare occasion i start to feel weird its sort of hard to explain but its like a scary feeling and i feel very conscious about myself, like im noticing the way i walk and and i keep putting my hands in and out my pockets and also it makes me sweat more. It also makes me feel like i want to get out of here so i walk pretty fast and and im just looking all over the place, just making me feel really consciouse.
Another example is when im at work and its break time and i go sit in the diner i feel extremely conscious as im sitting by myself, and thats the sort of example when i fear that my face is going to go bright red for no reason.
Which is another terrifying problem for no reason other than when im in the presence of more than one person i feel really unconfortable and consiouse which then brings on me going bright red lie a beetroot. Then its very horrible when you notice people are starring at you or making odd faces at you...and the worst when someone laughs and goes oh my god hes going bright red.

So i think thats basically my problem im not sure what it is called but its crippling my life ( i dont belive this im in tears as i right this) Ive got no freinds and when i do get some i lose there interest or i just dont keep in touch. I dont go out at all only to go see my mum ( i live with grandparents) and go work. I really want it to go its just makes me depressed to a point where occasionly i think about ending my life.
I know thats terrible but i just dont know what to do, ive even thought how i would end my life and i even think what im gonna write in my notepad that i would leave near my body.
Im sorry for sounding so dramatic but its how i feel plz help.

freakedout
04-01-06, 01:37
Hello Simon,

I have just read your posting and had to reply imediately, I am sooo sorry that you are having a bad time.

Firstly, you are not being dramatic at all, when you feel this way it is overwhelming and you must be reassured that many people on this site have felt similar overwhelming feelings at some time or another. I am not trivialising what you are experiencing but want you to know that I fully understand how you feel and had similar thoughts myself only a couple of nights ago.

Secondly, what is normal? we all have our individuality which makes us special and unique, that includes our peculiarities. When you feel anxious or nervous it is so easy for us sufferers to focus on the uncomfortable feelings and become more self-conscious and self-aware. This heightens anxiety further and you get into the vicious circle of triggering more distressing symptoms and feelings.

You do very well to go into town and face your fears, the same applies with your job. Obviously you are feeling distressed and depressed and I am sure that you will get some very constructive feedback on this site to help and support you.

Have you ever been able to discuss your feelings with anyone? Perhaps taking a bit of time out from work and seeing your GP maybe a good starting point. Having said that people cope in different ways and you may prefer to be at work.

Express your feelings as often as you need to on this site, if it helps. There are some amazing people with loads of support to offer. Be kind to yourself. BIG HUGS ((((simon))) and take care.

Take one day at a time and post again soon to let us know how you are doing.

Louisa

andrew
04-01-06, 04:28
hi bakes,

not to make light of your feelings, you've got anxiety issues, they are treatable, you can recover. well done for opening up and seeking help .. tc andrew

chucklehound
04-01-06, 08:16
Hi Bakes and welcome to NMP where you will get lots of support and make some great friends too![^]

I hope that you start to feel better soon.

Take Care

Chucklehound

xxxx

Dan
04-01-06, 10:18
hi there
please dont feel alone now you have got all of us on this site which will help you understand what you ae going thru and that will help you recover WHICH YOU WILL
take care and every time you get low come on here it works trust me
Dan

angie3077
04-01-06, 10:35
Hi,
Everything you wrote in your post sounds so familar and you really need to believe that these feelings are not unusual to anxiety sufferers....although feel completely unusual to you right now.
Have you taken much time to scan over some of the posts in this site yet? I think it would help you a lot to realise you are not alone in this.

You will beat this problem, it will take time but I think you have made a good step coming here, the people are great and make a huge difference.
Good luck and have a good day

Angie x

bakes0310
04-01-06, 12:06
Thanks for all the qiuck replies i found them reasuring that im not the only one out there.
So basically whats my problem called just social anxiety or have i got more than one problem.
So what triggers these problems then as im not sure if ive had all my life as ive never had many friends or i think it started when i got into college and thats when i had the problem with going bright red.
I do want to get better and want to be more social but ive always thought of being a not outdoor person anyway. The sort of people at work like football and drinking and of course being social. So what do i do pretend that i enjoy drinking and like football, and im afraid that when someone ask me about the team that i pretend i support ill look stupid as i dont know anything.
Thats another thing ive been doing for the last couple of years as well is just cant stop thinking about one subject for example im really into computers and video games so thats all i think about all day long, and its not really a subject id bring up in work.
Ive got one really good mate but i think im loosing him as he doesnt go work and i do so i only seem to invite him round my house every 2-3 weeks as because of the xmas holidays its been a while longer. And thats what makes me a bit consciouse as well is that he never phones me ive got to phone him so it makes me feel hes not interested in me. But i know he is as he cant stop talking and we always have a good time.
Ive also got a problem of talking on the phone as well i basically start to freak out out and mumble or say silly things and even begin to stutter. It gives me the same anxious feelings as if im out in town which is starnge.

taf
04-01-06, 13:22
Hey, you will be OK, sweetie. I am almost 50, and have been shy and anxious all my life. You are wonderful company. Don't be afraid to be with the best person around...yourself!!!!!! Don't let others define who you are. YOu are a special and sensitive person who is very talented at computers and video games, and so forth. So what if you don;t like football and the pub scene, and so forth. That's what makes you special as who you are. They are special in who they are, too, but that makes them no better or worse a fellow than you. We've all felt a desperation at points in our life....everyone I know...panic attack sufferer, social anxiety sufferer, special or learning disabled students I've had, hhighly gifted students I have had, etc., has had those kinds of thoughts at one time or another. Just let those thoughts pass through you......Don't try to be what you think society wishes you to be. If you feel happiest on your computer or videos, then revel in that...and know that lots of folks enjoy the same!!!! Don't try so hard to force yourself into a label or role of what you should be, and how you should act with your mates, etc. If that mate moves on, then another will surely follow......Your special, and don't forget that! Remember, thoughts are only thoughts...don't let them hurt you.
We've all had them and been there...and we are fine and here....don't fear anything, sweetie. Things will work out fine!
Do you like exercise, weights, walking, treadmill? I love to lift weights, and it is a wonderful, solitary experience for me. Perhaps that would suit you?
Take good care, and pop in often. The people are so very helpful and kind here. Look in on the first pages explaining anxiety and the symptoms thereof....what you are xperiencing is quite normal anxiety related symptoms.
xxo, T

Meg
04-01-06, 19:30
Simon

Yes, classic social anxiety.

You can get over it and the results will depend on the effort.

The internet is great for sussing out new people and new interests and information evven if you're not particularly interested but need to keep up to date with stuff.

Mind and many community colleges do courses in self confidence/social anxiety and you will be in good company and will learn skills and techniques to help

Unusual interests can be persued and online friends made which can then grow in an comfortable environment.

There are social groups like www.spice.co.uk where you can just do things that interest you and you can dip in and out without committing yourself to a weekly thing.

About the spaces and crowds - those come with exposure. You will get used to them as you do them more in your own time but you do actually have to do and become familiar in the environments even if you just stop by for a short while to start with.



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

bakes0310
05-01-06, 00:37
Cheers for the reply and i hear what your saying by going out into social areas and that but i went to college for 3 years and im just worse off with people laughing and teasing me of this problem of going bright red. And i feel i didnt come over too friendly during thoes years as i was always anxious and scared.
Today at work it started off well as i sat in the diner on the busy time, but first of all i sat down like usual by myself and i noticed 2 people that i get on with. So i got up even though i felt quite anxious and sat next to them. I didnt say much for 30mins as i felt anxious and i went a bit red when someone said billy no mates but not on about me someone else.
But i also went a bit red again at break when someone from another table said something to the person i was sitting with even though it had nothing to do with me.
But after break i started to feel depressed thinking that im never going to be normal(i know you say what is normal but i think its someone whos social). I was thinking about making an appointment to see my GP but it got me even more depressed thinking how am i gonna make an appointment withought raising my familys suspicion. Also if i do go see the GP how am i gonna tell her and is he gonna take me seriosly. Ive been thinking of what to say and each idea i know will make me upset and ill look like an idiot crying (some man i am ive cried 3 times in this one week, i aint cried for years i suppose just talking about it). And finly for the last hour at work i started to think about my planned sucide and the notepad that id leave to say good bye to everyone.
I know its horrible to even think this and i know its a last last resort, but this anxiety and depression is eating away at me. Im hoping the gp would refer me to someone whos an expert in these sort of things or she gives me some pills which will make me better.

freakedout
05-01-06, 01:07
Hi Simon,

I am sorry that you are still feeling so throughly unhappy. You may feel some sense of relief if you do see your GP. She will not judge you and if you do break down and cry there is no shame in that. I cannot look at my GP when I go because of my crying scenes in the past and embarrassment, but remember we are only human.

Thinking about speaking to your GP is a positive step, as is posting your feelings and anxieties on this site. It shows that you are trying to address your issues, tough as it may be.

I am due to see a specialist in a few weeks and was advised to write things down for that appointment. I think it is a very good idea because then it does not matter if my mind goes blank or if I panic, or cry or sit there in silence for ages.

I am not sure that what I have written will help I am trying to be positive, when like you deep down there is a negative thing going on.

Take it easy and keep posting.

Bye, Louisa x

alexis
05-01-06, 01:51
Hi Just to say welcome and I hope you have found lots of help here, .you will soon find you are not alone.xxxxxxxx

love from Alexisxx

If I help one person today it was worth getting up.

Daniel
05-01-06, 15:32
Hi bakes

You are describing off to a tee what I go through, the self consciousness, blushing, excessive sweating and in my case panic attacks and my mind races. All of these symptoms especially the blushing are exacerbated by the way you feel and I shake, sweat and blush more. It literally ruined my life

The good news is that there is help out there, Things like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, counselling, meds and acupuncture have helped me not to just exist but to live to the extent that I think I'm 80% recovered. I still have my off days but I thought I'd let you know that help is available and recovery is possible. :)

clickaway
05-01-06, 18:34
Hi Simon,

I was interested to read your 'story' as it reminds me of various things that I have encountered, especially when I was in my 20's. I am now 51.

For many years at work I felt detached from the rest of the crowd as I didn't feel at ease with others - I suppose even before I started working I didn't feel normal and this just created a huge barrier to being socialable.

I never sought help then, and to be honest I didn't know where to turn, but now I am wiser. Like you I didn't care for football or much in the way of sport, I didn't booze (mainly because my meds prevented me from taking much alcohol), didn't have any women ar even a car I could discuss with my male colleagues.

Eventually, I decided to go down the 'caring route', that is, I would go out of my way to ask after people to show them I mattered and could be appreciated by them. Then I seem to be accepted by them much more readily. Still not being a footie fan, I then went on to run the office's fantasy football league which improved my knowledge of the players at least, but more importantly increased my social standing in the office - I later ran the Lotto syndicate.

I managed to do this through my own will of wanting to be sociable with people, but I initially found it hard. You just have to go for it.

Because of how I felt, I must have looked 'a loser' walking in the street as I was sometimes called names by strangers - I actually look quite normal and so it must have been my expression and my body language. OK, even my dress sense lol.

Once my life came together, this did not happen as my confidence grew and walk proudly in the street now.

You have been given some good advice already, but I would certainly consider an interest that gets you out of the house more. Its not healthy sitting in front of a computer all day and some kind of exercise will be a good idea. Weights has been mentioned, but there is always swimming, or even walking - loosen those joints each day!

Try and work on something that makes YOU feel good, something that will make YOU proud of YOURSELF.

Cheers and keep posting,

Ray

P.S. Do you know this song by Whitney Houston originally by George Benson - think about it...

I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all


Ray

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

bakes0310
06-01-06, 12:31
Cheers for the replies everyone i had a real good day at work yesturday.
A mate at work that i used to know from school works there so ive been hanging round with him, and hes got the same interest as me.And i got a bit more confident and asked him if he wanted to go in town saturday and he said yes. So now ive made a new friend who i think i will get on with really well and the good news is he only lives like 5-10 minutes down the road:)
So i think im not going to have any depressing feelings at work now that ive got a mate to sit next to in break times.
Im on top of the world:D

freakedout
07-01-06, 01:19
Nice one Bakes,

All the best with your new friendship,

keep in touch and let us know how it goes.

Louisa :D:D:D:D

Meg
07-01-06, 13:07
Good to read this Bakes

*And i got a bit more confident and asked him if he wanted to go in town saturday and he said yes*

Well done for taking that step and making the effort ..Have good day today



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

bakes0310
20-02-06, 00:56
Hi everyone aint posted for a while. Everything has been fine ive been doing well. Now im back at square one, today at work i missed my lunch by 15mins so i went for it later which you cant do. I was up there with a mate just shooting pool. I felt all anxious and butterflied cause i knew i wasnt meant to be up here having my break this late. Then a bloke walked in and started questioning us why were up here, then i got really anxious and mumbling and answering stupidly.
When i finished my illegal break i felt all anxious and very depressed. And for the last hour and a half my shift was going bad with everything going wrong and i felt really angry. I started thinking i hope someone comes and has a go at me for having that late break, so i can just go mad and do something stupid and then just walk out the job.
I know that having a late break aint a big deal but it made me feel so anxious and depressed.
I came home with a tired sad and annoyed look on my face and all my grandparents think it is me having a hard day at work, and ill be alright tomorrow. Which is somewhat true that by tomorrow ill be right as rain and be a happier self.
My anxiety/depressions only come about when something happens at work or go out into town or other public places. But ive made a breakthrough about going into town to buy my stuff i know a better way.....i buy all my stuff on the internet its cheaper and i dont have any anxiety issues yipee.

Also i still aint seen my GP i dont think i could do it and i dont think i would get the response that i want, which is to be taken seriously and slap me up on some medication. Also im afraid that she would inform my parents or somehow they would find out what the medication is for then i would be faced with difficult questions by them.

I have been thinking of ways for my parents to notice that i got depression. I could quit my job and not get out of bed for days and not eat then they would do something about it like maybe arranging for me to see the GP.

Alexandra
22-02-06, 13:23
Hi Bakes

Welcome to the forum.

As the others have said you are not alone in what your going through. I also feel worried & scared when ive ventured into town with my fiance or my mum. I feel i need space & if there are to many people around me i have thefeeling like im going to pass out not pleasent at all. Things are slowly getting better though.

I know they will for you to.

Take Care



Alexandra

rois
24-02-06, 14:33
Hiya, hope you feel a bit better now you've had some replies. I know exactly how you feel and if you can you should try and ease yourself into social situations, I find using a walkman helps, try going for walks to the local shops etc and you should soon get used to it.

"Ther goes the fear, let it go. You turn around and life's passed you by, you look to those you love to justify...there goes the fear."

squonk
28-03-06, 11:46
HI Blakes,

Only found this site recently been reading your posts,

Yes it is really S**T but it's good when you finally find out you are not alone and weird.

I guess if you go and speak to your GP they have others like you and will take you seriously or may be not I did my research on the net before speaking to my GP and told him exactly what i wanted it was the only way I could face him )IT WORKEd to my supprise.)

NPS is a really good source of help for SA.

I heard a statistic that almost 30% of the world population suffer in some form or another of SA so who are the normal ones?

For me I find walking around town very easy because I am annonimous but when I have to go into a shop (especally card shops the choise which one!!!) I break out in panic and sweat and usuall don't get anything. The number of days I went without eating becasue I could not get into a shop to buy food.

Well I am much better now I tried MEds but the sideffects I could not cope with so I sought alternatives and found CBD to be the thing for me.

Now I try to see a councilor for my other issues like RULEs, Timekeeping etc....
Sounds like you suffer with anxieties around these as well!


Hope you fiond some real hepl it is out there and you are not on your own.

Take care

Squonk.

bakes0310
12-07-06, 23:33
its been along time since i been on here so hello ppl.

Today ive just found out how extreme my problem is.
At work today i was driving around the warehouse like normal but i was working in the hardest compartment which contains very heavy stuff like wardrobes etc. I was in a bad mood all day and a bit depressed, so on purpose i lost control of my vehicle ( its something like a forklift but you stand on it) i made the vehicle swerve under a raking but i reacted by ducking so i couldnt decapitate myself.
I carried on working for the rest of the shift but had to fill out an accident form which of course i lied about, else i would be in some other sort of trouble.
It took me a couple hours to realise that i tried to kill myself but even now i dont know if i wish i didnt duck or im glad i did im just feeling empty inside.

Eclipse
13-07-06, 10:48
Hi bakes,
I wasn't a member of NMP when your original posts were put on but having read through them I've come to the conclusion that - like many other people on here - you don't realise what a caring, compassionate and worthy person you are. In one of your posts you mentioned feeling less of man cos you'd cried three times in one week but for starters that makes you more of a man for just admitting it, secondly I'd see that as a good thing cos it shows some of the emotion & turmoil is working itself to the outside instead of it still being bottled up. These words may not be of any great consolation to you at the moment but trust me, there will be days when you suddenly realise that you've made the tiniest progressive step in some area that'll make you really proud. Don't ever give up hope.
As to your post today, I'd venture to say that, the fact that you automatically/subconsciously ducked by the racking means that you're still looking for help not a way out. Take that as a good sign.
As many others mentioned, reading your first post was like seeing myself and I'm 38. I've said it before (& no doubt will again)even the darkest times actually help to make us stronger/better people cos we've battled through so much.
Please don't ever feel alone, we all welcome each others posts & if you'd prefer - we all have PM's.
Love
B Wolf
XXXXXX

BiPolarBear
13-07-06, 19:44
Hey

I have just read your post and i have to admit you have just fescribed me almost perfectly. I has issues about say going in to town and people looking at me, but i over came this by keeping going into town and de-sensitising myself and now i can walk round ok.

I also see where your coming from with regard to the not being comfortable in social situatuions, i wish i had some great advice for you but i am also still struggling with this situations although i am able to do some things. I too feel so alone and have no friends who stay in contact. I live at home with my parents and feel a total looser. So i see where your coming from.

You have one good thing, you have a job which i am not able to do yet.

I could go on forever about how similar we are but i wont, just remember there are many people out there who know how you feel and your not alone. With help from sites like this and Support from friends and maybe a little therapy like CBT we will all get through this.

Maybe if you start to challenge yourself, i mean maje a point out of going into town, you never know the fear may disapate, and if not well at least you can say you tried.

Remember small steps

Take it easy Bro
BiPolarBear

bakes0310
03-10-06, 21:15
Its been a very long time but thats cause i aint had any big problems until tonight.
Well its my 21st today which ive been very excited about and i was really happy in work and i brought in sweets and stuff to share with ppl and i had a huge bday badge the size of plate stuck to my superman shirt hehehe.
As the shift went on and ppl were saying congrats and all that then it was followed by a what u doing here on your bday you should be wasted about now, this didnt bother me really as i just told them im going out later for a meal with family in which i am.
Anyway went out for a meal and all the food was lovely and i had my mum her boyfriend gran and granther and little brother. Before the first meal came my gran and was taken home by granther cause she had a real bad headache so i understood. So it was just the four of us and i didnt say a word really the whole time i just watched this bloke eating a meal by himeself and couldnt stop thinking that will be me oneday.
Ok im gonna try and sum up my existance:

monday-friday
up at 5:20am get ready for work and leave by 5:45am
in work at 6:30am finish 2:30pm
have lunch then play computer games or dvds until 5:30pm
5:30pm have dinner then play computer games until 9:00pm
9:00pm have supper watch tv till 9:45pm
9:45pm get ready for bed
9:55pm go bed

Saturday
wake up whenever i want
food computer tv sleep....................sunday work.....

I wouldnt say im depressed at all if you asked someone at work does simon look unhappy they would say are you kidding. Im really happy in work i got all my workmates there and im doing something different than at home.
Im only a bit sad today as its my 21st and its meant to be special as im meant to have friends take me out for some drinks until im out of it and have a really good time. And here i am back from my meal at 8:30 typing away at a computer screen about to go bed at 9:30.
Ill get over it ill be alright tomorrow i just felt getting it off my chest.