not to good today

[bellabessnjet]

hi,
Been sat here playing stupid game for over 1 hour, sons in 'own autistic land' huubys out in his caring role and I'm sat here. Feel so alone and down, my OCD getting worse, cleaning up every crumb, because the suns out and the ants may come in. Don t feel like I can do this anymore just want it all to stop, I hate being like this, theres people who are really ill and yet I can still moan. I dont think I can do this any more, evertime I feel better something comes along. Ants, got a new carpet befor xmas bloody stone fell out of fire and burnt huge hole now I got to deal with insures, was OK till then., been ill all this week so has son I'm sick of it all. sorry for rant but feel rubbish today

[gypsywomen]

its ok to moan gets thngs off your chest ,,i felt like you so took dog for walk feel bette now ,,how weather its nice here

[bellabessnjet]

just snapped at my son, now feel awful, I feel so low,angry fed up, annoyed with myself all I want is to feel happy. I really want to hurt myself, realy want to thump a wall. I feel in pain (if that makes sense) just want to stop. I'm no good for my son, he needs me but I'm so low, i keep trying but I cant cope anymore.

[Rom]

I know your pain bellabessnjet life is a bitch.Its very hard i know you just want to give it all up and end it constantly but you have something to live for a son.At the end of the day everyone snaps at some time thoughs who say they dont are lying its not worth beating yourself up about it.

[Anxious_gal]

aw are on any medication or trying therapy?
I know today is hard but tomorrow might be better.
sometimes when we are angry we turn it inwards and end up depressed.
I think as long as you say sorry and give you son a cuddle and tell him it's not his fault you got angry he will be ok.
children tend to blame them selves when anything bad happens.
it's hard not to snap when your on edge all the time.
your human after all.
it's not your fault you are the way you are. you did not chose to have OCD but one thing you have control over is never giving up on your self :-)

[bellabessnjet]

Thanks for you replies.
Yes on citalopram 40mg, and having cbt thought I was doing OK but last 2 weeks have not been great. I did that with my son, gace him a big cuddle told him I was sorry, poor little loves been poorly all week then his Mum flips out! I feel so rubbish, another thing i've done wrong! Oh I hope this is just a blip, I feel soooo tired all the time, no interest in doing anything yet everyone expects me to organise them, cant do it anymore so lo and tired.