View Full Version : weaning myself off 15mg starts tonight-my diary starts here
Tonight I am going to attempt to wean myself off 15mg mirtazapine as I am hoping my low iron is causing my depression.I will take 7.5mg for 7 days initially. (Ive started iron tablets prescribed by the doc) I will also take omega 3 and a multi vitamin. I am scared but here goes...
Day 1 As usual dozed through the alarm going off 5 times! So hard to get up! Shopped at Aldi n surprised myself. The checkout lady was like a wippet putting through my goods and u know how small the checkouts are. I said "wow u go fast, are you trained to go that fast?" She said "yes" and smiled. Rather than get all annoyed with her (she was really pleasant afterall) and stressed I CALMLY said "hardly makes for pleasant shopping does it?". She agreed and I took my time finishing off packing at MY pace. I cant believe how calm I was! Used to get the shakes in this scenario! Healthy lunch planned, mackerel n salad. Feeling okay but feel I should go swimming (guilt) but need to iron.
pinkpiglet
21-02-10, 22:13
Hey, have you discussed this with your GP? please do so first before you attempt to wean yourself off any meds. x
Thanks for your concern. I have discussed with my GP but not the CBT doc who prescribed it. My GP said its up to me what I do and as I am on a low dose it will be fine. She even told me there is no side effects as mirtazapine has a half life so I could just stop it but I disagree reading other peoples experience so I am going to do it gradually. Had a nightmare coming off 40mg citalopram when ~I switched to 15mg mirtazapine without weaning. NOT going there again!
eeyorelover
22-02-10, 00:27
Good luck!
I truly hope it works for you!!
Keep us updated k?
xxx
Sandy
ElizabethJane
22-02-10, 07:52
Dear Smudger I wish you all the best. Keep posting and let us know how you get on. EJ.
eeyorelover and elizabethjane, thanks. Will keep u posted.xx
Tonight I am going to attempt to wean myself off 15mg mirtazapine as I am hoping my low iron is causing my depression.I will take 7.5mg for 7 days initially. (Ive started iron tablets prescribed by the doc) I will also take omega 3 and a multi vitamin. I am scared but here goes...
Day 1 As usual dozed through the alarm going off 5 times! So hard to get up! Shopped at Aldi n surprised myself. The checkout lady was like a wippet putting through my goods and u know how small the checkouts are. I said "wow u go fast, are you trained to go that fast?" She said "yes" and smiled. Rather than get all annoyed with her (she was really pleasant afterall) and stressed I CALMLY said "hardly makes for pleasant shopping does it?". She agreed and I took my time finishing off packing at MY pace. I cant believe how calm I was! Used to get the shakes in this scenario! Healthy lunch planned, mackerel n salad. Feeling okay but feel I should go swimming (guilt) but need to iron.
Day 1 As usual dozed through the alarm going off 5 times! So hard to get up! Shopped at Aldi n surprised myself. The checkout lady was like a wippet putting through my goods and u know how small the checkouts are. I said "wow u go fast, are you trained to go that fast?" She said "yes" and smiled. Rather than get all annoyed with her (she was really pleasant afterall) and stressed I CALMLY said "hardly makes for pleasant shopping does it?". She agreed and I took my time finishing off packing at MY pace. I cant believe how calm I was! Used to get the shakes in this scenario! Healthy lunch planned, mackerel n salad. Feeling okay but feel I should go swimming (guilt) but need to iron.
Day 2 Woke up quite bright this morning. Feel ok! I look horrible though! So overweight! If it wasn't for this I would feel very good.
Hi Smuder, Looking forward to following your journey weaning off mirtazipine. Scary for me that after quite a length of time on the meds you were still finding it hard to get up. I dread what i will do when I go back to work...Good luck... Jo
Hi. Thanks Jo.Don't worry. We all react differently. You may find it wears off quicker. My iron was low anyway and I only starting my iron tablets on Friday last. Been a good day today again. Please let this last!
Hi Smudger, thanks for your encouragement, I am trying to get myself up earlier in preperation for my return to work, my husband says I should take a couple more weeks that origianally planned to help and ensure meds fully working etc. Glad you felt good yesterday, i hope it stays that way for you. Good luck. Jo.
Hi Jo. Might be a good idea to take a couple of extra weeks off if you can. What a caring husband.
Day3 Woke up this morning after the alarm went of at least 5 times again. I feel really tired this morning and a little low.Had trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep last night :lac:. I haven't been swimming now for about 12 days. Its really playing on my mind because I can't seem to push myself to go and thats usually a downward spiral for me. Ive eaten a double breakfast this morning too, porridge, banana and 2 slices of marmalade on toast. How am I going to lose all the weight Ive gained if I eat this? Don't feel as good as I did on day 1 & 2. I know what I need to do, I need to go swimming (oh but I've washed my hair this morning...excuses excuses...but I'm too tired....I need to update my CV (can't believe I want to consider doing that!)....the list goes on).Supposed to meet my friends to go to cinema tonight..what excuse can I find not to go? I'll probably fall to sleep anyway (as usual). I just want to sleep, will somebody please tell me its a good idea (even if it isn't)...no don't tell me that...I know it's not:doh: Lets see what I can make of the rest of the day. Haven't had a coffee yet, maybe that will wake me up...but that is SO wrong, its so bad for me and I WANT to give it up.What am I like?:doh:
Day 4 Its 12.38am! I went to bed and got up after 10 minutes, about 20 mins ago. I can't sleep. I feel very low. Things are going over in my mind ten to the dozen. Somebody owes me money since November last year and they haven't bothered to pay me yet. I sent a nice text yesterday asking politely if they could pop it round. No response. I let them take my stuff on trust that they would pay me. I wish I wasn't so trusting. Its playing on my mind. I am dreading the morning. I hope I have a good day tomorrow and can make myself go swimming. Ive been very irritable today, er I mean yesterday. Feel it now. I really could have a good cry. Hubbys head hit the pillow and he was instantly asleep, snoring his head off. How DOES he do that? Right this moment I wish I had a bolthole where I could just hide til I'm feeling good. People would be none the wiser. My whole body wants to sob, my arms, my legs, even the tips of my fingers. I'm due to see the CBT lady tomorrow but I want to not turn up. Its not helping anymore and I am bored talking about the same things all the time. I don't think she as good as she was when I started. We have become too friendly with each other. She's too familiar now. I am going to sleep on the settee 2nite coz I know I will toss n turn tonight.....:weep:
Dear Smudger, I hope you managed to get some rest last night erm this morning. Horrible when you cant sleep, the more you think about it the worse it becomes, I do the same as you sleep on the setee when am like that. My husband drops off as soon as his head hits the pillow too. I have never been able to do that. Hope that person gives you your money back!!! Some people are so annoying!! You put your trust in them and they let you down. Cant really advise you re:CBT I have never had this so not sure how it works etc but am sure you will make the right decision for you. hope you feeling better. Jo.
Day 4 still Found it hard to wake up this morning, so tired. I never get a proper deep nights sleep on the settee but the tv really helped me get to sleep. I am going swimming at 10am. I need to. Its a funny feeling I get when I'm in the water when I am low. I feel like I can just swim and empty my mind. With my face in the water I don't need to smile, I can cry in my goggles if I want to as I swim and I feel so free in the water. Its as if I am in another world where I can shut out things and people. I think my mood is going to be okay today, I'm not quite sure yet, I just think that will depend on how tired I feel.....
Jo, sorry I was posting at the same time as you. Do you hate having to sleep on the settee? I do but its the only thing to do. My hubby leaves for walk at 7am n can't afford to have me keeping him awake! I didnt go to the cinema last night with my friends, I told them the truth that I was feeling low. They were very understanding. Think I wud have fallen asleep in the there anyway. Ive read the book (The Lovely Bones) so Im ok about missing it. Think it would have made me feel worse as a lovely young girl gets murdered in it. Not the best thing to watch when low! Still not sure if I'm goin to CBT today. Mixed up bout that. Hope u ok today? Tiredness getting better?Lynne
Hi Lynne, Yes tiredness much better thankfully. Isnt it nice to have friends that understand. I had to cancel tonight as i was suposed to be going out with some ex work collegues (second time I have had to cancel). Was going for a meal. I find when I am like this I just cannot have anything planned on the calender, so i also cancelled the following Saturdays and the 20th March with friends. I can now just concentrate on getting well again and not have (what I call hurdles) in the way at the moment. I think work is my biggest and most important hurdle, once I conquer that the rest can happen. Sometimes I dont mind sleeping on the setee, never want to disturb hubby, bless him he gets up at 5.45!!! Other times I hate it, just cant get comfy and keep hearing things. Am meeting a friend today (arranged this morning), she understands too, having gone through something similiar herself!!! Hope you enjoy your swim...wish i liked swimming...I just find I cant breathe properly when swimming. Best excercise there is for you. Have a good day. Jo.xx
Jo. We will become agraphobic (spell?) at this rate won't we? I warned my friends that I may let them down sometimes but it's my illness. Takes the pressure off. Have you warned yours?
ps.Hope you don't mind me asking.... what is your occupation? If you don't want to give personal stuff like that out I understand....:)
Hi Lynne, I work as a manager in retail. Yes have warned my friends and they understand (well most of them) and those that dont are not really friends, dont you think? I dont like letting people down but hubby says I must put ME first and get ME right then start worrying about others. I met a friend this morning...we walked into the town centre, had a coffee, then walked back to hers. It took around 2 hours and that was enough for me today. I felt o.k.ish but couldnt of coped going all round the shops. I am listening to everyone telling me to do small steps instead of huge leaps (I usually run before I can walk). I also realise that I will need that extra 2 weeks off, as feel pretty worn out this afternoon, so dont want to go backwards. Jo.
ElizabethJane
25-02-10, 15:16
I'm not sleeping very well either so I sympathise with both of you. My hubs gets up at 5.00am and leaves about 700am. I'm not entirely sure whether the mirt is messing with my sleep. I can't get up in ther mornings either and I have to get up for work and help my son get ready for school. I've more or less ruled out the menopause as a cause at the moment. Last night I must have gone to sleep at about 11.15pm. I dozed had a nightmare then woke up. This happened about three times and left me feeling exhausted. I don't remember the nightmares but they seem very plausible when I am having them. Tonight I will write them down to see if I can analyse what is wrong. I have stopped the zopiclone and I have a referral for hypnosis in April.
Hi.
My husband snoring was a nightmare to me=( So i digged the web and found lots of information about it. I arranged it and so here are a few tips that can help you stop snoring the natural way without using any drugs:
* Try to stay at a healthy weight.
* Establish a routine. Make an effort to go to bed at the some time every night.
* Avoid sleeping on your back.
* Put some bricks under the legs of your bed to raise its head by 4-5 inches. This can help you stop your tongue from falling towards the back of your throat, which can result in a blocked airway.
* Quit smoking to reduce the inflammation of the airway.
* Stay away from sedatives and antihistamines.
* Get regular exercise.
* In case the air in your home is too dry, you should use a humidifier.
* If you have a stuffy nose, use decongestants to correct the problem.
* Don't use overly soft or large pillows.
Unfortunatelly forum format doesn't allow to publish all tips and info about it, so you can read more on my page (http://blocksnoring.blogspot.com/2010/01/how-to-stop-snoring-once-and-for-all-is.html)
ElizabethJane
25-02-10, 17:50
Your post would be very useful Elvira for somebody whose problem is snoring or their partner snores. Maybe it will be of some help to others. The problem that we were discussing was being unable to sleep, disturbed sleep, getting off to sleep, staying asleep, being woken early. I expect that you could add snoring to this if a partner snores. As for me well if I am snoring then I would be asleep and that is the desired state. Mirtazapine does affect sleep in the lower doses extremely sedating in the higher doses (me?) it seems to inhibit sleep.
Hi Elizabeth-Jane.....that made me giggle.....Jo.
Love the snoring tips thanks. Sleep oh sleep, where art thee oh sleep.............. Think Im gonna take an mp3 player to bed when I find one, maybe that will send me to sleep like the tv did last night. Can't keep sleeping on sofa, really bad for back.ElizabethJane I think mirt def affects sleep! I am very up n down though. Some good, some bad.really interested to hear how hypnosis goes.
Day 4 After I went swimming day 4 was good. I need to keep moving! I need to keep busy.
ElizabethJane
25-02-10, 22:02
Dear Smudger good to hear that you are swimming. It should definitely help you to sleep. How are the withdrawals going? We have just bought a new sofa but I haven't slept on it yet. I really wish I had the answer to our sleep problems. I'm hoping the hypnosis will help me. I'll let you know how it goes. I have sent a message to the the therapist but I haven't heard anything back yet. I seriously tempted by those Glen Harrold (sp) cds but haven't succumbed yet.
Hi Lynne
Glad your day turned out good in the end. Did you go for the CBT in the end. I bet you slept like a log last night after that swimming??? I hope you did anyhow. Visited a relative this morning after spending a fortune in the local card shop!!! So many birthdays coming up. Having a pretty good day again today...may it continue. Just wondered how you were doing. Jo.
Day 5 ElizabethJane whio is Glen Harrold please? Don't seem to be suffering withdrawals as such on this low dose. Can't believe it? Jo I did go to CBT. I actually wanted to finish painting my daughters architraves in her bedroom instead. The CBT counsellor said I could have cancelled to do the painting if I wanted because as far as she is concerned, if I do something that makes me happy then thats therapy in her eyes! Wow, isn't that great? I said I felt it was wasting an appt that somebody else could have and she said its not a waste in her eyes because its part of the whole process of getting better!Wow! Slept on the settee again last night coz I was so wide awake at bedtime n hubby has the sniffles anyway so I wanted to avoid catching it! Spare room mattress is too uncomfortable for me. Today has been a good day so far. Been swimming, got some shopping for Mum from town n then went round Mum's n cleaned her kitchen for her. It really needed it and it was so satisfying. Her eyesight isn't what it used to be. I decorated her lounge last yr, it nearly killed me! Won't be attempting that again for a while! Jo are you finding the good days are getting more than the bad. Whats different on those days that are good compared to the bad. I mean what do you do thats different that may contribute to it being good?
Hi Lynne, yes am finding that the good days are getting more than the bad, in fact this is my 3rd good day on the trot!! I think that I am just keeping myself busy and going out more now. The first 2 weeks I just couldn't leave the house as I felt so awful with the side effects from the new meds and the withdrawal from the old. Once that all started to go I then found I could do more and so I went shopping on my own etc and did the things that previously I couldn't (if that makes sense). Am glad you are not suffering any withdrawals and pleased you having a good day today. I dont know about you but alot of it with me depends on how I feel when I actually wake up. If I wake up feeling good then I usually have a good day but if I wake up feeling "down" then I have to battle against it until that feeling goes and that usually happens if I keep myself busy. Jo.
I agree Jo. Its an uphill battle to claw your way out of despair when you wake up feeling that way. I guess the trick is to become self aware, and to be conscious of what personally motivates you. For me, its go for a swim if I wake up feeling bad. I could easily just binge (on chocolate) which is where I've gone wrong so many times. I think the medication has its place, in my case to lift my mood enough for me to even get off my backside. I don't think I could have done it without. I still go to bed at night thinking "please let tomorrow be another good day". I hope one day I won't think like this anymore and that I can keep the positive thoughts I feel today for ever. Its gr8 to hear that things are turning around for you too. Keeping busy is so important!
Your post makes so much sense Lynne. I think I will always have to take the medication as in the past when I have tried to come off it, I go perhaps 6 months (if I am lucky) and then end up on that down ward spiral again. This bad spell i am experiencing is the worst I have ever had and I guess I was stupid as thinking back the signs were all there but I chose to carry on regardless and when I did start back on meds (citalopram at the time) it was too late and the illness dragged me to depths I had never experienced before. My treadmill and this forum have been my life savers and the mirtazipine too, and people like you and your support.
ElizabethJane
26-02-10, 21:56
Hi Glenn Harrold is some hypnosis guru. I just threw his name into the mix to see if anyone had bought any of his cds and what you thought of them. Still might buy one but then again I'm not sure. I am feeling loads better on 45mg mirtazapine. I admire your discipline Smudger as I dodged a swim this week worried that the water would be too cold. I am glad that the withdrawal is going well. I still had bad symptoms coming off 15mg so I applaud you.
Jo this has been my worst episode too! I have NEVER been this scared in my life, Ive never felt this ALONE in my life. I will worry this will happen again and I'm not off the meds yet! I'm a yo yo depressive I'm afraid!This forum and you guys make me feel 'normal' in all this 'abnormality'. Its such a comfort that you are all here and I wish I'd searched for the forum before!I found you all quite by accident you know! By the way are you good at running? How far? I have a gammy knee and have never been a good runner! I came last but one in the cross country at school n yet I was in all the school teams, netball, hockey, rounders etc! I detested cross country, I used to think it was cruel to make somebody run a distance they barely hardly ever walked let alone run!
ElizabethJane Ive read you are less drowsy on higher doses, is that your experience? If so, whats the reasoning? Can you have more than 45mg because I have never heard anybody mention more than 45mg? The thing with the swimming is when I feel low, I like the feeling I get when I put my head under the water and I can't hear anything going on. I think I like the solitude of a swim. Also, I like setting myself targets coz it motivates me. Its not enough just to swim, I need a target such as swim quicker or extra lengths or different strokes. I'm currently tying to perfect my breaststroke so I can swim faster. I have been watching you-tube demonstrations. Think I have been swimming incorrectly since I was 4 years old!lol! Today I focused on my leg technique and that mind focus helps me forget how crap I'm feeling. Its all about this being active thing.By the way, no need to applaud me for not having bad symptoms coming off 15mg when you did have bad symptoms. Thats just bloomin unfair on your part. I feel very lucky at the moment. Do you think I should stop completely after 1 week on 7.5mg? Not sure what to do! Very scary!
Hi Lynne, I too found this forum by accident...I was just searching on google for info on different medications and found peoples experiences...I couldnt believe it. I can honestly say that If I had not had the support from you guys and some of the others on here I would of given up on mirtazipine in the second week cos I just felt I was never going to get any better.
I used to be good at running, but at the moment I just power walk on my treadmill and I do an hour a day, have my mp3 in my ears and away I go. I love it!!! I kept trying to do it over the past 3 weeks, even when I had them zaps I used to just hold on the sides and carry on marching (was so damm hard...) I would end up with tears streaming down my face with the sheer frustration of how I was feeling (felt bit sorry for myself too), it just go too much in week 2 and I had to leave alone for 5 days. Thankfully feeling stronger now so it is going ok.
I used to do hockey, netball etc and loved the summer sports.....oh them were the days!!!! Jo.
Day 6 Yesterday was good. Kept busy. Hubby n I did a MASSIVE clean out of our garage. Very therapeutic!Had visitors later in evening for dinner. Got a bit stressed when husband left me to get everything ready while he was over the neighbours enjoying a tipple! Didn't even ask if I wanted help! Found it stressful coz I was looking after niece n nephew who were staying the night and she kept saying 'Aunty Lynne' over n over again. She is lovely but I do tire quick when I look after kids.
Day 7 Its Sunday. Went with daughter to horse riding n helped groom. Again, good therapy. Bloomin cold though!Got back n Dave had cooked a nice warm meal ready to serve as we arrived home. Lovely. Tonight I am changing my medication again. Instead of 7.5mg every night. I'm having it every other night. That will mean after tonights dose its 3 doses next week then next Sunday on....no more. Fingers crossed Ill suffer no side effects. Must keep swimming after school drop. If I do start to dip, that will sort me out!
Hi Lynne, Well done!!! You doing good. You with your swimming is like me with my treadmill. Sunday was going to be my day off but I woke up and felt down today (the past 4 days have spoilt me), I came down to earth with a bump today and realised I'm not quite out of the woods yet!!! Glad I have decided to take an extra 2 weeks off, feel I will need it. Sorry am ranting on so I did go on the treadmill and felt bit better but have just felt exhausted today...not nice...hope tommorow is better. Poured down here all day today! Jo.
Hi Jo. I think we both need to accept that we won't feel good every day. As long as we are self aware and know what we need to do to turn it around we can gain back the control. When we feel low maybe we could accept that our brain is telling us we are lacking something, a bit like when our tummies rumble to tell us we need food. We wouldn't deny it food would we so why would we deny our brain what it needs! Its the only analogy I can think of right now, trust it to be food! Jo, keep hold of that control you have gained back. You can do it! We can do it! We have to. Whats the alternative....?
Day 8 Woke up feeling fab this morning. Lots to do, go to tip, swimming, supermarket THEN can wouldn't start AGAIN. My mood dropped really quick. I've put car on fast charge but I am so angry n feel like the day is ruined. I know this is silly because whats the worse that could happen? I have to go to the tip another day (so what?), I can't swim today (Could go for a walk instead or paint Lucy's door frames), can't food shop (plenty in the freezer). Oh Lynne, get real, you are alive, you are well. There is always another day. Why do I let such a silly thing as the car not starting affect me SO much? I am mad I am!!!!lol!
Lynne...Disaster!!! My treadmill has broke!! Did my hour on it this morning then it started to smell of burning. Hubby came down (he has 3 days off) and said switch that off quick Jo its burning. He fiddled with it underneath and now it wont work at all. Feel thats the end of my world at the moment (how sad am I)!! Thats what gets me up every day. Phoned argos and an engineer has to be booked to come out and look at it. Guess I shall have to make do with my Rosemary Conley DVD's for a few days!!! Gutted. Apart from that feel brighter today. Sorry to hear about your car!! What are we like me and you whinging over cars and treadmills!!! We both need to get lives I think!! LOL!!! Hope your day goes o.k. JO.xx
Oh no Jo, sorry to her about the demise of your treadmill! At least its still in warranty so thats good. How long u gotta wait for the engineer? Can you go jogging outside for a short while instead? Glad you are brighter today, how was yesterday evening in the end coz u felt rubbish didn't you?
Today turned out quite productive in the end. I finished some glossing in 3 different rooms! I always leave jobs slightly unfinished, its an annoying habit of mine! Trouble is, the rest of the paintwork now looks too old!Blinkin eck!
Mechanic came to look at my car at 5.30 n you never guess what...the damn thing started straight away!How annoying! I felt a right idiot.
Anyway, not feeling my best this evening, time of the month n all that but it will pass. Really missed my swim today. I only have off peak membership so can't go in the evenings. I used to be addicted to exercise but Ill never get like that again. Its unsustainable! I just feel a bit fuzzy, as if the cobwebs haven't been exercised away!
Hi Lynne, Not sure when engineer is coming...got to wait for phone call!!! Went to see GP last night, had got appt for Fri but rang on off chance and there had been a cancellation!!! I had been noticing my pulse racing (106) had chat and he told me to take propananol to ease it. Didn't want to increase the dose of mirtazipine at the moment.
Felt really anxious when I woke this morning and still do a bit now, dont know what has brought this on as had been waking up feeling good last week!!! Negative feelings creeping back in too. Hope it's not all coming back!!! Was doing so well!!!
How are you today??? Jo.
Hi Jo. Has your pulse been racing whilst resting? Proprananol, isn't that for hypertension? Have you had it before? Was wondering if you had a restful sleep lats night coz this drug can cause dreams and lack of sleep and you know how that can affect your mood! This negative feeling you have, is your body telling you that you need something. What do you think it could be?
Hold on to those thoughts from last week and check whats different this week from last. Do you think it could be not running and maybe you are anxious bout your pulse. Well the prop will sort the pulse, next thing is that engineer! Could you ask hubby to chase them if you don't feel up to it?
Remember though, not every day will be a bad day and vice versa so please don't beat yourself up because there is one rotten egg in the box. No two days are ever the same are they but I know you know that!?
Let me know how you get on with the pulse issue and I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.xx
Day9 Tuesday. Didn't take any anti depressant for the first time in years last night! Now officially weaned off! Woke up really easily and felt normal today. Did I expect to wake up with an extra head or something? Turned up at school dressed inappropriately it seemed for a day course on Introduction To Sports Coaching. Thought it was theory only! Oh well, did the course anyway which was fun. Got home n felt tired from so much concentration. Finding it hard to get motivated to cook dinner but other than that all is well except for arrival of monthly (the curse)! Compared to last month when I freaked out this ones a doddle! Don't feel like ripping anybody's head off this month!
Hi Lynne, yes propananol for hypertention but slows pulse down. Mine has been racing when resting...did tell GP but when he took it was 83!! Typical!!
Today was better as the day wore on, I find mornings always the worst anyhow!!
Yes missing treadmill, so I phoned up and said it was helping me with my illness, so they are delivering a new one Tuesday. Otherwise part could take 12 weeks.
Negative thoughts....wierd one...I just start to feel like everything is horrible. Even things I normally like doing feel horrible (not sure if you'll understand what I mean) its the only way I can describe it.
Hopefully tommorow will feel better when I wake up. Thanks for listening and replying.xx
Jo I do know what you mean about everything you like being horrible. Its like everything has a black cloud over it. You can't see ANYTHING positive about it. It is a weird feeling because you know theres no good reason for this feeling because NOTHINGS changed about that particular thing but you can't help feeling that emotion. For me, and I am not saying this is for you, for me this can be the start of feeling really low again. Just watch out that this feeling doesn't continue too long. If the medication is working at the correct dose for you, these feelings should be the minority of the time. The good days becoming more and more, the bad less n less. I know you know this but sometimes it needs reinforcing by somebody whose been there! I don't know why but I feel when you get back to your treadmill and your favourite routine, that will help. Its sort of like a crutch. Do you know what I mean? When you seeing the doc again about your med?
ElizabethJane
03-03-10, 08:00
Dear Jo I understand your feelings that everything is horrible. I find that I 'catastrophise' everything as well ie think that the worst possible outcome is the most likely to happen. I did have some CBT a few years ago which was an attempt to change my distorted thinking. It worked up to a point but I was severely depressed at the time and it made doing the homework difficult. The Stones song 'Paint it black' sums up a lot of the feelings for me. It does look (from a laymans) point of view that your meds need adjusting. Well done for getting another treadmill. I'm not exercising as much as I should because I am so busy at the moment so hopefully I will swim tonight. You are not the only one with those feelings though. They are a symptom of depression.
Hi Lynne and Elizabethjane, thanks for your replies. I had 4 days last week where I woke up and felt good and everything felt nice, now this is my 4th day of waking up and everything feels horrible and I have to push myself through the motions. The feeling usually goes in the afternoon sometime and I end up having a nice afternoon and evening. Then I think "how the hell did I feel like that this morning"??? So horrible. I have been like this for years on and off. When I am at work I find that by the time I have got up showered etc "the feeling" has gone and everything feels o.k. again. When having a "bad patch" as I call it I have to fight and push myself into doing what I normally do (if that makes sense) and eventually "it" goes away. I agree Lynne that I am definately missing my treadmill but I am just going to have to cope until Tuesday. Tuesday is going to be an awful day too as I have to attend a funeral, my 15 year old daughters best friend collapsed and died of a heart attack a week ago....my daughter wants to go to the funeral so I am going to support her.
I saw my GP on Monday, he said to leave the meds at 15mg....I just hope he is right as I really do want to go back to work on the 22nd and would rather of increased my dose now so my body could get used to it rather than later, as if I feel like I did when I first went on the meds work would be really hard. Mind you I am going back on less hours and building them up so I need to convince myself that I might be able to cope if I just went in later rather than earlier.
I think I might see if I settle down over the next few days and if not go back on Monday and see him??? I really dont know what to do. The other thing that is getting me down is I have not dared go on the scales but did try some clothes on (I have not worn for a while), and my work trousers and they were tight!!! Not fair I have been excercising and trying to be careful with my food yet I have clearly put weight on!! Bloody medication, why do we have to take it?? Hopefully for you Lynne your weight will just drop off now.
Sorry I have gone on alot but just had to get it all off my chest today. Hope you dont mind reading....Jo.xx
Jo, absolutely post as much as you want to! Its better to say more then we can understand each other better.
I am so sorry about your daughters friend. Thats is so sad and she was so young. How do you feel about going bearing in mind your feelings at the moment? I went to a funeral recently and I was worried how I would react but I was ok in the end.
I can completely relate to you about feeling better as the day goes on, especially when I was working. Its as if there is a magic formula in an active mind! Trouble is we can't be that active the minute we wake up can we so thats why mornings are probably worst for some? We are like a cold car engine methinks! Its positive though Jo that your day does get better. Thats a real plus. When you do go back to work and have a purpose or commitment in the mornings then this may help those morning blues. Perhaps it will focus your mind on the day ahead rather than the present. It may be worth speaking to other med users about whether to up your dose soon rather than later for when you go back to work, if you suspect this may be imminent. Its been a long time for me, I can't remember exactly how I was when I upped my dose but I understand your concerns..I would think exactly like you.
By the way, the weights not dropping off I am afraid. I think I will have to be stricter. I am stuck in a bit of a cycle at the moment n I need to get my ass in gear! I was thinking about replacing Tilly the whale at Sea World! My appetitie is up and down but I'm on my period n seriously craving naughty food this week. Can't wait for the menopause! After my holiday in 18 days time Ill knuckle down to it I promise myself!
Lynne, Thanks for your reply. You have made me feel so much better. I think that if I wake up and feel total crap again tommorow I will try and get an appointment with my Gp on Friday, so then if I do have to increase my meds then I can start straight away.
With regards to the funeral...yes I am thinking like you..how am I going to be. Its a long one too as not only is it a buriel (think thats how its spelt) its a catholic one, so sounds like an all afternoon job!! But at least it is afternoon and not morning.....I really need to go as my daughter really needs my support. So even feeling like I do I am going to push this one and like you, hope it turns out o.k. in the end. Yes it is so very sad. The poor girl was pulled out of school in the middle of the day to be told her mum had had a heart attack and it was quite serious, little did she know that when she kissed her mum goodbye that morning it was to be the last time she would see her alive. I have cried so much since hearing the news. She is a lovely girl, so quiet and caring, to be without her mum at 15, bless her. It has certainly brought things home to my daughter, she has been really cuddly with me and hubby since.
Some things people have to go through eh?? Really makes you wonder. I then think of myself going on about how I am feeling when really I should just be glad that I am alive!!! It dosent work that way though does it!!! JO.xx
Jo, even though there are people in seemingly worse situations than us, doesn't make our suffering any less. This is an illness afterall and we are doing our best to get better aren't we so please don't feel guilty! I'm sure you will do your best to support this poor girl when she is around you. I sense you are a loving mother and I can imagine you will find a way to give her comfort in a way only a Mother could! Maybe your daughter is feeling a little scared that the same could happen to you too. It would be a normal reaction I think.
Talking about this has made me think about my relationship with my daughter. While I have been ill this time I have been very mechanical about my mothering. You know what I mean, all the usual things done still such as packed lunch, clothes ironed, meals prepared. All very stiff and without emotion other than anger in some instances! I have just realized that it feels 'normal' again. I was walking home with her today n we were being really silly, you know, playing tig n chasing each other (haven't done this in ages). This evening she cuddled right up to me on the settee and was really close to me and whispered "love you Mum". It was lovely. The other day, she watched tv lying completely on me (and shes 9 so not exactly tiny) because she wants to be so close to me again. I am nearly back to normal (whatever that is) I think and she senses it and likes it. I really felt I was losing her for a while because of my behaviour and state of mind, that was so scary! I was pushing her away for a while and I couldn't help it and I knew I was doing it but everything just seemed so hard. We are so happy to have each other back.Has your relationship with your child been affected at all Jo?
Day 10 Yesterday woke up at 7.15am. Wow, the earliest for me in ages. Felt really good. Took stuff to the tip, kept busy all day, cleaning out the garage again. Period really painful but a least I wasn't drowsy like I usually am on it. Did all my ironing!No mean feat n went to a ptfa meeting. After school we went shopping n Lucy got a lip gloss making set from hobbycraft with her money so we went home n made it together. After dinner she read her new book to me which we haven' done in ages. How lovely! Sleep a bit unsettled last night, tossed n turned!
Hi Lynne, firstly massive pat on the back...you are doing so well. I am so pleased for you.
I know what you mean when you say mechanical mother. I supose for me Rachel is 15 and very independant but she still needs her mum, I think she has worried alot about me since i have been ill, she asks me if I am o.k. and has to then say "are you sure". I think because I have been off work that has made it more prominent. She suffers a little too. She has had really bad OCD in the past and 2 small periods of depression. She would never let me take her to the GP so I had to help her in the best way I could. Fortunately she has got over it. For her, she has reasons causing it but with me I never really know what causes it I just suffer with it and can never really get to the route of the problem. When I first started the meds I was jumping down everyones throat and she found that quite hard to take. She would retaliate by saying "You're not the only one who feels bad mum" and that brought me down to earth with a bump!! Fortunately I dont seem to get as angry now the meds have settled but went back to GP today to tell him how the last few mornings have been and he want me to start 30mg from tonight. I am so scared that I will have to go all through what I have just been through again!!! But I know I need to get better so will just have to bear it again!!!
Hope you have a good day. Thanks for keeping in touch....really helping me. Jo.xx
Jo. Thank you too. I feel like you are my mirror image sometimes when you explain things....:)
As I said on your other thread I think its a good thing you are upping your meds now rather than later. Maybe you got used to them like I did with citalopram. Different doses work for different people don't they? Try not to have any expectations about whats to come though, just go along with it and treat it like a welcome friend if that makes sense! (yes, I know you are thinking I am mad aren't you?) I do feel you are in a better position than when you started because you have got rid of all the cit side effects though. That is such a MASSIVE difference to how you will feel. You could focus on the relief of knowing that positive rather than the what if negatives that in all probability will never happen! I think we get so scared worrying about the unknowns don't we? Just as we could ask ourselves "how does it work", we could also ask ourselves, "it has for others, why the hell wouldn't it for me?" Keep us informed how you are getting on won't you. I'll be on every day. Take care.:hugs:
Day 11 Medication free for 4 days now. Woke up feeling gr8 again this morning apart from p pain! Been really active today. Went to drop card n prezzie at a friends n went straight to tip again, emptied boot,came back, cleared the side of the house from all the timber (had to jig saw all of it up to fit it in car, took me 2 hrs!), refilled the boot of car ready for tomorrows tip visit. Nothing like hammering a load of stray nails into timber to get rid of energy!Trimmed the ivy in back garden (wot a pain), have neck pain now but bearable. If I didn't suffer so much with my neck n back I would get so much more done at home. Can't wait to get back to swimming soon. Glad I have had the garden n garage to keep me occupied. Didn't sleep deeply again last night, kept waking up n clock watching. Cancelled my CBT session to do garden. Therapist was very positive about it.All in all a good day...hope it continues.:yahoo: pos. a cuckoo clock fell on my head yesterday!Ouch!
be careful before you just stop any meds my doc always says it takes a long time to get into your system and a long time to get out but good luck
Thanks lynne1960. I was on a low dose 15mg mirtazapine. I went down to 7.5g for 7 days n then stopped. Was gonna have it every other day for a week before stopping but decided to go for it.Hope this works! My doc told me just to go cold turkey coz mirtazapine has a short half life .People on here advised me not to go cold turkey despite what my doc said and I listen to this forum more because these people have been through it! So far I am waking up bright n breezy instead of dull n dozey. And I haven't felt this optimistic in ages!
Thank goodness for you Lynne, I dont feel half as scared now.....I shall be in touch tommorow!!!xx
Day 12Medication free for 5 days now Still all well. So far so good. Its funny, at the moment everything is crystal clear. The colours outside are so clear, I am so used to seeing everything as a blur of wishy washy colour, all blending together. It's as if I have finally opened my eyes! Is this the iron supplements? Because I am not as tired have I finally woken up?...anyway, had a nice day today. Went to check out a pony for sale with my friend (she wanted a second opinion), came back, met an old school friend for lunch out, went to the tip again and came back n just finished trimming the GODDAMN IVY! Loads to go! Now I have found this energy again I am swapping one problem for another, my neck is REALLY hurting again because I've become so active! I've given in to ibuprofen I am afraid. At least p pains have gone though!
Day 13 Medication Free Fpor 6 days now All is well. Did loads of gardening but neck kills again. I took some before I started but they had no effect whatsoever. Damn neck...but I musn't let it get me down!
Day 14 medication free for 7 days now Woke up bit tired this morning. Had neighbours round n drank too much. Feel sick coz the pizza was really salty too! Stuck at home today coz Lucy has been ungrateful, no riding for her n no swimming this afternoon. Made me feel a bit down but I'm dissapoointed I think more than anything. I love watching her ride and helping with the pony. But she has to learn to be grateful! We are gonna do the garden instead but I'll enjoy that. Wheres the ibuprofen for my neck....!
Hi Lynne, So glad you are doing so well....keep going girl. Pleased for you and really mean that. Jo.xx
Hi Smudger
Just read this thread not noticed it before...kept it well hidden..
You sound like you are doing fantastically well .... the very best of luck to you ...go girlie x
Thank you ladies. The whole household is benefiting from my improvement. I pray it lasts!
Smudger, I'm so pleased that you're doing well.
It's good to hear positive stories - hope it continues for you.
Thank you so much Melancholia77. I don't know if its the iron tablets I am on but I have energy back. You should see what I have done in my garden this weekend!lol! I've gone mad with the pruner n fence stain!
Day 15 8 days medication free Woke up bright n breezy this morning. Jet washed the decking for 4 hrs. My mood is fab but my neck is killing me. With all this new found energy I just want to do everything at 100 miles an hour. Better than depression though!
Hey Lynne, so pleased for you...can I please have a dose...I love going 100 miles an hour but my body just wont let me at the moment. So glad you are so well. Love Jo.xx
Hi Jo. You will get back to 100 miles an hour. I suspect its your nature! Engineer is due tomorrow isn't he? About bloomin time! I asked hubby tonight why he puts up with my depression coz I couldn't put up with my Dad's n he said he always hopes that the old me is in there somewhere trying to get out because it has before. Made me feel like species!lol! He could have said "its coz I love you" but he didn't sadly! Not sure what I should make of that! Hope things are getting better for you. Keeping up with your thread meanwhile. Keep posting won't you?
Its 2am argh! I've just woken up with a rerun over n over again of a conversation I had today during a meeting at school. I am wondering if I should stop being involved with these committees because I take everything to heart. If I disagree with somebody, especially where kids are concerned I have to voice my concern but why do I repeat these conversations in my sleep. This is life though isn't it? I can't shy away from confrontation but I am too sensitive for my own good! In my own mind I'm already rehearsing my resignation speech if my principle isn't upheld! Gosh I am so tired...wish I could sleep and forget about this! I never used to let things worry me in this way!
Hi Lynne, Hope you got back off to sleep o.k. I am like that when I am at work...I wake up and start thinking about things and then cant get back off to sleep, good we have this forum to come on to and let off some steam.
Course your hubby loves you, he wouldn't be there with you if he didn't...they just done say what you want them to say sometimes do they?
You should be very proud of yourself for doing as well as you have...I hope it continues for you hun and I really do mean that. Jo
Thanks Jo. Thats kind of you. You are right, men (SOME men ) are so stupid sometimes aren't they?lol!
Didn't go back to bed til 4am! Argh, n just done 4 hrs jet washing! Knackered to say the least!
Day 16. 9 days medication free Up between the hours of 2 n 4 am last night so woke up tired this morning. Mood fine though. Just been jet washing for 4 hrs in garden n my right hand is really tingling, I think it still thinks its holding the jet wash!lol! My mind is constantly going over a conversation I had at school yesterday. Why can't I let it go? Its driving me nuts! Jo, I'm going to mail u about it.
Day 17 10 days medication free Mood fine but tired. Have had a really sicky tummy n the runs since yesterday evening and this morning n can't face breakfast (not like me at all!). My hand is still buzzing from using the jetwash, its really cold n dark red too. Apparently there is a condition called vibration white finger which people get from using vibrating power tools. I guess two 4 hr stints wasn't the best idea. All or nothing me! Anyway it should go away but wanted to finish off the jetting today so thats a bit annoying. Gotta go, feeling quite sick..urgh!
Hi Lynne, Sorry to hear you feeling bit icky!!! I was like that Monday afternoon (runs) and then when I woke up yesterday I felt sicky, by mid morning it had passed off thankfully. Not suprised your hand is still buzzing from the jet wash....you are like me we never learn. Hope your day gets better. Jo.xx
Thanks Jo. Still feelin sicky. One minute I am hungry, the next I feel sick. Not sure whether to eat or not. had rubbish night coz of it last night so tired 2 day but the jetting is callinG out to me. Just got back from tip again n was tempted to jump in with the rubbish, just for a kip!lol!
:D I know what you mean....I have just been on my treadmill, cos I have been suffering with a bit of a racing pulse hubby said to take it easy, he has put all sorts of worries in my minds now, I keep thinking there is something wrong with my heart!!! I think cos daughters friend collapsed and died of heart attack at 47 it has scared me too. Found out this morning that she did have an excisting heart condition but if she had been found earlier (think she was laying in the street for around 1hr) she could of survived!! Makes it more tragic. My GP told me to take propananol for the racing heart (slows it down) so have been doing that. Straight after my 3/4 hr on the treadmill I was taking my blood pressure (tells you pulse rate too) it was 110 so that I thought was o.k ater excercise, considering it has been around 106 on resting.....odd!! Dont want to get myself into a state worrying about that.
Meeting friend at 1pm for lunch and feel so nervous, perhaps its cos she is a friend but also work collegue??? Gosh that return date is creeping up fast!! God knows what I will be like this time next week, so wierd cos I love my job and know that it is not the reason for my drepression/anxiety...so why???
Sorry have rambled on your thread again...just get carried away...hope you feel better hun.:) Jo.xx
Day 18 11 days medication free Felt sick in waves all day today. Went to tip again, did some jetting (big mistake coz hand buzzing again!). Not enjoying this evening coz still feel sick n av headache now. Illness drags me down so mood a bit low. Just wanna get on with finishing the decking! Can't let a silly thing like a sicky tummy get me down though, goodness me! Pull yourself together you daft bugger!
:DMy GP told me to take propananol for the racing heart (slows it down) so have been doing that.
Jo, is anxiety causing the racing heart? What is propanol?
Hi Lynne, Yes anxiety causes it and propananol is a beta blocker.
Day 19 and 12 days medication free Had a tossing n turning night last night feeling sick n achy. Been helping out at school all morning today, then just jet washed for 1 1/2 hrs in garden. Very cold now n feel sicky again. Could do with curling up in bed now! Just very tired. Didn't eat much yesterday so supposes that hasn't helped. Ah well, could be worse. Mood feels a little low but I guess thats coz I'm feelin off colour.
Gosh Lynne, cannot believe it is now 12 days medication free!! How quick has that gone?? Yes I would say that mood is low due to you not feeling so well. Hope you improve soon. Jo.xx
Thanks Jo. Just got back from a meeting at school. 2 1/2 hrs! Very interesting though. Don't feel sick anymore thank goodness. I noticed something tonight, being in a meeting and talking about school stuff really takes my mind off how I am feeling. Just shows how important it is to keep busy!
Hey Lynne, You are so right, I know that in the past I often wake up feeling anxious etc but by the time I have got up showered and gone off to work...its gone...oh how I hope that happens for me going forward. How did the meeting go? Any news on the concerns you had re:w.watchers and s.world or was this about something completely different? Jo.
You are doing so well...you should be so proud of yourself.xx
Hi Jo. Thanks. I am confident when you get busy with work your mood will be better, it will probably be the tiredness that will take its toll at first. At least you can get back into it gradually. No it was a different meeting. Haven't been able to discuss it further but will do. Hope u are okay, keep up the good work!
Day 20 and 13 days medication free Woke up at 6.45 this morning alert and ready for the day. Hubby was gobsmacked! Helped out at school til 10.45 then went to town to get eyebrows waxed n eyelashes tinted ready for holiday. Picked up tickets n euros...now I can't stop thinking about my fat body and people seeing it! It doesn't matter what any of you say, I look awful and nothing fits me and I can't buy a lot of new clothes. Don't know what I am going to do, I feel sick thinking about it....
ElizabethJane
12-03-10, 17:46
Well I think that you will be swimming on holiday. Will funds stretch to some basic separates? Next do some lovely mid length skirts and loads of tops. During the day unless you are out and about your swimming costume/tankini?? and a sarong will do. I guess you have a smart jacket to go out in? I felt really frumpy this week and have had my hair highlighted and tinted. Omg what a difference and it has hidden the greys!! Just don't end up like me sitting on Holkham beach in my best speedo swimming costume. I needed a tankini I felt such a fool.
Just don't end up like me sitting on Holkham beach in my best speedo swimming costume. I needed a tankini I felt such a fool.
Hi. I had to titter. I am taking my speedo...and I have other nicer all in ones but they don't fit coz of my recent weight gain! I am going to have to buy things aren't I?
Day 21 and 14 days medication free Woke up nice n early n bright n breezy this morning. That soon ended! Did some mental maths with daughter and she ended up in tears. Gets mega stressed and angry when she can't do it. At my wits end with this. She gets so angry with me when I try n explain and then I get angry because she shouts at me. Spoken to the teacher about this but there is only so much a teacher can do with a class full of kids.I am not the right person to coach her. May have to stop horse riding at some point n have some home tuition for her maths because she worries about it so much..she is only 9 for goodness sake! Visited Mum n Dad to drop off mothers day presents n Dad was annoying me coz he is so moany n negative! Couldn't wait to escape!Later on did some paperwork for school and housework ready for in laws dinner visit later. Anxiety levels mega high now. Haven't seen them for about 6 weeks, been avoiding them cause of depression as I feel uncomfortable around father in law (Mr Tactless!). Not enjoying today at all! Feel crap too cause I have scoffed too much rubbish in reaction to my anxiety! Looking forward to bedtime!
Hi Lynne,
Sorry you not having such a good day. There are some people who just dont understand how we feel and what we go through as they have never had it themselves, it makes it difficult to be around them. I'm sure you will be fine.
At least having got the inlaws out of the way does that mean you have tommorow to yourselves? I hope that you will be spoilt......I have to do the mother-in-law tommorow but get on o.k with her and she totally understands what I am going through having been there herself.
Hope your evening turns out o.k and you have a lovely day tommorow. Jo.xx
Thanks Jo. I feel sick. I'm sitting here waiting for the arrival.Was hoping hubby n daughter wud be back from shops to meet n greet but they aren't...argh! I do get on with mum in law, just my depression makes me see things that maybe aren;'t there n I find them so judgemental these days. Make me feel inadequate but thats my mind I guess! Gosh I feel so sick!
Gosh, the cars just pulled up...I am going to heave!
You will be fine....big hug:hugs:
yvonne_uk_98
13-03-10, 20:53
Hi Lynne,
Hope you feel better, sorry your not feeling too good. hope you have a lovely mother's day tomorrow. :hugs:
Yvonne
Thanks Jo. All was fine in the end. Maybe because I am feeling better and father in law behaved himself! We had a lovely evening playing trivial pursuits on the wii! Phew!
Yvonne, thank you for your kind words and a happy mothers day to you. Daughter brought me toast in bed this morning and bought me a lovely new pair of pyjamas, a bracelet n necklace and a handmade card.Lovely. She was under strict instructions...no chocolate!!!! Dinner is cooked already coz I cooked double yesterday and we have moved the wii into the lounge so the 3 of us can have a snuggly family play! Heaven.......
Hey Lynne,
Glad your evening went o.k in the end....I knew it would. Have a lovely day today.:) Jo.xx
Thanx Jo. Relieved to say the least!
Day 22 n 15 days medication free Woke up to breakfast in bed from Lucy. It was lovely. Had a really lazy day which hasn't been good for my mood so I had to do some ironing. I don't sit around too well anymore. I have really noticed this since coming off my tablets. Had some family time on the wii which was nice. Holiday is playing on my mind, I am still anxious about it. Generally though, depression is not creeping back which is good.
Hi Lynne,
How long is it until you go on holiday, I am sure that you will be fine when you get there and I truely hope that you have a wonderful time...you deserve it.:) Jo.xx
Nice of you to say that Jo. We are going next Sunday. Haven't broken the news to the hamster yet!
OMG that has come around quickly, I can remember you mentioning a holiday a while ago, how long are you away for? I will miss you on here you have been so much help to me and I love chatting to you. Who will look after the hamster for you? We have a hamster "Alice" my daughter chose the name. We got her last September. I got into alot of trouble from hubby as he was against the idea, we had had them when Rachel was younger and we always ended up cleaning them out etc, so he was dead against it. I knew that now Rachel is 15 she would look after it properly and I work next door to a pets at home. One day after work they had just had their delivery and I happened to go in and just fell in love with one so I ended up buying her and the cage etc. Dan hit the roof af first but soon realised I had made the right decision, Rachel loves her to bits and completely does everything for her. I just worry how she will cope when she dies as they have such a short life but I guess it is all part of growing up. Sorry am rambling on in your thread again. Once I start dont know when to stop. Jo.xx
OMG that has come around quickly, I can remember you mentioning a holiday a while ago, how long are you away for? I will miss you on here you have been so much help to me and I love chatting to you. Who will look after the hamster for you? We have a hamster "Alice" my daughter chose the name. We got her last September. I got into alot of trouble from hubby as he was against the idea, we had had them when Rachel was younger and we always ended up cleaning them out etc, so he was dead against it. I knew that now Rachel is 15 she would look after it properly and I work next door to a pets at home. One day after work they had just had their delivery and I happened to go in and just fell in love with one so I ended up buying her and the cage etc. Dan hit the roof af first but soon realised I had made the right decision, Rachel loves her to bits and completely does everything for her. I just worry how she will cope when she dies as they have such a short life but I guess it is all part of growing up. Sorry am rambling on in your thread again. Once I start dont know when to stop. Jo.xx
Jo we are away for 11 nights. 7 of us going. Its lovely chatting to you too matey but as Arnie says "I'll be back". My husband was dead against having a 4th hamster coz theres a constant moan from me about cleaning it out. Should be Lucy's job really! I have to nag her every time! Funnily enough she did it on her own on Mothers Day n did a grand job! First time I haven't helped her. I know what you mean about them dying though. The last one was nearly 3 yrs old! Pretty good. I Know it sounds naff but I love 'Snowdrop', she is SO tame and loves coming out her cage. The others were called Chocolate, Hammy and Rose. One of my sisters is looking after Snowdrop for us. I hope she doesn't die coz last time thats how Chocolate died, when she had a holiday away from us...must have missed us!By the way, you are not rambling, it's interesting!:)
Day 23 and 16 days medication free Woke up tired this morning after Lucy came into the bedroom at 4am to announce the tooth fairy had left £1 and signed her name "Ruby" on the note Lucy left her. Mood normal. Still pigging out too much though!
Day 24 and 17 days free from medication Good mood today again. Met a friend for lunch. Did some holiday shopping. Lovely weather today, really lifts u!
yvonne_uk_98
16-03-10, 23:53
Day 24 and 17 days free from medication Good mood today again. Met a friend for lunch. Did some holiday shopping. Lovely weather today, really lifts u!
Hi Smudger,
Glad your having a good day today, I hope you had a lovely lunch with your friend. Yes beautiful weather is very good at lifting you up.
Keep up the good work, well done. :) :hugs:
Yvonne
Hi Smudger,
Glad your having a good day today, I hope you had a lovely lunch with your friend. Yes beautiful weather is very good at lifting you up.
Keep up the good work, well done. :) :hugs:
Yvonne
Thank you Yvonne. So kind of you to say.xx
Day 25 and 18 days medication free Woke up gr8 this morning but tossed n turned in bed last night. I think we need a king size bed. I feel like I can't stretch out in bed. Can't afford a new one though! Did some work for school this morning with some mums at my house, off to a finance course this evening. Argh, my worst subject. I must be mad. Feel a bit restless 2day coz holiday is so close and can't settle! Otherwiswe, mood is gr8.
Hi Lynne, 18 days medication free how good is that??? And you are coping with the holiday situation...you should be so proud. Finance course, sounds interesting. Hope you enjoy. JO.xx
Hi Jo. Can't believe Ive been medication free for this long having been on anti depressants for years! Still taking the iron, omega 3 and multi vitamin. Wow I needed that iron! I'm okay about the holiday at the moment, usual worries like packing too much! You won't believe this but the finance course was REALLY interesting! Is that sad I ask myself?lol! Hope you are okay and things are still improving matey...xx
Day 26 and 19 days medication free Slept on the settee last night having woken in the middle of the night. I needed to stretch out and sleep in a weird position but I feel there isn't enough room in our double bed. Never had this issue until recently...I mean I've put on weight but not that much!lol! I can understand why old people go for twin beds! Sad though at my age so won't be doing that quite just yet! Mood fine today despite disturbed sleep.
Having the worst ever evening for ages. Mood is really low but its not the medication. I have been looking for jobs again today on the internet, I am not claiming unemployment benefit, never have. I can't find anything that allows me to drop my daughter off at school and pick her up. I haven't got help with taking or collecting her from school as grandparents are too old. My husband is pressuring me to get a job and expects me to go knocking on doors all round the industrial estate near us. That would KILL me. I haven't got the confidence to do that. He constantly nags me about money even though he has a well paid job. I got criticised last night for buying toiletries and new swimming costumes to take on holiday. Ive put on so much weight since taking mirtazapine that I had to buy new ones. The other thing about jobs i look at is that they keep asking for recent experience. Haven't got that either. I just can't find anything. Another thing is I want to work, I really do, I miss the stimulation. When I do go back I will still have to do what I do now at home (housework, washing, ironing, gardening, cooking, cleaning, decorating etc) becuase husband works so far away and does 12hr days and couldn't help with dropping Lucy off at school or picking her up or with housey stuff. It all seems insurmountable. I feel really down and useless. I wish people didn't make me feel so bad. Sometimes I just want to be left alone!
Why does the person who should make you feel good most of all, make you feel bad most of all?!
Just got out of bed because I am crying. I feel so sad. Was hoping somebody might have cheered me up but i guess u r all in bed, where I should be but I can't sleep. I feel completely worthless. my husband is a hardworking decent person but he makes me feel like i am nothing, i don't think he means to do it.He is such a hard person. Everything is black and white, no grey areas. i need a protector. and he can't be that. I am so confused i don't know what to do with myself. Ill sleep on the settee again tonight because ill just toss n turn upstairs.Hopefully i will feel better in 7 hrs.~lIFE wud be so much easier if nobody else was involved.I wish nothing bothered me.
Hi Lynne,
Sorry you had a bad night....I hope you eventually got off to sleep and feel better today? Your husband wont mean to make you feel like that it is probably the way we feel that does it. Look at the support he has given to you whilst you were ill. Of course you are not a nothing. I like you wish nothing bothered me but I think the illness we suffer with makes us sensitive and sometimes take thing personally whereas it just wouldn't bother others.
I think once you get there and settled your holiday will do you the world of good, I really do hope so. Hope you are feeling better today hun. Jo.xx:hugs:
Hi Lynne,
I think the illness we suffer with makes us sensitive and sometimes take thing personally whereas it just wouldn't bother others.
Jo.xx:hugs:
Hi Jo. Thanks. I know its part of this illness but I never used to be so sensitive. Often these days I think I would be better off single. I need a warm caring type of person to see me through life not somebody who is calculated, scientific about everything and hard headed. He told me last night I am no good at keeping home! He says that alot and it makes me feel like a failure but hes right when he says I am better when i am at work. I can't disagree with that, I am happier! I just can't face juggling everything on my own. Basically, Monday to Friday I am like a single parent coz he leaves at 7am n gets back at 7pm.Naturally hes tired n grumpy. Weekends he just wants to relax, I do the gardening etc. I am quite down today.Great way to start a holiday!
Oh Lynne,
If it makes you feel better, my hubby was pretty awful to me the day before yesterday and I ended up slamming my knife and fork down at dinner last night, grabbing my mobile phone and handbag and walking the streets really upset!!! Was a bit silly of me but he accused me of being nasty to him and yes I was but the meds make me a bit snappy and he knows that. I texed him yesterday to say sorry, he chose to ignore me and when I got in from being at work (which again was not that good for me) he decided to retreat to the bedroom and read. When he did surface I asked him why he was still ignoring me and he said he wasnt. As we sat down for dinner he proceeded to ask both of the children a question about their day and left me out!!! Long story but thats the jist of it. Hence today I feel like sxxt!! Am meeting a friend for lunch and feel like socialising as much as flying a kite!!! But am going to have to go cos dont want to let her down!! Men eh!!!! Sometimes wonder if we need them!! (sorry you men out there)!! We are talking now etc but its just the after effects and I just didnt need all of this at this moment in time!!!
I am sure that you will be fine. I think that (well I know in my case) my hubby has alot to put up with with me and my depression etc and sometimes I dont know how he does it. He could so easily walk away but he chooses not too and for that I am thankful. He knows me inside out as I guess yours does too. And is always there for me when I need him but sometimes we just cannot help our feelings. It is so frustrating!!! Take care hun and I hope you feel better. Love JO.xx
Hi Jo. Thank you for bearing all. It does make me feel like I am not the only one. Trouble is, I often think I would be better off on my own than with somebody who I feel doesn't respect me. Because he is such a confident person he thinks everything that I stress about is silly, but I am me, I am not him and instead of lecturing to me about how I should go about finding a job why doesn't he help me instead of lecturing me! I can't do around an industrial estate dressed in my best interview suit with my cv in my hand asking for a job...I just can't! I know his opinion of me has changed. I was a Quantity Surveyor for 10 years and he held me in high esteem because he respected the job I had (not to mention the money and nice car). Ive changed though and he can't accept that. It really pressures me and makes me sad. It would be easier to start again with somebody new who could accept me for who I am now!Sigh.............
ElizabethJane
20-03-10, 08:24
Lynne I have just read your post. I'm sorry that your husband can't accept you for who you are now. depression changes us and you have been through a lot. I understand your post about being a single parent during the week. My hubs works in Canary Wharf and leaves at 7am seldom getting home till 9 or 10 at night. He has just come home after a week in Dusseldorf. It gets worse thou as his foreign travel increases. Next trip is Washington. It has gone from a few trips to Europe to week long long haul. I dont sleep and the zopiclone makes me feel hung over. Still I have my hypnosis sessions in April to look froward to. Thursday morning I felt so low and lonely. I do have my singing which takes up a lot of my time at the moment and then I worry about babysitters if my sister can't oblige. Have a really good holiday and see you on the boards when you come back. EJ.
Hi lynne,
I am worried about you after reading your last post, I want to ask your husband what he thinks he is doing? You have been through such a lot and it is a shame that he cannot accept that. I know it is hard for people who do not understand, and I truly beliveve that unless someone has been through it they do not really understand, unless they have read up about it or something etc. My husband though has never suffered depression does suffer with anxiety at times, his kicked off when he was 18 and smoked some substance that started off palputations....he has suffered on and off since, so he pretty much understands me, he tells me it does effect him when I am suffering but he has to plod on regardless.
I think you need your holiday and I truly hope that you enjoy it, you deserve too. Hopefully after that things will be much better for you.
I sincerely wish you a very happy and healthy time. Please post when you come back and let us know how it goes. Lots of love....Jo.xx
...sorry you men out there...
Go on then, I accept.
It has gone from a few trips to Europe to week long long haul. EJ.
Hi. Thats tough. I sometime have the odd week on my own but its not a regular thing I am glad to say. Well its holiday tomorrow, mostly packed n having the usual have I packed everything worry! Hope you are all okay and Ill contact you when I get back. Take care won't you?xx
Have a great time. I always think it's like being transported to another world when you go somewhere nice on holiday. Everything's so laid back and the sun shining just makes you feel great. You deserve it. Just go and forget about all your troubles and woes:yesyes:
Myra x
Hi smudger, i ahve just done the same thing myself and I tell you it feels so good to be off those damed things. I found that they affected my eyes and my hearing a lot and this has all improved since i them stopped altogether. try a day off then take one, then two days and so on. i feel refreshed and like i have got my own life back instead of being in a bit of a daze like before! best of luck, hope you feel the same.
Chris577.
Just thought I'd bump this up as there are a couple of people on the forum withdrawing from Mirtazapine. I think it's an interesting, encouraging and hopeful thread about a member's successful withdrawal.
Strange reading Chris's post as I think my hearing is being affected by the mirt - I certainly have an increase in tinnitus. My eyes have been really watery since I began taking it too.
Belle xx
I'm one of us tapering off mirtazapine, from 30mg/day, which I started in mid March. Two weeks ago I dropped down to 15mg, since tonight I'm going to take 15mg every other night for another two weeks. Then hopefully off a/ds altogther, will be the first time since January 2008!
How are others getting on? Please share, to spread and gain support!
My experience so far...
The past two weeks I haven't felt any different from how I've felt the past couple of months. I'm taking this to be a good thing! Basically fairly stable with moods wobbling only a little bit and mostly closely associated with my tiredness levels. I'm hoping once I'm off mz'pine altogether I won't feel so tired any more and then I will always be happy (I can hope...)
Anxiety wise I think I'm pretty good too. Though I've been avoiding potential stresses well: this summer I've taken off as planned vacation between finishing my uni degree and starting job hunting in October. Only minor worries about thinking I won't be good enough to be employed, or be able to keep a job. Hopefully these are normal worries anyone would have!
Question to others who've come off mirtazapine
If you gained weight while on mz'pine, did you find it easy to lose the weight too? Or has that been tough and you really had to work at it?
I gained 1 1/2 stone on it (though I was a bit underweight to start with from not eating properly due to anxiety). I had hoped it would magically disappear and I'd go back down to my pre-troubles weight as quickly and easily as I'd put the weight on. But maybe I am hoping too much? Or did you only start to lose the weight after you totally finished taking the pills (ie not as you were tapering down the dose)
Thanks in advance for any of your stories.
Zexx
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