View Full Version : depersonalisation/derealisation
Another fairly bad day here :(
I got up and went to work and was fine there. I had a shaky moment in the morning but it passed and I dealt with it. I even managed to do my first solo teaching session (I'm training to be a teacher). with no real problems. My eyes felt a bit slow to focus but I just tried to accept it. It doesn't really help that people costantly tell me that I look awful/ill - I do look very pale with bags under my eyes but I think that is just from feeling like this and lack of sleep.
As soon as I left the work though I felt like I was going mad.
I have had deapersonalisation before, where I just feel a bit foggy and spaced out but it's never been like this. I am terrified of my own feelings. I just feel that the earth isn't real and that if I shut my eyes it would all disappear. I feel like it's not really me doing the things I am doing and that none of it really exists. It's really horrible and it is scaring me that I am going mad. Is this depersonalisation or derealisation or too serious to be either.
I still manage to look after the kids and work without seeming too mad so how can I go from one feeling to the other so fast?
I just wanted to call my husband at work and ask him to come home but there seemed like no point, it wouldn't change anything. I also just want to cry because I feel so awful but I know that if I started then I would never stop.
SOrry to keep posting but I feel like it will never pass.
Annie x
Hi,
I know how your feeling, I have spent most of the day crying because the symptoms have got so bad.
You should be proud of yourself managing to hold down a job while feeling like this, i know a lot of people couldn't.
As for the depersonalisation/derealisation i get that most of the time too and i know how frightening it can be but we make it worse by adding fear to it, like you said you fear going mad. You have been ill for some time and haven't gone mad yet so why should you now.
I appreciate how hard it is not to worry about all these symptoms because i am still struggling with them myself but if we try our hardest not to add any extra tension by thinking all the what ifs then we would eventually lose our fear of them.
Hope this helps.
Take care
Poppy
Annie
*I also just want to cry because I feel so awful but I know that if I started then I would never stop.*
Crying is natures stress relief and will release calming hormones that will help you.
Whilst you were dealing with the kids you were foccussed on some thing else and when you'd finished you had room in your brain for all the fear thoughts to come crashing in.
First Steps to overcoming Panic and Anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=942)
Strategies for coping (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2680)
Some of my symptoms and explinations. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4495)
very strange panic attack symptoms (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5071)
Actute Anxiety,given ZISPIN ???? HELP (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6054)
bowels (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6941)
Since the dentist (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6924)
You can overcome this! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7017)
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
RobyBaggio18
05-01-06, 18:35
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Another fairly bad day here :(
I got up and went to work and was fine there. I had a shaky moment in the morning but it passed and I dealt with it. I even managed to do my first solo teaching session (I'm training to be a teacher). with no real problems. My eyes felt a bit slow to focus but I just tried to accept it. It doesn't really help that people costantly tell me that I look awful/ill - I do look very pale with bags under my eyes but I think that is just from feeling like this and lack of sleep.
As soon as I left the work though I felt like I was going mad.
I have had deapersonalisation before, where I just feel a bit foggy and spaced out but it's never been like this. I am terrified of my own feelings. I just feel that the earth isn't real and that if I shut my eyes it would all disappear. I feel like it's not really me doing the things I am doing and that none of it really exists. It's really horrible and it is scaring me that I am going mad. Is this depersonalisation or derealisation or too serious to be either.
I still manage to look after the kids and work without seeming too mad so how can I go from one feeling to the other so fast?
I just wanted to call my husband at work and ask him to come home but there seemed like no point, it wouldn't change anything. I also just want to cry because I feel so awful but I know that if I started then I would never stop.
SOrry to keep posting but I feel like it will never pass.
Annie x
<div align="right">Originally posted by Tomimo - 05 January 2006 : 16:57:03</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
I'm struggling with these symptoms at the moment, nothing seems real, I cant feel my own legs, arms and everything seems unreal. But I know deep down underneath all this **** that is happening I'm still here and this is still me.
It will pass, I promise you. At the moment you just have to roll with it. Just remember its a perfectly natural state and in no way are you going mad.
If you managed to do a teaching session with kids then id say you were doing really well.
Mark.
Thanks to you both.
I guess I just find it hard to believe that it is okay to feel this unreal and it's silly but it's hard to believe that anyone will have ever felt this bad and got past it - I must think I am special or something because part of me thinks maybe I will be the one exception who really does go mad.
Annie x
Its not silly at all - its soo terrifying to not feel in possession of your own faculties when in fact you still are but its very scary.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
I had a shaky moment last week My husband dropped my off in town the other week. I jumped out of the car not really thinking about it. Then it hit me, I stood for a minute and felt lost. Last year I would have walked straight back home, but I thought NO I am going to walk up the street and go in the first shop I come to and browse around and gather myself. Which I did and came through it. Yes I felt sick, and a bit shaky, but there was no way this was going to beat me. I finished up going round town and did the shopping that I needed to do.
I do hope you are feeling better soon and able to overcome some of these awful feelings.
Jenny xx
Wow, good on you Jenny.
You did great
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
Well done Jenny :) It's great that you didin't let it beat you!
Annie x
Well, I'm up and fighting another day.
Mum mum called last night and I was explaining how bad my day was. She called back later to check that I was ok and told me not to do anything stupid because the kids need me - I told her I am not suicidal, I just feel mad! Besides I'm too scared of death! She worried me a bit becuase she runds a psychiatric assessment unit so I hoped she didn't think I was mad but she reassured me that poepl who are truly mad don't worry about it!
As I was going to bed I saw a bright blue circle in my eyes and thought I was having halucinations and of course panicked but actually I thnk it was a visual thing as it moved like a floater and was strong after I blinked - it shrunk and went in a couple of minutes - it's amazing what fear can do!
When I woke up this morning I felt awful, really mad again, I think I think too much - I though about mmy feelings and then got lost in the thought of being mad. However, I then sort myself out and get the kids ready so we are all going out to work and school.
Annie x
Feeling worse in the morning seems to be something alot of us have in common. Do you have breakfast in the morning ?
I get the same feelings you describe and am trying out a whole new way of eating which avoids any sugar at all and I have to eat only complex carbs and protein (this is my 3rd day).
Hope you feel better soon , its true what your mother said, those who are mad dont know it!
mirryx
Hi All
The first psychiatrist I saw (who was a lovely caring man) put his arm around me when I said desperately "I think I'm ging mad"! and said "Those who are mad are not aware of their journey into madness". Well it made me feel so much better.
Mirry I would love to know more about the diet - if you have time.
Lots of love
Yvonne
Y Goble
hiya annie,
this DR/DP is such a common theme in anxiety and personally I reckon its the worst! I absolutely hate that feeling that you dont exist or the world doesn't exist or something.. but since coming on this site and hearing so many others experiencing the exact same thing, I know its not just me.. So now when I get it instead of thinking i'm mad or somehow different from everyone, i just think, oh thats an anxiety symptom that will go and needless to say it always does.. if it comes back thats because i'm anxious and thinking about it too much..
I hope you accept this more and know that you are NOT going mad!! I promise!!
big hugs,
lisa [^]
xxx
"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"
Sometimes i just think with DR that it is just a way of coping so i'd better go with it....people can't tell and it isn't like a full blow PA...as unpleasant as both are...
Sarah
Hi Annie, sorry to hear you have had a bad day; me too:( Well done for getting through work and keeping the family in check! We are all stronger than we think and always have reserves to get us through.
I too know how you feel when you talk of derealisation - what is this place, what am I doing, who am I, I'm here why, everything seems to whizz by.....Have you found yourself walking up and down the aisles in Asda in a daze and then snap out of it realising you've just lost 20 mins and been pushing an egg buttie (which you don't want) around?
Keep your chin up; it's the weekend and tomorrow is another day.
sarahliz xxxxxx
Thanks Sarah :)
Sorry you've been feeling rough too. Those are exactly the quesitons I am asking myself and you described it perfectly.
Hope we both feel better soon.
Annie x x
Hi hope you are feeling better, this is a symptom I have had a bit in the past but recent weeks started to suffer more.
Last night i had a terrible do and panicked too, and Thursday evening was similar, so bad I rang NHS direct as i couldnt believe anxiety could cause this.I had one similar before and ended up in hospital.
The one thing I have noticed is as long as Im working or busy im fine, its when I go into relaxation mode.
i am going to read the threads Meg gave now as i need to knock this on the head before it starts.
I am getting better not worse!!!
Take care.xxxxxxxxx
Most of lifes battles are won, by looking beyond the clouds to the sun:
and having the patience to wait for the day,when the sun comes out and the clouds go away.
love from Alexisxx
Sorry to hear that you are feeling rotten Alexis.
I can really sympathise! Like, you, I am ok when I am busy but when I have nothing to do then my mind begins to think and race and I can't stop it.
I hope you manage to find something that works. I'm going to try yoga :)
Annie x
Hi Annie, Ive done yoga and its great, my idea is to keep mind active and fight it when I feel it coming on. I will not let it scare me.I dont actually feel rotten with it, just dont like it, if that makes sense.:D
Go for yoga, Im sure you will enjoy and find it beneficial.
Most of lifes battles are won, by looking beyond the clouds to the sun:
and having the patience to wait for the day,when the sun comes out and the clouds go away.
love from Alexisxx
Alexis,
I am going to try and take a leaf out of your book and not let it scare me, easier said than done though I am sure!!
Annie x
Yes annie, easier said than done but when youve come as far as i have, no going backwards, :D, take care, and rip that book up.....lol
Most of lifes battles are won, by looking beyond the clouds to the sun:
and having the patience to wait for the day,when the sun comes out and the clouds go away.
love from Alexisxx
blackvisionaire
11-09-07, 02:18
hi,
I m Ahmed From Egypt ,i suffer derealization for 3 years ,when i go out in the street i feel that there is something wrong, i feel that there is a clouds or sand in the air,i feel that i m not real and i m in a strange place.i want to know,is there an end to that?.i feel that i m going to be mad.and i feel suicide is the only way.
PaulaRubyLove
11-09-07, 07:29
I don't know what to say, but please nobody kill themselves...there's always a better way to deal with things.
I read on wikipedia that depersonalization affects 2.4% of the population (reference Ross CA. (1991) Epidemiology of multiple personality disorder and dissociation. Psychiatric Clinics of North America). While this figure seems rather high many who suffer, as I, tend to function to all appearances as a collected and sound individual.
Putting a name to the state of my feelings has brought me to this site and after reading many of the posts (a task that has been troubling and difficult) I feel like sharing some. The depths of depression and separateness I have experienced have necessitated some positive thinking on my part and here is one perspective: I once read that knowledge is the ability to look at the world and look at one's looking. In a sense it seems that depersonalization is an awareness of awareness that tends to lead our emotions to states of disarray. When we observe ourselves living our lives we can reach a point where instincts and basic lures no longer direct us on our path, instead we are left to conjure or fabricate our own sense of what we want and who we are. I used to say "I want to want such and such".
As a young adult I was very frustrated with my perception of our society. I believed that if I lived in a more "primitive" culture I would be directed to a station in life that was straight-forward and necessary to the survival of my fellow humanity in a close knit community. As an intelligent being in our current society it is difficult to sort out a rewarding and self-fortifying path because there is so much chaos, ambiguity and a constant rush of media and collective "white noise".
In high school I struggled to find a goal for my studies; I couldn’t think of an occupation. When I complained to counselors or teachers they thought that the solution was simple, they’d ask “well, what do you like to do?” That was what I wanted to know. I underperformed and was labeled as hosting ADHD--on the receiving end this is interpreted as warped, broken, abnormal, ill fit, incompatible, and one who does not belong. If my mind was to be deemed malformed, I reasoned, than it might help if I read up on the way a mind was supposed to work. I was mildly surprised to find that the Mind section of a university library did not shed a lot of light.
I could go on and on, but these posts shouldn’t become lengthy biographies I should think. I wound up on medication and more convinced than ever that something was wrong with the modern world and myself with it.
I took a course in college on shamanism, the art of spiritual healers such as medicine men/women or witchdoctors. I would recommend those interested to read up on the topic of soul loss as it relates to shamanism. Many shamans throughout the world at a time of very isolated civilizations all practiced the art of soul retrieval which was both a healing of the individual and of society. Today I guess that psychiatrists and psychologists are our shamans, too bad there are some waving the staff of psychopharmacology as a panacea to our spirit’s discomfort.
In the end it seems very hard for me to argue that ignorance is bliss, let’s keep the dialogue going.
Dani_lou2603
15-06-08, 01:05
Hey everyone,
i get the very same feelings, as if the world is not real, as if i am dreaming.
i hate this symptom the most, it means i get no enjoyment out of the things i would usually enjoy.
i have had a virus the last 6 weeks so i have been really down and my panic attacks have come back after nearly a year of feeling 'normal'. im at the point where i fear driving and being out alone, im trying so hard to beat it but i feel so weak, i just want to lay in bed and try and sleep to block it out.
i try and keep reminding myself that i have beaten it before. it is possible.
this site is a life saver, i regularly cry with relief when i read other peoples comments - you are all amazing
Thank you
Dani
Its so helpful reading other entries about this condition. Im going through these sensations myself of not being real/out of body experience/paranoia/fear/foggy/feeling like Im going crazy etc. sounds like all of you really understand how I am feeling and its a great relief to me to know Im not the only one out there! I have been through these sensations before and come out the other side back to normal so I know that it will come right in the end, but it does take time and I hope all of you get through these awful feeling sooner rather than later. It is a very scary thing to deal with and can make life very difficult. there is help out there though and it can be cured, just may be something that crops up in life from time to time. Hang in there everyone!
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