View Full Version : Fear of my neighbours
Hi i do hope this wont sound silly but i am terrified of my neighbours the noise they make the things they do just puts me into one big anxiety overload i just thought it was something i would get out of but i hasten to say it is getting worse i dread the summer days when everyone else is enjoying the lovely warm weather im just getting on anxiety overload about them i wish i wasnt like this my husband cant understand me and why i get so upset about it all and as we are not in a position to move house i know i just have to put up with it .. i have never told anyone this before ive suffered anxiety many times but not this bad my heart starts thumping and i get a weird feeling of panic and cant shift it .. i have been reading claire Weekes book about nerves but it is very very hard to put things into action ...
She talks about floating over a situation i have tried so very hard .. i suffer with OCD as well and i like things clean my neighbours DONT so im fighting one big battle with myself .. i creep outside into the garden so as i wont be heard and i know all this behaviour is silly i just wish i could wave a magic wand and it would all go away but i know it wont ..
My neighbour collects cars like a scrap yard and as we live on a shared drive it upsets me so much with his mess all over the place ..i know folks would say tell him but he would only laugh and make things worse for me ..
Please Please if there is anyone out there with any advice on how i can calm my OCD and my anxiety with all this so i can get on with my life and learn to accept what i cant change i would be most grateful i know there are folks on here who go through alot more than i do i applaud you all for your bravery ....
thankyou for letting me share this is the first time i have ever written on a forum about my anxiety and how it is affecting my life .. i would appreciate anyones advice .. thankyou Carole .....
NotResponding
24-02-10, 16:35
Im not sure I can give advice, only to say I get like that too.
The design of the houses mean (4 houses, attached) means that the neighbours have to walk past front windows if they want to go out, so I have to hear them shouting and laughing past the windows. In the summer it's very bad, they are louder as everyone is in summer, makes me alot more anxious.
Most of the time I think going out is better, Im not anxious if Im up a random hill outside of town.
Are you sure they would laugh at you for moving their junk, do you live in an area like that...kind of antisocial area??
I guess yea, try going out if it dosent make you too anxious, you'll be away from the neighbours atleast. i dont have OCD btw, jst bad anxiety
:)
I do sympathise with you. When I was little most of the gardens joining onto our back garden were all overgrown. It used to get my mom down because she couldn't sit in her lovely simple tidy garden without looking at the others (the house was and still is rented and the fences were and still are barbed wire).
Recently there have been drug addicts dealing at the end of her garden gate. Mom was so nervous about it all and she is in her 70's. It made my brothers, sisters and I so angry. Fortunately the police have recently scared them away with raids.
Do you own your house or is it rented from the council. What about a transfer if you are renting? Mind you thats not to say the same wouldn't happen again, rented or not. When I suggested to Mom about moving she said there were more good reasons to stay than bad reasons to go. I couldn't argue with that. Can you think like that?
Hi Caz,
I understand a little of what you are going through. I suffer from agoraphobia and anxiety and used to live next door to the most foul woman. She is rude and agressive to everybody, especially her children, and all you could hear in the summer is her shouting and swearing at them, slamming doors and causing arguments with the other neighbours. She also had a thing about complaining to everyone about the parking spaces outside even though she didnt have a car. My sister needed a little extra room to get out of her car as she is disabled- nobody else had a problem except her of course. Not nice especially if you are anxious enough already.
What I am saying is I understand how a small thing can seem big when you are stressed and anxious already. If you dont feel comfortable speaking to your neighbour yourself, do you have a partner who can go with you? You never know, your neighbour may be more reasonable than you think x
thankyou all for your responses they where very helpful especially smudger your mother is right and and got me thinking when she said there are more reasons to stay than go .. and as we own our own home and property is hard to find today at a reasonable price i have to look at the good things and not the bad .. i look out at my garden which i have landscaped myself and i really dont want to leave that i agree too that anxiety can make things seem so much bigger .. even if we move who says it wont happen again in some shape or form my dad used to say better the devil you know than the devil you dont !!!!!!so thanks for your input much appreciated ... Carole
hi bless you,i have had horrid neighbours in the past,and although people say ignore it,when you are faced with it everyday,it takes over your life...
especially if you suffer from anx,your world seems to revolve,round and round..
perhaps tell your husband how badly this is effecting you,and that something has to be done,if you are to feel more calm,are they approachable,maybe they dont know how much stress this is causing...
hope you get this sorted
love sky
Glad you are feeling bettercaz47. As monty python sang "always look on the bright side of life":hugs:
Hi caz I have anxiety about the same issue. I can't stand hearing my neighbors as I have had problems wiv noisy neighbors before. I am also scared of the man downstairs as I live on my own and he has mates round so hearing the deep male voices makes me feel vulnerable. I also have ocd in various forms I worry about the grass in my garden growing to long but also am afraid of going in the garden when my neighbor is in espcially if he has mates round. I feel like its taking over my life. At the moment I am using my counseling sessions to focus on this problem and am finding it useful.
Hi verity as i see from your post you are very like me with the neighbours i did smile to myself though i am exactly the same about my grass too i panic if i see it growing and i cant get out to cut it its a funny old world but it is so amazing how we find like minded people to share with this site has been so helpful to me they say a problem shared is a problem halved ... thankyou for responding to my post it is good to know that we are not alone i suspect other folks out there have probs too with neighbours i have always tried to be a good neighbour and help round my neighbourhood but some folks just dont want a peaceful life all they want to do is cause one big nuisance to others ..
A friend the other day did say believe in Karma and it will come back to smack them in the face one way or another meanwhile we keep faith that things will get better ...
Carole ......
Yes its so helpful to find out your not alone wiv ur fears. I'm trying not to think about the grass today, otherwise I will have nightmares that its grown 10 foot and I'm wading through it! I believe in God and try to keep my faith and trust that things will get better but its not easy being positive. Hope things improve for us both and that our neighbors behave themselves!
god bless you verity take care ......... xx
I know exactly how you are feeling. Our neighbours park their cars and it makes it very difficult to get out of our driveway. After speaking to the guy then it made the situation worse and the atmosphere is awful. We live in a small cul de sac. When I said to him that I was only looking for a bit of courtesy he replied "so am I!". It's awful when you are a sensitive person. I know what you mean when you say your heart is thumping when you go out - I am the same. I've never been a "sod them" type of person. It's really spoiled my living here, but as they are not going to change then it's all about realising that it's they who are discourteous, not you. I agree with Smudger's mum when she said that there's more reasons to stay than to go. I also believe in Karma, so..........! But I feel for you because I know how difficult it is and I'm not looking forward to Summer either because of this. You are not alone.
Myra:hugs:
caz I feel for you my friend.
I had to move house a few years back after a dispute with a neighbour that escalated, and a chap across the road who came out of prison, only to put music on full blast at night then leave it on while he went out, I could go on but it all ended in tears (not mine ;)).
The only thing I can say really is don't spend time worrying about things you have no control over. You won't change this fella, so you may have to accept that it's not the perfect situation, although it may not seem like it, it could be worse.
Stick with the Claire Weekes reading, I know it seems such a difficult thing to master, but once you can accept things, life will start getting easier, trust me :)
I hope you have a nice relaxing Sunday today :)
Think about my poor neighbours today, Rangers V Celtic at noon, and if Celtic lose? well my neightbour might put a post on here about horrible neighbours ;)
Be well
Jaco
Hi! I understand what you are going through as I live in a block of 6 flats but share the hallway. My neighbours are a pain in the neck especially with shouting, slamming doors and having parties almost every week around there and I know they drink a lot and do drugs as well. I feel on edge even having to walk into the communal hallway area as I am frightened that either them or one of their friends come out of their flat if they have been drinking or on drugs say something obnoxious to me. Im even on edge when having to go to the bin shed as I have to walk past their flat that sometimes I will just delay doing this but I know that I have to. They have never given me any reason for me to react like this as they do say hello when we do bump into each other but for some reason I always think they are going to start on me but I think that is because they come across as very loud people and I have suffered from paranoia for years now. Hope you get it sorted x
Thankyou all my friends for taking the time to answer my post i do so appreciate it very much and for your all your kind wise words knowing im not alone on this one does go along way to helping although i dont like to think of others suffering the same as me when i get posts like these it makes me believe that there are so many wonderful folks out there and it gives me back my belief in human nature .. so a big THANKYOU to you all for responding both my husband and i are not young folk anymore and we do try to be kind and considerate to people around us ... My mother used to say look for the good in folks and try to always be kind ... but there are times in todays world that those wise words are not appropriate especially for some folks who are either control freaks or Bullies ....I also wish sometimes i wasnt so ultra sensitive and i do keep reading my claire weeks book LOL its like my bible i think alot of the time that wouldnt it be a wonderful world if all the lovely kind and considerate folks was on one side of the planet and the ones who dont give a dam the other LOL .. but such is life we dont live in a perfect world and if we did maybe it would be to boring LOL ... it is these challenges that make us who we are in many ways ..
take care my friends ...... Carole x:)and the world smiles with you
:weep:cry and you cry alone ...
Sandy - how do u cope when they are being noisey? I always think it helps to share coping strategys. I usually put my headphones on with relaxing music to block it out. I can understand your fear of loud people when they are intoxicated. My neighbours drink and slam doors and talk loudly. If they are saying hello to you it doesn't sound like they wil be nasty to you. I wish you luck.
Caz - thanks for the Godbless. I have heard of the claire weekes book, what is it called? I also wish you luck and everyone else luck who live with this problem.
Xxx
Sandy - how do u cope when they are being noisey? I always think it helps to share coping strategys. I usually put my headphones on with relaxing music to block it out. I can understand your fear of loud people when they are intoxicated. My neighbours drink and slam doors and talk loudly. If they are saying hello to you it doesn't sound like they wil be nasty to you. I wish you luck.
Caz - thanks for the Godbless. I have heard of the claire weekes book, what is it called? I also wish you luck and everyone else luck who live with this problem.
Xxx
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