Having a REALLY bad day :(

[Hayz]

Hi all,

I'm sorry this is going to be long. I've had enough of feeling like this, struggling to get through work just coz I don't want to be that person that lives on benifits. I want a nice house one day and am saving up. I just don't know how I get through every single day.

I have no bloody clue what is wrong with me. Everyone says oh it's anxiety?? How can it be when it's with me 24/7? I feel like I want to scream.

I just don't know how i'm keeping a job at the moment. I go in everyday (although in general I just do afternoons). I'm a receptionist at a univerisity and am struggling so much.

I've rung the doctors up and made an appoiment for tuesday. I need to get some help and stop hiding away and trying to cope on my own. I'm so scared of letting everyone down. I love my job and the people and it's not at all stresfull but I feel like I'm going to faint or worse all the time.

I'm rambling I know but I think I'm going to have a breakdown. The only person I can talk to about this is my partner and he is fantastic but living apart because we are trying to save for a house deposit is really hard.

I'm scared to tell my parents I'm not coping.They are so proud of me since I've had this job for 2 years. I'm trying to be a good person and be what everyone expects of me but feel like I'm falling.

I just really don't know what to do :(

easy option would be to quit my job, go back on benifts and go on the council housing list but I don't want to do that! I respect anyone that is on this and wish I had the guts to do it myself but I like working for my money and buy nice things and having a reason to get up everyday.

just feel like a complete freak right now and don't know where to turn. :(

[Rosalind141085]

Hi Hayz,
Please don't think you're alone. I feel the exact same. I have the same feelings every day. Although my job is not particularly stressful, I am constantly worried about something, and don't know what- I get panicky at various points in the day and it gets me down too :(
I have just bought my first house with my boyfriend, and it's making my anxiety worse- people are so proud and I just feel I don't deserve it and will let everyone down eventually.
I went to my doctors and was referred to a councillor, and hopefully that will help, I'll keep you posted!
I probably haven't been very helpful, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, and things will hopefully get beter, for all of us who feel this way.

Feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat, and hope things get better with you

Ros
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Mazzmate]

Do you know....it could be me writing what you've just written, some days I feel so anxious for no reason whatever, and my body starts to tremble inside and I panic some more. I have no idea why this happens, or even why it started in the first place, but I have come to accept that for the time being this is part of my life. I am also determinged that I will not let it rule my life. I am going to fight this with every fibre of my being. When I am in these situations of anxiety I keep telling myself it will go and that I am in control, and gradually it begins to subside. I'm not trying to make it sound easy because I just want to flip at times, and it is so so difficult to stay in control, but we cannot let our fears rule our lives. Joining this site very recently has helped me tremendously, knowing I am not alone and that other people understand what I am going through is so supportive and inspiring. You keep trying, refuse to give in. :)

[Idstain]

Why are you scared to tell your family? wouldn't they be sympathetic if they knew you were suffering so much?

First things first read everything you can by Claire Weekes!! understanding what is happening to you is half the battle and you'll be far more at ease once you know. Also see what your GP says. I get the feeling GPs see alot of people struggling with stress/anxiety and he/she will know exactly what to do.

Don't forget, you'll get through this! i know it feels terrible now but you will come out of this a stronger person, both myself and my older brother have gone through this and come out the other side stronger and happier.

take things one day at a time and follow what Claire Weekes says and you'll get your old self back quicker than you might imagine :)

[mummy4]

hi hayz

sorry to hear your having a bad time :(

i too only have my hubby to talk to. my parents have no clue im suffering the way i do and im off on holiday with my mum in 3 weeks and am shitting myself. i dont tell them because they may think im a failure x

[ann01]

your certainly not alone in this, I feel physically ill every single day with anxiety, have an headache most days and constantly lightheaded and off balance, it is so hard to handle work at the moment ive just gone back after 8 months off sick with anxiety, but the longer off work the worse my anxiety got. i only went back last week as i need to work to pay my mortgage, i only work part time, but i do enjoy my job, i cant even relax at home at the moment, this anxiety is a nightmare.
Good Luck
Ann x

[Anxious_gal]

well I'm that person on benefits! and to be honest my family so have zero respect for me but then they never did really!
your family seems nice.
I hate how in today's world your not worth anything unless you have a job!
well I personally think we are all worth sometime. we are just as good a person as that doctor or pilot or who ever.
we are actually really really nice people! we are more understanding and thoughtful and I do think some of that is because of our anxiety, we just understand that people can be hurting on the inside! and the inside is just as important if not more than something you can physically see just as a broken bone.
look at you! your a really strong person, you go to work even though at times you find it hard! I have a lot of respect for anyone with anxiety who at least tries to get better!
good on you for going to the doctor! I hope it goes well x

[Hayz]

Hi all,

Thankyou everyone for your replies.


Well I got home that night and burst into tears in front of my parents. They said we need to get it sorted and it's not fair I have to keep living like this.

I'm going to the doctors this afternoon and am making a list of exactly how I feel as whenever I get in there I forget what to say and just want to get out again!

I've had the last couple of days off work as I booked it off, however havent been feeling good at all. Went into town with mum and we went to lunch and at one point it got so bad I felt like I nearly fainted.

Have bought myself some books on Depersonalisation from Amazon which were delieverd today so going to have a look at them.

I'm so convinced that I am actually physcially ill though. I'm tired and faint all the time. I do accept that I have anxiety but I'm preety sure I get that because I feel so ill... :(

[kiansummer]

Sounds like me, i feel like this 24/7 its awful only i have noone to talk to my mum and partner dont understand say im being stupid, i to still go to work and find it hard getting through the day, was put on tablets 2 weeks ago after hiding it for years and i felt soo much better after speaking to him, been put on diazepam and citlapram just waiting for them to start making a difference good luck x

[Caz 47]

Just remember we all have something to offer to the world a smile a touch just kindness can turn anyones day around sometimes it is very hard for families to understand how we feel im not a young person and my anxiety and depression started along time ago but over the years it has slowly got much worse ..I am determined it will not win NO WAY i used to laugh when my dad was alive he used to say when you get down go out and dig the garden (if youve got one ) polish the furniture in the house LOL i used to laugh but just recently his words have come back to me its true while you are focusing on doing something else your mind wont multi task ... I know how serious anxiety can be i know how depression can make you feel like you want to jump into a huge hole and escape from the world ...

Kindness comes in many guises this site is one there are so many folks on here who have fought and won i applaud them all like i said we all have a wonderful gift to offer the world not money not wealth but the cup of human kindness understanding and most of all the ability to LISTEN...may god bless you all ....]YOU ARE NOT ALONE .......:hugs: