Huge Massive Fear of Workplace - suggestions plz

[freakedout]

ello everyone,

I have expressed my concerns about my return to work from sick leave in previous posts. I know that I am too acute at present to be at work anyway, but I need to have some kind of organisation in my chaotic mind.

I am considering working from home possibly, maybe, perhaps, but I have not got the foggiest idea what I could or would like to do.

Does anyone work from home?

Does anyone have any suggestions of what job I could do from home?

Thanks for reading the post, I am open to any suggestions except a massage parlour or anything perverted. lol !!!

Thanks,

[8)]

[nomorepanic]

What stops u from going back to work? What do you do?

Working at home is ok but won't get the big money in and will not help you regain confidence.

Can you not address why you can't go back to work and sort that issue out?

Nicola

[Piglet]

Could you combine a job that sort of does a bit of both???

I work partime from home selling cosmetics - most of the work is home based but I do have to poke my head out the door from time to time which is good for me!!!

Don't worry hun this feeling you have at present will get better just give it a bit of time. No need to write off getting back out to work - when you're ready it will happen :)

Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[Meg]

What about some work from home for safe money coupled with more adventurous voluntary work to build up the confidence and learn new skills.

Jobs for panic people ? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4755)

Volunteering ... (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3767)
Volunteer Work! Update (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6479)




Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[freakedout]

Hi Nicola, piglet and Meg,

Thanks for your replies.

Nicola - I am trying to address my fears through CBT but doubt that I will have conquered them in time to return to work... I am barely managing trivial day-to-day things with my family. My current job is a Health Visitor which requires confidance, concentration and involves a great deal of responsibility, so for now it is a no no. I am not sure what my circumstances will be with work, or how much longer they will allow me time off sick to recover before they consider drawing my employment to an end.

Piglet - Hmmm maybe a bit of both would be best, I just do not know what to do. Are you an Avon lady or something like that? I thought of the possibility of being a courier delivering for Next Directory or something like that... there is the wear and tear on the car....No, I am not ready to do so much out-of-the house stuff yet.

Meg - thanks for your useful links which have been great to read. Reassuring that others feel or have felt the same at some point. Yes, I think some voluntary work is a good option for me, maybe not right now but soon. Will look into that. I would love to go to college there are many things I would like to study from art to plastering to counselling or family planning but I cannot see myself in a college classroom, I would panic and run! Well actually I wouldn't even be able to enroll so it wouldn't get to the running stage. Never mind, small steps, I do feel fairly positive although I may sound negative.

Thanks again everyone,

[Meg]

Yes, small steps is the best way


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Arclite]

I share your dilema.

I have been off work since the start of December after developing a eating disorder caused by a phobic anxiety towards vomiting which causes stress and IBS symptoms. Something simple like a burp while out in a public place can trigger a panic attack and eating in a resturant is not an option.

I have been taking Citalopram for four weeks now, and although I am better than I was when I first started the medication, I am no-where near cured.

My fear is that if I go back to work too soon, I'll revert back to how I was 4 weeks ago and I really don't want to feel like that again! The trouble is, I'm not sure if my Doctor will sign me off again AND I'm not helping myself get better. I'm just sitting at home all day playing on the PC or watching TV. I'm scared to go out and try new things incase I get a funny turn.

I've got a great job working in the IT Department for a Private Boy's School. My work mates are great and I am very good at my job, but as soon as i have lunch, I'm fit for nothing. I get bad indigestion and IBS symptoms. This isn't a medical condition as this doesn't happen at home (well...sometimes if there's something on my mind).

At this moment in time I am building myself up for work on Friday, but I can honestly say i'm not looking forward to it. I have honestly considered packing it in and taking a Part Time job...or finding some other way to earn money (eBay most likely). My partner is great with all this and would support me all the way, but with us looking to purchase a house fairly shortly we can't afford for me to not work.

[Meg]

Arclite

*I'm scared to go out and try new things incase I get a funny turn*

so as this is the best way forward you need to think of creative ways that you can challenge yourself slowly whilst keeping feeling somewhat safe to start with.

IBS diet as on our home pages
Picnic in your garden
Family's house
friends house
etc to slowly build up confidence

As for work - would it be possible to temorarily adapt your hours to suit at present so maybe take a longer lunch break so you can go home and eat.

I hope you are not admitting you're not eating breakfast.......



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Arclite]

Thanks for the reply Meg.

Four weeks ago I was a mess, my weight dropped to 6st 1 and I was bed bound more or less. I'm now much better but I am scared a break in the routine i have adopted will result in me reverting to how I was four weeks back.

I ensure that I always eat the following…

Breakfast: Bowl of Porridge
Snack 1: Two Slices of Toast with Jam/Marmite or just Ham
Lunch: Bowl of Pasta with Tuna or Chicken, Potatoes and Veg
Snack 2: Oatmeal and Raisin Cake and a Apple
Dinner: Whatever meal I decide to cook.
Supper: Slice of toast and Jam/Butter

While I'm at work this will no longer be possible. There is a Canteen there which serves very good meals, but it's simply the act of eating in th ecompany of others, in a public place, that sets me off. I have contemplated driving home for lunch, but it's a 40mins round trip so i don't think it would be viable.

Last week I was doing really well, I was feeling better and my mood was better than it has been in years, but I'll admit that in the last few days, the thought of going back to how I was during the last few months of work has brought me down with abit of a bump and the stomach problems have resurfaced.

I just feel that I might be pushing myself to fast too soon, but I have no choice, I can't keep living one week at a time hoping for things to get better.

[freakedout]

Hi Arclite,
thanks for your message and for your understanding. Work is probably my biggest fear of all of my fears and it has taken me a very long time to realise why. I do not go out much at all now, infact over the last 2 - 3 years I have been slowly gradually becoming more isolated. I have had short spells at work in between long spells of maternity leave and I never go anywhere alone except work. This dawned on me suddenly soon after I went off sick. I could not understand why work freaked me out so much but I think it is because I HAVE to go on my own, and be on my own and deal with things on my own. It is bizarre, the old me used to be so laid back, confidant and never really afraid to go out alone.

When I was at work, I would drive my car around the corner sometimes and eat my lunch in the car! Weird eh!! but that way I could avoid being in the staff room situation which was usually fairly crowded.

I do not really feel in any position to offer you any advice because I struggle to understand my own fears, behaviours and thoughts. Even the medication seems to bounce my head in all directions, one minute I am really low, next I feel better than I have in years. I have been on my new tablets and half dose of citalopram now for four weeks. I am feeling better, but I am also feeling very suspicious that it is all just a high before another low.

Well, If you do go back to work, you must let us know how you go on, I really do empathise, I know some of our issues are different, but the fear and the panic and the anger at oneself and disappointment I am sure are the same. You should be proud of your dietry intake, you put me to shame.

Thinking of you loads.

[Zeusmoose]

Hello Louisa,

This is my first time on this forum and I couldn't believe that anyone had a similar fear as me.

I have failed to go to my second day at a new job. This is a pattern I get in - I want a job and can do the job (and need the money!), but then have pure panic when I get there (if I get there, sometimes the thought of it brings on a panic attack and I can't go). I have strugged at my last job to keep my panic in check and thought I was getting somewhere........but no, here I go again!

I feel a real let down to my family, but nothing in the world could have made me go. It wasn't horrible yesterday, I don't understand my fear. I'm rational enough to know my fear is totally irrational!

After years and years of this I have been to the Doctor today who has referred me to the Counsellors 'List'. I felt so embarrased and silly to go, but I am so glad I did.

I wish you all the luck in the world, and if you find any work you can do from home then please let me know!!!

Warmest wishes,

Debbie:)

[freakedout]

hi everyone,

Debbie welcome to the forum and thanks for your reply. I am sure you will get lots of support on this site, it is good to be in contact with people who have personal experience of similar problems to yourself. I am no nearer with the working from home situation and my money is going to run out real soon, I may have to open up a massage parlour!! Joke - not really!!

I am glad you went to the doctors and like you say it can be embarassing but I am sure that many people pass through the surgery with similar problems and anxieties. How long have you had panic attacks?

Arclite, how are you? back to work? let us know how you are feeling.
I hope you are feeling better.

[Zeusmoose]

Hi Louisa.

Thanks for the welcome, I can't describe the relief of finding this site and realising it's not just me that gets like this.

I have had panic attacks since bad experiences at School, but have managed to hide them pretty well. Its been the last 5/6 years since my son has been at school and I have kept applying for office jobs that they have got worse. I have been offered 5 office jobs, which I have accepted and then I can't go on the day, or I go a day and can't face the next. In between I have managed to hold down a job, and had a great one where I was officially only one day, but temped for two (took the pressure off), I did this for two and a half years until last August. I left to go to another office job which was every day and when it came to it couldn't go. I have just tried another job this week(every day), went for one day and then panicked.

I've had to admit I have a fear/problem, which has been so very hard for me to do. I have made all sorts of excuses for not going, it didn't fit in with School hours, It wasn't the job they said it would be, etc - when really it was just my own fear/lack of self esteem stopping me going!

I am going to see my first ever Counsellor on the 24th of this month and don't know what to expect.

I feel I have let everyone down again, and we really need the extra income. I'm having a real bad week!

Sorry, I've really rabbitted on there, thanks so much for your support,

Debbie xx

[freakedout]

Hi Debbie,

please don't apologise for 'rabbiting on' as you said. It helps to get a clearer picture. I expect you will benefit from the counselling, I hope that you have a good counsellor, it amazing how they can get you to talk. I too try very hard to hide my true feelings and you just bottle things up for so long and then suddenly you reach that point where you know you HAVE to do something. It knocks my self-esteem and self-confidence too.

I still feel in denial about my panic and anxiety sometimes and I think my failure to accept it as a 'valid' issue gets in the way of me being able to recover, or deal with it. I tend to just refer to myself as 'being pathetic'. Realistically though there is nothing pathetic about palpatations that feel like you heart will jump out of your chest, or hyperventilating because you feel like you cannot breath, and the choking sensation.

Does your family know now why you are unable to take these office jobs or not? It is amazing really what excuses we can come up with to avoid things isn't it.

Well I am sorry that you are having a bad week, and I can understand how frustrating it is when you know that you can probably do the job standing on your head if you could just get through this invisible barrier that just gets right in your way.

Don't be so hard on yourself, you have definately made a step in the right direction by seeking help, that in itself may help, the fact that you are dealing with it head on instead of hiding it as you have for so long. I am not sure that makes sense - not unusual for me!! Feel free to PM me if you prefer.

Am still looking for a job from home. Can do a bit on ebay for now, but everyone wants a bargain on ebay and there is not really that much profit to make I don't think. Still its worth looking into. Also my husband will go to the post office for me which is handy (tut! tut! avoiding again)

Bye for now, now whose rabbitting on!!

[Arclite]

Hello All,

As Louisa requested I thought I'd let you guys know how I'm gettin gone. You'll be pleased to know that I am typing this from my Work PC!

I went back to work on Friday (13th!) just to see how I got on. I had a flawless day pretty much. I even managed to eat a proper lunch (which was were my problems stem).

I'm now halfway through my second day and although I'm not quite as good as on Friday, I am coping OK. I haven't eaten as much Lunch either due to anxiety, but I certainly didn't go without and I'm not having any side-effects from it (which would have been the case before). I've felt very tense all day and i've found myself clenching my Teeth and tensing my shoulders, but I'm guessing this is anxiety which eventually will subside.

All in all it's good to get some sort of normality back. I'll admit, I would still be alot more content in the comfort of my bedroom, playing on the Computer, but at the rate I was going I would have ended up house bound if I didn't puch myself.

Small baby steps...

[Meg]

Good for you Arclite

Good news that you're there and planning on staying

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[freakedout]

Arclite, Hi :D

Well done, you did it, you must be pleased, even if you were uncomforatable you had the strength to go to work. I am chuffed for you.

Thanks for letting us know how it went. You don't need to stop there though, carry on, keep us informed we are all here to support you. Small achievements accumulate so baby steps are great, you will be taking giant strides soon!!

Take care
:D

[Arclite]

Thanks guys, if I can do it, anyone can (eventually). I'm quite pathetic when it comes to dealing with things, so it is possible.