Can't go out alone

[Annsomnia]

The history of my current problem is that I had a very difficult time about 10 years ago. Three things happened around the same time, within a two year period. The most devastating one was that I was stalked by a man I didn’t know who made my life hell for two years. The police were good but never managed to catch him. During this two year period, in which I lived on my own, my mother died, and I also witnessed a road accident in which someone died.
It was just too much and I started suffering from PTSD, and was on beta-blockers, couldn’t sleep, became very depressed and anxious, and couldn’t leave the house alone. I suppose I had a kind of breakdown. My GP was helpful and I had counselling for a few months. I moved to a completely different area of the country so my stalker couldn’t find me, and very slowly started to recover. I met the man who is now my husband, life seemed to be getting a lot better.
But the depression and anxiety never completely went away, the depression is much better than it was, I am still on anti-depressants, a low maintenance dose, but my main problem is anxiety. I’m usually OK if I’m in the house where I feel relatively safe, but even on ‘good days’ I can’t go out on my own. I have tried many times and a few times succeeded in going to the nearby village alone but started to panic and hyperventilate, thinking everyone is watching me, and rushed home to where I feel safe. I am fine when I’m with someone else though. I feel like I would love to break through this invisible barrier and go out on my own. I think it’s the fear of being stalked again that is really at the bottom of it. I felt so helpless and angry, terrible anger at the man who did this to me. If he had been mentally ill I could have understood it, and found it in my heart to forgive him, but I don’t think he was, it was just a ‘power’ thing for him, he thought it was funny to be able to do that to someone. I actually feel that he was an evil person. I hate him still, and don’t like feeling this way. I wish I could move on from it and get on with my life. I’m in my early 50’s now and feel the past ten years have been wasted. I would love the next ten to be better.
I am not on any kind of medication for the anxiety. I do feel better for telling my story, has anyone any thoughts about how I can move on from this?

[Piglet]

Firstly a very big welcome to the site :D:D

I can identify with where you are at presently because I seem to be stuck here too. I am now reasonably fine if I am out with someone but not too great on my own.

Perhaps we can encourage each other :)

I think we both know it is best tackled using the small steps method and in a little way I have started this just by trying to walk up and down my road on my own.

Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[Meg]

Annsomnia

I'm sure this is about the stalking episode.

You need to expose yourself slowly to the unknown and the uncertainty of life - very slowly and take your time to become acustomed to each step and if you start to panic stay in the situation , however uncomfortable until it passes.

Strategies for coping (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2680)
Some of my symptoms and explinations. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4495)
very strange panic attack symptoms (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5071)
Actute Anxiety,given ZISPIN ???? HELP (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6054)
bowels (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6941)
Since the dentist (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6924)
You can overcome this! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7017)

Maxine's cbt progress. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2308)
CBT (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5287)
Starting CBT (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5323)
Does CBT work? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6671)

If the thoughts and memories are plaguing constantly you may find some relief from having some therapy try to downgrade that level of fear.

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[vernon]

Hi Annsomnia. and a big welcome to the site I am sure u will get lots of help and support here. We also have a chat room, why not pop in and have a chat u will find lots of people with the same fears and this realy does help. take care, Vernon

[3faces]

Hi there

I'm so sorry to hear about everything you've been through and it is no surprise you're struggling with being out and about.

Be kind to yourself, don't expect too much and do things gradually to ease yourself into going out alone. You were brave enough to move away from the area you'd lived in and had the confidence to meet someone to marry after everything you'd been through.

You've been strong enough to ask for help from your GP and you havn't just curled up in a ball in your house, which is something you could have given in to.

Try not to feel anger towards your stalker because that still gives him a sort of power over you....think of him with sadness that someone can be that pathetic, sad and disgusting to do that to another human being. Make him a very small person in your mind, use words like sad, pathetic, powerless, weak...he has no power over anyone because he is a meaningless person with no life of his own. The smaller you make him in your mind, the less power he will have over you.

You still have a lot of living to do and if you carry on thinking about this, you are giving that small, pathetic little man power over you.

I hope I havn't come across as bossy with my advice but you sound like you have a lot of strength inside you and YOU WILL OVERCOME THIS!!:D

Take care

Jem xxx

[molly15]

hello i am sorry you are struggling with youor anxiety just now i too am where you are right now.but joining this site is a big help .youll no your not on your own anymore everyone is here to help.do what piglet says small steps is the best way.like you say you dont want to waist another 10 years on this horrid condition.thats what im telling myself every day it isnt easy you will get there.take care marcia xx

marcia lowe

[Annsomnia]

Thank you all so much for your support, encouragement and advice, it has helped so much! I feel like I have a real sense of optimism reading what you have written. Maybe New Year, new start? No, scratch the maybe, definitely New Year new start! :)

I think it is good advice, small steps. Lots of small steps will go a long way.

Piglet, yes, let’s encourage each other, that’s a great idea.
Well, tomorrow I will take a short walk alone, just down to the bottom of the street and back. Deep breath…..and ‘put my face on’ first, a little bit of make-up for confidence. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Thanks so much everyone, you've helped so much.

[Sue K with 5]

Hi

Welcome to NMP!


You could try speaking to your GP about possible CBT therapy to help you get back out their on your own. There have been some amazing success stories and I myself have agoraphobia and am currently having this treatment.


I hope things work out for you. You deserve to be happy ! and contented!


Sue with 5

scknight

[mirry]

HI ANN,

I was so sorry to read you were stalked for 2 years because I know how devastating that experiance is. When I was 18 years old
I was stalked by a man who I didnt know and he told me he would kill me if i didnt go out with him, he held a knife to me and I can remember that day I had my first ever panic attack (which they returned 15 years later).
I do think being stalked is such an awful experiance because it puts you in total fear every minute of every day and then the habit is hard to shift once the danger has past.
Ann, if you read the new post you will see what is happening to your body when you try to go out alone, if you want to chat pls PM me because I understand what you have been through.

p.s I was also stalked for 2 years.

mirryx

[Piglet]

Right, in a little while I am gonna do a short walk up the road hiding under my umbrella!!!

Will report back later.

Piglet :D



"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[Piglet]

Yep been up the street a couple of times and not even hiding under the brolly either.

Felt little wobbly at first but no one was about and it quickly passed - put the bags out for the bin men and stayed chatting to a neighbour for a while too.

Will try and do this as often as I can - it's just you feel a little silly just goin up and down the road without going anywhere!!!!

Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[Meg]

Hey Piglet / Ann - Good on you both..


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Annsomnia]

Thanks Meg!:D

Susan, thanks for that advice about CBT, I will talk to my GP about it. I wish you success with this method yourself. It sounds very encouraging that it has been so successful for others.

Hey, well done to you Piglet, and did chatting to the neighbour help to take your mind off being outside?

I went out yesterday, and it was raining which made me feel less conspicuous (I don’t know why I think people are watching me, I’m sure they’re not but it’s hard to shake the feeling that all eyes are upon me) I felt very shaky and I’m sure my knees were knocking, but I made to the end of the road and coming back was easier.

I know what you mean about feeling silly going up and down the road without going anywhere. A corner shop to go to would be very useful!

Today I went out and wiped down the windowsills but forced myself to stay out and do all the front ones. Usually I only manage one before I dash inside.

I will carry on, I’ve got a feeling summer will be more difficult, winter seems more ‘enclosing’ if that makes sense, but I mustn’t worry about that at the moment. One thing at a time!

Good luck with your walks, Piglet, keep us posted won’t you, and I will do the same.

Mirry, I am so very sorry to hear that you have had such a horrible experience. Oh, it makes me so very angry to hear of people being frightened in this way. I think anger is a good thing in a way, when you’re angry you can’t be frightened at the same time, it seems to help me anyway.
It’s a matter of ‘unlearning’ the fright response I think. Have you read Jem’s excellent advice above, it does help a lot to think of the stalker as a pathetic and sad. They are bullies at heart, and bullies are pathetic.
Do you have your own thread going? I can’t find it, is which forum is it in? (I am new to forums, not found my way about properly yet, I did a search but it was 'timed out' - not sure what that means[:I])

[Piglet]

I know exactly what you mean about it being a bit easier in winter and going out in the rain or the dark are easier too aren't they.

Well done on staying out doing the windows.

I forgot to go out today as I was really busy with stuff[:I] I must make sure i remember tomorrow though.

Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.