Ladies - massive smear phobia, please help!

[tinycritter]

Hi everyone. I'm new here and I hate to jump in with this but I am at the end of my rope over this, been crying for 4 days. I have just had a letter from my GP asking me to book a smear test. I've never had one because I can't stand strangers - especially medical professionals - touching me, it makes me physically sick. I got the letter on Friday and ever since I have been throwing up, crying, can't concentrate, shaking etc. It's all made worse because I'm gay and have exerienced homophobia in dealing with the NHS. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this. I know it's important, especially as I used to smoke, but I can't bear to think about it - but at the same time I now can't think about anything else. Can anyone please help/offer any advice?

[shoegal]

Hello and welcome to the site.

First of all, you don't have to have a smear test, it is entirely up to you. If you feel unable to cope with it at the moment there is no hurry. I think it's a good idea to have the test at some point because obviously it saves lives, but it is your choice and you are in control of when and if you have it done. I think remebering this fact will help you stay in control of the anxiety for now.

Long term, perhaps you could see a counsellor or something to help you deal with your fear of strangers (I know that will be difficult but it is possible I'm sure).

I will say that I have had regular smears and the test itself is nothing to worry about. Would it help if a trusted friend went with you, or if you knew there would be a nurse in the room? Your sexuality should have no bearing on the way you are treated and I'm sorry if you've had bad experiences in the past. Try to remember that not all NHS staff are like that - most are kind and friendly and do their best to look after you.

Hope this helps a bit. Please try not to worry. :flowers:

[smudger]

Hi. I dislike having them done too because I get embarrassed easily. After having numerous rounds of IVF they stick all sorts of things in there, I understand you completely. I talk through the whole procedure which is really quick by the way. Not everybody is small minded so try to keep open minded about homophobia in others. Anyway, the person doing the smear wouldn't know that you are gay. I would agree you don't have to have it done but it could be a life saver. You are worth it! If you think if it like this, its an intimate procedure, isn't it better a stranger does it coz you won't meet them again for a while. And you wouldn't want just anybody to do it. Better the professionals do it, they are quick and do them day in day out. Its routine to them. Honestly, you have nothing to worry about matey. Shoegal's advice is really good.

[tinycritter]

Thank you, shoegal & smudger. Those replies will help me when I can think clearly again. I am trying to calm down but it's hard, still very shaky & weepy and no sleep at all last night with it going round and round in my head. :unsure:

Unfortunately I don't have anyone I can take with me, or even talk to about it (not that I could talk about it - I can't even say the word 'smear' out loud). I have had counselling for social anxiety and depression but it didn't work for me.

I did read somewhere that women can go to a GUM or family planning clinic instead of the GP for the test ... is that true? Even if I found the courage to go I couldn't go to my surgery as the practice nurse is the one responsible for the homophobia I mentioned in the first post.
I'm sorry for the long post. I'm just in such a state. I have really bad health anxiety as well so I am convinced that if I don't have the test I will die of cancer, but the idea of the test makes me want to die rather than go through with it. It's just impossible.
Sorry again but thank you for reading, it's much appreciated.

[Maj]

Hello,

I think if you were to ask any woman they'd say they didn't look forward to a smear test, so you are not alone! It's just one of those things you have to put up with, but dislike. The nurse at your doctor's must be very narrow minded and what's it got to do with her anyway regarding your sexuality?!! Please don't let her make you feel bad. She's the one with the attitude problem. Do you have a community clinic? I'm sure they would carry out smears, or the family planning clinic as you say. Try and remember that smears take seconds and that we are more embarrassed that the person carrying them out! They've seen it all! Even if you wait a week or two until you feel a wee bit stronger and then contact somewhere to arrange to have one. It's worth it because you then know that everything is okay for another few years. You can do it!!
Myra:hugs:

[smudger]

Hi again. What about calling it a 'smile' :D rather than a 'smear'...no seriously...smear is a horribly serious word isn't it. I just think of a smeary window after I have cleaned it. Its funny, if you use an endearing word like 'smile' which is such a happy word, it can help you think more positively about it! Do you see what I mean?

Yes you can have your 'smile' done elsewhere such as a sexual health clinic Could you google it?

Bear in mind that your health is more important than a moron with outdated homophobic attitudes. Don't allow her to influence your life. She is not important to you, she may as well be dirt on the floor! If she intimidates you, pity her, pity her that she is so shallow, so shallow that you probably intimidate her when all is said and done! You can hold the power here.Food for thought!:bighug1:

[smudger]

ps. what do you illustrate by the way?

[yorkylover]

Hi hun,I think I can understand what your going through.I had a fear of sex years ago,but with help from a counselling and a great partner I over came it.
Im 43 and still have not had a smear test!!!!!:ohmy:I went last year and the gp coudn't do it because she said my cervix was tilted and she only had a couch bed not one that tilts back.She was going to refer me,but I said leave it for now as I didn't want to go to hospital.

Today I saw the nurse as I was very sore on my noo noo,and she tried again to do a smear but I was to sore this time.She has suggested I go to the family planning clinic to.I work at the Dr surgery where I was being treated and I feel awkward because I know the staff there.So it may be a good idea to go else where.

Im sure your sexuality is nothing to worry about hun.xxxxxx

I hope we both manage to get over this.xxxxx:hugs:

[smudger]

yorkylover I love the words noo noo. Thats so funny n sweet!

[Anxious_gal]

maybe take a sedative? would hat help?
I totally get how going to your nurse/doctor, someone you see a lot can be off putting.
You could always see a female gynecologist? It may cost more though.
You could tell her your fear and she might be helpful and offer some advice :-)
I'm sure hey are well used to women being nervous and fearful !

[tinycritter]

Wow thanks everyone. I didn't expect to get so much great advice, but then of course not everyone is as horrified by this subject as me and can talk about it normally without having a panic attack! Will be re-reading all your good advice over the next little while to help me, while I try to get this problem sorted one way or another. Fingers crossed I will be able to do it.

Yorkylover, thanks so much - like you said I hope we can both get over it, I wish you loads of luck & hope you'll let me know how you get on. x

Smudger you are so right, giving it a nicer name would definitely help (that actually cheered me up a bit so it obviously works, thank you!!) Oh and I illustrate all sorts of things ... right now it's commercial packaging, I've just finished some artwork for a soap packet! :D

Thanks again, all. I really appreciate the help. x

[smudger]

Glad you feel a bit brighter. What a great job. Always wondered who did that kinda thing...now I know!

[tinycritter]

Just thought I would post an update ... I found out from a neighbour that my GP practice actually has a different nurse now, I phoned to ask if I could talk to her about a smear and she called me right back, I explained how terrified I was etc and she was really lovely. She has booked me an appointment for March 26th, am feeling OK about it because it's a way off ... except it's never that simple with HA is it? Now I am petrified that I have left it too late and I will be told I have advanced cervical cancer. I'm so scared ... I hate what my mind does to me and am just crying and panicking all the time. I won't let myself Google ... If I had untreatable cervical cancer (i.e. it had gone that far), would I be having symptoms? Or is it possible that I would still have no symptoms and feel fine? Because I don't have any that I am aware of and never have, and I don't think I feel physically ill, but then I'm not sure I'd know if I did. I have even started thinking about making a will and what things will be worth leaving to my relatives and friends ... I can't take much more of this, and I read that it takes 6 weeks before you get a smear result??? I don't think I can cope with feeling like this for 6 weeks. :sad:

[charlotte83]

Don't worry, it is extremely unlikely that you would have cancer, you would have symptoms by now. You are just worrying because of your health anx, I bet if you hadn't have had the letter, you wouldn't be thinking of this now. Everything will be ok, and you will feel much better when its done. Take care

[smudger]

Hi. like Charlotte83 said, if you had advanced cervical cancer you would have symptoms by now. I've had abnormal results for over 10 years! Sometimes on a 6 month recall, currently yearly. And you know what...I am fine with it...I am happy in the knowledge that with this test my life is safe and secure! I know 6 weeks is a long time to wait for the results.My results have always come back withing 2 weeks in my case so no news is good news as they say! Try not to worry, I know its hard but this test is our friend, it really is, embrace it. A much worse scenario is NOT having it and never being able to have the opportunity to fight cancer don't you think?

[tinycritter]

Thank you, Charlotte & Smudger, I know it seems mad to be so panicky about it ... it just seems like every little thing makes me worry nowadays, I even worry about not having anything to worry about! Especially with this as its a big phobia ... argh! But thanks so much for taking the time to reply. I feel a bit better now. Just wish I didn't freak out so completely ... even when there really isn't any reason to freak out.:blush:

[PoppyC]

Hi
Firstly sorry if this reply is a bit all over the place & doesn't make sense - I have only read some of the previous posts before I replied.:wacko:
It doesn't sound mad to be panicky about smear tests. I am sure a lot of women are.
I have an appt for a smear test next week and dreading it.
I have had smear tests every 3 years since I was 17, and have had a baby, but it never gets easier having a smear test, even though its always been with a female nurse. I get really embarrassed and my legs go rigid and won't move!!!:blush:
How I get through it, is to think, well if it helps in checking that everything is ok then it has to be worth it and if there is anything wrong then it can be caught in time and treated.
I know it is easier said than done, and I hate having smear tests, but compared to running a risk and not having them done, and due to the fact that if the early stages of cancer or pre cancer are caught by having the test, we stand a better chance of recovery, then any amount of fear is worth it, I think.
I wish there was a better way of doing a smear test. :unsure:
I hope you get through your test ok - could you maybe ask for a sedative?
I may just have a large glass of red wine before I go - not advisable I know - but still !
Wishing you all the best!

[Anxious_gal]

aw I must do the same, Tell the nurse I'm nervous about having the smear test as I'm afraid it will hurt.
Do let us know how you get on :-) x

[zola beau]

hi there , i have a smear phobia and a childbirth phobia .the councilers think it came from being a 5 year old and being made to watch a tv programme on childbirth .
it has been a problem since i started my periods when i couldnt use tampons ,then went on to having sex [ which did get over ,but can come back now and again ]
.i didnt have a smear for 10 years and was really worried.i went to my gp and explained this ,she was really lovely and told me that i could me put under anaesthetic,so would be knocked out [ thank god !]
i went ahead with this and everthing went well and found the whole experience much less traumatic ! my results were ok also ,which i wasnt expecting.
just to add i also recieved a ceasarian as i couldnt even consisder having a natural birth . hope this helps sorry about the spellings ,punctuation [ no patience!!] x

[Rosepetal72]

I dread having my smear tests and I always worry about the results. My last smear (four months ago) was done by the practice nurse and she was wonderful, she really put me at my ease. 6 weeks is a long time to wait but I remember when the average wait for results was 12 weeks :ohmy: Try to imagine all us ladies holding your hand when you go and yes you woud definately have symptoms if you had cancer.

[tinycritter]

Hi everyone,
I just wanted to say a massive thank you to all of you for your comments and advice on this ... thanks to your support and a very sympathetic practice nurse I was finally able to do it. Had to have quite a few baths afterwards before I felt better but I did it. I got my results this morning and they were normal!!! I'll have to re-read the letter about a thousand times before I believe it, I'm amazed ... I really was expecting to be told all was not well. Relieved is not the word. Thank you again everyone :hugs:

I hope any other ladies having trouble with this can get through it ... it can be done. xxx

[Bexmumto3]

Aww well done, so pleased that all was well for you.
They aren't the most pleasant things, I have mine tomorrow, I am on 6 monthly checks for the next few years as I had borderline changes recently.
I never forget the first smear I had after my last baby, he was sitting in his car seat in the room & just at the point where the nurse was scraping the brush there he decided to scrape his nails down the material on the seat in time to the brush movements lol

[missy007]

Well done to you - it's a massive thing for a woman to go through - I have had so many over the years but well done and give yourself a big pat on the back:yesyes: