Please help me, at a loss what to do.

[Craig100]

Can anyone advise me? I am in a state.

My girlfriend walked out on me 2 nights ago and it has left my world shattered. I suffer from GAD and panic attacks and have been on medication for it for years.

Over the 5 years I have been with my ex, there have been many trust issues from my part due to being hurt in the past and my anxiety, and I think my ex had enough. The thing is, we didn’t argue anymore than any other couple I guess and when we were happy we were laughing and like best friends.
I miss her. But I don’t know what to do. I live in London and she was working down here too, but she originally came from Newcastle and has gone back up to her family leaving work by telling them she was/is unwell.

Do you think it would be wise to drive all that way and try and sort it out? I feel powerless and helpless sitting here, and she did say in her text it was over and she was very hurt and wished me well. I can’t help but think this was hurt talking and maybe a slight over reaction. Although I have had trust issues and despite my anxiety I have tried to do everything I can for her and be everything to her when her family weren’t supportive or there for her, despite what I was going through. She has helped me lots too.
Please tell me what you would all do. My anxiety is suffering, I keep wondering what she is doing and missing her. I believed we would get married. Do I go after her?
Please help.

[eeyorelover]

I think that it's too soon to drive up there after her.
I'm not saying not to try to get her back.
Tell her you love her and want her back via phone or email but she may just need a little time and space to gather herself for a bit.
I'm sorry this happened and I hope it works out for you two.
xxx
Sandy

[KK77]

Give it a bit of time for the dust to settle and then try speaking to her again, if you feel the same way about saving the relationship that is.

Once she has had some time to reflect things will be clearer. The same applies to yourself. At the moment it seems that emotions are running high, so take a break and look at the whole situation again soon.

Hope it all works out for the best.

[smudger]

Hi. I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. You say you think she has had enough of your lack of trust. Is that the reason she gave you? I think you need to know for sure for a start. Morally thats the least anybody owes a person when they break with them, and then both of you can move on or work on the issue together, whichever! I personally don't think an email or text would hurt in the interim but I wouldn't go rushing up there coz it sounds like some time is needed to calm down down and collect your thoughts. Busy yourself for a few days if you can and then make contact if you still want to. Good luck.

[Dee dee]

hey..Im sorry your going through this right now.
I would say just to let her know how u feel via a letter maybe and see how she responds. Maybe she needs some space, living with someone with anxiety is hard.
I hope it all works out for the best for you xx

[Craig100]

Well that will teach me not to read replies before acting.

I went up there :blush: and was turned away. It was hundreds of miles, hours of time and all for nothing. Her family turned me away, told me it was over and to go away. She hasnt contacted me since or seen me.

You know that feeling inside you get when you have broken up wth something and everything seems sureal, I have that and it seems I have to work my way through it. I am just worried as an anxiety suffer that the feelings will be longer/stronger.

It was trust issues for sure that pushed her away, she did say that. She has hurt me too, but feel it was ott her not seeing me even for 30 seconds. Am I selfish for going up there? I had a bit of a panic earlier thinking that now she has ended it she can do/go with who she likes.

I do miss her and wanted to sort things out. We have been through so much. Part of me is thinking to cut contact. I am so confused. I know she can be stubborn, but what shall I do from here?

Sorry for going on.

[KK77]

Well, I do understand your motivations. You miss her and want her back but at the same time you're hurt and want to retreat. Having been through it myself I know it's very easy for someone to say "move on" and "give it time" etc but there really is no other option for you. You just can't push this anymore. If you do then it'll result in more suffering for you both. And as you already suffer from anxiety you need to protect yourself to a degree. Don't expose yourself to more hurt and rejection. Put what's happened behind you. Yes, I do think it was harsh to turn you away but she's trying to protect herself by doing this and you must now do the same.

As for what will happen in the future, who knows? The important thing is for you to now concentrate on yourself. If she contacts you then maybe you can look at things again. However, after how she's behaved towards you I would be very wary.

[tyliebean]

I agree with the the others, give her a bit of space and time to think.
I know you want her back but don't bombard her or she will feel suffocated

[Craig100]

Thank you so much for your messages. Feels like I have friends here already.

It's tough going. It's gone 2.30 in the morning and finding it hard.

Friday was the first day I didn't try to contact her at all. I checked my phone only once and nothing.

Problem with me, is I think far too deeply into things and the one thought that keeps going round is what she is doing, and now she has ended it, is she out on the pull or dates etc. I guess I am thinking this as I havent spoken to her at all and havent got a clue what she is doing at all, and before this I saw her everyday. Too big a change I guess.

Thank you for your continued support, I am really greatful. :)

[Veronica H]

:bighug1:i feel your pain Craig. I don't want to hurt you further but It looks like your Ex has made it clear that it is now over. Keep your dignity and move forward with your life. I know it is easier said than done. All I can tell you is many of us have been where you are now and in a year or two you will look back on this with a different perspective.

Veronicax

[arrizozo]

i feel for you craig i am in the process of a bad break up!! nobody cheated and nobody done anything wrong just felt the love wasnt there!!! im totally gutted and do think it is for the best but just cant get the anxious feelings away either!! its so bloody hard!! if she doesnt appreciate that use both have to deal with it then maybe moving on is for the best!!! i should really read my own words but i do wish u the best of luck and always think things happen for the right reasons!! keep that chin up zoe x

[PoppyC]

Hi Craig
Awww your post made me feel so sad. The pain of splitting up is horrible isn't it?
Obviously I don't know what caused your partner to end the relationship, and only you know the reasons, however why not send her a text, saying that you love and care for her and are missing her, and maybe suggest that when she is ready, that you both get together and talk. Give her space to be with her family, but let her know that you are there for her.
This is only my suggestion and opinion.
If you really don't want the relationship to end, then could you both get together and talk about it? If you think that it is you who needs to change then could you go for counselling about how you behave, due to anxiety?
I wish you all the best. For now try not to think too negatively as it is early days still.
I hope she comes back to you.

[Mikke]

Hi there Craig.

I am really sorry to hear about your loss, I am going through just the same.

I wouldn't worry to much about what she is doing though. Most girls probably won't step right out on a date with another guy a couple of days after breaking up. I'm sure girls in this thread can advice you a lot better on this, but in my experience girls are not in that mode a few days after breaking up with their boyfriend.

Let some time pass my friend. Give it a few days, and maybe write her instead? Be straightforward with your feelings and let her know you love her and are willing to change (if it's reasonable). And if she is not responding, try to move on, know you did all you could, and taje each day at a time.

It's all hell, I know as I'm going through the same right now.

[Craig100]

Hi

Thank you so much for the messages.
I am sorry to hear that you are going through the same as me Zoe and Mike.

It's just turned Monday, and still nothing. I feel empty inside and although have resisted trying to contact her (to no avail when I did), it is so hard.

When I split with my previous ex it was hard, but with this lady I really believed she was the one. Part of me still hopes she will come back, as in the past we have had a few times when we havent spoken for a few weeks.

I have done everything I can to try and talk to her, I mean everything. I realise I can't and shouldn't try anymore, but how long should I give it - I mean what is a resonable time before I should really give up hope? (Go easy on that one)!

I know I made mistakes, but just can't help feeling she could have perhaps done things slightly differently.

I am sorry to anyone going through this, it really is horrible.

[KK77]

Craig - I can see you're really hurting over this and that's understandable. But with time you'll also see the negative things in your relationship that led to your separation. Of course you miss her but you've done everything you can now and the ball is in her court.

No one can say how long before you should give up hope. Perhaps in a few weeks' time she'll realise that she made a mistake but you must give her space so she can come to that conclusion herself, rather than being influenced by anyone else.

Please try to get on with your life in the meantime - hard as it is to do this. Time will drag on otherwise and days will feel like weeks.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

[ames6767]

Hi Craig, I would tell her how you feel, and if shes adament that its over then take it from there, maybe she wants you to chase after her, us women dont always make it plane how we are feeling. Im so sorry, I know how hard it is to break up with someone. good luck, hope it works out for you. xx

[huni_buni_flower]

Give her some breathing space - as you know what they say your heart grows funder. but I can totally empasis with the trust thing as I am exactly the same, however it is getting better and jsut got to but your trust in them as they are not the person previously who has heard you!

[Craig100]

Hey friends

Thanks for all your posts. I'll keep you updated, but as of yet I have heard nothing. Everyone keeps telling me NOT to contact her as it will instantly push her further away. Every day I wake up I am so tempted.

I know this sounds odd.. but I have had so many signs that we should be together, songs I have never heard, people on tv saying things that are so similar to my situation.

Is there really any super trick way of wooing her back, or do I really just leave it and do nothing else? I am sure her family are saying don't go back with him etc, so this is a worry. I have been worried what she has been doing, but like someone mentioned above hopefully she wouldn't have done anything.

Sorry for going on. I really am. :blush:

[Veronica H]

:bighug1:Sorry that you have not heard from her Craig. I think you will push her further away by contacting her at the moment, given that she would not talk to you in person. Let us know how it goes, but I think she would be very impressed if she were to contact you in the next few weeks and to find that you were moving forward and working on your own issues. Hang in there anxiety buddy.

Veronicax

[Craig100]

Thank you Veronica and everyone.

Nothing yet, my hope is fading. I just get this feeling her family are all talking agaisnt me which can't be helping her mind in a good way.

I won't contact her, but can live in hope. :)

[Craig100]

Well just an update.

Last week she text me saying the relationship was broken past the point of repair and doesn't want me to ever contact her again.

The text was like a missile to my emotions and although I haven't contacted her it is so hard. My life feels empty, my anxiety isn't good and my days feel lost. Where do I go from here?

I just don't understand, we had problems but we were so close and I have totally lost the woman I wanted to marry. I feel really depressed. I want to be strong and I am trying, but have a lack of friends that I lost through the relationship. Seems everyone has their life and I am on the side line.

I just don't have motivation to do anything. I have lost two people this year and it is taking its toll on me.

I just find it so hard to believe that after years of two people being close, text messages is how it stays ended with the door closed forever.

Sorry sounds like a bit of a desperate post, guess it is. Anxiety and panic problems are one thing, but it's made so much worse by loosing people you love and I found (for me anyway) having anxiety makes you go over things again and again. It's been a month, and I know people get back together after all sorts of time, months, years etc. But I think she has gone for good which does upset me.

Sorry for going on.

[Maj]

Craig I am so sorry about what has happened. Yes, it must be quite a blow and you will feel devastated. It will take some time to get through this, but you will. I know you won't want to hear it but time definitely is a healer. I'm not saying it will be easy, but now that you know it's finished then you have to start thinking about yourself and your own well-being. Keep yourself busy and don't stop going out and about and meeting other people. Staying at home, pining, will do you no good, hard though it is. There's a big world out there and you are an important part of it and you just don't know what good things are round the corner. I wish you well.
Myra x

[KK77]

Yes, Craig, you must try to move on now. I know how difficult it must be for you but there really is no easy way to end a relationship when one person wants to hold on and the other wants out. I know that ending it via a text msg is cowardly and brutal but at the same time it can be easier than meeting up again and causing more pain and heartache.

Myra is right: you need to keep busy. Stagnation will cause you more isolation and therefore misery. Even though you don't feel like it try to keep busy and you WILL find that in time you'll be able to rebuild your life.

Try not to look at it as the end but as a new beginning.

[bottleblond]

Hi Craig

I was engaged, we had been together five years and had a two year old son together, without boring anyone with the details..in one night,the relationship ended through no fault of my own. I was totaly floored, lost and completely shocked. I had two choices, i either sat there living in the past or i moved on. I chose to move on...within a few weeks i had moved house with my son and started a whole new life. Yes it was difficult..it was VERY difficult but i did it and looking back now, i am so glad i did.

I am so much stronger, i'm happy but more importantly, i'm secure.

Time is a great healer and the future can be bright.

Be strong

Lisa
x