Gripped
08-01-06, 17:38
Hello,
It is nice to find a resource which is full of like 'minded' (quite literally ;)) people.
My story (which I will attempt to keep brief) has been 7 years of highs and lows, from feeling normal - the same as everyone else, to wanting to become a hermit. Note though that I am by no means hard done by, and life is certainly worth living as I conclude that 90% of people have some problem or other to contend with.
I have finally diagnosed myself as agoraphobic after reading the definitions. Prior to this, I assumed I was claustrophic with a variety of other issues, but agoraphobia seems to fit very well. I do still feel a bit stupid admitting it (like it's not a real illness), and I feel guilty for sounding self obsessed, i.e. "a broken leg" is far easier to explain to people.
History: 1999 Started a new, more stressful job which must have made me more sensitive to anxiety. Went on holiday: plane flight = panic attack for no apparent reason (was nervous of flying, but no worse than most people). The conclusion I reached was that the plane was packed with people, and I started 'choking' - full panic attack ensued. Flight back was on a half empty plane and I was calm and fine.
BUT: Got back to work after the holiday and forgot all about the issue on the plane. But within a few weeks the same symptoms began to invade almost everything involving being hemmed in :
meetings
restaurants
cinemas
church (weddings, christenings etc)
bus, trains, cars, planes the lot.
I'm sure this sounds familiar.;)
Over the last 6-7 years I have had to force myself to do many of the things to keep my job, but those things I don't NEED to do - like fly or use public transport, I have avoided. So I haven't flown in 7 years.
During the initial stages I was convinced I had a physical problem. So I had the full suite of medical tests including endoscopy of the nose and throat and a CT/MRI type scan of my sinuses. Result = I'm medically fine.
I've had hypno and cog. therapy and both helped to a degree - certainly gave me more confidence, but not a miracle cure; that involves hard work and persistence. The one thing I haven't yet tried is the drugs (I think beta blockers would have helped, but I can't take them).
Through facing my fears (as often I am forced to, either for work or for say a friends wedding etc) I have come a long way. Today I can do most things provided I am on the end of a row or at the back near an exit. You will always find me with my bottle of water and pocket full of sweets !! Also, I always amaze myself at what I can cope with, no matter how terrified I am before hand. There is alot to be said for stepping into the breach and facing your fear head on. Once I even gave evidence in Crown Court !!
I must admit though, that I have missed out on a great deal over the years and it's taken its toll on friendships. And I yearn to see the world.
Flying is the final battle - which is difficult as my partner is terrified of flying !!! (What a couple we make). I am still not keen on buses or trains.
I have to use the train for work soon, so that is why I am on here thinking about anxiety again. Not sure how I'm gonna do it.
As an aside, being a 'phobic' you start to notice how many people are uncomfortable in formal social situations. Lots of seemingly normal people you see sitting on the end of a row with a bottle of water..... there's plenty more of us out there !!
Thanks for your time. Keep up the good work. :D
That wasn't brief was it? Oops.
It is nice to find a resource which is full of like 'minded' (quite literally ;)) people.
My story (which I will attempt to keep brief) has been 7 years of highs and lows, from feeling normal - the same as everyone else, to wanting to become a hermit. Note though that I am by no means hard done by, and life is certainly worth living as I conclude that 90% of people have some problem or other to contend with.
I have finally diagnosed myself as agoraphobic after reading the definitions. Prior to this, I assumed I was claustrophic with a variety of other issues, but agoraphobia seems to fit very well. I do still feel a bit stupid admitting it (like it's not a real illness), and I feel guilty for sounding self obsessed, i.e. "a broken leg" is far easier to explain to people.
History: 1999 Started a new, more stressful job which must have made me more sensitive to anxiety. Went on holiday: plane flight = panic attack for no apparent reason (was nervous of flying, but no worse than most people). The conclusion I reached was that the plane was packed with people, and I started 'choking' - full panic attack ensued. Flight back was on a half empty plane and I was calm and fine.
BUT: Got back to work after the holiday and forgot all about the issue on the plane. But within a few weeks the same symptoms began to invade almost everything involving being hemmed in :
meetings
restaurants
cinemas
church (weddings, christenings etc)
bus, trains, cars, planes the lot.
I'm sure this sounds familiar.;)
Over the last 6-7 years I have had to force myself to do many of the things to keep my job, but those things I don't NEED to do - like fly or use public transport, I have avoided. So I haven't flown in 7 years.
During the initial stages I was convinced I had a physical problem. So I had the full suite of medical tests including endoscopy of the nose and throat and a CT/MRI type scan of my sinuses. Result = I'm medically fine.
I've had hypno and cog. therapy and both helped to a degree - certainly gave me more confidence, but not a miracle cure; that involves hard work and persistence. The one thing I haven't yet tried is the drugs (I think beta blockers would have helped, but I can't take them).
Through facing my fears (as often I am forced to, either for work or for say a friends wedding etc) I have come a long way. Today I can do most things provided I am on the end of a row or at the back near an exit. You will always find me with my bottle of water and pocket full of sweets !! Also, I always amaze myself at what I can cope with, no matter how terrified I am before hand. There is alot to be said for stepping into the breach and facing your fear head on. Once I even gave evidence in Crown Court !!
I must admit though, that I have missed out on a great deal over the years and it's taken its toll on friendships. And I yearn to see the world.
Flying is the final battle - which is difficult as my partner is terrified of flying !!! (What a couple we make). I am still not keen on buses or trains.
I have to use the train for work soon, so that is why I am on here thinking about anxiety again. Not sure how I'm gonna do it.
As an aside, being a 'phobic' you start to notice how many people are uncomfortable in formal social situations. Lots of seemingly normal people you see sitting on the end of a row with a bottle of water..... there's plenty more of us out there !!
Thanks for your time. Keep up the good work. :D
That wasn't brief was it? Oops.