Me Again...

[turtleonaleash]

Hi All,

Me again! I was doing better for a few weeks. I managed to leave my house/drive by myself. I felt a bit like my old self again... but now I've hit rock bottom again.

My heart is racing, I can't breathe... for the last three days I have been concentrating on every breath. Breathe in, breathe out. I am convinced I am gong to forget or just stop.

My feet are in a cold sweat. I feel dizzy. I know it's anxiety but it's so frustrating. It's all day, every day. Not just a panic attack.

I'm afraid to go to sleep because I'm afraid I'll stop breathing.

Also lately I've found myself to be acting out a lot. I threw a telephone at the wall, threw keys, threw a major temper tantrum in the middle of a parking lot (I'm 21 years old.) I am just so frustrated. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I haven't been able to eat properly in months, I am afraid to go downtown because half the time I end up in tears/shaking/can't breathe. I had to give up going to college because of this.

Could my frustration be making me act out or am I actually losing my mind? I understand that all the extra adrenalin could make me aggressive, but this is ridiculous. I feel like I have no control over my body. And the worst part is the more I act out the worse my anxiety becomes. I use to be a really patient person and now I have no patience for anyone/anything. Everyone says I've changed so much in the last few months.

[KK77]

I don't know whether you're getting treatment for your anxiety but even if you are I would still pay your doctor a visit because you shouldn't be suffering like this.

Saying it's all just anxiety won't really help I know but you're not going out of your mind - it's just part of anxiety/depression.

Don't let it carry on like this. Print out what you've written here if it will help and speak to a doctor.

Wish you well and hope you feel better soon.

PS Your font size is tiny - I may need glasses next time...

[turtleonaleash]

Sorry about the font size! :)

I have been to see my GP many times and I am also in therapy, once a week. The therapy seems to be making things worse. I am taking 30mg's mirtazapine everyday. I've been taking 15mg's for the last 5+ years for sleep related anxiety, but my GP upped the dose when all of this anxiety began (around Christmas time.) This all started because I developed a case of globus hysterics, I had never heard of such a thing and I was convinced I was dying. I gave up eating solid foods entirely for a month. Now I am eating solids but I have to eat very slowly, it takes me at least an hour to complete a meal so I am down to one meal a day.

I am a 5'3, 125lb girl, so it's not like I am causing a lot of damage, but I am so frustrated and irritated. It's like I'm feeling every emotion all at once. I don't know if I should laugh or cry, sometimes I do both. I am really scaring the people around me, and myself. I am not use to not being in control of my emotions.


Thank you for your words an for taking the time to read this :hugs:

[KK77]

Perhaps you need to adjust your medication. Mirtazapine is a good choice for sleep-related anxiety and depression but if it's not doing you much good then it can either be raised to 45mg or changed to another med. I think it's something you should definitely discuss with your GP.

Therapy can sometimes make us worse before it begins to help. Dealing with the core issues of your condition means bringing it out and that can be difficult at times. Be honest and tell your therapist how it's making you feel. It may be that things need to be slowed down a bit. The key is for you to speak about how you feel openly - just as you have done here.

Feel free to PM me if you want to speak to someone and take care.