support please

[sallyyyd]

Hello i posted a couple of weeks ago in the medication section (clomipramine) to say that my anxiety/depression had returned in very serious way. didnt get any replies but think that might be because not many people use that medication.

I am really really strggling at the moment and would really appreciate some support.

I orginally had anxiety based Post Natal Depression 10 years ago and have been on various doses of AD's since. Mainly very low doses.

For last 3 years have been very well on low dose clomipramine (a tricyclic). i have a successful career and was working full time, looking after family well etc.

In Jan I dopped from 15mg to 10mg and started having panic attacks again. went straight back up to 20mg (which had been on for over a year) but it didnt stop the fall and now constant panic and severe depression.

I am now off work and seeing dr. I am slowly building up to 50mg again - and may need to go up to 75 again as have in past.

Have gone from being totally independent to vitually non functioning. Parents are having to stay to 'babysit' me when DH not here. Having terrible obsessive thoughts.

Cant believe that just a few weeks ago was 100% fine.

Im terrified now that i wont get well again.

Last time i was off work for two months but it took me about 5 months to get back to anything like myself.

I dont know what im asking really but would just appreciate some support x

[smudger]

Hi sallyyyd. Sorry nobody posted you, you may be right, perhaps not many are on this drug. Can I ask, have you discussed trying something completely different to the AD you are on for a permanent solution? Are you happy taking ad's forever? Hope you don't mind me asking its just that you sound like normally you would be an in control type of person. Do you think the doc is thinking long term for you?

[unspoken]

I think you were doing really well to be coping with working full time, looking after family etc. You shouldn't feel guilty about the panic and depression coming back. You've got them under control in the past and you will do again. It's difficult watching the 'normal' people who don't suffer panic and depression coping with their busy busy lives but you have to remember that your health is important, just because other people can cope with a hectic stressful lifestyle, you can't always. You're ill, and the same as with the flu or a broken leg, you need some time to rest and recover, if you keep trying to push yourself you will take longer to recover. Depression has a horrible way of making you forget what life was like without it and it means you struggle to imagine a life without it. You will get better, with the help of your doctor and the love and support of the people around you. This site is here to support you as well, the individual medication forums tend not to be visited by so many people but the main forums on panic, anxiety, depression etc. are read by a lot of people so you'll get more replies :)

[smudger]

Unspoken, I couldn't agree more. I have had relapses like you sallyyyd and you do feel like you are back to square 1. As with any illness you need time to get better and you will. You have been in control before and you will again. Forgive yourself, you haven't done anything wrong, you are human and clearly have a lot on your plate.:hugs:

[JaneC]

Hi sallyyyd,

I am sorry you are having such a bad time and, as a former clomipramine user, also sorry that I didn't see your original post. If a higher dose has helped you before, then chances are it might help you again - I really hope it does, but it may take time so, while I know it's hard, try to be patient. I'm pretty sure even 15mg is considered below the level where you will get genuine benefit from this drug.

I took it for nearly six years and it worked well for me for most of that until a couple of things happened in my life that really set me back. I eventually got to the point where I felt it wasn't working for me any more and when I went to my doc she said the 45mg I was taking wasn't really effective for depression. I decided to go for a change and I have benefited. If the higher dose doesn't prove helpful for you, you might want to consider something else at some point.

Have you had any counselling, psychotherapy, CBT or anything? They have helped me, even though I still feel the need to remain on medication.

:hugs: and I'm here if you want to talk about this more

[sallyyyd]

thank you all so much for your replies. I really really appreciate it.
I started on 50mg a couple of days ago - although id been back up to 20mg and above for a month so had hoped that things might not get as bad as this.

I have started to see my original PND counsellor again just to try and help me get through this very difficult patch. She has seen me very ill and very well over the last few years and is a huge support.

Smudger - you asked if i have thought about other things to help too. Over the years I have done CBT, relaxation techniques, accunpuncture. homeopathy but unfortunately once i get below a certain level on the drugs i just dont seem to have any control over the downturn.

Sadly my symptoms now are much much worse than those i was put on AD's for in the first place. The first time i had withdrawal problems was with seroxat and despite very very slow withdrawal i couldnt get off it. so i switched to prozac but again couldnt stop that without crashing down so thats when i ended up on clomipramine in 2004. I took it for 2 years and then slowly reduced but same thing happened in 2006. And then again now. (although i hadnt actually stopped this time - just down to 10mg from 15mg.)

At the moment im so desperate to feel some relief that i dont really care about having to take AD's forever but im just confused. Am i taking the AD's because i need them to keep me well. or I am taking them because i am addicted to them?

Thank you again for the support - this is such a lovely site x