How much more can I take!

[Janeeey]

Hi

I have never posted on this site before, but hope for some reassurance! I suffered from Post Natal Anxiety after my son was born 2 years ago, this has got much better in that I am not so obssessed about his health now but instead am focused on my own!

I have had loads of irregular periods for the first time in my life over the past months and convinced myself i have had cervical and then uterine cancer - all clear, but during this a cyst was found in (I think in) my right ovary. Am seeing Gynae this week and all evidence suggests it is not cancer albeit its large 7cm so something may be done .. I know 95% are benign but of course I am convinced my will be cancerous and not just that but that I will die.

The last few days during my period - which is very early I have very tender right breast and few little pains - not really happened before so I am now 100% convinced I have breast cancer! I have read so much on the internet I actually quote endless stats to family who are very loving but ultimately probably think I am nuts!

Rationally I know I am being ridiculous but then a voice keeps saying what if what if .. I look at my son and I cry all the time at the idea I wont see him grow up - i am also of course barely living my life because of this!

I'm not sure if anyone can help me but I just wanted to somehow get this off my chest!

Thanks for reading and any advice appreciated :):)

[Panickypants]

Sound like a lot of people on here, me included i convince myself that every symptom i get is something sinister, i also had post natal anxiety and am convinced something terrible is going to happen with my health..

Try to stay posative andremind yourself it's anxiety x x

[Janeeey]

Thank you .. reading the posts on here have helped a lot .. good to know i am not alone! Its amazing what the mind is capable of! xx

[hugs]

My anxiety began when I was 4 weeks pregnant with my son and I thought that it would go away once he was born but nope it got worse!!!! He is now 7 months old I amd seeing a CBT therapist, I am terrified of anything bad happening to him or myself. I haven't had a period since the birth and this makes me even more anxious because I feel like it's my anxiety that is causing the problem but the more I try to help myself and get better the more anxious I get and it's just a vicious circle, I've now convinced myself that I won't be able to have any more children and if I did then my anxiety will cause them to be poorly.

xxx

[andrea thompson]

hiya hon

you poor thing! i really feel for you i do. i hope that you are visiting your dr and getting the help you need. i am suffering from post miscarraige depression which apparently is the same as post natal because caused by the sudden drop in progesterone after end of pregnancy so i can sympatise totally... i have been feeling like pure pooh... lots of anxiety leading to depression.. i am on citalopram now and it is helping. i have been through depression before and got through it so there is light at the end of the tunnel.
i worry all the time about my health. every ache and pain leads me to believe something awful is going to happen. as the tablets are kicking in and my mood lifts i have found myself feeling stronger yu will too hon!
like you said the chances of the cyst being benign are really high - you are dwelling on these worrying thoughts because of the way you are feeling at the moment... its normal to have a little anxiety but because of our state of mind we immediatly think the worst. remind yourself of that. i have a little boy three... and he is beautiful. after reading on here last night i went to bed and i looked at his gorgeous little face and thought - i could live for five years or ten years or fifty years and i am not going to spend that time worrying about dying!!!!! i have a beautiful little boy and i am going to make the most of our time together. you are going to be fine!!!! anxiety is awful but us mums can beat the shit out of it!!!!!

i hope this helps in some small way hon..

take care

andrea x x

[hugs]

Thanks Andrea, I'm really trying to get better but it so so so hard, I get very down because I just want to be the person I used to be, so carefree and I also just want to enjoy my son. Everytime I make progress something always happens to make me go back to the negativity. I am going to beat this though!!!!! Not giving up!!!!!!!!!! xxx

[andrea thompson]

you better not give up mrs!!!!!
it takes time but you will get through this... i did before - so it can be done... make sure you get plenty of rest.. eat healthily.... get some mild exercise and do stuff you enjoy... i know its hard but you can do it.... keep in touch!!!!

take care

andrea x x

[Janeeey]

Thank you for all your comments. It seems we suffer so much in our own ways.

Post natal anxiety is so horrible but I have to say that side about worrying about my son is almost 100% better - so there is light at the end of the tunnel. I worried myself silly after my son had the rota virus at 3 months and I went to the Drs almost daily and for some reason I became convinced he had autism - even though he had no symtoms other than he didn't clap! which isn't even a developmental sign and of course he did in his own time just much later. Feels crazy now but so real at the time .. but now he is older I of course worry but it is much more in perspective -I think the iternet for our generation is such a blessing and a curse for these things. As such I feel a bit guilty that its all about me now but I know that actually it is a positive thing.

I do also want to beat this and not waste my life worrying .. and I am sure we all will.

Sorry I can't remember the name of the person who stated they were worried about absent period after son who is now 7 months. Mine took longer than that to start again and up until now they were totally normal when they returned .. it just takes awhile. I too worry I won't be able to concieve again, we were just trying when this all started but hopefully all will be ok.

I know post natal anxiety is perhaps likely to happen again with the next baby, but I know that I am a great mother as you both obviously are also so this shouldn't stop us from having more .. we have no shortage of love, just too much worry .. which we can all beat I'm sure!

Thanks for all your comments .. it is nice to know we are not alone in all this and I know its hard for family to understand.

[jojo2316]

Hey, welcome...... you are certainly mot alone! - I also got terrible post natal anxiety after the birth of my son two years ago....... it came on with a bang (was never overly anxious before) and it spiralled from there. I am totally obssessed with the idea that i have cancer...... usually of the breast (in two years i have had about six breast ultrasounds and i am just about to pay for a breast mri - it's that bad!), but also i often think i have cancer in the most unlikely places.... like up my nose or behind my back tooth ......it's so exhausting..... i just wish i could enjoy a worry free day of being a mother..... love my children without looking at them with sadness. For me, like you, it's all about the 'what ifs'. I know that it must be unlikely I have breast cancer right now, given all the tests I have had (and my lack of family history) but I COULD have and WHAT IF i do????? Urrrrgghhh! It's so horrid, isn't it? Anyway, sorry for the splurg..... I just wanted to let you know I understand what you are feeling. I'm sure your cyst and your breasts are fine - but i relate to your fears..xxxx

[jojo2316]

Oh and hah ha - i also worried my son had autism, even though he had no symptoms other than being a boy and it is more common in boys!!