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JT69
08-03-10, 11:20
Today I woke around 8.15 am and felt very sedated/ heavy. Decided to get up anyhow as I'm sure giving in to it and staying in bed would just make me feel worse.

Had a shower and my green tea. Starting to come round a little now. Pulse was quite fast again so took 10mg propananol and have decided I will do this each morning now to help slow the pulse down a little.

Was going to go shopping when felt bit more alert but got the flowers for tommorows funeral coming sometime today so need to wait in for those.

Am feeling anxious about tommorow. It will be the first time I have been to a social (dont know what else to call it) event since becoming ill, so will be a huge test for me in more ways than one!! I need to be there for my daughter though so mustn't let her down. At least it is in the afternoon so I am usually at my best by then.

As far as the increase in meds is concerned, I dont feel so "down" "everything feels horrible" feelings quite as much but I know its early days so hopefully they should disappear soon, if I do have them it is just first thing in the morning.

My new treadmill comes tommorow so from Wednesday I can start using that again...I am sure that will help me.

Thanks for reading.
Jo

smudger
08-03-10, 19:12
Hi Jo. Ill be thinking of you tomorrow. Just imagine all your NMP friends surrounding you for support. :hugs:

JT69
08-03-10, 19:47
Hi Lynne, After all that there is no room in the car for me as another one of my daughters friends is going. I had a chat with the other mum as i have felt absolutely awful this afternoon and I think it was the thought of going tommorow. When hubby came home he said he thought it best if I didn't go....I was still going to but then when I found out that I was going to have to drive as well I just got even more stressed out. I didnt really know the girls mum that well either. My daughter said she wanted to be amongst her friends anyhow and said she really was not bothered if I went....so I have decided not to. It is silly putting myself into a situation when I really dont need to. But thanks for your kind words...funny how things work out in the end....Jo

JT69
09-03-10, 10:23
Hi, New treadmill just arrived horray!!!!! Still will have to wait to go on it tommorow as hubby needs to fix it up when he gets in, too heavy for me to attempt.

Dont feel too good this morning, had a really upset stomach yesterday and this morning feel really sick, just as well that I am not going to the funeral as I couldn't of coped feeling like this, I hope is passes as I am meeting a friend for lunch tommorow and have really looked forward to catching up with her.
Day 5 Slept really well, still feeling sleepy when I wake up and heavy etc, this usually passes after a couple of hours. I supose it is still early days at day 5, but I feel a bit down about it today. I just want to wake up like I used to full of energy and raring to go but it's just not happening at the moment, I wonder if I will ever feel like that again??? Then I should be thankful I am alive and kicking!!!

I find that during the day things can be hard to do and I get so ratty with it all, everything is such an effort. The evenings are the best for me. I have started to regularly take 10mg propananol when I get up with my green tea, to help with the racing pulse, I hope in time this will settle down.

I think because I have always been a "morning" person, (used to get up around 6am) the change is really hard and I hope that when the medication really gets into my system I will feel like that again and be able to get up early etc again.

Am ranting on a bit....sorry....thanks anyone who reads this. JO.

smudger
09-03-10, 15:31
Hi Jo, you go ahead n rant...its your thread!lol!. Sorry u r feeling sicky. Do you think its a bug?

It is strange how fate plays a hand sometimes, maybe you weren't meant to go to the funeral! Its good that your daughter has her friends with her anyway. I bet it will be really full. Always is with young people. So sad...

Its hard to give you any advice at the moment coz I think you just need time to adjust to your new dose. I am like you, I want everything NOW! Normal routine (treadmill) will resume tomorrow so that will help won't it? I know you feel heavy in the mornings but how does your mood compare to before your changed your dose?

JT69
09-03-10, 17:02
Hi Lynne, Firstly thanks again for replying, it has been so quiet on here lately, makes you feel a bit lost.

I actually felt alot better this morning by about 10.30 thankfully. I waited until my daughter got picked up for the funeral and then popped out.

I think you are right I do need time to adjust to the new dose, I do feel much better mood wise with it than I did with the lower dose, its just the side effects which get to me, I just need to get on with it.

Its like I went round to see my neices new place and whilst I was round there I just felt a bit odd...like spaced out I surpose and also a bit like the feeling you have when you have low blood sugar (can you relate to that). Even though these meds are surposed to increase appetite I dont think they have done so with me an awful lot, in fact I seem to eat less during the day then I did before. I was thinking about something like lucosade but then dont want to put on weight.

I just really hope that by the time I go back to work (eek a week on Monday now) these feelings have gone.

I am meeting a friend for lunch tommorow that will be a bit of a test, even though I am really looking forward to it and also this Saturday night me and hubby are out for a meal with friends too. I need to do these things though to try and get some normality back into my life again!!!

Yes treadmill tommorow but am going to ensure I dont over-do it on there, as I think I was pushing myself just a bit too much before. Less is more eh?? Jo.xx

Redrainbow
09-03-10, 17:20
Jo?
Can i ask, did you start on Mirtazapine,,,or did you swap from one drug to another?? I started on Citalopram but was then move on to Mirtazapine,,

JT69
09-03-10, 19:35
Hi Wayne

I too was on citalopram (had taken it previously on and off for the past 9 years), this last time went up to 40mg but it wasn't as effective for me as it had been in the past so my gp changed me to mirtazipine. I have also taken fluoxetine and doithepin when I first was ever diagnosed with depression/anxiety all those years ago. Jo.

smudger
09-03-10, 20:59
Yes I can relate to this blood sugar thing Jo. I felt hypo too. Also as if I was in a bubble or under water! Such a weird feeling isn't it? Most people I have spoken to have put on weight, this is one area you have been lucky! I've gained 10 pounds since xmas! I know what you mean about just doing ordinary things like meeting friends can be difficult. One thing I would advise is not to drink alot of alcohol til you get used to higher dose just in case.

Let me know how u feel after you go on the treadmill won't you and have a fab night out.xx

Redrainbow
09-03-10, 21:21
Yes i have heard about the weight gain with mirtazapine, some bad story's, i will have to work out more often.
How is it going Jo with the meds being upped?

JT69
09-03-10, 21:36
Hi Wayne,

Yes not too bad, mood feels alot better. I wake up still a bit sleepy but its usually worn off by 10.30ish, had my new treadmill delivered today so will start doing that from tommorow, should help me wake up a bit easier. I just still find everything a bit of an effort during the day, I also find that my heart starts to race if I try to do things too. I have started to take a 10mg propananol each morning now to help with that. I just hope that by the time I return to work these feelings have gone as I feel a bit spaced out during the day too. Can you relate to feeling like that?? Jo.

JT69
09-03-10, 21:37
Thanks for asking and keeping in touch....helps.

JT69
10-03-10, 18:52
Day 6 today and turned out to be a good day in the end.

Woke around 8ish, felt bit horrible again, went on treadmill 3/4hr. Was feeling bit anxious cos meeting a friend and she is a work collegue as well. It was lovely in the end we had lovely lunch and catch up. Feeling quite at peace with myself this evening which is nice. Hope it continues. JO

smudger
10-03-10, 22:53
Jo thats gr8, so glad you enjoyed your meet. It's funny how the build up to something can be scary and then the actual event not. Sometimes the thought of something can really hold us back can't it? You got there and enjoyed it so well done you!

I REALLY hope this nice content feeling continues Jo. :hugs:

Redrainbow
10-03-10, 23:24
Hi Jo,,,
Spaced out Jo,,,oh yes,,,as i have said before like being thick headed and almost drunk,,,,cant work out if its the mirtazapine does it or the zopiclone, one of them,, or both.

JT69
11-03-10, 15:55
Day 7 15mg-30mg mirtazipine

Started the day feeling dozy as per usual but 3/4hr on treadmill helped. Met a friend for coffee which was nice to catch up, then went in Morrisons...half way round I just felt as if I had been totally zapped of all energy. Was awful, had a small trolley half full, thought about ditching it and running out but needed stuff that was in it and just stuck with it. Didn't feel nice but managed to get rest of bits and then got to the check-out by which time I had worked myself up a bit. Got the right hump with the woman in front of me who was stood reading her newspaper and was in my way!! I started putting my items of the belt and she just glanced at me then carried on!! Some people are sooooooo rude!! Anyhow I managed my way through and back to the car. Drove home and ate something sweet. Keep feeling like it has something to do with low blood sugar?? Feel o.k now.

In summary, I have just realised sometimes I push myself too much!! Have to then take my foot off the pedal a little and chill.

Big learning curve for me! And I now know why it is so important that I dont over-do it when I do go back to work.

Jo.

smudger
11-03-10, 22:05
Good on you Jo for recognising this. Self awareness is such a valuable tool to getting better and you have it!

Redrainbow
11-03-10, 22:11
Strange Jo,,,
that happened to me the other night when me and the wife was out,,, i had to but a couple of chocolate bars and a fizzy drink,,,i was shaking too! About 15 mins later i was fine,,,i just put it down to the meds im on,,,
Regards Wayne

JT69
12-03-10, 19:45
Day 8 15mg-30mg mirtazipine

Woke 8ish as per usual...still sleepy/heavy also the usual anxious feeling I tend to always wake with.. 3/4 hr on treadmill....felt little better, shower than off to pick daughter up for orthodenist app (brace had broken). Popped in Iceland then home. Visited sister-in-law in the afternoon. Felt pretty good during the day, this has been the best day I have had since going up to 30mg I so hope it continues. Jo.

Redrainbow
12-03-10, 19:48
Day 8,!!! You have not wrote anything Jo???? Does this mean it's been a bad day!!! lol.
Come-on Jo,,,im following this with interest!!!!!
Regards Wayne,,,

JT69
12-03-10, 20:14
Day 8,!!! You have not wrote anything Jo???? Does this mean it's been a bad day!!! lol.
Come-on Jo,,,im following this with interest!!!!!
Regards Wayne,,,

Hi Wayne, Have you found what I wrote now...I posted it by accident and then ammended it....senior moment or should I say mirtazipine moment!!! LOL.......Jo

Redrainbow
12-03-10, 23:22
Oh yes!!!! It was me having the senior moment, or mirtazapine moment, i do beg your pardon Jo! All is now clariffied!! Thankyou.
Regards Wayne,

JT69
13-03-10, 18:17
Day 9 15mg-30mg mirtazipine

As per ususal woke 8ish, mother in law visiting today so not going on treadmill today. Groan!! Felt the usual anxious and heavy to begin with but soon disappeared.

Out tonight for an Indian meal with our friends so a little anxious about how I will be. Am really looking forward to it but just have a little nagging bit of anxiety inside. Am so used to my routine of taking my meds at 9pm then being in bed by 10pm etc, but tonight that will just have to change a little so be interesting to see how it effects me.

Have felt good mostly mentally today, but had a few zaps, bit wierd out of the blue!! Had a few visitors and coped really well so pleased about that.

See how tonight goes. Wont be drinking too much alcohol due to meds, but hope it goes o.k.

Jo.

JT69
13-03-10, 18:19
Wayne, how long have you been on the meds for now?? You may have told me already but have forgotten. Thanks. Jo.

Redrainbow
13-03-10, 20:48
About 4 months Jo,,,but was changed as first lot did not work that well,,,,but think i maybe getting somewhere now, at last. Still fearing the bad days when they come,,,,How about you?

yvonne_uk_98
13-03-10, 21:44
Day 9 15mg-30mg mirtazipine

As per ususal woke 8ish, mother in law visiting today so not going on treadmill today. Groan!! Felt the usual anxious and heavy to begin with but soon disappeared.

Out tonight for an Indian meal with our friends so a little anxious about how I will be. Am really looking forward to it but just have a little nagging bit of anxiety inside. Am so used to my routine of taking my meds at 9pm then being in bed by 10pm etc, but tonight that will just have to change a little so be interesting to see how it effects me.

Have felt good mostly mentally today, but had a few zaps, bit wierd out of the blue!! Had a few visitors and coped really well so pleased about that.

See how tonight goes. Wont be drinking too much alcohol due to meds, but hope it goes o.k.

Jo.

Hi Jo,

I have been reading your thread, very interesting. you have been doing really well, well done, I hope you enjoy your eveing out.

My shrink was going to put me on Mirtazipine, I came on here and read a good few threads, I decided not to go on it, and I picked sertraline. my reason is cause of my driving lessons. I talked it over with my gp.

Yvonne

yvonne_uk_98
13-03-10, 21:54
Hi again Jo,

Wishing you a very Happy Mother's Day tomorrow. Hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow.

Yvonne

JT69
14-03-10, 14:49
Hi Yvonne,

Thankyou for your kind words. Hope you have a lovely day too. Jo.xx

JT69
14-03-10, 15:14
About 4 months Jo,,,but was changed as first lot did not work that well,,,,but think i maybe getting somewhere now, at last. Still fearing the bad days when they come,,,,How about you?
Hi Wayne, did you take different meds at first?? I feel that mirtazipine is working for me, my depression has lifted and so had my anxiety but the anxiety has started to creep back in a little at the moment. I think it may be due to the fact that after 4 1/2 months off I have one more week and then I go back to work. I am starting off on 3 hrs a day so shouldnt be too bad and I dont feel scared when I think about it but I think somewhere in my sub-concious it is starting to effect me. I have started to take 2mg diazepam along with my propananol when I feel like this. It feels like a kind of "on edge" feeling about me and my appetite decreases (thats not a bad thing though). I have got to get over this and get myself back into work but this feeling is horrible...so am taking the meds to help me cope.

Jo.

JT69
14-03-10, 15:24
Day 10 15mg-30mg mirtazipine

Enjoyed lovely evening out last night with friends. 1st late night out (well late for me) I have had since been on mirtazipine. Took meds around 11pm (2hrs later than normal), still woke at the same time to a lovely sunny day. Did 3/4 hr on treadmill.

Visited mum-in-law to give mothers day gifts etc, my mum lives a long distance away from me so had flowers deliivered to her.

Feel kind of anxious today, more so than usual. A kind of "edgy" feeling, not nice and can only put it down to that Tuesday I see my manager to discuss my return to work the following Monday. I surpose after the length of time I have been off it is understandable, but I have to conquer this. Work is not responsible for my depression or anxiety and I know I love my job etc it is just the thought of it I think??? Dont really know. Had hoped the mirtazipine would of stopped any anxiety but nothing is a miracle cure some of it has to come from within!! I will get there, I have propananol and diazepam to help me too!!! And encouragement from NMP hopefully too!!!

Anyhow, going to chill out this afternoon, as feeling a bit tired from the night out.

Hope all is well with everyone else on this lovely sunny day. Jo.

smudger
14-03-10, 16:40
Jo, I know you feel a little anxious today but your general tone is upbeat. Thats great! Good thinking on how you feel about work to, rather than panicking you are trying to make sense of your feelings which shows you are in control, good for you matey, so pleased for you!

Hope you are having a nice day today...xx

JT69
14-03-10, 17:15
Oh Lynne,

Thanks for that...you have made me feel so much better. Jo.xx

JT69
15-03-10, 13:13
Day 11 15mg-30mg mirtazipine

Well I ended up having an awful night last night. Took meds at 9pm as per usual, watched dancing on ice then went to bed. Read for a while then started to doze. Must of felt to sleep then suddenly woke up feeling all panicky and sick. Dashed to the loo and had awful runs. Just felt dreadful really anxious etc. After I just could not go anymore (pardon the details) I took 2x2mg diazepam and went back to bed. Eventually I dropped off again.

I woke up this morning feeling horrible, anxious and just not right. I got up forced myself to do the treadmill and coped o.k. with it but it was kind of going through the motions if you get what I mean. I have work on my mind and I know it is that. It is ridiculous because I love my job and the people there, I know I am going back on reduced hours to start with and I know I will have support so why am I anxious?? It drives me mad how I feel this way, so silly but I just cannot help it. I have a week before I go back anyhow. Admittidly I am seeing my Manager tommorow and will be going back for the first time into the work place since begginning of November last year. I feel I have to do it before I go back to make it less of a hurdle. I I I what stress we put ourselves under!!! Am trying to distract myself the best I can today!!! Hope the day gets better, its sometimes like you feel you have to do something right now to take away the anxious feeling beforehand, well thats how I get. It's like getting it out of the way. I just hope tommorow helps me and then I can enjoy the rest of my last week off rather than constantly fretting about next Monday...try not to??? Why oh why do I get like this.....Jo.

JT69
16-03-10, 11:42
Day 12 15mg-30mg mirtazipine

Well here we are day 12 and I think that I am at last starting to feel the benefit of the increase in the medication.

I still wake heavy but it disappears really quickly now. I also feel alot of positive thoughts first thing in the morning whereas before there was still alot of dread in my thoughts.

I am suprised today that as I have my appointment with my manager I expected to have a bad night and feel awful this morning but I had neither, so for me that is encouraging. I kind of feel quite excited at the thought of seeing everyone again.

A huge step for me today....I so hope it all goes o.k. Let you know later.................

Jo

JT69
16-03-10, 16:48
Back from the meeting and it went really well. Was lovely to see everyone again and I felt absolutely fine!!! So good sign for me. I am actually looking forward to Monday now!! Horray....may it continue. Jo.

hallam11
16-03-10, 17:20
Hello Jo,

I have just read through this whole thread and you can really see that day by day you are getting better.....which I have to say makes me feel more hope so thank you!

Anyhow I hope this continues and that once you get back to work things continue to improve! Well done and keep going!

x

JT69
16-03-10, 20:11
Thankyou Hallam 11!! Means alot to me your reply. Good luck to you too, I will offer you my support. Jo.xx

smudger
16-03-10, 21:06
Jo, I am so pleased your meeting went well with work. I bet it has really motivated you hasn't it? Do you feel better now about going back? Lynne xx

JT69
16-03-10, 21:30
Hi Lynne,

Yes I feel so excited about going back now. I really felt that I would be anxious etc today and just couldn't believe I felt so well, I didn't even need to take a diazepam or anything.

My manageress was so supportive, she agreed to the plan of return hours I had done and said that we would review them every week and if they were too much would reduce accordingly.

It was lovely to see the people I work with too, it just broke the ice, everyone said how well I looked and how much they had missed me, made me feel valued.

I just have to make sure that I dont over-do it and when I do come home I switch off or I will have hubby to contend with.

So when you get back from your holiday I will have plenty to fill you in on.

I just hope this feeling continues and I am able to enjoy these last few days I have before I go back.

Thanks for posting, you have been a great support to me and I love chatting to you.

love Jo.xx

JT69
17-03-10, 14:22
Day 13 15mg-30mg mirtazipine

What a difference a day makes!!! Just shows you can never count your chickens!!!

Had very restless night last night...poor hubby had a bad stomach and was up and down to the loo. Bless him, still went off to work. Guess he had what I had on Sunday evening.

Due to restless night woke up pretty early and was dozing in and out of sleep, got up around 8ish. Mood bit low today....monthlys due....feel tired due to that and from restless night plus I surpose I bit of back lash from yesterday being such a big day, guess it takes it out of you a bit!!

Still went and did my hour on the treadmill as I know excercise is good.

Visited sister-in-law, but just felt exhausted up there today so came back and going to just potter around today.

Still waking up with the "anxious feeling" but really have to just accept this is how I wake up as before I "crashed" back in October I would often wake feeling like that, its not nice but pretty norm for me, dont surpose it will ever go.

I have bought all the Claire Weekes books, am going to read them and see if I can apply anything that may help get rid of the "morning" feeling.

Hope everyone having good day today. Jo.

smudger
17-03-10, 15:18
Day 13 15mg-30mg mirtazipine

What a difference a day makes!!! Just shows you can never count your chickens!!! ...

Still waking up with the "anxious feeling" but really have to just accept this is how I wake up as before I "crashed" back in October I would often wake feeling like that, its not nice but pretty norm for me, dont surpose it will ever go....
Jo.

Hi Jo. I know what you mean days being up n down. Why oh why can't every day be the same good day, but even better days differ in how good they are! I think now I have it in my mind that "why shouldn't tomorrow be a good day too...if it isn't then I'll deal with it if it happens,but I won't wait and worry about it happening anymore!". I am not going to punish myself with regrets and guilt like I used to if it does. When I look at this with my sensible head on I know that what counts when I wake up is not how I feel but what I am going to do that day to make the day even better. Its so much easier when you are feeling good to appreciate what needs to be done doesn't it? Its this self awareness that I keep harping on about thats so vital I think. Understanding your own feelings, thoughts and needs and not beating ourselves up about them. We are not robots after all, much more complex than that! Maybe you need patience for the anxious wakings, like you said you want it NOW! I completely relate to that! I can see improvement in your situation all the time! Thats definately a step in the right direction. It couldn't be anymore encouraging!:yesyes:

JT69
17-03-10, 16:42
Hey Lynne,

Thanks for reading and replying...its like you are so in-tune with my mind, you say all the right things. You make so much sense and you always make me feel tons better. The help and encouragement you have given me since we met is priceless and I really mean that. Joxx

smudger
18-03-10, 14:33
Argh...thank you Jo. How nice to say that. That lifts me to hear that! Here we are healing each other! I likewise have really benefited from you too. Its SO matters when others have been there. This is where some docs go wrong.

I was discussing christmas 2009 last night with my husband, it was horrendous for us...I was on the verge of a breakdown, in fact if hubby hadn't been there I think I would have ended up in hospital or worse! Looking back the doc should not have told me to stop taking 40mg citalopram without weaning after years on it and I am absolutely sure that anybody who has been on it would have strongly advised against it! It could have been fatal,thats how bad I was! That makes me SO angry that the doc put me and my family in that position! I would go as far to say that the doc was negligent! Scary!

You and everybody on NMP have been my life preserve and I thank you all!:bighug1:

JT69
18-03-10, 16:08
Hi Lynne,

You and me both, we were in the same situation. Christmas was horrendous here too!!!! My Gp took me off in a week from 40mg that was bad enough let alone stop completely like you had to. This is where the Gp does not have enough knowledge on the medication, they just dish out the meds and dont realise the consequences!!! I like you had been on citalopram for around 9 years, I did wean myself off it at the beginning of 2009 as I felt better but I did it so so slowly so I didnt suffer any side effects. When I had to re-start it in October unfortunately it was too late I had hit rock bottom, he did increase it up to 40mg (this was the highest dose I had ever been on) it just didnt work I was still have alot of really bad days. Then he changed me to mirtazipine but even then he wasn't sure wether to try that or duloxetine (cymbalta), and he knows I am already over-weight so why put me on mirtazipine???

Anyhow it has helped so perhaps he made the right decision, I just hope mirt is o.k long term as I doubt I will be able to come off ad's in the future. G.p.'s eh??? but unless you go private there is no other choice unless you wait a long time.

You got me ranting now...la la la.

Jo.xx

JT69
18-03-10, 16:24
Day 14 15mg-30mg mirtazipine.

Woke up 8ish again, had gone to bed really early last night just felt so tired so slept from around 8.30pm until 8am. Felt very heavy on waking (probably had too much sleep)!!! Did my usual hour on the treadmill.

I decided I was going into work to clear my emails so got in there by about 11.30ish. Didn't feel as good about it as I had the other day. Probabaly because the minute I walked in everyone started moaning about there been no staff etc and I found myself feeling a little anxious. I had forgotten my manager had taken a days leave. Anyhow I cleared my emails and then went to lunch with one of my colleagues which was nice.

I surpose I could wish I hadn't gone in cos now I am thinking is it going to be like that when I go back Monday? Am I going to feel like that??? I dont know!! But then I surpose I coped I didnt feel like running out so perhaps it did me good. Time will tell. I have just texed my manager and she texed back telling me to stay away until Monday!! OOps!!!

Anyhow I feel quite calm now but just hope that I haven't undone all the progress I have made by going in this morning.

Jo.

hallam11
18-03-10, 17:19
Hello me again!

I think you are both doing ever so well especially as you have had to go through what you have in terms of coming off the citalopram. I agree smudger, I don't think doctors think realistically sometimes. Like yourself Jo I do wonder why I've been put on the mirtazapine as I am also overweight and tend to overeat! Seems silly but i'll see how it goes!!!

I think we are bound to have slight setbacks but I think going into work and seeing it like that you have done ever so well.Like you said you felt anxious but you didn't run from it and your post it seems you are still very positive so thats a good sign! Just take one day at a time and remember to start off with its only 3 hours a day and im sure you will be ok!

I have one question about the mirtazapine that I just remembered I wanted to ask. Did you have trouble focussing with your eyes? My eyes sometimes throughout the day feel very odd like they cant focus. Like i've said before it feels like im drunk well this happens when im drunk, cant focus, so maybe its all tied?!

Laura xxx

smudger
18-03-10, 19:30
Day 14 15mg-30mg mirtazipine.

I decided I was going into work to clear my emails so got in there by about 11.30ish.

Jo.

Blinkin eck Jo u big show off!lol! Look whose getting her life back! Wow, now that aint arf a positive sign! Mega impressed!xx:)

smudger
18-03-10, 19:36
Like yourself Jo I do wonder why I've been put on the mirtazapine as I am also overweight and tend to overeat!
Laura xxx

Laura, can you believe this? When I was put on mirtazapine I was seeing the CBT counselor already for low self esteem linked with [B]being overweight[B] most of my life! Why would anyone with even half a brain prescribe mirtazapine to somebody in my situation? The doc had my case file! It infuriates me. I was too ill at the time to argue!

ElizabethJane
18-03-10, 19:51
Jo I had terrible trouble when I was put on duloxetine. I was being sick and giddy to the polint of falling over. This was mean't to be a wonder drug for me plus I was cross tapering ie coming off the mirt to go onto duloxetine plus still being on dothiepin and lithium. Oh heck! Glad you are doing so well. I am feeling a little low tonight hubs been away all week on business. He is back tomorrow. I have found that my weight has stabilised whilst being on the mirt this time. Hopefully that will happen for you too. Best wishes with going back on Monday to work.

hallam11
18-03-10, 19:59
Yeah smudger it surely does make you wonder what they can be thinking. Like yourself I was just open to taking what the doc thought was best. I wonder if they thought the benefits outweighed the negative's?I dunno! I will give them a try.To be honest I haven't eaten more than usual however I am only 3 days into it so we'll see!

Good luck! x

Astrogirl
18-03-10, 23:23
Hi,
Just sat and read your blog from the start, interesting to hear someone else's experience of mirtazipine. Sound's like I've got off quite lightly with the side effects.
Glad to hear you're beginning to feel better, I have days where I feel fine and then days where I feel down, which is frustrating, as like you, I want everything get better immidiatley!
Well done on going into work, it shows how far you've come, remember that.
:hugs:

JT69
19-03-10, 09:57
Jo I had terrible trouble when I was put on duloxetine. I was being sick and giddy to the polint of falling over. This was mean't to be a wonder drug for me plus I was cross tapering ie coming off the mirt to go onto duloxetine plus still being on dothiepin and lithium. Oh heck! Glad you are doing so well. I am feeling a little low tonight hubs been away all week on business. He is back tomorrow. I have found that my weight has stabilised whilst being on the mirt this time. Hopefully that will happen for you too. Best wishes with going back on Monday to work.

Hi ElizabethJane,

Sorry you been feeling a little down, hopefully that has gone now hubby is back today. Duloxetine sounds pretty awful...I remember looking up side effects etc when my GP was thinking about changing me and it did say that it could cause nausea etc but what you suffered was awful. Did you end up coming off the drug? Even though I seem to be doing well I still wake up and feel pretty awful, kind of anxious and a feeling of dread?? Wierd. As the day goes it does pass thankfully, I think especially when I distract myself. Thanks for your kind comments. Jo.xx

JT69
19-03-10, 19:19
Day 15 15mg-30mg mirtazipine.

Had a bad evening (less said the better) but slept pretty well. Woke up around 7am and felt pretty awful....down and very anxious, heart hammering away!!! Didn't do treadmill this morning just too exhausted and felt so bad...I think the M word scaring me now (monday and work)!!!

Anyhow, scraped through the morning and met a friend for lunch which I felt like doing as much as flying a kite!!! I had promised so I forced myself, how I ate I'll never know...just was not in the slightest hungry!!! But did it for my friend, just didnt want to let her down!!!

Just felt so nervous all day, like I was going to take a driving test or something??? Awful!! Had couple of glasses of red tonight so taken it away for now.

I think that even though I went into work the other day and was fine the visit yesterday has set me back.....we shall see what tommorow brings.......

Jo.

hallam11
19-03-10, 19:26
Aww im sorry yesterday and today wasn't too good for you. I guess we can all have some crappy times. Im sure you are just dreading monday and going back to work. Although I have to say, im sure you will be fine.

Hope you feel better tomorrow!

Laura xx

JT69
19-03-10, 19:40
Thankyou Laura....that is lovely of you. I do think it is work causing it....understanderble I surpose. Jo.xx

ElizabethJane
19-03-10, 20:02
Sometimes it is our bodies remembering what the fear was like not the fear itself that is causing the problem? Have you ever done any CBT Jo? You could try writng down what the fear actually is in one column and then find any evidence to support that fact in another. The next step is to actually try the feared situation out then to rate the experience to see if it was as bad as you thought it was? Not quite CBT but try to stay positive and you'll do just fine.

martbarr
20-03-10, 09:37
Day 15 15mg-30mg mirtazipine.

Had a bad evening (less said the better) but slept pretty well. Woke up around 7am and felt pretty awful....down and very anxious, heart hammering away!!! Didn't do treadmill this morning just too exhausted and felt so bad...I think the M word scaring me now (monday and work)!!!

Anyhow, scraped through the morning and met a friend for lunch which I felt like doing as much as flying a kite!!! I had promised so I forced myself, how I ate I'll never know...just was not in the slightest hungry!!! But did it for my friend, just didnt want to let her down!!!

Just felt so nervous all day, like I was going to take a driving test or something??? Awful!! Had couple of glasses of red tonight so taken it away for now.

I think that even though I went into work the other day and was fine the visit yesterday has set me back.....we shall see what tommorow brings.......

Jo.

Jo,

Sorry you felt crappola last night.
Hopefully a new day will bring you some peace!!!!!
If not, there's always daytime TV.

I think going into work was a good thing for you to do.
It gets you grounded in what you'll be doing more of over the coming weeks.

If you make a mountain out of Monday, it will be very hard to climb.
Just hang on to the truth that Monday will come and go like every other day. And to a certain extent it's what you make it - althought on these pills there's more to it I guess.

We all get good days and bad days - even folks who don't suffer with anxiety.
I hate those days where we get anxious and don't know why.
When you know it's a chemical thing as there's no reason to be this way.

Take it steady.
If I thought a joke would help I would - only get the feeling you're not in the mood at the moment, so will sidle off quietly (man quiet anyway).

Let us know how you get on.
Cheers
Captain Scarlett

JT69
20-03-10, 11:20
Sometimes it is our bodies remembering what the fear was like not the fear itself that is causing the problem? Have you ever done any CBT Jo? You could try writng down what the fear actually is in one column and then find any evidence to support that fact in another. The next step is to actually try the feared situation out then to rate the experience to see if it was as bad as you thought it was? Not quite CBT but try to stay positive and you'll do just fine.


HI ElizabethJane,

Thanks for your reply. No, not ever done any cbt. My GP has never offered anything like that and I dont know what it is but will try what you said...and yes the fact that you say it is our bodies remembering what the fear itself was like is how I feel. I am scared that I will feel like I did when I had to come home when I first became ill, but how do you get over that? I will push myself in and just hope that I will realise that I am now o.k , am better than I was then and hopefully I should then begin to be o.k. It feels so hard at the moment but I know that even when I wasnt ill as such I could feel like this at times but once I go into work the anxious feeling soon dissappeared. It feels like such a huge mountain to climb at the moment as it always does but I've done it before so why not this time? Yes I have had a long time off but am much more improved now and this is the last hurdle I have to face. We shall see. Can only do my best. Jo.

JT69
20-03-10, 15:13
Jo,

Sorry you felt crappola last night.
Hopefully a new day will bring you some peace!!!!!
If not, there's always daytime TV.

I think going into work was a good thing for you to do.
It gets you grounded in what you'll be doing more of over the coming weeks.

If you make a mountain out of Monday, it will be very hard to climb.
Just hang on to the truth that Monday will come and go like every other day. And to a certain extent it's what you make it - althought on these pills there's more to it I guess.

We all get good days and bad days - even folks who don't suffer with anxiety.
I hate those days where we get anxious and don't know why.
When you know it's a chemical thing as there's no reason to be this way.

Take it steady.
If I thought a joke would help I would - only get the feeling you're not in the mood at the moment, so will sidle off quietly (man quiet anyway).

Let us know how you get on.
Cheers
Captain Scarlett

Hey Martin, Thanks for replying to my thread...means alot and you make alot of sense.

The trouble with me is I am still remembering how I felt before and thinking it will be like that...I just need to go in and prove myself otherwise. I am a pretty strong willed person and will push when I need to push and that is exactly what I will do....I can remember times in the past I have walked round the sales floor on a managers floor walk and have felt like absolute cxxp but got through, I did it then so whats different now??? I I I we so worry and why??? Wish I knew!!

Let you know what happens.....eek.....eek.....

Jo.xx

JT69
20-03-10, 15:25
Day 16 15mg-30mg mirtazipine

Today woke and felt awful....yes its the M word the dreaded Monday and work!!! Why??? Have been like this so many times before so why is this any different?? Whenever I have time off for hols etc always get a little anxious before I go back, even get like it before the holiday??? Wierd!! I surpose it is down to change and that mostly people like us like routine etc (so my GP tells me???).

Anyhow did my treadmill and then somehow got through to now. Being a bit naughty today and scoffing chocolate and bad things!!! Understandable I surpose. Will regret it later!

So....difficult to truly comment on how I feel medication wise as the W work has just taken over all train of thought so will leave that commentry until next week! Just hope the mirt kicks in on Monday and gives me that added cushion that i didn't have way back when!!

Jo.

SueBut
20-03-10, 20:13
I have just upped my anti-d's and I am getting the 'blood sugar' thing too - feel really weak and shaky - does anyone have idea's as to why this happens and what's best to do?

smudger
20-03-10, 20:25
Jo. Just wanted to wish you all the best for Monday. Its natural to feel anxious about it so I won't say don't worry coz u will. I bet you haven't forgotten actually how to do your job have you? Maybe its good idea to spend Sunday out with the family somewhere, go for a long walk in the woods or something -rather than being in the house. its always worse when at home I think! Anyway, Ill speak to you after I get back so keep yer pecker up won't you? Take care.Lynne xx.

hallam11
21-03-10, 13:20
Hello Jo,

Like Smudger I just wanted to say hope Monday goes well. I agree that perhaps you should try and spend today doing something and not just stewing. I think being unemployed and alone all day has made worse my depression/anxiety.

Hope all goes well!

Laura xx

JT69
21-03-10, 14:24
Hello Jo,

Like Smudger I just wanted to say hope Monday goes well. I agree that perhaps you should try and spend today doing something and not just stewing. I think being unemployed and alone all day has made worse my depression/anxiety.

Hope all goes well!

Laura xx

Thankyou Laura. Dont worry you are unemployed at the moment, it will give you chance for the medication to start working properly etc without the added pressure of going to work, yes I know what you mean in it can make depression/anxiety worse not working but then again you need to be in the right frame of mind to face it and you have time to get used to your meds then look for work.

I am starting off at doing 10-1 each day and then increasing slowly as I feel up to it etc.....will let you know how it goes. Nice to have your support.

Love Jo.xx

JT69
21-03-10, 14:28
I have just upped my anti-d's and I am getting the 'blood sugar' thing too - feel really weak and shaky - does anyone have idea's as to why this happens and what's best to do?

Hi Sue,

You have just had your meds upped to what dose??? I have had the blood sugar thing. I think it is because mirtaxipine increases your appetitie and if you are like me my body seems to not feel like eating until mid afternoon thankfully, (thinking of the weight gain) so I have found sometimes I feel a bit odd and describe it as low blood sugar. I have then being either having something sweet or a glass of lucosade, for me that has helped. Not really sure why this happens so am just explaining how I feel and what I do about it.

Hope that helps.

Jo.

JT69
21-03-10, 14:36
Day 17 15mg-30mg mirtazipine

Had a good nights sleep which was suprised at as had felt pretty anxious most of last night!!! Thank god for mirtazipine cos I know that if I had still been on citalopram I just would of been awake most of the night...it did not help me sleep at all!!!

Woke up around 7am and felt anxious.....awful......was thinking how the hell am I going to get through Sunday???? Tried to doze off but kept jumping at the slightest sound. Hubby got up around 8.15 and I laid there till 8.30 then decided to get up!!

Spent the morning ironing (hubby went Asda, I just couldn't face that today) got it all done, but was feeling so anxious was a real battle!!!
I cannot understand what I am scared of?? Wish I knew then I could try and tackle it, simply awful it really is!!

Anyhow going to have to get through the rest of today somehow by reading and distracting myself. It's the waiting I hate...just need to get it out of the way now but I cant!!!

Hopefully I will feel o.k, I kind of feel tired today too so will try and rest a little.

Jo.

JT69
22-03-10, 15:55
Day 18 15mg-30mg mirtazipine

Well I did it I went back to work today and I was fine, really suprised myself. Only doing 3hrs and it flew by.

Woke up when hubby went to work around 5.30am and felt a bit edgy but managed to get back off to sleep and woke at 7.45. Leisurely got up etc and had to be at work for 10am. Did feel a little nervous but nothing like I thought I would. So that is that hurdle out of the way. Just got to build myself back up to full-time hours now over the next four weeks. With Easter in the middle shouldn't be too bad, plus got a week away to Cornwall in 4 weeks time.

Hope everyone ok here.

Jo.xx

hallam11
22-03-10, 16:33
Hello Jo!!!

Great stuff! I am so glad everything went ok for you! Well done what a great feat to come over!

Day 7 for me on Mirtazapine and today I feel ok in terms of side effects although my mood is still up and down at the minute. Anyway I am very glad that everything went ok for you!

Laura x

JT69
22-03-10, 17:58
Hi Laura

Glad the side effects are getting less for you by the sound of it.

When you do have to go back for a review?

You may find that if your mood does not stabilize on 15mg you need to go up to 30mg as I did. I upped after 4 weeks as I found my mood went low again after being higher.

See how you go.

Keep in touch daily....keen to know how you are getting on...and well done you are doing well.

Jo.xx

hallam11
22-03-10, 19:33
Hello Jo,

Yes I do seem to be lucky on the side effects side of it. Yes perhaps I will need to go up from 15mg as it does seem quite a low dose. And my mood is just as low as it was a week ago.

I am having a bad day today, yesterday was also quite bad. My review session should be 2/3 weeks after my initial doctors appointment which was one week ago so I am going to call the doctors tomorrow and make an appointment for next week as I feel I need some more support with this. I update regularly on my thread scary everyday on the ocd forum bit. I hope you don't think bad of me after reading it because it is all very confusing for me.I have a lot of issues especially stemming from my childhood and I really want some help.

Anyway I am glad everything went well for you at work and hope it continues!

Laura xx

JT69
22-03-10, 20:04
Hi laura,

Please dont think I would think badly of you for what you wrote...I would never do that, I totally understand (I have just read through the thread), I really feel for you and are glad that you can come out and write it all down, as this really helps. I have never suffered OCD myself but 2 members of my family have and so I know what it is like. My daughter (who is now 15) suffers from time to time and this started when she was around 12, she shared things with me so I know how you feel.

I am sorry that you had a bad day yesterday and having another one today, I do think that you should make an appointment to see your GP sooner as I do think you will need an increase in the meds and the sooner the better I feel.

You have my total support and I will help you whenever I can so please dont worry about posting anything hun.

Take care
Jo.xx

hallam11
22-03-10, 20:08
Thank you Jo. That actually made me tear up, which to be fair isn't unusual for me!

But it means an awful lot to me that you do not think badly of me.

Thank you and I will phone and make an appointment tomorrow to see my doctor tomorrow for next week to see about therapy and my medication.

Thank you

Laura xxx

ElizabethJane
22-03-10, 22:36
Hi Jo I am really pleased that your first day back at work went so well. Well done you!! Sorry I haven't had time to reply to your PM but I have had another concert yesterday (Sunday) and feel very tired today. I have also had a GP apointment today. I had to wait ages and she was running late. I have a fissure and she told me I must not allow myself to get constipated. I am always happy to post my experiences on mirtazapine. My weight seems to be creeping back on plus I have just been given chocolates (from a disabled man I take to Church) I think that I need a few days to recharge my batteries plus hubs home from a week in Dusseldorf. Loads of shirts but I don't iron them ha!

JT69
23-03-10, 16:01
Hi Jo I am really pleased that your first day back at work went so well. Well done you!! Sorry I haven't had time to reply to your PM but I have had another concert yesterday (Sunday) and feel very tired today. I have also had a GP apointment today. I had to wait ages and she was running late. I have a fissure and she told me I must not allow myself to get constipated. I am always happy to post my experiences on mirtazapine. My weight seems to be creeping back on plus I have just been given chocolates (from a disabled man I take to Church) I think that I need a few days to recharge my batteries plus hubs home from a week in Dusseldorf. Loads of shirts but I don't iron them ha!

Hi ElizabethJane, thanks for reply, dont worry about the PM, you sound like you been very busy.

Sorry your weight creeping up...I must admit I have not been on the scales since taking mirtazipine I just daren't. My uniform still fitted me so I think I will leave it at that as i am already over-weight and dont want to let that issue bring me down again!!!

I do eat the wrong things at times but I just feel I deserve to after all I have been through, I know I will regret it eventually, but you only live once and I do go on my treadmill daily so thats my excuse.

You are lucky not having to iron shirts?? Does that mean hubby does them??
Missing Lynne, I do hope she is having a brilliant time, just seems strange her not posting on here!!!

Take care
Jo.xx

JT69
23-03-10, 16:03
Hi Laura,

Wondered how you were doing today??? Did you manage to change appointment and bring it forward??? Jo.xxx

JT69
23-03-10, 16:10
Day 19 15-30mg mirtazipine

My second day back at work after 5 months off went really well.

Slept well, had wierd dream about hubby having an affair with a bar maid?? Bizzaire!!! Better watch him!! LOL!!!

Woke up around 7.45, felt quite heavy this morning and so worried a little....but decided half hr on treamill wouldn't kill me or make me too tired before work and that did the trick...seemed to make me feel much more alert thankfully, cos that heavy feeling is a little depressing if you know what I mean!!!

Got to work for 10 and my 3 hours just flew by again!!! Even quicker than yesterday. I felt so much more confident today too.

I feel perfectly normal now and I could jump from the roofs it feels so nice after going through such an awful time. People just dont realise how lucky they are not to suffer as we do with anxiety and depression it is just awful!!! It makes you (well it does me) really appreciate the times when I do feel o.k.

I just hope it continues and the illness stays away now and carries on letting me live my life and be happy.

Hope everyone else feels good too, sending you all some of my happiness...........................

Jo.xx

hallam11
23-03-10, 16:43
Hi Jo,

Today is just the same....feel very detatched and numb. My worries keep going around my head and I get worked up about them and then feel nothing. Im guessing I jut need to give the mirtazapine time to have an effect but I do feel blue.

I do feel happy that you are feeling much better! Lets keep going!

Laura xx

JT69
23-03-10, 16:49
Hi Laura,

Did you get an earlier appointment???

JO.xx

hallam11
23-03-10, 18:04
Hi Jo,

I only got an appointment for next tuesday. She said to go back in 2/3 weeks but i cant wait 3 weeks, i want to see about being referred to a therapist.

Laura x

JT69
24-03-10, 17:49
Day 20 15mg-30mg mirtazipine

Woke at 7.15 today, felt usual heavy feeling but treadmill sorted that and I actually managed breakfast for the first time in ages today.

Work went well...bit more stressfull but I am a manager so its not going to be an easy ride, I just need to learn to switch off when I get home. I off-loaded to hubby and then decided this forum would be a welcome distraction. Mood wise though I felt really well, just normal really, if that makes sense. Day off tommorow so will be nice.

Glad I started taking mirtazipine....its definately worked for me!!!

Hope everyone else o.k. Missing Lynne though, hope she is enjoying herself.

Jo.xx

JT69
27-03-10, 18:12
Day 23 15-30mg mirtazipine

Well managed my first full week at work with ease. Surpose I really could go back to full-time but decided it best to stick to the plan of slow increase each week...best not to try and run before I can walk!!

Waking up pretty early each day, feeling a bit heavy on waking and still having to shake a bit of morning anxiety off but then I always had morning anxiety before so that is nothing new, had wondered if the mirtazipine would cure that but so far it hasnt, if fact due to the heaviness it probably wouldn't do that.

Still haven't been weighed...I really should but just dont want to burst that bubble just yet, I do my daily treadmill and try to eat carefully....cross that bridge later.

Anyhow hope everyone else is doing o.k? Looking forward to Lynne coming back...being wierd on here without her!!!

JO.

JT69
30-03-10, 19:12
Hi Laura,

Just wondered how you are doing hun? How did it go at the GP's today? Not heard from you in a while...hope you are o.k.

Jo.xx

hallam11
30-03-10, 19:31
Hi Jo,

Yes I went to see the Dr today. Explained to her that I have seen a very slight improvement in my mood but I still feel really fragile and cry alot. She said that its only been two weeks. She has referred me to a counsellor which I am very happy about because I believe talk therapy helps me very much. She has asked me to go back in two weeks time to see how I am feeling.If I have plateaued and have stopped feeling an improvement she says it is likely she will increase my dose, which is what you have said so I had expected that.
My mood is very slightly better but it keeps dipping and such so I am waiting for this two weeks.
Hope work went well today!
Laura xx

JT69
31-03-10, 16:08
Hi Laura,

Glad your Gp visit went well and that she has referred you, that is good news. I was like you and kept dipping that is why I was increased, so that is good too, I surpose as it is only 2 weeks she wants to give it a bit longer for the mirtazipine to see if your mood improves.....how do you feel when you wake up in the mornings now?

Finished work now until Tuesday which is good, it has been fine this week but am looking forward to a few days off!!!

Hope you had a good day today? Lynne should be back on here (smudger) over the next couple of days she has been on holiday...have really missed chatting to her on here, been wierd.

Take care
JO.xx

u11na6
01-04-10, 22:51
Hi Jo,

Have you noticed an increased in appetite with the 30mg dose. I've been on this dose for nearly a month, and I seem to be constantly hungry, and am starting to have trouble buttoning my jeans.

u11na6

hallam11
01-04-10, 23:07
Yes thanks Jo, I feel better that I seem to have a dr who understand and I am glad that I have been referred. I think I will probably need to go up because I really don't feel that my mood is improving right now.I see glimpses of the future but they seem like pin pricks and thats it. I don't feel too bad in the mornings now in terms of the meds but my mood is the pits.

Oh glad you have finished now.....at least you can have a nice long weekend at home! You deserve it!

Oh yes I have spoken in brief with her before on posts and she seemed really nice! Glad she's coming back for you, its not nice to miss a friend especially when your used to them being about! Hope you keep improving....gives me a little hope!

I know you didn't ask me u11na6 but im only on 15mg but im eating more which is awful because im already overweight.I am going to try from now just to eat at meal times and try do some exercise.

Laura xxx

u11na6
02-04-10, 01:39
@Laura, thanks for letting me know. The weight gain is making matters harder. Mirtazpine has been the only drug that has actually worked for me, but I already have self esteem issues and even though my mood seems to be improving, every time I try to squeeze into my jeans, I feel worse, and I have no idea what to do. I'm usually a fairly active person, but am currently in the process of trying to get my thesis written up which means I spend most of my time at my desk.

JT69
02-04-10, 09:59
Hi Jo,

Have you noticed an increased in appetite with the 30mg dose. I've been on this dose for nearly a month, and I seem to be constantly hungry, and am starting to have trouble buttoning my jeans.

u11na6

Hi u11na6,

I didnt notice an increase in appetite when I went up to 30mg, I just felt it when I first started on mirtazipine, but it has settled now. Having said that I do think it makes you gain weight anyhow. I am already over-weight but mirtazipine has made such a difference in my life, it has helped get me back to work and live a normal life and it has helped me have such a better nights sleep then I have had in years....I used to always wake around 3-4am and be awake for around an hour I dont now I sleep right through and I dont often wake feeling heavy anymore only very occasionally. Alot of clothes are tight on me too, and I go on the treadmill for an hour everyday...not fair is it?? I would much rather feel as I do and be over-weight then feel like I did before mirtazipine...awful dilemma. People on here have put weight on with other meds so i dont think it is just mirtazipine.

Hope that helps.

Sorry for late reply.

JO.xx