god, i feel useless today

[jackie26]

i feel so useless today and pathetic. i went back to work yesterday after 4 weeks off sick, i put up a post yesterday so i won't bore you with how -5 day went, except to say Mr Panic reared his ugly head 4 - 5 times during the day and last night. this morning i woke up absolutley soaked in sweat (nice) and that horrible sinking feeling in my stomach and panicky even at the thought of goign to work. i have chickened out and am goign to use my annual leave for the rest of this week and was on hol next week anyway. i just feel such a failure but just feel that if i go in i will just sit there and panic that i have made a mistake and the thought of that at the moment terrifies me. i wish i could feel semi-normal again. maybe i need to get my meds increased a little bit - on sertraline 50 at the moment but don't want to jump up dose too much cos of side effects which i am just getting over from starting meds. i am seeing psychologist tomorrow thank god, hope he can give me some help. i know this is an illness but i don't know what is causing it and that is scary. sorry for going on at this time of morning but i just felt i needed to post:) x

[Jannie2948]

Hi Jackie, I do feel for you, and I have read your earlier posts. I know it is very difficult, I started with anxiety/panic late last year and had to take some time off work because I just could not function properly whilst there. I'm lucky in that my boss and work colleagues totally get what I am going through. I hope you manage to get some more help with the psychologist tomorrow but maybe it is a matter of increasing your dosage. I started on citalopram late last year and after 3 months on 20mg Dr increased to 40mg and after 2 weeks on increased dosage I am feeling better. Still have the odd moment here and there but am able to travel, which was very difficult for me, and work full-time. Maybe it is something you need to consider, have a word with the psychologist and see if they suggest increasing your dosage, just to get you through this bad time.

I wish you all the best and hope you will soon be feeling much better.

Jannie x x

[jackie26]

thanks jannie, i am going to try see gp re dose increase if not will ask tomorrow x

[Jannie2948]

Hope it goes well for you, I'm off now to get the dreaded train!!! x x

[jackie26]

good luck and have a good day xxx:)