fradycat
09-01-06, 20:13
Hello everyone!
Throughout December, I was in a humdinger of a set-back. After suffering with anxiety and panic attacks for the last 5 years, I was really doing well with my recovery. The last 3 years, I have lived a pretty normal life with the odd set-back thrown in but the anxiety has always been there simmering under the surface. This latest set-back has taught me a valuable lesson and made me realise just why I haven't made that final step to full recovery. Over the years I have been 'managing' my anxiety not 'conquering' the real fear. I have developed good coping skills and learn how to get through certain situations etc. But none of this has actually dealt with the core issue - my fear. I still can't face it full on - i just skirt around it. I fear the physical sensations anxiety brings and in turn fear losing control of myself. Diversion, change of diet, physical activity, accepting and letting time pass etc - yes they are all instrumental in dealing and coping with anxiety but don't rid you of it altogether. Throughout December, my routine was upside down, my husband was off work doing my head in, we had loads of visitors, xmas was hectic and because I couldn't control and placate my anxiety like I usually do, I fell into a rotten set-back. Until I really face this, warts and all, I will always get these set-backs.
When I found a spider on the kitchen floor not long back, I quickly put a pan on it and there it stayed all day til my husband came home- I pushed it out the way when I needed to but never took the pan off. This is exactly how I deal with my panic/anxiety. Always keeping a lid on it, tip toeing around it, still getting on with things but knowing all along its still there. I have killed many spiders in my time, I have endured many panic episodes and come through them, yet I am still scared of spiders and I am still scared of panic. Until I can really face my fear, squish that spider under my thumb and know I can squish the biggest and hairiest of them, I will never be trully free of my fear. So, until I can really lose all fear of those physical sensations and possible outcomes, I'll never be free of panic.
I have been feeling better recently now that I am back in my routine and I am more determined that ever to beat this.
How do you wipe out that basic fear? Exposure hasn't worked, yes I gain confidence but the fear is still imprinted on my brain.
Lots of love,
Fradycat xx
Throughout December, I was in a humdinger of a set-back. After suffering with anxiety and panic attacks for the last 5 years, I was really doing well with my recovery. The last 3 years, I have lived a pretty normal life with the odd set-back thrown in but the anxiety has always been there simmering under the surface. This latest set-back has taught me a valuable lesson and made me realise just why I haven't made that final step to full recovery. Over the years I have been 'managing' my anxiety not 'conquering' the real fear. I have developed good coping skills and learn how to get through certain situations etc. But none of this has actually dealt with the core issue - my fear. I still can't face it full on - i just skirt around it. I fear the physical sensations anxiety brings and in turn fear losing control of myself. Diversion, change of diet, physical activity, accepting and letting time pass etc - yes they are all instrumental in dealing and coping with anxiety but don't rid you of it altogether. Throughout December, my routine was upside down, my husband was off work doing my head in, we had loads of visitors, xmas was hectic and because I couldn't control and placate my anxiety like I usually do, I fell into a rotten set-back. Until I really face this, warts and all, I will always get these set-backs.
When I found a spider on the kitchen floor not long back, I quickly put a pan on it and there it stayed all day til my husband came home- I pushed it out the way when I needed to but never took the pan off. This is exactly how I deal with my panic/anxiety. Always keeping a lid on it, tip toeing around it, still getting on with things but knowing all along its still there. I have killed many spiders in my time, I have endured many panic episodes and come through them, yet I am still scared of spiders and I am still scared of panic. Until I can really face my fear, squish that spider under my thumb and know I can squish the biggest and hairiest of them, I will never be trully free of my fear. So, until I can really lose all fear of those physical sensations and possible outcomes, I'll never be free of panic.
I have been feeling better recently now that I am back in my routine and I am more determined that ever to beat this.
How do you wipe out that basic fear? Exposure hasn't worked, yes I gain confidence but the fear is still imprinted on my brain.
Lots of love,
Fradycat xx