I can't do it....

[Tomimo]

I am having a nightmare and I can't find my way out. I keep trying the techniques people suggest but I still can't escape how bad I feel.

I am beginning to think I am really going mad because I can not escape the thoughts which get more scary and horrible every day. The what if's get worse until I begine to question, what if I do mean the horrible things my brain thinks (hurting myself or others). My mum (who runs a psychiatric assessment unit) came round today and said that I really need to get some help and asked me if I'm sure I'm not hearing voices. I have spent the last two days expecting to start hearing voices or seeing things and I am second guessing myself so much by keep questioning whether I am seeing/hearing things and not realising it. I have second guessed myself into scuh a state that I am scared that I am losing touch with waht's real and losing myself in my thoughts :( :(

I don't know how but I manage to cope fine when I have to at work but the rest of the time I am terrified of myself.

I have made an appointment with the Doctor for Wednesday as after 4 weeks of Prozac I am getting worse not better but I don't know how to explain all this in a way that won't jeopordise my family or career and I am scared that he will see that I am really going mad.

I don't know if my symptoms are more extreme than other peopl but no-one seems to be as scared of madness or losing control as me.

Annie x

I know that I need to snap out of it but seems to lack the ability.

[Keitharcher]

Hi

You have donee the right thing by seeking medical help, listen to what they say and I hope things will go right for you soon

Keith

[kirgray]

Hi annie

Im not very good at expressing myself but I just wanted to reply to your post as I understand how you are feeling, for one I would say you are not mad-just scared stiff of various thoughts and feelings and also that you are not alone in how you are feeling.

Everyday I question myself am I goin mad, have I finally lost it, I too worry I may start to hear voices-i fear losing control.....I have obsessives I do like I have to turn back onto a certain channel on the tv or a page in a book or I tell myself this could be the day something will happen to me if I dont.....I think you are right in going to the doc maybe its just a case of changing meds and having someone to chat to that wont judge you Anyway sorry to waffle told you I was bad!!!Just wanted to let you know you are not alone and send a HUG X X X

[Piglet]

See the doctor and put your mind at rest!!

I do remember saying to the doctor when I was actute, that I heard voices in my head and he said "who's". "My own" I answered.

He chortled into his cup of tea and said of course you do, cos we all do!!!!

It's just you don't like what your voice is saying to you at the mo hun.

It's worth seeing the doc to double check your medicine but don't worry about losing your marbles - that's exactly what we all think till we get a handle on things.

Love Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[DagoGirl]

I do know how you feel as Ive said alot of those same things. Im glad your going to the dr but please remember that the meds do take awhile. I just started my 4th week of lustral and its just been the last day or so that people around me are noticing some changes. I was sure it wasnt going to help me, but you really do have to give it a long go. If you dont mind me asking you a couple things maybe I can help.

How much prozac are you taking?
Do you have anxiety about taking the prozac?
Are you taking any anti-anxiety meds?
Are you in any sort of therapy?
Is there something in your life that has changed recently or is stressful?

Love to you Chrissy

[alexis]

Hi Annie, I think its good to see the dr and hopefully you will tell him all your worries and hope he can reassure you you are not going mad.
I was worried at the beginning that I would go mad, but I think as you get further down the line, you realise you are not alone and this is (unfortunately) quite normal for this condition.
Hope you get the answers you are looking for. Take care.xxxxxxx


Most of lifes battles are won, by looking beyond the clouds to the sun:
and having the patience to wait for the day,when the sun comes out and the clouds go away.


love from Alexisxx

[LisaS]

hi Annie,

you are NOT going mad I promise you.. I have been there I promise you. When I was acute I was in absolute distress crying my eyes out as i was so scared of what i was thinking or that i was even capable of thinking it. Petrified.
I must say though, that i had a consultation with a psychiatrist who put me on Prozac which was really not great as it seemed to excaserbate all my symptoms x 100.. I was in a highly anxious state and I believe Prozac is more for depression, not anxiety..
Hopefully your GP will be able to set your mind at rest about a few things.. but in the meantime, please know that you will be ok.. From my worst moments rocking on my bed in tears and phoning the samaritans, I am now calm, have been back at work for 7 months, go out with my friends and have my life back on track (ok, almost!).. but you WILL get thru this.

big big hug,
lisa
xxx

"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"

[LisaS]

by the way, may sound like i'm an old granny, but I have started knitting and although i'm probably going to end up with a 10 foot scarf as i dont know how to tail off, i find it very therapeutic!!
I also do yoga - have you any classes near you? this is really helpful - just gives you time for yourself to relax, and tone yourself at the same time..

stay calm you can do it..

lisa
xxx

"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"

[sarahliz]

Hi Annie,

Big hugs are being sent your way!! Focus on your appointment next week where the doctor will help put your mind at rest. Try making a list of excatly what you're feeling at your worst moments. I find it helps me distance myself from my emotions and look/ think about what I am feeling without getting caught up in the emotion. It helps me distract myself and work through the "bad times"; the list will be useful when you visit the doctor too!! It's funny I imagine I'm taking the fear/ feelings out of me and putting them on that piece of paper in front of me.

Keep going! One job/ thing at a time will get you through to your appointment.

sarahliz xxxx

[Meg]

*I don't know how but I manage to cope fine when I have to at work *

Annie,
This in itself proves that you are anxiety stricken and not going mad or losing control. IF you were, where you were would be totally imaterial.

Nothing you have said makes me think you are anything other than acutely anxious.




Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Tomimo]

Thanks you all so much for the reassurance. When I am having sime panic pfree monents and am feeling logical I can tell myself it will be ok but when things are awful I need someone else to reassure me.

You are all so wonderfully supportive and you manage to be so while fighting your own battles against anxiety.

Chrissy - I answer to your questions:
How much prozac are you taking? 20mg a day
Do you have anxiety about taking the prozac? No
Are you taking any anti-anxiety meds?No
Are you in any sort of therapy? No - hoping to be reffered on Wed
Is there something in your life that has changed recently or is stressful? Nothing has changed drastically but have 3 kids a job and am uni so am always busy.

I'm going to try and do some relaxation before bed and hope it helps me sleep better.

Annie x x

[DagoGirl]

Well I too have heard that prozac isnt the best one for anxiety, but as I said I have taken it before. I have heard that lustral is the best. You might ask your dr for an anti-anxiety to take as needed or to get you through the hump of being on antidepressant as ive heard it can cause more anxiety at first. It did for me. Im certainly not medically trained but that has helped me very much. Good luck at the drs and let me know what he/she says.

[Shadowwin]

At my worst annie I sat in my kitchen staring at the knives in the butcher block rocking back and forth on the floor.. I thought I had absolutely lost it this was just after I started Effexor in fact.. I found myself coming up with these little scenarios about dying and I would hear my little "inner voice" whispering all sorts of things of course to make matters worse i'm also an aspiring fiction writer so you can imagine the things that were in my head.

Your not going mad..although I certainly know it feels like it and having someone especially a parent (especially in your Mum's line of work) suggest that it may be something bigger why i'm not surprised your in overdrive.

Definately keep that doctors appointment if nothing at all he can help calm your fears I hope you feel better I know it can be scary ::Hugs to You::

Talia

[freakedout]

Oh Annie,

I am so sorry you are having such a bad time of it. You have had some reassuring feedback which I hope will help. Good luck with the doctor. I am sorry that I have no useful suggestions for you but please know that I am thinking of you. Take care buddy,


xx ;)

[LisaS]

[^]hi annie,

just wondered how you are feeling today?? still suffering no doubt.. unfortunately it doesn't disappear overnight.. but hope you've managed to have moments of peace.

you mentioned you are at uni.. what are you studying? how long is your course? are you part time?
must be really hard doing that with a job and 3 children!! I hope you get to add in some 'me' time in there somewhere..

take care,
lisa
xxx

"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"

[Tomimo]

Hi Lisa,

Thanks for thinking of me. I am still feeling really bad but I my appointment is tomorrow so I am hoping that my GP will help to reassure me or provide some more suggestions.

I made it through uni and even when things felt bad I didn't let it stop me.

I am doing a BA in Primary Education - this is my first year of teacher training. My life is never quiet and that's for sure,

Thanks again :)

Annie x x

[LisaS]

Great !! well done for making it thru uni!! even if that gave you the tiniest bit of confidence, it was worth it!

good luck with the GP tomorrow, tell them everything..

let us know how you go,

lisa
xxx

"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"

[Piglet]

Lisa I laughed my head off about the knitting and yoga - I do both and you are absolutely right.

All my friends got knitted scarves last year and it was quite stress free - and bless em they all wear them too!!!!!

Piglet xxx

Annie keep going hun we've all been where you are at!!!

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.