Feel like i'm on a downward spiral

[RatBrain]

I’m in a really bad place at the moment. I have quite a lot of stressful stuff to do at work at the moment and a lot of it’s going badly. Some of this is my fault but its also combined with bad luck.

I’ve been extremely stressed out and anxious for a few weeks now - in addition to my normal baseline level of anxiety. I’ve been trying to keep things in perspective, find time to do things I enjoy, went for a run on Sunday etc but it’s such hard work and I’m just so fed up. I put all this effort into trying to control my negative thoughts but all it really does is take the edge off for about 30 minutes so what’s the point?

I keep thinking that I’ll feel better after a rest at the weekend, or after I’ve dealt with meeting X etc but nothing is changing. I had a really busy day yesterday which I was dreading. That’s over and done with and I should be able to relax a bit today but I still feel bad. This is worrying me because normally I feel a lot better once a stressful event is over. I’m starting to just feel negative about things all the time though. I’ve never really had a problem with depression before but I’m so tired of being anxious it’s starting to really get me down. I can feel myself starting to lose it a bit. Even the fact that I’m writing this means that I’m not doing the work I’m supposed to be doing and am focusing on my problems.

I just don’t know what to do to make myself feel better. I’m so scared that something else is going to go wrong at work because I don’t think I can cope with anything else.

I could probably get a doctors appointment for Friday but I don’t know if it would do any good. I’m not on medication at the moment. SSRIs don’t work for me because my anxiety tends to be extreme but short lived. I can go months feeling fine and then will be in absolute despair for a few weeks or so depending on what’s happening in my life. Plus, I feel like I need quite immediate help – not something that will take weeks to work. None of the more natural / herbal remedies have a big enough effect to justify their cost. The only thing that actually works is alcohol but I’m not about to start drinking during the day or excessively during the evening.

I don’t even know what I’m hoping people will say. I just wish there was something I could do or take that would actually work. What do people do when they’re at a real low point because I’m all out of ideas.

[NoPoet]

Hi, sorry to hear you are struggling. Listen, if you don't want to take meds there are plenty of routes you can go; but maybe meds will help even things out so you don't have good periods followed by a crash.

My guess is that the crash comes as such a shock to you after a period of feeling good that it only emphasises the anxiety/depression.

It's significant that you say you are starting to feel depressed about what's happening. It tells me that your batteries are flat, rendering you even more vulnerable than usual. That's not anything to worry about, it just means that you need to recharge yourself.

It sounds like stress is a major factor in your illness. Maybe when the periods of stress are over, you are still worrying about your health, so the stress doesn't really go away: it just changes into another form that you aren't used to and can't identify yet.

What I would recommend is the same I recommend for everyone. get hold of some relaxing mp3s, particularly Paul McKenna, and listen to them at night. It takes some time to get used to them but I find them extremely soothing. Having relaxing music and an encouraging voice in your ear is the death knell for your chatterbox (the internal voice in your head that yammers away during times of stress).

Your depression/anxiety are probably cyclical so you feel well for a while, then feel crap for a while and so on. During your bad times you can call Samaritans or visit your local Mind if there is one, and vent to someone who is prepared to listen. Talking can relieve so much pressure. And since you'll speak to someone different every time it doesn't matter if you need to tell the same story over and over.

Definitely look into some form of stress management. I think it might benefit you.

[RatBrain]

Psychopoet - just wanted to say thank you for your thoughtful reply. A lot of what you said rang very true with me. I will give the mp3s a try. I feel a bit more sane at the moment so it's probably a good time to address issues like stress managment.