Medical student syndrome - hypochondria

[Anonybrit]

I am a medical student, and over the past 3 weeks I have gone from being completely free of hypochondria to having a full on daily health anxiety.

I have a history of anxiety, notably one period last summer when my girlfriend left me. I don't really get depressed very often, my negative feelings are usually only expressed as anxiety. I had a short course of diazepam then which sorted me out and I was fine.

Then about 3 weeks ago my tension headahces got worse, and armed with my growing medical knowledge I attributed this to the worst possible cause - brain cancer, obviously. I went in search of other symptoms but I really didn't fit the bill for a brain tumour, I went to the GP and he told me I had no papilledema and I was fine...

I thought that'd be that, but then suddenly, I started jumping from one disease to another.

The next time I noticed a muscle in my body twitch, I became convinced it was ALS, until I learnt that twitching in ALS only follows atrophy, which I don't have, so I went to MS instead, which I learnt was a tremor during movement not at rest, so I went to Parkinson's etc. etc.

Each day I was terrified of having another disease.

Low and behold, the week we started learning about lymphoma, I had a nightmare and wake up a bit sweaty and knowing that night sweats are a possible symptoms of lymphoma I go looking for, and obviously find, a swollen lymph node.

And that's where I am now, convinced I have lymphoma, searching for every detail on the specific posterior cervical lymph node I have and what it could mean, prodding it until it hurts and no doubt will swell even more.


This is so miserable and I can't have this becoming a permanent thing, I love medicine and I love my carer and I don't want this to ruin it for me.

[melvin]

hi mate i know how you feel as i have health anxiety it must be worse for you im having cbt at the mo have a word with Ur doc about going to see one i recom it

[Typer]

That sounds horrid and especially as you have access to so much information. But a little knowledge is dangerous as they say.

It sounds like there is a route to your anxiety, which manifests as health anxiety. Have you thought about having some counselling with one that, as Melvin suggests, integrates CBT. If you can get hold of this now, before you go further into your course and where you will see things that may further your anxieties.

[Anonybrit]

I registered with a GP where I study today and I'm going to try and get referred to CBT asap, I want to target it very specifically at hypochondria as I have no other anxiety in my life really.

In fact, ironically, this all came on because I was so happy. Everything in my life was going brilliantly, I was doing great in my studies too, and the future looked amazing.. then I wondered what could get in the way of that future... illness.

It all started there.

And there is a tendency for medical students to go through periods where they become completely absorbed in medicine. That's me at the moment. Every waking moment I am thinking about medicine. Even when I am watching TV, it's medical dramas.

That's probably the prime time for this to start...

[simplysal]

I'm a Medical Secretary and it's definately the case that the more you know, the more you dread - I personally wonder whether studying medicine and studying the body makes you realise how mortal we are which could inturn bring about uncertainty regarding your own mortality - I think that everyone at some stage in their lives sit back and realise that we won't live forever, that time for some is very short - anything could bring this to mind but I think you can accept the fact that as we were born, we are to die - enjoy our time in the here and now and just think about others who haven't had as much time in life as we have and are having.

As you know, medical symptoms can branch out into an entire array of possible causes/illnesses. You could take one symptom e.g. abdo pain and think about how many different causes there are just for this one symptom - could be hundreds - some fairly innocent and others more destructive.

We on this site speculate about our symptoms because we have health anxiety - we are scared that the symptoms we have are caused by something horrendous but we actually find that our physical symptoms are fuelled not by a physical illness but in the majority of cases from the mind. The strain you might be under as a medical student might be causing your symptoms?

Take care, Sal.

[Anonybrit]

I don't think the course itself is stressing me, I think it is about what you say, coming to terms with mortality. That's not something that's easy to do and yet if you work in health care, you are expected to come to terms with it pretty fast and all on your own really..

The problem is I know a lot, I just haven't *seen* a lot. I know that this this and this can possibly be caused by a serious illness, but I don't have the experience an actual doctor has of seeing those symptoms in both normal and unhealthy people, seeing the differences, and having this rare and terrible diseases put into perspective in terms of how likely a given person is to have them.

I suppose all that will come with time...

The problem with my current concern, a swollen lymph node, is that that is purely physical, that can't be caused by my anxiety. I can clearly feel that it is indeed a moderately swollen posterior cervical lymph node.

I also know that that's a common area that lymphoma hits, and so I'm jumping to that, the least likely and worst (even if it's pretty good, cancer wise) diagnosis for a common symptom.

[Lissy43]

Doctors and nurse itis isn't it. I am a student nurse and can relate to how you feel. I would say doing the nursing has improved my feelings towards health and I felt less anxious once i started, I have had a knock recently due to actually being unwell, but yes being in the profession can make you fear the worst as we often do see the worst case scenario.

Touching glands will swel them up, trust me, it happened to me in the past when I thought i had lymphona.

If you want to chat pm me.

[springblossom]

Fellow HA sufferer here, I wish you all the very best.

[Vanilla Sky]

I know how you feel , and in a crazy way i'm glad to see another medical worker on the site with health anxiety ! I do not discuss my worries at work for fear of being seen as incompetent which i am certainly not, i know when it's my health anxiety playing up and i have to be professional at all times. I have been nursing for many years , i just started with this health anx after i had my son, which in hindsight was probably a postnatal thing and it manifested as me thinking i had every illness going.
It's mad because i can clearly see when someone else is having a panic and are getting carried away with symptoms but i cannot see it with myself untill the crisis is over !
You need to see a doc about your lymph node, if anything just to put your mind at rest and to reassure you.
I am getting over this dreaded ha , and you will to . You sound as if you are loving what your doing . Maybe you are just getting into the patients role of having illness, Do you know what i mean by that lol?
Welcome to the site , i hope you find it helpful here
Paige x

[Lissy43]

I agree Paige, it doesn't stop us doing our jobs, but you do worry that people will see it as being incompetent.

[BKF1515]

I feel so bad for your feeling this way - your interest and intelligence in medicine has its dark side, poor thing. My HA is my only form of anxiety also; have had it for about 5 years now since the birth of my second child. Having children really did me in as I realised what could (and did, for some part) happen and that I wasn't invinsible anymore. Being overtired and stressed fuels my HA. It's practically the only way I funnel my discontent, stress, anything about life - suddenly my HA is at its worst and I swear I feel and rationally fear all the things I do. I also have what I think is a 'perfect' life otherwise, so sickness is the only thing that can really destroy everything - and it's the only variable I cannot control. What has helped me over the last five years: try to ignore your body's aches and pains - these will get better if you do try to push them aside and tell yourself to get on with it and not think about them. Eat healthfully and exercise - the brain is somehow happier and let's you off the hook more often when you physically take care of yourself. Try to ignore other sad medical stories you hear through friends, relatives, associates (these can fuel my HA if I don't really watch it). You really are an asset to your field and this forum. Probably what you are feeling now is some strange way means that your are going to make the most amazing doctor. Bravo to you, for all your excellent posts to others. You are like a medical angel. :)

[sandradee]

I wish you were my GP, you have the most important quality....empathy.


:)

[Anonybrit]

Aw thanks guys :)

It's true that it's easy for us to see what is less rational in other people, but when considering ourselves we lose insight. I certainly do, whilst I know that I am going through a major phase of hypochondria, when I suddenly feel like I have this or that symptom it always feels like "oh wait now this symptoms is real, even if all the others were just anxiety".

[sandradee]

There's always one symptom that wants to be star of the show isn't there, while the others are in the chorus....until the next time! Like a West End show, when the star is sick the understudy takes centre stage. there's never a vacuum!

I come from a family of 'worriers' , never took meds, but accepted it's genetic. I'm still alive but have the odd wobble, all the best to you.

[Anonybrit]

There's always one symptom that wants to be star of the show isn't there, while the others are in the chorus....until the next time! Like a West End show, when the star is sick the understudy takes centre stage. there's never a vacuum!

I come from a family of 'worriers' , never took meds, but accepted it's genetic. I'm still alive but have the odd wobble, all the best to you.

Thanks sandradee! By the way where about in France are you? I have family in Marseilles and Montpellier!


And it's always the physical symptoms, the ones you can actually see or feel, that are worst, even though they are often equally as irrelevant!

[Valka]

My sister-in-law is a medical student and she has been experiencing health anxiety for a couple of years now, following some stress surrounding her pregnancy and my niece's birth. She saw a psychologist who said it's really, really common for medical students and nursing students to come in with health anxiety - and no wonder, when you're having to take in all this information about the body and pretty much everything that can go wrong with it! My sister-in-law got off her anti-depressants recently and she just told me she's had just about every disease they've been learning about since then! She thought she had a tumour in her nose, she thought she had MS, she thought there was something wrong with her lungs ... the list goes on. Even though we can laugh about it - since both of us have health anxiety - it's still very uncomfortable for her.
I definitely recommend CBT. I feel like my life has changed for the better since I started doing CBT - I was feeling absolutely horrendous before I got started with it, both with health anxiety and panic disorder. It's really given me tools to tackle anxiety. I definitely have relapses (right now I'm a bit lymphoma-obsessed, actually) but at least I have a way better grasp on how to get myself back to a better place.

[sandradee]

Quelle surprise! Not too far from Montpellier, thankfully my GP speaks a bit of English and we muddle through.

[randomworry]

hi

as you know anonybrit lymph nodes become swollen due to infection try not to jump to the worst possible conclusion

take care