W.I.F.T.S.
10-01-06, 10:53
I suffer from generalised anxiety as well as panic attacks and depression. Some of my biggest phobias are bridges because I have an urge to drive off them, motorways because I feel like pulling out across all three lanes, being far away from home and being high up because it reminds me that the earth isn't flat, that there is sea level and great altitudes and how vast the world is and how much of the planet there is beneath our feet.......and my mind starts racing.
On Sunday, even though I was dreading it, I made the coach journey from the North West to Sunderland on the Motorways, over the Thelwall Viaduct (Huge bridge!!) and across the penines to Teeside. It didn't really help my nerves that the coach driver was almost falling asleep at the wheel and we nearly crashed into a horse box, but overall I was really proud of myself for facing my fears. Basically, whenever I felt the urge to go "No! Stop! I want to go home" and told myself not to resist the trip, to say 'Yes' instead of 'No' and, amazingly it seemed to work. I even felt confident enough to imagine travelling abroad!!! I thought "fantastic! This is a real watershed moment for me".
But, then yesterday, when I was back at work I felt terrible, spaced out and on the verge of a panic attack. In fact, driving home, I felt like I was going to lose it all together.
OK, I can say that I spent over 6 hours on the road on Sunday, I feel a bit grotty with the flu anyway, so I was exhausted and that's why I was susceptible to feeling panicky yesterday (There is also the fact that I hate my job and find it incredibly stressful). But it's so frustrating that I can have the high of facing so many fears and feeling great because of it one day and then the next day feel so lousy.
I've had this before and it's something that I haven't quite figured out.
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.
On Sunday, even though I was dreading it, I made the coach journey from the North West to Sunderland on the Motorways, over the Thelwall Viaduct (Huge bridge!!) and across the penines to Teeside. It didn't really help my nerves that the coach driver was almost falling asleep at the wheel and we nearly crashed into a horse box, but overall I was really proud of myself for facing my fears. Basically, whenever I felt the urge to go "No! Stop! I want to go home" and told myself not to resist the trip, to say 'Yes' instead of 'No' and, amazingly it seemed to work. I even felt confident enough to imagine travelling abroad!!! I thought "fantastic! This is a real watershed moment for me".
But, then yesterday, when I was back at work I felt terrible, spaced out and on the verge of a panic attack. In fact, driving home, I felt like I was going to lose it all together.
OK, I can say that I spent over 6 hours on the road on Sunday, I feel a bit grotty with the flu anyway, so I was exhausted and that's why I was susceptible to feeling panicky yesterday (There is also the fact that I hate my job and find it incredibly stressful). But it's so frustrating that I can have the high of facing so many fears and feeling great because of it one day and then the next day feel so lousy.
I've had this before and it's something that I haven't quite figured out.
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.